The Wrestling Paradigm

Wrestling is not just for the kids, or so I like to believe. At least not for the boys.

 
We in the upper senior boys houses are assumed to be usually docile, but terribly violent to when we get angry. That is simply not true for most of us. People are really violent in very very rare incidents, but they do like fights, the kiddies’ kind.

The teachers would probably be surprised to find out how many wrestlings go in upper senior houses. It is like we are preparing for the real world, but without the blood and gore and other real world implications. Sometimes even the harmless wrestlings can go wrong, but again, that happens most of the time. Most of the time, when someone is bored, he pushes someone else into the bed(no pun intended), and the other either retaliates or is too tired or busy to get involved. If there’s no retaliation, the fight ends quickly. If, on the other hand, there is retaliation, the fight goes until either one, or both, are too tired to continue fighting. There are almost no surrenders, even though unintentional wounds are frequent. Someone I know has a long scar on his cheeks from this, but he cooks up daring stories to explain it to people who don’t know.

The kinds of gays, and tricks and tips on identifying them

This is an ironic piece, intended to poke fun at those who tend to stereotype the minorities-- or the majorities. Take it seriously only at your risk.

I am not gay, but you might not be aware of that, because you do not have a well-functioning gaydar. To help those people with dysfunctional gaydar deficiency, I have prepared a short instruction, which will hopefully keep you away from the hands--and other body parts-- of gay people who want to 'get you'.

There are several types of gay people, and sociologists have classified them according to several basis, but here I shall use the Behavioral Weirdness Intensity(BWI)  to differentiate the different kinds of gay people there are, and also provide useful tips on staying away from them.

1) Nottie Hotties

Notiie Hotties are the kind of gays who think they are gay, but are not. This includes all the women who claim to be homosexuals, and maybe some men, but it'd be really gay for a man not to be gay but claim to be one, so lets leave that apart, no matter how popular films like I now Pronounce you chuck and Larry, and Dostana get. 

All the so-called lesbians are hottie notties, They claim to be homosexuals because they do not want to go out with some stuck-up guy who will tell them to pay instead. They are the toughest shells to break because most of the times, the so-called men behave so badly with them that they seriously start thinking 'I'd rather go out with one of the girls than other stuck-up weirdos who happen to share the same gender as this weirdo'. As a result, they pretend to go gay, to get harder to be gotten. However, that is just a facade, and will be easily overcome, with some presence of mind, lots of booze, a well-built six-pack abs, and money enough to buy a secret hideout manned by a dedicated butler. If one does not have all the mentioned qualities, there is only one way a man could get a Nottie Hottie: by claiming to be gay himself, though this might backfire, since the very fact of claiming to be gay effectively renders oneself gay.

2) Sidekick Gay

Sidekick Gays are usually men, who hang around with other hunkier, bigger(no joke) men so often, that they slowly begin forgetting that they were once un-gay, and there comes one day when they forget what women look like, but know a lot about male anatomy.  One of the prime examples of this kind is Robin, the gay partner of Batman who incidentally was not gay. Such sidekick gays usually hang around their superheroes, and will not openly admit to the nature of their sexual orientation. They are unapproachable by potential partners of the same sex, and when their superheroes retire, they marry individuals from the other sex, and pretend as if nothing  had happened. They will explain away all the inconsistencies by referring to a myth called 'dysfunction' and take medicines which cause them to dream of other hunky heroes so that they get excited. To go out with Sidekicks, you must either be the hero, or his very pretty sister. Sorry, sidekick.

3) Man-Gay

Man Gays form the majority of gay people who are males. They have squeaky voices, they wear outrageous vests and shorts and pants, and the glasses they wear would make the designers blush. They usually keep their hands at chest level, much like Kangaroos, and hit loosly but painfully with the loose fists. They are friendly with most males and females, though at times will try to rape people in public when no one is looking. Thanks to their appearances, they can be easily spotted and avoided, The problem is, of course, they are good friends with hot gals, so to get the girls, even some brave manly men have had to get raped consensually, so that they put in a good word with the girls. However, they are very good business people and always keep their words, except in cases when they dont, which is when there's a really hot gay guy around, and they dont want to look like idiots by appearing to be in good terms with women, 

4) Woman Gay

Gay people who are women are referred to as 'Lesbians' by popular culture. A Woman-Guy is the most common type of lesbian. She is funny, attractive, interesting, and someone who every guy would kill for, but she likes other hot, funny, and attractive women like herself. They are different from Hottie Notties because they have never been with a guy, because they never really needed to since every woman, gay or ungay fell for them. They usually run TV comedy programs, though at times will also serve the army, or work as a doctor. They are extremely determined, and their hunger for power is comparable to men's. However, they are also quite gullible and to get them you just have to become a hot charming, and attractive woman who claims she is a lesbian too. Unlike men, women who claim to be homosexual dont become homosexual automatically because they are so girly and stupid anyways, they have no idea what they are talking about. Or whatever. I just dont want to get into trouble with the feminists.

