Look at the bright side of things.
At least my double chin won't get any worse as I get older. That's how double chins work right?
They're joking about 'dad-bod' these days, but it's *got* to be one of those things where you're joking at first to test waters, and then you go full force and are totally in love with the idea.
I have to thank the gods that my student loans don't have the same interest rates as my credit cards.
Whatever people say about him, he's not *literally* Hitler. Not yet anyway. So I have a safe and comfortable amount of time to escape.
No one's going to care about what a disappointment I am in the post-nuclear-war hellscape.
It's been suuch a long time since someone last 'ewww'd at me. At my face.
Despite the internet, there are still fools in the world. I mean... the election. So someone is bound to hire me.
It's statistically impossible for me to not befriend someone who has a house in Nantucket, and who'll invite me over the summer. Very unlikely.
Things get deleted on Snapchat, so my friends won't remember how annoying and clingy I am.
When people suddenly stop talking to me forever, it's them who's going through a rough time, and has absolutely nothing to do with me. At all.
It's gonna be fiiine.
I *choose* this lifestyle, and I'm glad I did.
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