Exciting stuff, I have way more words than a novel of reasonable size needs! They all adhere to a common theme, and work towards a general storyline. It's just that...everything is too wordy, do I'm nowhere I thought I'd be in terms of plot -- all those words and I'm barely maybe a third way into the first novel. It does open more avenues for me to shape it up better, but slogging through tens of thousands of words and rearranging them into a fun, coherent book is a chore that's not as fun as writing the original stuff.
The cool thing about all of this is I keep discovering more content tucked inside various folders and files and locations across my various devices. This afternoon, I discovered 8K words worth of writing that I had completely forgotten about, and as I read it I was like, wow that's some good stuff I'm so glad I didn't lose. Funny stuff.
In any case, I probably need to write another 20-25k before I can start seriously editing anything, because all of the written chapters are only creating context and there's no sense of stake anywhere yet. The reader needs to care about the characters in one way or the other, and what happens to your protagonist or others has to have impact on the future events of the books. As things are right now, a lot of characters (almost all, actually) are disposable, make an appearance in a chapter or two to never show up again.
So I guess the next round of writing is going to involve bringing back those one-off characters and having them matter, and have them interact with other characters like them. Also need to establish those characters through 'grapevine', using a character to reference a different character, so there's a mesh of relationships and not just transactional robotic dialogs and interactions.
Ups, downs and sides
Some days are better than others, some weeks are the worst. This winter was really bad in terms of energy and how much of it was spent napping. I do love the naps, don't second-guess me there, but there's gotta be a limit somewhere, you know? It's good to have some leftover energy to do things beyond that. The past winter didn't leave any for me.
There are different theories on what saps people's emotional energies away, generally speaking. Some have suggested vitamin D, or B12, or even full spectrum light to avoid what is --rather unseriously IMHO-- called the SAD. Yeahh we're SAD jackasses, and it's the weather, don't be tryina be funny yaah. In any case, I started taking vit D and B12 irregularly sometime last year. It's hard to take medicines regularly when you don't absolutely have to, but when I do take them, I feel really good. It's unclear though if it's the good weather (and other external factors) and give me the energy and motivation to take the meds, or if taking those supplements gives me the energy, or if it's like a self-amplifying combination of both. Either way, I have nothing bad to say about those particular vitamin supplements, even though vitamin supplements are generally considered scammy, unproven and suspicion science.
I had energy to write four posts last week, and it's midweek already this week and I hadn't written anything. There have been no personal projects either. Perhaps because I didn't take my supplements this week? It's unclear. I'd really like to see how my mood and other variables that affect me influence how much writing I do and how much time I spend on personal projects.
There are different theories on what saps people's emotional energies away, generally speaking. Some have suggested vitamin D, or B12, or even full spectrum light to avoid what is --rather unseriously IMHO-- called the SAD. Yeahh we're SAD jackasses, and it's the weather, don't be tryina be funny yaah. In any case, I started taking vit D and B12 irregularly sometime last year. It's hard to take medicines regularly when you don't absolutely have to, but when I do take them, I feel really good. It's unclear though if it's the good weather (and other external factors) and give me the energy and motivation to take the meds, or if taking those supplements gives me the energy, or if it's like a self-amplifying combination of both. Either way, I have nothing bad to say about those particular vitamin supplements, even though vitamin supplements are generally considered scammy, unproven and suspicion science.
I had energy to write four posts last week, and it's midweek already this week and I hadn't written anything. There have been no personal projects either. Perhaps because I didn't take my supplements this week? It's unclear. I'd really like to see how my mood and other variables that affect me influence how much writing I do and how much time I spend on personal projects.
Suffering and sadness and great work
Catholics think great work comes from misery, suffering and depression. For them, suffering builds character, if you haven't suffered, you don't deserve success.
Conan O' Brien talks about this in his podcast Conan O' Brien Needs a Friend and discusses about this with other very successful (and catholic) guests. Colbert agrees vigorously, and both discuss how they needed all that therapy to get over it. Misery and depression and how it sometimes leads to great work but really it needen't have is generally the theme of the show, it seems like. I guess the title is pretty melancholic.
Do I agree? I would have(?) maybe at some point in the past, and I know people (Nepalis, not catholic) who do believe that suffering should be a fundamental part of the human experience and that's the only way to go up. I have been known to say in the past 'they shouldn't have to put through this, they have suffered enough', meaning there's some amount of suffering that everyone HAS to go through as if it's a debt that needs to be paid. Don't believe that anymore.
