Insects and Glasses

Sometimes, I get insects in my mouth and accidently swallow them. Whenever I tell anyone about that, I am told insects are good food, that they are almost pure protein, and that somehow my eyesight will improve because of that.

I have a slight disagreement with that worldview. If eating random insects made people’s eyes better, al the ophthalmologists would actually be insect-catchers, and there would be no need of eyeglasses or corrective lenses. Instead of going to the Ophthalmologists to get their eyes tested, people would go to insect-catchers. They would then try reading the letters on the board, and be prescribed accordingly.

A person with a perfect vision wouldn’t have to ‘accidently’ eat insects. A person with 80 percent vision would be prescribed a few mosquitoes and some ants daily. Someone with really bad vision would be asked to eat whatever insect she finds, but be advised that cockroaches are poisonous when eaten raw so it would be a better idea if they were microwaved for a few minutes first. Even better, the ‘doctors’ would sell entire insect farms from where patients could easily pick up insects and eat them. The bees would be trained ones: when a whistle of certain frequency is blown, they would go to the nearest frying pan, and get ready to be fried. Ants would march their way into the boiling pot, and mosquitoes would swarm around the microwave.

Insect-food and habitat would be all the rage then. There would be magazines on how to grow your own ant farm, and train your band of mosquitoes to recognize your voice. Magazines about food would have detailed articles about the right way to rear and cook you own insects, and sell ‘organic’ food for the insects. Chocolates with insects (which are common in some countries already) will become as common as chocolates with nuts. Nutritionists will discuss and debate over relative benefits of one kinds of insects over another, and biologists will try to make everyone understand that Spiders are NOT insects, they are Arachnids.

Eye glasses would be worn only by eccentrics refusing to go into insectivorous diets, and hippies worried about Insect-rights. PETI(the insects’ right group) would hold demonstration calling for boycott to insect-meat and other insect-related goods. Almost as if taking a cue from that, smugglers would start capturing endangered insects and exporting them, cooking up legends of their ‘mystical powers’ on the way.

The world would not be much different, except a lot less people would be wearing those freaking glasses.