The Mystery of the Rough Copy —Things as they are 5

‘Rough’ copies aren’t supposed to be ‘rough’, literally. They are supposed to have rough works—scribble, doodles, math problems on them so that a polished work can come out in some other notebook. So why do all rough notebooks literally become ‘rough’ after a very short span of time after they are opened?

 
The answer to that is: How would I know? No, seriously, I have no idea who or what does that and I have to intention of trying to involve myself in things that do not concern me. Also, I don’t want to mess around with supernatural powers that can make me suffer with a flick of their wands, so let’s just pretend this never happened.
 

I have never liked rough copies though—they get ‘rough’ too fast, and after a week or two, are tattering, no matter how hard you try to keep them clean and tidy.
 

They also happen to be the most stolen notebooks. Unless you make world class notes, no one bothers with your usual notebooks because no one wants to be bothered by hundreds of pages of illegible handwriting for information that could otherwise be gained by asking the teacher or from Wikipedia. With rough notebooks, the story is different. Since all the notebooks are rough anyways, no one minds if you have a particularly bad notebook—as long as it has empty pages, it’s worth being stolen.

The Dubious Connection

My roommate (who shall remain nameless, but the new one) spends a lot of time talking on the phone—allegedly always with some girl or other. Even during exam time, his phone conversations are staple sources of exam-time entertainment for our neighborhood. We comment, make guesses, and hypothesize about what he could be talking about, and then after he is done, discuss in detail about the things that were discussed. To anyone who’s not sure what to do during the exam time: this is probably one of the best forms of entertainment there is; try it and you will fall in love.

 
However, I am not sure if he really talks to the people he claims to, or it’s all inside in his head. In real-life conversations (that is, non-phone conversations) with girls, he is not usually that flirtatious, and at times even I find his attempt painfully misguided. On the other hand, during his phone conversations, he becomes a suave, charming man, who can mold the conversation like a skilled artisan and make the other person go along. He can discuss philosophical treatises to French wine to classical music to cutting-edge science with almost no effort. Actually, he does none of that, but every girl who is at the other side of the phone seems to think so. He becomes the James Bond of conversation, and she, his bond girl.
 

So the conversations should translate into real-life events. But they never do. If everyone he talks to finds him so charming, why does no one want to meet him in real life? I have tried tricking, coaxing, and even blackmailing him into meeting people he talks to on the phone, but my plans have always been foiled. They simply do not work. Sometimes it’s him, sometimes it’s her, and sometimes it seems that they just want to talk on the phone and never meet each other, ever.
 

Which makes me suspicious. Are the girls he talks to on the phone real, or are they just figments of his imagination that whip out interesting conversation to entertain us? What’s surreal is that his characters are very specific—like someone in 12th class of so-and-s0 school, with this-and-that history. He seems to know the entire life history of every one of those girls he talks to. Perhaps, in trying to hide his lies by being too specific he has gone too far, and will be discovered whenever I decide to check on anyone? Maybe. But I am not checking, because this is just too much fun.
 

Oh and he does have real friends who are girls he talks to at nights, but they are different. Their existence is verified, and they would probably be interested. By those girls, I am implying those where there’s apparently some sort of competition of some kind.

The Tubes of Toothpaste

A math problem: if there are 40 students in A2 in Gaurishankar house, how many of them have their own tubes of toothpaste? If your answer is anywhere above 15, you are way off. If you guessed it around 10, you are a pretty good guesser. If your guess was between 5 and 7, you are probably correct.
 
Between 5 and 7 tubes of toothpaste are supplying the necessary toothpaste for the 40 students of Gaurishankar house daily. Technically, every student should have his own tube, but if the world were run by the ‘technicalities’ then everyone would have their own towels too and I would not need to keep a separate towel just to lend it to people who ask. The fact is, the world is a cruel, cruel place, and most of us have realized that sharing is not only caring, but it’s everything. Corollary: everything that can be shared should be, including sports socks, toothpaste, towel, shirts and pants, bathing soap, and sometimes, even swimming trunks.
 
Female readers might have the expression Ewww floating in their minds right now. Our girl classmates seem to find the idea that we care for each other by sharing things very—appalling. To make things clear, we do NOT share everything. Only over a dead person’s pyre will we share the travel fare while travelling (the trick is, you find a bloke who you are certain has money, and make him pay everyone’s fare) or things like that.
 
But I digress. The toothpaste owners are kind souls indeed, for without their contribution, a lot of people would have rotten teeth, or god forbid, they would have to buy their own toothpaste. The idea sounds horrible in writing; it would probably be intolerable in practice. People in GC-14 are especially considerate because two of the three lockers there are usually open to offer free toothpaste to those looking for it. Su, is even more considerate—his locker has a nice offering of oils, shampoo, toothpaste, bathing soap, and even comb. Of course, while borrowing toothpaste, one must Always follow the golden rule: Never Get Caught, or Else You Have To Vehemently Deny That You Do Not Have Toothpaste, Produce a Tube as A Proof, and Lend Daily to At Least 6 People(on average). Alternately, if the owner’s around, you can just ask him for it. He wont say no.

