Astro logic

Attention everyone. According to our calculations, something big will happen at exactly 9.47 in the PM tomorrow, which will change the fate of the nation forever. Please practice restraint and patience specially for the time period.

Attention everyone. We have gotten reports that nothing of note happened at 9.47 in the PM yesterday. It appears that one of our interns made a rounding error due to issues related to floating-point Math in computer programming languages that she was unaware of, and that lead to error in our calculations. We apologize profusely, and assure you that such errors will not be repeated again.

Attention everyone. Everyone who's a Capricorn should avoid wearing anything read for the rest of the week. The alignment of the planets and the stars is such that the wrath of Shani shall fall upon red-wearers who are Capricorn.

Attention everyone. There have been multiple requests for us to explain our prediction made earlier in the day. We wish to clarify that we are not divine psychologists. We are merely astrologers, and like you we cannot fathom what Shani could possibly have against Capricorns wearing red this week. Probably something to do with his relationship with his mother, if you ask us, but then we are not psychologists. Please consult your local astral psychiatric professional for further advice on the matter. thank you.

Attention everyone. Whoever is hiding all our stuff, and posting notes that say 'if you can see the future, why don't you predict where I hid it?', please kindly stop doing so. We can just analyze the astrological patterns and predict the likelihood of future actions, like meteorologists do with weather. We do not have the power of prescience or omniscience. Our apologies if this had been miscommunicated. Thank you all.

Attention everyone. We have been getting suggestions asking us to put likelihood percent behind our predictions like meteorologists do with their predictions. We wish to clarify that while the two fields are same in essence, there are a lot of complex factors in our field that stop us from putting such numbers in our predictions. Ours is an ancient knowledge founded on thousands of years of wisdom, so it does not need to be justified by made-up numbers to act as a hedge against the possibility that it might be wrong.

Everyone, no, we are not going to make an astrology app like your weather app. No, we are not going to give you likelihood of accidents. No we can't tell you which team will win. And we will most definitely not agree to double-blind tests. Such small things diminish the greatness of our ancient and great field, and we do not wish to lower it to others' level.

In an unrelated news, we are shutting down this account. For support for purchased items, please call the support number listed on your product. For general queries please call the general number on our website. Have a good day! No, wait-- we know you will have a good day! Joking! We can't, without knowing your birthstars and family and a whole lot of other things, haha!