Great work comes off of talent, hard work, and most importantly, Grit. You just have to keep on hammering, no matter how circumstances change, how hard everything else gets, how shit life is. You just gotta keep running. It gets easier if you do it for long enough. Really. Life doesn't need to be a pain, success doesn't need to be tortured.
Conan O' Brien talks about this in his podcast Conan O' Brien Needs a Friend and discusses about this with other very successful (and catholic) guests. Colbert agrees vigorously, and both discuss how they needed all that therapy to get over it. Misery and depression and how it sometimes leads to great work but really it needen't have is generally the theme of the show, it seems like. I guess the title is pretty melancholic.
Do I agree? I would have(?) maybe at some point in the past, and I know people (Nepalis, not catholic) who do believe that suffering should be a fundamental part of the human experience and that's the only way to go up. I have been known to say in the past 'they shouldn't have to put through this, they have suffered enough', meaning there's some amount of suffering that everyone HAS to go through as if it's a debt that needs to be paid. Don't believe that anymore.
Great work comes off of talent, hard work, and most importantly, Grit. You just have to keep on hammering, no matter how circumstances change, how hard everything else gets, how shit life is. You just gotta keep running. It gets easier if you do it for long enough. Really. Life doesn't need to be a pain, success doesn't need to be tortured.
Safety finally
In recent months (and by that I mean in the last year), I failed to make two of what would have been the biggest mistakes of my life. Because of my laziness, or could argue, or perhaps foresight and consideration and maturity (it's not true), but as things went out, actions with massive negative consequences were defeated and I was safe and sound. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons about life, and how to live a happy, satisfied, and comfortable life with friends and family around you. Things work out amazingly in the end though I tried my best to do the opposite, and I'd like to thank the gods for that.
One concerns ABZ and the word for certain organizations -- a word that offends and angers people -- and the other one was forged in fire.
These are good times for growth, peace, prosperity, and planning for the future personally. Politically and generally these are the worst of times for everyone everywhere.
One concerns ABZ and the word for certain organizations -- a word that offends and angers people -- and the other one was forged in fire.
These are good times for growth, peace, prosperity, and planning for the future personally. Politically and generally these are the worst of times for everyone everywhere.
Learnings from my Nepal trip
I was in Nepal exactly two years ago. I thought I had enough content for like a bazillion words, and I was gonna get back to the glorious days of a post-a-day here. Instead, all I did was smirked and snorted and winked and cleared my throat and told people what an interesting and great time I had in Nepal, too obvious, like a loser.
There were revelations, for sure. Hopefully they will come back soon because human memory is only so good. Some rather vague impressions remain though.
1) It's becoming wayyy to crowded. I had trouble breathing 9 years ago. Now I have greater trouble breathing.
2) So effing expensive.
3) Kids (in quotes, don't glare) are going on a lot of dates, everywhere, and everyone is making out all the time. I'm not kidding, like. WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE WHO'RE IN A RESTAURANT AT 10.30AM ON A WEEKDAY MAKING OUTTT? Are they skipping school to make out or what
4) No one wants to remain there, not even the doctors. Particularly the doctors even.
5) For a lot of people, there appears to be no light-at-the-end-of-tunnel thing.
6) Literally everyone has a cousin or two or eight abroad sending them expensive as shit things back, see points 2 and 4.
7) Food is getting more interesting and better, because I guess it's getting more expensive(?)
8) Alcohol, particularly the new breweries, are good, and the new brands of beers by old companies are great too.
9) The fundamentals haven't changed a bit. Like not even the tiniest. It's just that there's a new generation that waited long enough, ran out of patience, and doesn't want to hang around anymore because, nope nope nope, byeee.
10) Sllliiight less complete domination of the I/NGO's in the job market, but not thaat much more. As long as they take all the brightest and the smartest, the private sector ain't gonna go nowhere.
11) Women (mostly still girls though) are getting more outspoken, and have a much clearer vision of what needs to be done, and how they can get there.
12) Women are still unreasonably -- and shockingly -- trusting of men that should not be trusted at all and should be given zero benefit of doubt.
13) Becoming more india-oriented, while becoming more anti-India, both at the same time.
14) Roads are still dusty as fuck, air is still nasty as shit, regulations are still gross, law enforcement still a disappointment, politics still a farce.
15) All the people I knew and was excited about are almost married or getting there and have trouble making time for me. Or aren't around anymore because they left, or are looking for a way out. Look at all the points above.
