I was just hangin' around, trying to look for new people to 'follow' and start link-whoring from now on when I came upon this astounding fact: 1.4 Lakh bloggers at blogger.com have "Nepal" as their home country, and including those who do not live in Nepal but are Nepali, there are about 2 lakh bloggers registered at blogger.com alone. Add about a half that number for ALL the other blogging platforms(fair is fair) and you get about 300,000 Nepalis bloggin' around. Which raises several interesting questions like: 'OMG, Really?' , 'What the heck are they bloggin' about?' and 'will the absolutely shameless link whoring that goes around in blogs in Nepali-language blogs ever stop?' My dear readers, I shall take you through this perilous journey, and answer all the tough questions for you. But before that, remember that the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42. Because a supercomputer said so.
First of all, the 300K bloggers means that there are a LOT of Nepalis out there tryina' blog around and have fun. A large majority is based in Nepal, but I know from my personal experience that a significant proportion blogs from outside the country too, including places like China, Singapore, UK, Bahrain, Poland, France, US, and basically wherever Nepalis are.
What do they blog about? Most of them try to force their poems and prose upon others, even though no one's interested, but they Have to go because otherwise they would not get backlinks to their own blogs in return. So there's mothers, granmas, uncles, and people who consider themselves 'artistic' (anyone who hasn't got a paid job basically) in the interwebs, filling it with poems and stories and rants and conspiracy theories that no one wants to listen to because seriously people, they have got better things to do.
And then there's the 'tech type' who basically cut-and-paste stuff from all cool sites like gizmodo and engadget. Not all of them are thieving bastards who have no respect for other people's hard work and developed content but rant on about rights to their own material of course, but there's no notable blog(that I know of) related to technology.
Then there are the ghost bloggers. They open up a blog, post a few(dozen) posts and then forget about blogging. I suspect they form the vast majority of the 300k bloggers that we have. Still, they should be counted as bloggers, because they were once, and might possibly be again.
There are the genuine 'creative' types too. There are quite a few dozen(hundreds, thousands?) of them too, and they don't try pushing their content into others' throats. They may be poetic, or strictly objective, but they have good stuff. The best type.
Other Nepali blogger include businesspeople, ranting students, NGO wallahs, and journalists. There are probably a few hundred to thousand of such blogs and bloggers, but you've probably seen 'em all. They are very good, and are actually the 'real' real blogs.
And then as Friday comes, I am like so frikkin' happy, but Saturday's there and I'm like all bwaahhaha-bwaaaahahah
I love Fridays, always did. At BNKS, Friday was the best even though it was NOT a chicken day. But to sort of make up for that, we had the movie shows and the curd day thing and we were like "Yayy Yay Friday, you rock", and all, and then we lived happily after all and stuff. And then came the Saturdays.
Saturday was Chicken day. Under normal circumstances, it would have driven us crazy happy,with the fried rice in the lunch and all, and then the biscuits... Then there were the the Movie Shows(in junior classes, but whatever) ... So, it should have been a good good good day
But it was Saturday, for God's sake. The following day was Sunday, which everyone hated so much, so everyone hated Saturday because maan, it came before Sunday.
Today's Friday. Pu's leaving on Sunday, Av is leaving today, and I am very sad. Pr's leaving on Monday. That's going to leave only Ni and me here in Nepal. It's a sad, sad world, amirite?
Saturday was Chicken day. Under normal circumstances, it would have driven us crazy happy,with the fried rice in the lunch and all, and then the biscuits... Then there were the the Movie Shows(in junior classes, but whatever) ... So, it should have been a good good good day
But it was Saturday, for God's sake. The following day was Sunday, which everyone hated so much, so everyone hated Saturday because maan, it came before Sunday.
Today's Friday. Pu's leaving on Sunday, Av is leaving today, and I am very sad. Pr's leaving on Monday. That's going to leave only Ni and me here in Nepal. It's a sad, sad world, amirite?
How to get away from trouble without pretending to have heart attacks: tips from someone friends with a lot of pros
So, there's been a lot of getting-into-trouble thing lately, from the early morning bunking parties being busted, to lovey-dovey couples getting caught for hugging. Trouble is, kids these days don't know how to keep off trouble, or how to escape from if they do get into one. Some advice.
