I am back with incessant blogging! Hopefully. As anyone who reads this blog (Pratap and Nimesh) knows, I have been doing little of extra-work writing, probably because I have started thinking writing as a job, rather than something I enjoyed writing...
Apart from that, I have been reading lots of Joel Stein, David Sedaris, and Dave Barry recently. And Jerry Seinfeld. Sooo... Bring it On... Haha... Whatever...
Loony theory of Relationships—3
There are only two problems with Life (the real thing, not the magazine): it does not have an ending, and you can never win it—the best you can do is delaying your ultimate defeat (like tetris).
And that is why real-life love stories don’t work well. For every story to work, it must end, and if it’s a romance, have a sweet ending. Love stories don’t end in real life. You fall in love and you get together, leaving all your family and friends. Now what? If you are together, it’s not going to be a perfect story—in fact there’s a very good chance your story will only go downhill.
Arranged marriages (usually) do not have the problem. When you marry someone you hardly know, there’s going to be a lot of time for learning, and exploration (yeah, yeah, that too) and so much mystery.
So if the husband and/or the wife aren’t totally trying to kill one another and act sensibly most of the time, the marriage will probably work out better than an average love story.
But there’s an exception: intercultural love marriages. They bring so much excitement and newness to the marriage, that they are as good as arranged marriages. So, if you love someone from your own culture, don’t marry him or her; if he/she is from a different culture, you are safe, so go right ahead.
Dan Brown. Why does he like to invoke controversy so much?
Starting with The Da Vinci Code and following it up with Angels and Demons, Dan Brown has certainly seemed to have incurred the wrath of the Vatican. Why is he really interested in stirring the dark secrets which he so calls "hidden" by the Vatican? Whatever the reason, the catholic are furious about it.
Charles Lewis gives a detailed account as to how the Catholic reacted to the "brilliant" plots of Brown's books http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/holy-post/archive/2009/05/14/dan-brown-feels-the-wrath-of-catholics.aspx
Some might say Dan Brown is dead serious against the Vatican. This leads to the conclusion that the ongoing virtual war between the two sides is getting deadly serious. Others speculate he is just taunting the Vatican. "It's fiction of course", they say. And who knows the Vatican might be just playing along...right?
PS. Check out the new Dan Brown book, The Lost Symbol. It failed to enthral me as much as The Da Vinci Code did. But still it was a good read. And watch out for the LITERAL meanings of all the clues. I figured out how to decipher the "clues" before Langdon and his new partner did. LOL
Dan Brown. Why does he like to invoke controversy so much?
Starting with The Da Vinci Code and following it up with Angels and Demons, Dan Brown has certainly seemed to have incurred the wrath of the Vatican. Why is he really interested in stirring the dark secrets which he so calls "hidden" by the Vatican? Whatever the reason, the catholic are furious about it.
Charles Lewis gives a detailed account as to how the Catholic reacted to the "brilliant" plots of Brown's books http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/holy-post/archive/2009/05/14/dan-brown-feels-the-wrath-of-catholics.aspx
Some might say Dan Brown is dead serious against the Vatican. This leads to the conclusion that the ongoing virtual war between the two sides is getting deadly serious. Others speculate he is just taunting the Vatican. "It's fiction of course", they say. And who knows the Vatican might be just playing along...right?
PS. Check out the new Dan Brown book, The Lost Symbol. It failed to enthral me as much as The Da Vinci Code did. But still it was a good read. And watch out for the LITERAL meanings of all the clues. I figured out how to decipher the "clues" before Langdon and his new partner did. LOL
Loony theory of Relationships—2
...continued from the previous post
Why, you ask. Why should young people not go out as uncommitted partners?
Because you’re wasting your time. If you’re sure you don’t want to spend the next few years with the person, you should be going out with him/her for only one reason, and if that takes a lot of work too, you could probably get a better deal for lesser effort somewhere else. Move on.
It’s all about time, time and time. In all the hours you spend gurgling what your partner wants to hear, you could be out having fun with your real friends, or actually doing something productive. Who knows, in all the time you otherwise spend with your bf/gf, you could have been inventing the cure for cancer, or making significant gains in easing the Arab-Israel relation. Perhaps you would have designed a fabulous new dress, or written and sang a hip new song that’s on every tongue? All the time gone in courting someone you know you won’t be long with is wasted.
And then there’s the easiest road ever. In fact, I consider it the second greatest contribution to mankind the Indo-Nepali culture has made after Momo—arranged marriage. With arranged marriage, you don’t even need to worry about all that stuff; you could be having fun with your friends, doing things you actually enjoy doing with similar people, and then making significant contribution to society, while ultimately marrying someone, like everyone else.
Loony theory of Relationships—1
Lately, a lot of people I know have been involved in some romantic relationship or another. That includes the very people few that read this blog. Some have tried publicizing their relationship as much as they can, some are very cool and casual about it, some have tried hiding it but don’t care if someone finds, and some will let the earth melt into the sun before they let anyone find out (Heh. Sorry there! I found out.)
I feel sorry for those people.