The Missing Writings--Things as they are 2

Sometimes, I imagine I am going to be a very famous person, and one day someone will show up with a cache of my previously-unseen writings, that will sell for millions. I can justify—how else can my writings disappear from my desk ever so frequently even when I am extra careful with them?
 

Perhaps there is a gang of memorabilia thieves that steals possible memorabilia from people who show the potential to be great. If so, I would be flattered to have been considered a target for stealing. I would gladly give them my worn underwear, if that is what they want, if they can take guarantee that I am going to be someone whose random doodles and mediocre writings are so valuable.
 

It is surprising how frequently ‘new writings/artistic creations’ and ‘personal possessions’ of famous people who are already dead are discovered. How can these have remained intact for so many years, in this world full of mothers who do not want to see anything that cannot be worn/ used as household item older than two years thrown away, even though the item may carry lots of emotional attachment? What mother would have allowed the existence of childhood toys of a now-bygone star in the basement of a completely unrelated person? It’s unbelievable. It’s all a lie.
 

Instead, it is more likely that the scouts of the aforementioned gang spotted the individuals before they became famous, befriended them, and gradually stole small items from them so that they could be sold later on. This hypothesis can also explain a lot of historical mysteries, like the Shroud of Turin, the Holy Grail, Buddha’s teeth and hair, and the footprints of Lord Ram too, so it should get the credit it deserves too.

There’s probably a secret vault somewhere with all my lost pens and writings that will be sold to collectors sometime in the future. I am now looking for the person who is after my personal artifacts—I want to guide him about which artifacts would probably be more valuable. I suspect Ro, but I have reasons to suspect several other people.
 

I suspect Su will become a famous person too, and he is already aware of the personal memorabilia gang. He offers his personal belongings to anyone who is interested—his locker is always open and his tube of toothpaste is one of the four tubes in public use in the house right now.

The Bookshelves of Hell--Things as they are 1

I am going to be writing a series of posts about everyday things. Since there are only so many things I can write about objects, they’ll be between 200-300 words long. I hope this lasts.

Bookshelves are the devil’s minions, you are surely aware of this fact if you have ever been a student. They choose the most unfortunate time to give away, and spill all the books and copies. They will not break when you have a free weekend with nothing to do, they will not break when you really want to do something interesting or creative but have nothing specific in mind. Instead, they will give away when you have to submit a handwritten report by tomorrow, and there is really no way you can waste your time since you are already late by three weeks and this is your last chance to pass.

 
Everything freezes as the bookshelf is giving away, like the slo-mo accident scene in a movie . You look up, and you see the rusty nails giving away slowly, the fat physics book thrown into air as if it were feather. You get mental picture of what will happen to you in class tomorrow if the report is not submitted. Then you picture the bookshelf falling on your fingers, which will certainly happen if you don’t remove your hands, crushing all the fingers, and exposing the broken bones and torn muscles. You remove your hand and the slow-motion stops—welcome to the real life, where you can never win.

Instead of keeping the books in a pile, which you did for an entire year before getting the shelf, you start repairing the shelf to put your books back on.  The report can wait, even though it’s absolutely urgent—you do have eighteen hours to the class. Now you need to find nails, hammer, and some Fevicol; items that are unlikely to be found in a boarding school cubicle. After spending two hours, you realize you have to do what you should have done a long time ago: go to the teachers’. They have the stuff, and you get your work done. Twelve hours to go, and you have successfully repaired the bookshelf, and feel that you deserve a nap for your accomplishment.

The nap is longer-than-usual. You have nine hours to go and you have hardly started. You rush through the report, convince yourself that you don’t need to sleep because you had had your nap, and submit the report, finally.

The secret brotherhood of the Flying Dragon Monsters

When was there ever a time when you could just go out in the sun, and hang out your clothes, not be bothered by people pestering you, and have all the fun you wants to have? Never. Do you know the reason why? Because dictators are ruling our country, that’s why.
 

You might have been told something else, though. Some people actually believe the lies the media portrays, about people somehow electing government officials, ie Prime Ministers and legislators, so that they can make the constitution and the laws so that you can have a better and more fulfilling life. I am sorry to inform you, but that is as further from the truth as it could be.
 

The truth is, the secret brotherhood of the Flying Dragon Monsters, who landed on the earth 17,000 years ago and destroyed the dinosaurs to rule the planet are manipulating us against ourselves so that they can have the Earth to themselves. One of their first decisions was to not allow human beings to enjoy as much as they want to in the sun.
 

They first made up the imaginary ‘ultraviolet rays’ to scare people off from the sun. When people still went into the sun after applying sun lotion creams, they invested heavily in the lotion industry and then started spreading lies about the so-called Ozone hole. The truth is, ozone is a type of gas, and there can not be a ‘hole’ in the layer of Ozone because other Ozone gas will come to take its place. An Ozone hole is an oxymoron, like saying ‘hole in the water’. Surprisingly, they got away with it, but not for long, because some dumbass politicians spent so much money on it that even the non-existent hole was patched up.
 

They are still trying to come up with new ways to keep people away from the Sun. Some days it is fearmongering of ‘Shark attacks’, some days it’s the ‘Islamofascist Kenyan Socialist Obammy  has poisoned the sunrays, so don’t go out in the Sun’. There tactics mostly fail, but even surprisingly intelligent people fall for them. We must be aware of them.