1) Be dumb, bro, be dumb
Most people who get into trouble are naturally dumb, or they would not have gotten into trouble in the first place, but even undumb people could get into trouble when they're really out of luck. At such times, it is best to pretend to be dumb and not have any idea about what the freaking hell is going on. Extra points if you can get the vacant eye expression and contorted I-am-so-dumb lips.
For example:
You work for a secret agency(say, Mossad) and you get in caught when trying to steal top secret documents from the Egyptian Embassy in Kathmandu. Now, letting them know that you are a superintelligent and agile dude who works for one of the baddest secret services in the world is not going to help ya(on the contrary, it is going to make them want to slit your throat there and then even more, and that is not a good sign.) So, get your dumb look out in an instant. Start shouting: Sir, sir, maile kei chorna khojeko haina. Tyo ta partira ko Ramay le yahaah mero gahana chhuteko chha, khaayera pachaidey na bhaeko thiyo ra po ta...
The Egyptians will not understand anything, they will call the police. Cook up some wild story to the police too, but they won't believe you. You will go to jail. On the way, one of them will search you, find a document, and keep it with himself. The promised amount will be sent to your separate unnumbered bank accounts in Zurich, Kobe, Geneva, and Sao Paulo, and you will be released in two weeks.
2) When in doubt, run
It is one of the easiest things to do, run, and yet a vast majority of our youth population has a problem understanding this basic advice: running away from trouble. When you know the police are coming for everyone at a dance club at eight in the morning, you do not want to be making calls to invite your girlfriend to the cafe next door, you want to forget that you ever had any kind of dignity, and run away as fast as your legs(or other people's legs, depending on your ability to convince other people to carry you during times of distress) can carry you. Don't wait for the police to come, and then make some lazy-ass lame-o excuse like 'Umm, I heard that my friend was bunking classes and doing dance parties and stuff in the morning, so being the good friend that I am, I wanted to tell him the truth about life, the universe, and everything." You needn't have taken all the trouble, you could have messaged him the answer, no?
Even if the police are not coming, it really does not hurt to sprint a little in the mornings--stretches your muscles and freshens up the mood. So even you hear some unconfirmed rumors that people who should not be coming are coming, make a run for it.
3) Make embarrassing excuses, not lazy-ass ones
Say, you were absent in your college/school for three days. What explanation will you give to the people there? That you had fever, or that you had to go somewhere Really urgently? Meh. Jaded reasons everyone has used since time immemorial, no one even believes this sort of thing these days. Instead, make reasons people would not expect you to lie about....
...like diarrhoea. Have you ever heard anyone ever lie that they had had diarrhoea? See the point now? People don't make embarrassing excuses, and by using them , you are getting a step ahead of your bosses, genuinely convincing them that you really did go to the toilet 53 times in three days.
1) Be dumb, bro, be dumb
Most people who get into trouble are naturally dumb, or they would not have gotten into trouble in the first place, but even undumb people could get into trouble when they're really out of luck. At such times, it is best to pretend to be dumb and not have any idea about what the freaking hell is going on. Extra points if you can get the vacant eye expression and contorted I-am-so-dumb lips.
For example:
You work for a secret agency(say, Mossad) and you get in caught when trying to steal top secret documents from the Egyptian Embassy in Kathmandu. Now, letting them know that you are a superintelligent and agile dude who works for one of the baddest secret services in the world is not going to help ya(on the contrary, it is going to make them want to slit your throat there and then even more, and that is not a good sign.) So, get your dumb look out in an instant. Start shouting: Sir, sir, maile kei chorna khojeko haina. Tyo ta partira ko Ramay le yahaah mero gahana chhuteko chha, khaayera pachaidey na bhaeko thiyo ra po ta...
The Egyptians will not understand anything, they will call the police. Cook up some wild story to the police too, but they won't believe you. You will go to jail. On the way, one of them will search you, find a document, and keep it with himself. The promised amount will be sent to your separate unnumbered bank accounts in Zurich, Kobe, Geneva, and Sao Paulo, and you will be released in two weeks.
