Dirty pictures from the Patan museum

I know most of you come here in hope of reading(or seeing) something so filthy, you'd have to wash your eyes with Harpic to see anything else properly after that.

I have smut, ladies and gents, the kind that will not be banned by Blogger and get my account deleted, but still be good, if you know what I mean.
If case you find this stuff lame, remember that a few centuries ago, this kind of stuff would probably have been hawwt hawwt, and probably only the Kings could see them without feeling guilty. So here they are.

The one on the right is some sort of family gathering of Gods, which gets very awwkward after the King God starts getting frisky with his wife after having one too many bottle of Somaras. So here the niece and nephews are asking their parents: "Mommy, what is Uncle doing?" to which the uncomfortable parents reply "Uh oh, nothing honey. Lets get going, we don't want to miss the live telecast of Dancing with the Kinnaras." "But, but, we have not even eaten anything." " Don't worry, we'll pick something on our way back home." "Yayy! And lets get lots of Ice-Cream, 'kay?"

This one on the right is not as inconsiderate as the last one, but very different nonetheless. As you might have noticed, this is a one-night-stand between ancient Hindu Gods. The dude on the left(our left, not theirs) is the Guru who is asking for favours from his Shishya. OR, it could be his cousin or a friend after both of them got REAL high after smoking and drinking and imbibing whatever they could imagine into existence and they have no idea what they are doing. She might possibly get pregnant the next morning, give a birth to a demigod son she does not want, so she deserts him, and thus starts the tale of Mahabharata. Stupid gods. If they had ever bothered to go to school, they might at least have learned something in health science classes

This one is a Shiva lingam, basically a symbolic representation of Lord Shiva and whoever the heck he was hanging around with at thee time having a sexual intercourse. Event though we do not understand it today, at some point in history, this must have got a lot of giggles and snickers from teenagers, specially since everyone worshiped it at the time. To put it into perspective, imagine the dirtiest thing happening between two people, and everyone worshiping a photograph of it every day. Heh!

The thing on the right is another Lingam,although a much smaller one. Since I am now mature(as pointed out in the previous posts) I am NOT making juvenile jokes comparing the---Bah, Whatever!!

 The one on the right is actually Lord Vishnu riding his vehicle Garud, but man, it's Lord Bishnu riding Garud. I got this one because this shows how gay our Hindu gods were. So peeps, if gay gods are okay, so are gay people, okaay? The interesting thing is, in the olden days, they apparently were in this position all the time and nobody even gave a second thought to it. Which is pretty scary. Being a gay=OKAY. Doing this in front of everyone all the time=NOT OKAY. I really hope I am not giving any ideas here.

The couple on the right are probably just married, so you can understand why they're so..intimate... Also, they were probably very obnoxious, oblivious to the fact that there were other people around, so when there was a reunion or a get-together, they started getting in similar position to which someone would say "Duude, stop it, man. You're embarrassing us. Look, if you don't stop, I'll stop raining in the Earth, I'm telling ya.." They would not stop, and there would be droughts where thousands would die. That is probably why the dinosaurs became extinct too. Stupid horny gods.

In case you still feel bad for them, remember how all the mammoths and sabre tooth tigers got wiped out: during the ice age, one of the gods dealing with weather god soo--ermm hot that everything melted, and all the living beings dependent on ice got wiped out.

Heh, in case you thing this picture is just too hardcore, don't, for the girl on the picture is not a goddess but a doll. Yeh, that's right: no one really wanted to go out with the old sod, so he got a make-believe goddess for himself. However he was so enchanted by her--beauty(and other things)-- that he decided he had to have her so he turned her into a real woman. However, that was the limit of his power, immediately after she got conscious, she left the skank as soon as she could and came here on Earth to meet Real Men. She found some, but they fought amongst themselves, and thus began the legendary Trojan War.

 This is scary. Someone at Jezebel(and then at The Office, and Scrubs) said about sex: If it's not painful, you're probably not doing it right. If that were to be extrapolated, these guys must be doing it the most correct way ever, but who am i to judge.

Women like 'bad boys' and even the ancient hindu gods were very aware of the fact. So this dude here did some sort of hokery-pokery and became the most badass dude in the history of badassery. With so many heads and hands and tools on him, she's probably not getting away anytime soon.

Oh, in case you're wondering what happens to the 'nice guys', look at the bottom right of the image. That is what happens. He was probably her wimpy boyfriend till she met the badass guy, and now he's getting his arse kicked(literally). 'Bad boys', pay heed: this is how you do it correctly.

 This is the loser dude from one of the previous pictures immediately before the woman got conscious. A few moments after this statue was made, she forced herself away from him, spit on his face said "You perv! What were you thinking? Try getting near me from now on, and you will wish the creator had never created the frikkin universe you live in. I am leaving, and dontcha daare follow me. Now, GET LOST!" It was very awkward because it was his house and his creation and stuff so it was confusing so he just kept staring at a corner in the kitchen as she left for Earth to have fun time with mortal men.

 This is not a dirty picture. It is here because it reminded me of Arthur C Clarke's Rama series, and specially Rendezvous with Rama. This suit would probably belong more to the Ramans than any human being or God, because, last words of the book The Ramans did everything in threes. It would be  perfect prop for the movies or some adaptation.

















This, finally, is the description of the Raman armour. My theory is that we Nepalis are descendants of Ramans.