5) Gay next door

Gays next door are virtually unidentifiable till they identify themselves, and even then , it is difficult to accept that they are gays, given that they are so normal, ans so, well--like you. One classy example of a current gay next door is Oscar shown in the American version of The Office. He is nice, he doesn't speak too much and he fights with bitchy women, but surprisingly, he is also gay. Gays next door could be any one of your friends-- they could come running to you one day, and admit to you that they are gay, On rare occasions, they will also admit that they have had crush on you since grade five, and all those times they appeared to be removing thorns and grasses from your shorts and pants, they really weren't. Most of these guys are are nice and likable, and are working really hard to give the gay community a good name. They want to be seen as the poster-people for the gay community instead of the Man Guys.

6) Militant Gays

Like militant groups in every other community, these people believe that anyone who is not among them should be gotten rid of. They try to perform publicly very gay stunts so that the public attacks them , so they can reply fire, and leave only gays as the survivors, Luckily, none of their tactics have worked so far, and the most they have been able to do is get extreme rightists mad about them and their movement, which isn't very difficult because those right-wingers will get mad at absolutely anything, given enough time to let such feelings ferment.

When sharing's not really caring

Winter is almost over, and I am dreading the arrival of Monsoon and the swimming season. No, I am not afraid of the water(not anymore, anyways), but the things that are in there.

BNKS juniors(boys) have this terrible habit of sharing everything, including swimming trunks, underpants, sports shoes, socks, and towels. So its no surprise when a contagious disease strikes, all the hell breaks loose. For the last three years, swimming season has had to be canceled halfway through because the swimming pool was teeming with all the organisms for chickenpox, conjunctivitis and other eeky eeky diseases. The pool can be cleaned up and treated with chlorine if an infection is detected, but every other day, some other infected idiot comes and re-infects the pool, and its absolutely impossible to disinfect the pool every damn day. So the school closes the pool entirely.

Apart from contagious diseases, there are other things that sometimes get into the pool that I would not want to get near. When we were in grade six, the pool had to be cleaned and disinfected after someone lost control of the bowels in there. A brown mass was floating on water while were actually in the pool. Quite a few guys had thrown up, and it had become an I-dare-you thing for some time after that. And then I know some people who like to urinate in the pool rather than anywhere else. I am pessimistic, but this things have happened. I'm tellin' ya...

Scenary drawings and dogs

After going to the art class this morning I rediscovered that Nepali kids are not very creative. All around the class were the pictures of hills on the background, houses with triangle roofs, dark-blue rivers, really LARGE orange suns rising(or setting) between the hills, and squiggly black lines that probably represented birds(one bhai I asked said very specifically that it was a crow). Some were obviously drawn better than the rest, and some were really, really bad, but there was no diversity in the pictures.

So I did a quick google search and discovered that kids from all over the world draw similar pictures. That is shocking. Who tells the minds of those little twerps that a 'scenery' should have green hills in the background, very geometrical houses in the foreground, and so on? Can they not just draw what they see from outside their window, or a beach, or the line outside McDonalds in Kathmandu where thousands of people will line outside the store to eat fried chicken and burgers? Or can't they simply not just draw chicken?

I suspect the issue is ingrained in human mind at birth. I know, its a difficult concept to swallow: the idea that human beings have the concept of 'the perfect scenery' built into them at birth, but it might have made evolutionary sense. For example, the adventurous ones living near deserts would have been told their brains to avoid brown, and go look for green triangles with blue stuff hanging out, because it was the perfect place.

Okay! I don't buy the idea myself, but this has really freaked me out. This, and the stray dog that guys have been feeding recently. Its a girl-dog(ahem) and it has given birth to four litters in Av's bed already. By the looks of it, its pregnant again and looking for another cozy place to become a mother. I love and respect pregnant organisms, but I don't want a she-dog to use our cubicle as a maternity ward, thank you very much.