2) When in doubt, run
It is one of the easiest things to do, run, and yet a vast majority of our youth population has a problem understanding this basic advice: running away from trouble. When you know the police are coming for everyone at a dance club at eight in the morning, you do not want to be making calls to invite your girlfriend to the cafe next door, you want to forget that you ever had any kind of dignity, and run away as fast as your legs(or other people's legs, depending on your ability to convince other people to carry you during times of distress) can carry you. Don't wait for the police to come, and then make some lazy-ass lame-o excuse like 'Umm, I heard that my friend was bunking classes and doing dance parties and stuff in the morning, so being the good friend that I am, I wanted to tell him the truth about life, the universe, and everything." You needn't have taken all the trouble, you could have messaged him the answer, no?
Even if the police are not coming, it really does not hurt to sprint a little in the mornings--stretches your muscles and freshens up the mood. So even you hear some unconfirmed rumors that people who should not be coming are coming, make a run for it.
3) Make embarrassing excuses, not lazy-ass ones
Say, you were absent in your college/school for three days. What explanation will you give to the people there? That you had fever, or that you had to go somewhere Really urgently? Meh. Jaded reasons everyone has used since time immemorial, no one even believes this sort of thing these days. Instead, make reasons people would not expect you to lie about....
...like diarrhoea. Have you ever heard anyone ever lie that they had had diarrhoea? See the point now? People don't make embarrassing excuses, and by using them , you are getting a step ahead of your bosses, genuinely convincing them that you really did go to the toilet 53 times in three days.
Return of the cooking (part 2)
...the scrambled eggs made in part one.
also, below, the yumyumyummy desserts we had had at \Yana's in City Center... I brain-froze and scalded by tongue at exactly the same moment once, in Su's treat...
Some random questions and their answers
Q: When will SLC results come out?
A: This year's SLC was perhaps one of the most important ever. A lot of students took it, some of them will fail while some of them will pass. The SLC results will come out when Pa. Ni. Ka releases them, so that means they could come out within five minutes of right now, or the next year. However, there's a good possibility they will come out in Asar-Shrawan.
Q: I was searching for nepali sex blogs, nepali sex, kathmandu sex, nepali porn, kathmandu porn but google sent me here. What should I do?
A: That is a very good question. I suggest you get out of cyber/your room where you are, breathe in some fresh air, go to Rani Pokhari and pay tribute to Nepali history and architecture, and then go to City Center for a good meal. Things are expensive there, but it's worth the price. You can also watch movies in Big Cinemas, which is right next to the food court. If you are still dissatisfied, I suggest you talk to older people about the Rana Conspiracy and the Conspiracy of the Royal Massacre, where Mossad, together with RAW and CIA murdered the Nepali Royal Family, even though ISI wanted to save them, and then blamed it on Mr. Dipendra.
Q: Who killed King Birendra and the Nepali Royal Family?
A: Excellent question. It has been partly answered in the previous answer. People say that King Dipendra killed them, but that is a lie, perpetrated by Gyanendra, who is actually a secret agent for the German secret service, who worked together with Mossad, CIA, and RAW to eliminate the Nepali Royal family. They did so because the lizard-men who were conquering the world from the west could be defeated only by Birendra, or the rightful heir using the Royal Staff, but since all of them are dead already, no one can stop the green lizards from conquering the world. Obama is also a part of the conspiracy, and as you may well know, he is actually the chief of green lizards who are trying to take over the world.
Q: Why are Nepalis so short?
A: As you may well know, all humans were created by the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster(FSM) who looks after all of us. To keep us from flying away from earth, the FSM uses his noodly invisible appendages to push us back to earth. While scientists call this effect 'gravity', it is actually the work of FSM. Because FSM loves us Nepalis so much, he uses some extra appendages to push us back to earth(because he REALLY does not want us flying away). As a side effect, we are pushed harder back into the earth, and thus grow lesser than people from other oarts of the world, who are not as loved as we are by the FSM.
Q: I want to watch Namrata Shrestha scandal video online. What should I do?
A: Aah, yes. You might have heard of Namrata Shrestha Nepali scandal video, and therefore you are interested in watching the scandal video online. That is completely understandable.
However, your question is not as easy to answer as it might first appear. To do the thing, you must follow the following steps rigorously, and then see if it works out for you.
1. Send out the links to this blog to 25 people, and make sure they click on any one of the articles.
2. Click on random articles at least 250 times in this blog.
3. Comment in seven(7) articles in this blog, and give your actual email id in all of them.
4. As soon as you finish posting the seventh comment, you will get an email with the aforementioned video attached to it. Then you can have fun.