16) What do I do when I go back, I will know no-one. Ah fuck.
17) Apparently (and this is post-2017 info, but I'll add this here anyway) there's interesting non-parent-subsidized businesses coming up that have at least some chance of making it.
You didn't get a 100k words, but there's gotta be 1k words in here at least, right?
There were revelations, for sure. Hopefully they will come back soon because human memory is only so good. Some rather vague impressions remain though.
1) It's becoming wayyy to crowded. I had trouble breathing 9 years ago. Now I have greater trouble breathing.
2) So effing expensive.
3) Kids (in quotes, don't glare) are going on a lot of dates, everywhere, and everyone is making out all the time. I'm not kidding, like. WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE WHO'RE IN A RESTAURANT AT 10.30AM ON A WEEKDAY MAKING OUTTT? Are they skipping school to make out or what
4) No one wants to remain there, not even the doctors. Particularly the doctors even.
5) For a lot of people, there appears to be no light-at-the-end-of-tunnel thing.
6) Literally everyone has a cousin or two or eight abroad sending them expensive as shit things back, see points 2 and 4.
7) Food is getting more interesting and better, because I guess it's getting more expensive(?)
8) Alcohol, particularly the new breweries, are good, and the new brands of beers by old companies are great too.
9) The fundamentals haven't changed a bit. Like not even the tiniest. It's just that there's a new generation that waited long enough, ran out of patience, and doesn't want to hang around anymore because, nope nope nope, byeee.
10) Sllliiight less complete domination of the I/NGO's in the job market, but not thaat much more. As long as they take all the brightest and the smartest, the private sector ain't gonna go nowhere.
11) Women (mostly still girls though) are getting more outspoken, and have a much clearer vision of what needs to be done, and how they can get there.
12) Women are still unreasonably -- and shockingly -- trusting of men that should not be trusted at all and should be given zero benefit of doubt.
13) Becoming more india-oriented, while becoming more anti-India, both at the same time.
14) Roads are still dusty as fuck, air is still nasty as shit, regulations are still gross, law enforcement still a disappointment, politics still a farce.
15) All the people I knew and was excited about are almost married or getting there and have trouble making time for me. Or aren't around anymore because they left, or are looking for a way out. Look at all the points above.
16) What do I do when I go back, I will know no-one. Ah fuck.
17) Apparently (and this is post-2017 info, but I'll add this here anyway) there's interesting non-parent-subsidized businesses coming up that have at least some chance of making it.
You didn't get a 100k words, but there's gotta be 1k words in here at least, right?
Strangest things
Haha, so I was telling my roommate about it couple of weeks ago because I'd just found out about it and was totally freaked out, but he was all ohh yeah it's happening all the time how come you didn't know and then he remembered I'm on literally NOO social media and he was likee OHH that makes sense yeahh yeahh this is the world we live in now, and I was like, shiitee, world changes but whatever I like me and my lifestyle so that was the end of it, but here is what it was.
People are apparently making private 'weed-smoking groups' all over social media and smoking together with randoes all over the world. I met someone who was an admin of one of those groups. She was surprisingly...sane. Am I growing old, or is the world going insane?
People are apparently making private 'weed-smoking groups' all over social media and smoking together with randoes all over the world. I met someone who was an admin of one of those groups. She was surprisingly...sane. Am I growing old, or is the world going insane?
Oh one more thing
I'm not a chocolate snob. No, really. Yes, I will eat only dark chocolate over 80% cocoa, and will not even consider any piece of trash over 75% without a gun over my head. It's true that I consider the Hershey's chocolate factory and its products to be the products of a secret cabal to defame the true nature of chocolate and everything that's great with the world and instead sell pure sugar in its stead. I will admit that on more than one occasion -- almost at least once every week actually -- I have eaten the tiny bar of 85% dark chocolate from Aldi (made in Germany) for a meal. My defence is low calories in case you're interested. And yes, most of those meals have been breakfasts. It is true, now that you bring it up, that I eat not because of the antioxidants (I'll be honest here, I do not know what they are nor would I really care even if I did) but because I enjoy the flavor. But really, I'm not a chocolate snob. I don't eat that much chocolate!
