Discovery

Greetings everyone. I am David, and I shall be your host for the first part of the conference.

As you are all aware, we are gathered here for one of the biggest revelations of human sexuality, that comes right after the discovery that storks and bees don't a baby make. light laughter. Majority of what we will talk today revolves around work done by Prof. Shoylendra and his team, and the facts they have been uncovering for the last (checks paper) seven years.

As all of us know, Prof. Shoylendra has been working on the field of human sexuality for the last 23 years. I have myself been fortunate to have been able to work with him for the last seven years. In all those years, the lab has researched into the physio-chemical changes that take place in and around the human body during sexual activities.

As one might imagine, this is an extremely difficult topic of study. First, the matter of how to generate truly sexual feelings inside a controlled environment without invoking certain er.. fetishes is a problem in itself. Secondly, we always have teams of interns dealing over morality and ethics issues, as the proper documentation of sexual activity always seems to treading an invisible boundary of ethics. The sad state of science today is such that the entire world can watch people involving in sexual activities for entertainment legally, but it is next to impossible to obtain proper documentation for a couple of researches to view and use sensors to quantify the same sexual activities.nervous laughter from audience. And then there's the question of what counts as sex and what not, which is an entireely different field, BillClinton jokes notwithstanding.

We at the lab had a perfect experiment going on, with expected results and something new coming up once in a while to keep us employed and busy until about eight years ago. We were basically turning sex into a bunch of graphs and numbers-- like a really realllly complicated chemical or physical reaction. The lines we were getting were fine lines and curves and everything was happy and well.

Until eight years ago that is. This one day, an intern at the lab noted an anomaly, and suggested the procedure be repeated with the same controls. As you might imagine, these things things take time and hard work, no pun intended, (waves of undignified laughter), and we finally repeated the procedure four months after the original observation of anomaly. The second time, the anomaly was more pronounced. 


Our first guess was that we'd obviously made some systematic experimental error that was disturbing our observations of that kind. So we calibrated and re calibrated our instruments with existing rock-solid data and repeated the procedure. Very similar effects to the second case. The Prof. Shoylendra realized something might be up, and started an unplanned series of tests with this particular control.


As you might have already guessed, there was something quite wrong about it. The numbers we had been getting had never been recorded ever before in the history of science, and we didn't even know what they meant, with the available theory. To reveal the actual experimentation and the results, I would like to invite Prof. Shoylendra himself, the man of the hour!