See, you need other people, right? You have friends for that. You need someone who you can share your innermost secrets, you have best friends. You need someone to err—have sexytimes with—you have hookups that never, evurr turn into real relationships. And that is all there is.
Granted, some people feel that they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone else. If the ‘someone else’ feels the same too, they should probably live together or something, but they should definitely not hang out together for long (PS: I detest the words date, boyfriend, and girlfriend, so I’m avoiding them at all cost). If you want him or her, live together, and then share everything in the evenings or weekends or long holidays, ok?
Granted, some people feel that they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone else. If the ‘someone else’ feels the same too, they should probably live together or something, but they should definitely not hang out together for long (PS: I detest the words date, boyfriend, and girlfriend, so I’m avoiding them at all cost). If you want him or her, live together, and then share everything in the evenings or weekends or long holidays, ok?
Inspirations you can find in Mission Paisa
This is from 500 rupayinyama angreji farara, a great, and stupid Facebook group. It was originally posted by Spandan Shrestha.
[Update: Apparantly, this has been around in facebook for quite some time. Sorry for the confusion!]
1) RumPum will sponsor everything from fighting competitions to Acting Competitions.2) Nepali girls in HongKong will not remember their own friend's face and ask if you are that person, even if you are not that person, they will go for coffee with you and.... (you know what I mean)
3) Good Looking gals will chat with you because you have similar profiles in Hi5.
4) Hi5 has chat feature.
5) Hi5 has voice chat feature.
6) When you send pictures using this chat feature, the picture will automatically turn into your screensaver blocking everything else.
7) Good-looking Girls have nothing to do but chat with random guys in "Hi5 Chat".
8) Nepali Girls in HongKong are experts in Kung Fu.
9) All the Dons in HongKong are Nepalis, who answer to Dons in Mainland China.
10) Dons like opening up hotels that are named after them. Case in point: "Hotel Babu-Don" and yeah, Dons have cool names eg, Babu-Don :D (but no Big Hip-hop Don Man Lattu :( )
11) There are fight clubs in HongKong where anyone can go and fight and defeat their winning fighter hitting just one punch.
12) Chinese mafia use Ninja's who attack after the boss has been killed.
13) Modern Ninja's still use swords and spears to fight.
14) When you have your opponent on the floor and a spear, you kill him by kicking him.
15) Sundar Thapa is spelled as Sundar Shrestha.
16) Nepali Banks can be hacked using GUI programs that show the percentage of completed hack.
17) Nepali Heroes can't hold their beer, 5 ppl, 4 beer bottles = very very drunk actors :D, n ya the only beer available is Tuborg.
18) Nepali Mafia Meetings are like regular business meetings with mineral water, the only difference is its conducted in a dark room.
19) When fighting, you should fight until the opponent goes down and then run away. Repeat until you reach a place with available weapons (rods??, sticks??)
20) After you hit your opponent with a rod and he can't move (or so you think), you start a long monologue about how your opponent loved is ball and ask him about his ball(s). :D
21) Make sure the monolouge is said with your back to your opponent.
22) Money should not be hanged, you will forget to pick it up and leave forgetting about it.
23) Nepalis talk like they have just been surprised, really really surprised, (do I also talk like that?)
24) Nepali hands have a mind of their own, voice chat ma ni afai chalchha.
25) Fight Club in Hongkong can also be cultural dance hosting place
26) Nepali heroes can afford postpaid but no webcam
15) Sundar Thapa is spelled as Sundar Shrestha.
16) Nepali Banks can be hacked using GUI programs that show the percentage of completed hack.
17) Nepali Heroes can't hold their beer, 5 ppl, 4 beer bottles = very very drunk actors :D, n ya the only beer available is Tuborg.
18) Nepali Mafia Meetings are like regular business meetings with mineral water, the only difference is its conducted in a dark room.
19) When fighting, you should fight until the opponent goes down and then run away. Repeat until you reach a place with available weapons (rods??, sticks??)
20) After you hit your opponent with a rod and he can't move (or so you think), you start a long monologue about how your opponent loved is ball and ask him about his ball(s). :D
21) Make sure the monolouge is said with your back to your opponent.
22) Money should not be hanged, you will forget to pick it up and leave forgetting about it.
23) Nepalis talk like they have just been surprised, really really surprised, (do I also talk like that?)
24) Nepali hands have a mind of their own, voice chat ma ni afai chalchha.
25) Fight Club in Hongkong can also be cultural dance hosting place
26) Nepali heroes can afford postpaid but no webcam
Why eating mangoes will make you impotent and drive you insane
People eating mangoes is the greatest problem our country has had faced in recent times. While the simple act of eating is not terrible in itself, the fact that none of the mango-eaters are aware that eating the fruit will almost certainly make them impotent and/or drive them insane is a serious concern.
Scientists have recently discovered the negative effects of eating mangoes. Apparently, it is not the chemicals in the mangoes that have the negative effects. The very act of eating sets off a chain of events that will ultimately lead to impotency, insanity, cancer, and sometimes even death.