It started when the shared grocery chocolates started disappearing not a day after we'd gotten them. Many a bar went into the happy mouths of my roommates without so much as seeing my face. I figured the solution to that was to get a darker version. So I started at 45%. As it turned out, my roommates liked those darker ones even better (because they actually tasted like something that was not rancid fat mixed with bottom-shelf unprocessed sugar) so there were days when they didn't even make it back to our house. I started getting darker ones. Around the 70% mark, they started discovering that dark chocolate in milk is incredible, particularly if it's unadulterated by whatever crap the confectionery brands are trying to load you with. So up went the cocoa percent. I discovered, after several months of gradual discovery, that 85% was around the mark when no one else but I could safely touch the chocolates. I mean, I could have gone higher (our other grocery store sells even higher %) but it was not the extra price, and besides if Aldi's only willing to go that far, who am I to doubt the impeccable tastes of the finely refined palate of Aldi customers.
My roommate (who wasn't around for these chocolate wars) calls my bars 'bars of mud' now, because to him they are weird in texture without all the fat and sugar to hold together, and in taste, without all the rancid fat to give the classic 'bitter' chocolate flavor. No, he fails to appreciate my personal history and commitment to chocolate eating. Why should I stop after all, my bars are free from potential suitors, don't have a buttload of sugar, and honestly, make one HELL of a healthy low-calories breakfast. I'm a practical man after all, not a connoisseur. NO, I'm most definitely not a snob. Don't even.
It started when the shared grocery chocolates started disappearing not a day after we'd gotten them. Many a bar went into the happy mouths of my roommates without so much as seeing my face. I figured the solution to that was to get a darker version. So I started at 45%. As it turned out, my roommates liked those darker ones even better (because they actually tasted like something that was not rancid fat mixed with bottom-shelf unprocessed sugar) so there were days when they didn't even make it back to our house. I started getting darker ones. Around the 70% mark, they started discovering that dark chocolate in milk is incredible, particularly if it's unadulterated by whatever crap the confectionery brands are trying to load you with. So up went the cocoa percent. I discovered, after several months of gradual discovery, that 85% was around the mark when no one else but I could safely touch the chocolates. I mean, I could have gone higher (our other grocery store sells even higher %) but it was not the extra price, and besides if Aldi's only willing to go that far, who am I to doubt the impeccable tastes of the finely refined palate of Aldi customers.
My roommate (who wasn't around for these chocolate wars) calls my bars 'bars of mud' now, because to him they are weird in texture without all the fat and sugar to hold together, and in taste, without all the rancid fat to give the classic 'bitter' chocolate flavor. No, he fails to appreciate my personal history and commitment to chocolate eating. Why should I stop after all, my bars are free from potential suitors, don't have a buttload of sugar, and honestly, make one HELL of a healthy low-calories breakfast. I'm a practical man after all, not a connoisseur. NO, I'm most definitely not a snob. Don't even.
I dont know whats gotten into me
Here's something I don't like to admit: I don't know what's gotten into me today, but I know what has NOT: drugs! I don't have access to them, because I live with boring people in boring neighborhoods doing boring things (card games! until 2 am! barely any drink! people in early twenties! what's the world coming to!) and even if I did, they would do fuck-all to me because I was told the amazing things they would do to fuck you over and change your psyche and change you into a neurotic mess who could barely survive without a weekly therapy lesson -- twice a week if you've got an alchohol problem too -- and then you could write down all that shit into paper (aahahaha) and then people would buy them (idk or pirate them) and then you'd make money and you'd be still neurotic but rich as fuck and all would be fine. That's what I was told. I won't go into the details but nothing happened remotely close to that, and didn't even get buzzed and they were mad sad disappointed as heck and then embarrassed about communicating with friends with regards to their experiences because they had been talking nonstop about it for like three weeks. Which reminds me, I've also pretty much quit drinking, lol. Not that I used to drink much anyway, but for the last three months, the most I've had to drink are like maybe a sip of really expensive beer a week on an average. Some sips I've even spit out because they tasted cheap and trashy. True story. Really, that happened. Liquor doesn't hold even the small amount of interest it formerly held. Pity, to me, the liquor companies, and the world which would most definitely have gotten a friendlier more interesting person otherwise. Ehh, I don't live for them, I do I, and I wants no more tiring experiences.
I did two tablets of different vitamin mixtures yesterday though. Maybe it's that what's giving me the energy? I mean... the weather's nice, I get back home on time, my stomach's full (though not uncomfortably so), my room's not filthy, and I have enough vitamins. I guess that's all it takes for an average man to become a writerman than huh? Different creatures these, from the regular superheroes haha. Sunlight tho. Great stuff that, sunlight. Respect for where respect's due.
