I am not sure if the word ‘pompous’ can be used with negative connotations, but if it can, I know several places where it fits right in.
This pseudo-resume-cum-essay, for example.
Now, you might not know this, but I am a fluent speaker of no lesser than Seven languages. English, Nepali. Hindi, and Sanskrit are common. I also know ancient Tamu, Ancient Musahar and ancient Khas(which is completely different from the one spoken in modern western Nepal). I am sure my language skills will prove invaluable to any company I work for and I am certain I will be indispensable to my employers, because of my language skills. Because I can speak so many different languages, I also have the ability to understand feelings of the people who are different from me, and therefore I am a very good team player. In fact, because of my diverse knowledge of languages, I have frequently been the coordinating point of any group and therefore I am an excellent leader to any group I am assigned. All because of my language skills.
I dont have to mention my academic strengths because you probably know it, but you might need reminding, so here it is, all over again. My academic accomplishments have made me very popular among the teachers, and they frequently come to me to ask really tough questions. Once, there were so many teachers trying to ask me questions at the same time that I had to assign meeting times and I was full for a week. I mean, you cannot help those poor bastards during the exam time, because the others would think they dont know anything. And it was really difficult to squeeze time between the national swimming tournaments I was winning and feeding the beggars by my own hand.
And that brings us to my sporting achievements. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I have come in the top three in every sporting event I have ever participated, except for once. When I was 11, I attended an Olympic pole vault practice tournament, and was placed sixth out of sixteen. The din of that defeat still deafens me, and since then I have vowed to never drink or sleep or rest till I succeed, and have never failed since. My achievements have been recognised by Nepal Shooting Association, Nepal Dojo Karate Association, Nepal Archery Association and Nepal Pole dancing vaulting Association among many others. I am sure to be a great resource to any organisation that needs a sports team. I am also a great fitness coach, motivational coach, and academic coach. I pretty much excel in all kinds of coaching there is and even some of those that aren’t. If you need help in anything, call me and I’ll get you out of the mess. You have problem repairing your spacecraft orbiting Mars? No problem! You want to date Hermione Granger but dont know where to start? Call me! You want to give your eyes a treat by viewing Edward Cullen’s perfect six-pack abs that radiate power and cuteness at the same, his hair that enchants you with its hypnotic beauty, or his face that you cant describe(probably because Meyer never) with words? I am here to make things work for you. From applying to colleges to discovering the cure for cancer to dating imaginary celebrities, I am the man you should be looking to help for.
Have I told you about my co-curricular activities? When I am free, I like to collect money to feed the poor and needy children of Ethiopia and Somalia. I have fed them from my very hands once(they were in front of the UN Commision for Refugees but that’s another story). I want to be able to go to their country and see how they live, what they eat, what they drink, and the kind of people they date so I can help them. I have started a fundraiser for me to go to some countries to help the children there, and if you care about little children, or think puppies are cute, you will surely contribute some money to the fund.
But dont let my super-ness blind you. I am an average person, albeit a very inspiring one. I was born stark naked; I had no golden bangles or spoons or body armour to help me. I was not given the unfair advantage of great height or weight, and despite all those unfairness against me, I kept persistent. I said to myself: ‘So what if I am not one of those who are given life skills at their birth. What if I dont know how to drive a car or how to graze cattle, I have the ability to work hard and succeed’ and succeed I finally did. So be inspired by me. Look, I am basically a normal person but with some special tricks and tunes, I am an inspiring person, and if you follow my advice you can be one too.
This pseudo-resume-cum-essay, for example.
Now, you might not know this, but I am a fluent speaker of no lesser than Seven languages. English, Nepali. Hindi, and Sanskrit are common. I also know ancient Tamu, Ancient Musahar and ancient Khas(which is completely different from the one spoken in modern western Nepal). I am sure my language skills will prove invaluable to any company I work for and I am certain I will be indispensable to my employers, because of my language skills. Because I can speak so many different languages, I also have the ability to understand feelings of the people who are different from me, and therefore I am a very good team player. In fact, because of my diverse knowledge of languages, I have frequently been the coordinating point of any group and therefore I am an excellent leader to any group I am assigned. All because of my language skills.
I dont have to mention my academic strengths because you probably know it, but you might need reminding, so here it is, all over again. My academic accomplishments have made me very popular among the teachers, and they frequently come to me to ask really tough questions. Once, there were so many teachers trying to ask me questions at the same time that I had to assign meeting times and I was full for a week. I mean, you cannot help those poor bastards during the exam time, because the others would think they dont know anything. And it was really difficult to squeeze time between the national swimming tournaments I was winning and feeding the beggars by my own hand.
And that brings us to my sporting achievements. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I have come in the top three in every sporting event I have ever participated, except for once. When I was 11, I attended an Olympic pole vault practice tournament, and was placed sixth out of sixteen. The din of that defeat still deafens me, and since then I have vowed to never drink or sleep or rest till I succeed, and have never failed since. My achievements have been recognised by Nepal Shooting Association, Nepal Dojo Karate Association, Nepal Archery Association and Nepal Pole dancing vaulting Association among many others. I am sure to be a great resource to any organisation that needs a sports team. I am also a great fitness coach, motivational coach, and academic coach. I pretty much excel in all kinds of coaching there is and even some of those that aren’t. If you need help in anything, call me and I’ll get you out of the mess. You have problem repairing your spacecraft orbiting Mars? No problem! You want to date Hermione Granger but dont know where to start? Call me! You want to give your eyes a treat by viewing Edward Cullen’s perfect six-pack abs that radiate power and cuteness at the same, his hair that enchants you with its hypnotic beauty, or his face that you cant describe(probably because Meyer never) with words? I am here to make things work for you. From applying to colleges to discovering the cure for cancer to dating imaginary celebrities, I am the man you should be looking to help for.
Have I told you about my co-curricular activities? When I am free, I like to collect money to feed the poor and needy children of Ethiopia and Somalia. I have fed them from my very hands once(they were in front of the UN Commision for Refugees but that’s another story). I want to be able to go to their country and see how they live, what they eat, what they drink, and the kind of people they date so I can help them. I have started a fundraiser for me to go to some countries to help the children there, and if you care about little children, or think puppies are cute, you will surely contribute some money to the fund.
But dont let my super-ness blind you. I am an average person, albeit a very inspiring one. I was born stark naked; I had no golden bangles or spoons or body armour to help me. I was not given the unfair advantage of great height or weight, and despite all those unfairness against me, I kept persistent. I said to myself: ‘So what if I am not one of those who are given life skills at their birth. What if I dont know how to drive a car or how to graze cattle, I have the ability to work hard and succeed’ and succeed I finally did. So be inspired by me. Look, I am basically a normal person but with some special tricks and tunes, I am an inspiring person, and if you follow my advice you can be one too.