Mangoes can be eaten in several different ways. They can be peeled off and sucked; they can be cut, the flesh be scooped out of the skin and eaten, they can be cut without peeling and eaten, the flesh can be blended with dairy products like milk or curd to make fancy drinks that cost ten times their production cost at restaurants, or they can be taken to factories where they can be processed in thousand of different ways (the most popular being using them to make Mango tart candies and Aap ko achar).
The factory method is the safest—and the probability of anyone getting ill because of the factory-processed Mangoes is almost nil. The problem lies in the home consumption of the fruit.
When mangoes are cut using knives, the metals in the knives react with a chemical in the flesh of the fruit to release an acid that is ten times more powerful than hydrochloric acid. The acid is not harmful it itself though, because of the small concentration and its general harmlessness. However, the acid then reacts with other chemicals inside the mango to produce antibiotic chemicals that are highly-fatal to several different types of living organisms. Fortunately, human beings are not among these organisms. In fact, the antibiotic kills the tiny bacteria that are also harmful(causing stomach ache, diarrhoea and several embarrassing ailments) to humans.
And that is where the problem begins. Several species of sub-microscopic viruses causing several deadly diseases land onto the exposed mango on contact, ready to infect anyone who eats the mango. Thanks to the antibiotic produced inside the mango as described previously, those viruses do not survive for long either and re quickly killed off by the antibiotic. Their brethren who witness the death of their fellow-submicroscopic organisms then want to revenge their death so they attack the mango in droves, hoping to destroy the antibiotic. They are killed too, and in turn are replaced by their loved ones, and the process continues till the mango reaches your gut.
You see what’s happening here? As you cut the slice of mango and take it to your mouth, it becomes a battleground for antibiotic chemical and and several generations of different kinds of viruses and bacteria, one side destroying the other, but the other side unrelentingly trying to exacting revenge. It’s a combat zone full of dead bodies and carcasses, cries, tears, defeat and the pains of war.
You wanna eat that?
Yes, I would not eat it under normal circumstances either, but since I am really hungry, I'll have all. Thank you!
Scientists have recently discovered the negative effects of eating mangoes. Apparently, it is not the chemicals in the mangoes that have the negative effects. The very act of eating sets off a chain of events that will ultimately lead to impotency, insanity, cancer, and sometimes even death.
Mangoes can be eaten in several different ways. They can be peeled off and sucked; they can be cut, the flesh be scooped out of the skin and eaten, they can be cut without peeling and eaten, the flesh can be blended with dairy products like milk or curd to make fancy drinks that cost ten times their production cost at restaurants, or they can be taken to factories where they can be processed in thousand of different ways (the most popular being using them to make Mango tart candies and Aap ko achar).
The factory method is the safest—and the probability of anyone getting ill because of the factory-processed Mangoes is almost nil. The problem lies in the home consumption of the fruit.
When mangoes are cut using knives, the metals in the knives react with a chemical in the flesh of the fruit to release an acid that is ten times more powerful than hydrochloric acid. The acid is not harmful it itself though, because of the small concentration and its general harmlessness. However, the acid then reacts with other chemicals inside the mango to produce antibiotic chemicals that are highly-fatal to several different types of living organisms. Fortunately, human beings are not among these organisms. In fact, the antibiotic kills the tiny bacteria that are also harmful(causing stomach ache, diarrhoea and several embarrassing ailments) to humans.
And that is where the problem begins. Several species of sub-microscopic viruses causing several deadly diseases land onto the exposed mango on contact, ready to infect anyone who eats the mango. Thanks to the antibiotic produced inside the mango as described previously, those viruses do not survive for long either and re quickly killed off by the antibiotic. Their brethren who witness the death of their fellow-submicroscopic organisms then want to revenge their death so they attack the mango in droves, hoping to destroy the antibiotic. They are killed too, and in turn are replaced by their loved ones, and the process continues till the mango reaches your gut.
You see what’s happening here? As you cut the slice of mango and take it to your mouth, it becomes a battleground for antibiotic chemical and and several generations of different kinds of viruses and bacteria, one side destroying the other, but the other side unrelentingly trying to exacting revenge. It’s a combat zone full of dead bodies and carcasses, cries, tears, defeat and the pains of war.
You wanna eat that?
Yes, I would not eat it under normal circumstances either, but since I am really hungry, I'll have all. Thank you!
The Khattu Diaries
Khattu was the hub of underground illegal smuggling. Our house didii, supposed to sew our clothes and help us in cleaning was our supplier. Every day, she would bring buttload of Khattu and Laakhamari, and sometimes even noodles. Her profit was 30 percent. We got outside food, she made the money, and no one needed to know anything. It was good business for everyone.
So this was the perfect time for the entrance of The Whistleblower. This one was a staff-child, and though being a staff child rarely made you a whistleblower, this one was different. He ratted house didi, and everyone else out.
She was summoned by the HoH and asked if it was true, but after a week it was back to business. The price of Khattu had risen considerably, as if to make up for the loss incurred during the gap, but we were good to go.
Now that I think of it, it was a good idea even from HoH’s point of view. The only alternate source of outside food would have been the black gate, and if was easy to get into slippery slope, and slope finally into the morass of weed even before you were in grade seven. Thanks to our house didi, it was averted for most by many years.
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