I did two tablets of different vitamin mixtures yesterday though. Maybe it's that what's giving me the energy? I mean... the weather's nice, I get back home on time, my stomach's full (though not uncomfortably so), my room's not filthy, and I have enough vitamins. I guess that's all it takes for an average man to become a writerman than huh? Different creatures these, from the regular superheroes haha. Sunlight tho. Great stuff that, sunlight. Respect for where respect's due.
So I'm like
So I'm like, Heyy man, and he's like, heyy maaan -- adds a 'g' even at the end making it sound like maaang, what's a maang, maan, I ask, and he's like you tell me maaan, and I know he's high. But then so am I so what's all the fuss.
The room's steamy with all the cbd-thc-wax. There's a rumor -- no doubt bullshit -- that wax vapes are like bad for you and they'll like freeze on your lung alveoli and give you pneumonia or shit, and I'm like, yeahhh so you think inhaling all this paper smoke into your lungs is fine? Heyy, I don't consider weeds to be drugs or whatever alright, they're decriminalized and legal in all the reasonable states, as the large advertisement boards outside the airport and all major train stations will remind you, but like, being legal doesn't suddenly make it like... angel...farts... or something yannowhatimsayin? Like it's still wood, it's still fire, there's gonna be soot, you're gonna likely shorten your life because you're having fun acting like a jackass -- harmless but a jackass nonetheless -- right now and you're just gonna pretend that's never gonna happen and you're gonna be so fuckin fine man, and death is death anyway, and ignore that forever? Yeah, okay whatever, but dontcha come running to be when you're on your deathbed running out of your breath (haa, yasee what I did there?) cursing the day you smoked like, who knows howmanyfucking ounces (yes, people are smoking Ounces!) of doobies! And that's when you'll be so sad maybe the vapes were a better idea but the lack of foresight could be attributed to the fact that you were blazed as hellll I guess. Doobies, lol, that word needs to make a comeback, fucking love doobies the word. Weed itself is like ... fine. It's great but nothing to write home about, unless you're in the weed business if you get my gist.
The room's steamy with all the cbd-thc-wax. There's a rumor -- no doubt bullshit -- that wax vapes are like bad for you and they'll like freeze on your lung alveoli and give you pneumonia or shit, and I'm like, yeahhh so you think inhaling all this paper smoke into your lungs is fine? Heyy, I don't consider weeds to be drugs or whatever alright, they're decriminalized and legal in all the reasonable states, as the large advertisement boards outside the airport and all major train stations will remind you, but like, being legal doesn't suddenly make it like... angel...farts... or something yannowhatimsayin? Like it's still wood, it's still fire, there's gonna be soot, you're gonna likely shorten your life because you're having fun acting like a jackass -- harmless but a jackass nonetheless -- right now and you're just gonna pretend that's never gonna happen and you're gonna be so fuckin fine man, and death is death anyway, and ignore that forever? Yeah, okay whatever, but dontcha come running to be when you're on your deathbed running out of your breath (haa, yasee what I did there?) cursing the day you smoked like, who knows howmanyfucking ounces (yes, people are smoking Ounces!) of doobies! And that's when you'll be so sad maybe the vapes were a better idea but the lack of foresight could be attributed to the fact that you were blazed as hellll I guess. Doobies, lol, that word needs to make a comeback, fucking love doobies the word. Weed itself is like ... fine. It's great but nothing to write home about, unless you're in the weed business if you get my gist.
About this cute girl I saw on the T the other day
When it's raining outside, I feel at home. When it's cold and dark and windy outside on a summer evening, I feel at home. Winters suck. New England winters suck.
Elephant in the room: why have I not been writing? Answer: I have, not just posting here. Partly because my quality is not to par (har har) and partly because they're too personal, and partly because... so tiring, you know? Who's even reading these ajkal? Why is it soo boring man. Am I going to be a writer at this rate? Do I want to even. Whooo knows
Daring to fail is something I've been thinking about more recently. Daring to succeed even. I'm afraid of both, and end up doing neither. Sucky sucky thing right.
-R
Elephant in the room: why have I not been writing? Answer: I have, not just posting here. Partly because my quality is not to par (har har) and partly because they're too personal, and partly because... so tiring, you know? Who's even reading these ajkal? Why is it soo boring man. Am I going to be a writer at this rate? Do I want to even. Whooo knows
Daring to fail is something I've been thinking about more recently. Daring to succeed even. I'm afraid of both, and end up doing neither. Sucky sucky thing right.
-R
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)