5. If it does not work, you must have made a mistake somewhere, so you must start from the beginning.
Q: Was Buddha born in India or in Nepal? Some people say he was born in India, while some people say he was born in Nepal. Mr. Zakaria says he was born in India in his book on post-American world. I don;t know whom to believe.
A: Buddha was really born in Madyapradesh of India. Everything else is a lie.
....Just kidding. he was born in Nepal. Probably.
Since no one was there to peep while Mrs. Yasshodhara was giving birth to the baby boy, one cannot answer this question with 100 percent confidence. However, since India is a rich country, and Ramayan and Mahabharat both happened there, the Indians would probably not mind if we took Buddha even if he were born in India. So, for all intents and purposes, Buddha is born in Nepal.
Q: How to download/watch all the latest Nepali movies/films online for free?
A: There are several ways you can do that. Here are some of the popular ways to do that.
1. Go to nytimes.com and search "nepal" in the search page. Click on any one of the results and in the comments section type the following(without quotes) " I WANNA SEE A FREE NEPFILM! GIMME SUM MORE, IMMA CHEAPSKATE" This is the secret passcode that will tell the movie servers that someone wants to download the movies. Now that the server is ready for your request, come back to this blog, and comment in 12(twelve) different. This is to confirm that you are a real human being and not some internet bot wasting our bandwidth. After posting the comments, post the 13th comment in this article with your email ID, and the message(without quotes) "Nepali films to be watched are awesomer than that of us, yes?" The server will automatically email the latest Nepali films to your Email ID. Enjoy!
A: This year's SLC was perhaps one of the most important ever. A lot of students took it, some of them will fail while some of them will pass. The SLC results will come out when Pa. Ni. Ka releases them, so that means they could come out within five minutes of right now, or the next year. However, there's a good possibility they will come out in Asar-Shrawan.
Q: I was searching for nepali sex blogs, nepali sex, kathmandu sex, nepali porn, kathmandu porn but google sent me here. What should I do?
A: That is a very good question. I suggest you get out of cyber/your room where you are, breathe in some fresh air, go to Rani Pokhari and pay tribute to Nepali history and architecture, and then go to City Center for a good meal. Things are expensive there, but it's worth the price. You can also watch movies in Big Cinemas, which is right next to the food court. If you are still dissatisfied, I suggest you talk to older people about the Rana Conspiracy and the Conspiracy of the Royal Massacre, where Mossad, together with RAW and CIA murdered the Nepali Royal Family, even though ISI wanted to save them, and then blamed it on Mr. Dipendra.
Q: Who killed King Birendra and the Nepali Royal Family?
A: Excellent question. It has been partly answered in the previous answer. People say that King Dipendra killed them, but that is a lie, perpetrated by Gyanendra, who is actually a secret agent for the German secret service, who worked together with Mossad, CIA, and RAW to eliminate the Nepali Royal family. They did so because the lizard-men who were conquering the world from the west could be defeated only by Birendra, or the rightful heir using the Royal Staff, but since all of them are dead already, no one can stop the green lizards from conquering the world. Obama is also a part of the conspiracy, and as you may well know, he is actually the chief of green lizards who are trying to take over the world.
Q: Why are Nepalis so short?
A: As you may well know, all humans were created by the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster(FSM) who looks after all of us. To keep us from flying away from earth, the FSM uses his noodly invisible appendages to push us back to earth. While scientists call this effect 'gravity', it is actually the work of FSM. Because FSM loves us Nepalis so much, he uses some extra appendages to push us back to earth(because he REALLY does not want us flying away). As a side effect, we are pushed harder back into the earth, and thus grow lesser than people from other oarts of the world, who are not as loved as we are by the FSM.
Q: I want to watch Namrata Shrestha scandal video online. What should I do?
A: Aah, yes. You might have heard of Namrata Shrestha Nepali scandal video, and therefore you are interested in watching the scandal video online. That is completely understandable.
However, your question is not as easy to answer as it might first appear. To do the thing, you must follow the following steps rigorously, and then see if it works out for you.
1. Send out the links to this blog to 25 people, and make sure they click on any one of the articles.
2. Click on random articles at least 250 times in this blog.
3. Comment in seven(7) articles in this blog, and give your actual email id in all of them.
4. As soon as you finish posting the seventh comment, you will get an email with the aforementioned video attached to it. Then you can have fun.
