A lot of people are worried about the state of our nation, and so to find the solutions they ask me questions like ‘Do I look good in Purple?’, ‘How come there are so many tomatoes in my vomit’ and ‘Do you know how I can get into Harvard?’. These questions, and the people who ask such questions make me very worried about the future. If everyone started worrying so much about tomatoes in vomit, for example, wouldn’t all tomato farmers starve of hunger? And what if everyone started testing purple on themselves? What would happen to the producers of green fabric?
The problem lies not with those self-centered narcissist individuals who do not care for tomato farmers or producers of green fabric, but an entire generation in general. All those young people are so obsessed what they eat, and what they wear and where they go to study that there’s a very good chance that a majority of our population, which makes a living by selling low-quality inferior goods, will go out of work very soon.
It has been the Nepali tradition to make a living by cheating people. A lot of lives depend on it. For example, do you know that if everyone started wondering where there titaura came from, the titaura industry would be shut down within two weeks, causing direct unemployment of 12,000 people, and indirectly affecting millions? You see, those hard-working traditional titaura-makers make those delicious treats by crushing the fruit pulp under dirty feet so that all the foot juices reach the innermost parts of titaura(it’s the foot juices that give titauras their juicy flavor), and then put some spit onto every batch to give them some natural texture. These pretentious young people, who are demanding quality would put entire villages of hard-working villagers who spend their entire day getting their feet dirty for the titauras and drinking water even when they not thirsty for the sake of spit, out of work? And then the death of the entire titaura culture is yet another aspect. We have just too much to lose if we lose the titaura industry.
Titaura is just one local example out of many, many others. These days, people have started wondering what goes into their beer. Preposterous. You cannot think about beer and drink it too. All the peoples of the world, including the beer bozos Americans, beer maniacs Germans, and the sex-crazed French have drank their beer for millennia without thinking too much about what goes into making them, and now comes some smarty-pants Nepali who wants to know if it is true that beer is really distilled horse urine. I tell you what—it is! What’cha you gonna do, protest and put all those poor horses out of jobs so that they are killed for meat or actually ridden by someone? Do you want to see those poor little ponies being ridden on by some big-fat man with a whip, or just sitting around, having fun, and drinking a lot of water and peeing a lot? It’s up to you.