5. If it does not work, you must have made a mistake somewhere, so you must start from the beginning.
Q: Was Buddha born in India or in Nepal? Some people say he was born in India, while some people say he was born in Nepal. Mr. Zakaria says he was born in India in his book on post-American world. I don;t know whom to believe.
A: Buddha was really born in Madyapradesh of India. Everything else is a lie.
....Just kidding. he was born in Nepal. Probably.
Since no one was there to peep while Mrs. Yasshodhara was giving birth to the baby boy, one cannot answer this question with 100 percent confidence. However, since India is a rich country, and Ramayan and Mahabharat both happened there, the Indians would probably not mind if we took Buddha even if he were born in India. So, for all intents and purposes, Buddha is born in Nepal.
Q: How to download/watch all the latest Nepali movies/films online for free?
A: There are several ways you can do that. Here are some of the popular ways to do that.
1. Go to nytimes.com and search "nepal" in the search page. Click on any one of the results and in the comments section type the following(without quotes) " I WANNA SEE A FREE NEPFILM! GIMME SUM MORE, IMMA CHEAPSKATE" This is the secret passcode that will tell the movie servers that someone wants to download the movies. Now that the server is ready for your request, come back to this blog, and comment in 12(twelve) different. This is to confirm that you are a real human being and not some internet bot wasting our bandwidth. After posting the comments, post the 13th comment in this article with your email ID, and the message(without quotes) "Nepali films to be watched are awesomer than that of us, yes?" The server will automatically email the latest Nepali films to your Email ID. Enjoy!
Why the heck is Kumaripati so popular now?
I don't understand where this Kumaripati craze started from. It seems these days Kumaripati is the most hot and happening place, for no obvious reason.
Let me explain. Whenever I ask my girl friends where they were yesterday 'coz I waited three frikkin' hours to go home together, they answer 'Kumaripati'. What? Where, again? Kumaripati, did I get that right? Really?
What is this Kumaripati? I understand it to be some place between ring road and Lagankhel, but I fail to understand what could be so hawwt about the place. It's totally understandable if people go to New ROad, or Durbarmarg or Thamel, or even Baneshwar, but for god's sake why would anyone EVER go to Kumaripati
Now, if you don't know what Kumaripati is, let me give you a vague idea. Ring road is the dustiest, and the most unfashionable and uncool place to be, specially around that area. Lagankhel is basically a huuuge buspark, with some wooden shop-stalls that sell the same stuff as Bhrikutimandap but at 1.5 times the cost, thrown in. You won't go there unless you live there or are a lazy-ass Patanite who can't be bothered catch a bus and go to Bhrikutimandap. Kumaripati lies between those two places. See what I mean?
A large herd of my friends went to Kumaripati for the third time in two weeks. I asked WHAT IS IN KUMARIPATI? WHY DONT YOU PEOPLE GO TO COOLER PLACES to AM.
She says 'there are lots of shops there'. Ahha! So, everyone goes to Kumaripati because can chose to buy from a multitude of Kirana Pasals, is that it? So if coke is expensive in this Kirana Pasal, you go to that Pasal for a cheaper coke? Kinda makes economic sense, amirite? You're not going to pay 19 rupees for a bottle, when you can get it for ONLY 18 in Kumaripati, 'cuz that is soo dumb.
Okay, apparently they also have looga pasals, where you can gawk and bargain, but don't really have to buy anything. But, but, Baneshwar also has 'em and they're probably cheaper. What about real shopping places, why Kumaripati only? I am not at all convinced that people go to Kumaripati for shopping.
I suspect that there's a very secret sorority of eighteen year olds who go there for some supersecret reasons (and we can only guess the reasons). No, seriously. Either that, or Kumaripati is a secret code for some other place, like like ... I dunno, but some place. I suspect its like the 'cultural programs' that guys attended at Budhanilkantha. Sasi and Coa were always superexcited about those programs, and would always help other guys go there, despite the risks. Perhaps, 'Kumaripati' is a secret code for something similar?
Let me explain. Whenever I ask my girl friends where they were yesterday 'coz I waited three frikkin' hours to go home together, they answer 'Kumaripati'. What? Where, again? Kumaripati, did I get that right? Really?
What is this Kumaripati? I understand it to be some place between ring road and Lagankhel, but I fail to understand what could be so hawwt about the place. It's totally understandable if people go to New ROad, or Durbarmarg or Thamel, or even Baneshwar, but for god's sake why would anyone EVER go to Kumaripati
Now, if you don't know what Kumaripati is, let me give you a vague idea. Ring road is the dustiest, and the most unfashionable and uncool place to be, specially around that area. Lagankhel is basically a huuuge buspark, with some wooden shop-stalls that sell the same stuff as Bhrikutimandap but at 1.5 times the cost, thrown in. You won't go there unless you live there or are a lazy-ass Patanite who can't be bothered catch a bus and go to Bhrikutimandap. Kumaripati lies between those two places. See what I mean?
A large herd of my friends went to Kumaripati for the third time in two weeks. I asked WHAT IS IN KUMARIPATI? WHY DONT YOU PEOPLE GO TO COOLER PLACES to AM.
She says 'there are lots of shops there'. Ahha! So, everyone goes to Kumaripati because can chose to buy from a multitude of Kirana Pasals, is that it? So if coke is expensive in this Kirana Pasal, you go to that Pasal for a cheaper coke? Kinda makes economic sense, amirite? You're not going to pay 19 rupees for a bottle, when you can get it for ONLY 18 in Kumaripati, 'cuz that is soo dumb.
Okay, apparently they also have looga pasals, where you can gawk and bargain, but don't really have to buy anything. But, but, Baneshwar also has 'em and they're probably cheaper. What about real shopping places, why Kumaripati only? I am not at all convinced that people go to Kumaripati for shopping.
I suspect that there's a very secret sorority of eighteen year olds who go there for some supersecret reasons (and we can only guess the reasons). No, seriously. Either that, or Kumaripati is a secret code for some other place, like like ... I dunno, but some place. I suspect its like the 'cultural programs' that guys attended at Budhanilkantha. Sasi and Coa were always superexcited about those programs, and would always help other guys go there, despite the risks. Perhaps, 'Kumaripati' is a secret code for something similar?
So why are there so many other people here, lets eliminate them already
I don't understand why we have to live with so many other people who are so different and so weird and so (either totally backward, OR too prudish). We should eliminate them all.
We are the brave Gurkhas, you are then brave Gurkhas. You won wars, we won wars, we showed the world our braveries through killing our enemies. Since we have so many enemies now, lets 'eliminate' them all. Attention!
So anyway, I wonder how many other people have watched that totally sucky 'We are the brave Gurka, you are the brave gurkha' song. It's on youtube, and you really really should watch it if you have anything remotely to do with Nepal. I suspect it is going to be one of the first really popular Nepali memes in the Internet.
I wanted to write this because I saw a post from someone I respected, defending those bigoted dumbass racist right-wingernuts who think building a Mosque near 9/11 Ground Zero will be 'disrespecting' the victims of 9/11. Yo barffaces, what idiotic logic(if any at all) have you contrived to connect the 9/11 attacks with the prohibition of building a Mosque around the area? Oooh, ooh, lemme guess: Since those terrorists were Muslins, and Mosques belong to Muslins too, Muslins should not be allowed to worship, amirite? Because all muslins are freedom-hatin' evildoers? Yeahhh! God bless 'Umrika! But only the White Christian God, and not at all the freedom-hating Arab Muslin Terrorist Allah, amitite?
Talking of which, does anyone know of a good place to shop for shoes in Kathmandu? I sorta need several pairs of formal and semi-formal shoes, as all the pairs of sports shoes, sandals, and sneakers are quickly coming to the end of their lifetime, thanks to the very untimely growth spurt on my feet. I either have to wear my father's shoes, which are two size too big, or squeeze my rapidly-growing feet into my old shoes, which is like trying to squeeze school dress of seven guys into a single school bag, so that you can convince the Head of House that you are not running out of the school, when you actually are.
We are the brave Gurkhas, you are then brave Gurkhas. You won wars, we won wars, we showed the world our braveries through killing our enemies. Since we have so many enemies now, lets 'eliminate' them all. Attention!
So anyway, I wonder how many other people have watched that totally sucky 'We are the brave Gurka, you are the brave gurkha' song. It's on youtube, and you really really should watch it if you have anything remotely to do with Nepal. I suspect it is going to be one of the first really popular Nepali memes in the Internet.
I wanted to write this because I saw a post from someone I respected, defending those bigoted dumbass racist right-wingernuts who think building a Mosque near 9/11 Ground Zero will be 'disrespecting' the victims of 9/11. Yo barffaces, what idiotic logic(if any at all) have you contrived to connect the 9/11 attacks with the prohibition of building a Mosque around the area? Oooh, ooh, lemme guess: Since those terrorists were Muslins, and Mosques belong to Muslins too, Muslins should not be allowed to worship, amirite? Because all muslins are freedom-hatin' evildoers? Yeahhh! God bless 'Umrika! But only the White Christian God, and not at all the freedom-hating Arab Muslin Terrorist Allah, amitite?
Talking of which, does anyone know of a good place to shop for shoes in Kathmandu? I sorta need several pairs of formal and semi-formal shoes, as all the pairs of sports shoes, sandals, and sneakers are quickly coming to the end of their lifetime, thanks to the very untimely growth spurt on my feet. I either have to wear my father's shoes, which are two size too big, or squeeze my rapidly-growing feet into my old shoes, which is like trying to squeeze school dress of seven guys into a single school bag, so that you can convince the Head of House that you are not running out of the school, when you actually are.
As the old woman looks on...
Anyway, I took this picture on our way to Jomsom. We had to walk from Maldhunga to Beni (2 hours) because some idiots were paving the road right in the middle of the rainy season, blocking the entire highway and stranding thousands of passengers. So we got to the other side and a jeep called us. The fare was apparently 70 Rs., so like good Kathmanduites, we started bargaining from 35. He would not budge. SBK offered 50 and threatened to leave. I raised it to 60, despite Sbk's glares. Still did not budge. We assumed a little threatening would put him back to place, so we started walking all the way to Beni, hoping he would at least come down to 65. Nope. After 20 minutes, when we were sweating after a steep uphill in the painful evening glare, the, the jeep passed us and the conductor gave us the Nepali equivalent of the finger. The Jeep made two more trips, and we were jeered at both the times. Lesson learnt: never, ever ever argue or bargain with transportation workers when you have no working backup plan. You will lose anyway.
Sex and the City: A Nepali story
Warning: This writing contains explicit descriptions of things some people might consider 'adult' or 'unacceptable' so please use discretion before reading any further. Any emotional/physical discomfort or distress that might arise from reading this piece may not be used against me in any way imaginable.
Disclaimer: The title of this piece is a lie. the following writing has absolutely nothing to do with Sex and the City(TM) brand. If you were hoping to find anything remotely related to that field, you advised to get a life and hang out with actual humans beings and interact with them instead for looking for weird things on the internet. Thank you!
These days, no place in Kathmandu is safe. Ever since the NYTimes branded Kathmandu as one of the hottest gay destinations of the world, and even listed some really cool places for gay people to hang out, it has been considerably more difficult to hang out exclusively with other guys. You don't even need to be catching hands or hugging, the simple fact that you are hanging with other guys will make people question your sexuality.
Not that I mind. If someone wants to assume I am gay(or a cartoon character, or a bedlice who has assumed human form to suck blood out of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, for that matter) I have absolutely no complaints. Rather, as long as my privacy and individual rights are not violated, I would want people to keep guessing different things about me, so I could fit in anywhere during the election time. Gay constituency: there, constituency for the superduper awesome dudes and dudettes: there, meeting of the forum of people who force their psychotic rants upon others: present sir! No, presumptions do not bother me. It's the bad hairstyles on people who call names that bothers me.
Seriously, if people really want to call names, they should probably do something decent with their hair first, and then do all frikkin politically incorrect things they want to do. I mean, no one's ever everr gonna take a guy with a 5'' green Mohawk seriously, even if he calls people he hates very bad names whose meanings he thinks should be offensive, but really are not. The names he thinks are BAD WORDS are: gay, lesbian, vagina, penis. Yes, that's it, that's the best he can do. Although he can add two or more of mentioned words to make a complex swear word if he is creative enough. But even then, it's gonna be of no use, because that guy has a FRIKKIN MOHAWK, which no person with visual senses is gonna take seriously.
Same with the girls. They have this dark pink hair, and some piercings on their foreheads. At least I assume it to be their foreheads, because with so many decorative ornaments there, I would not be surprised if I were looking at some form of modified earlobes, or other parts of the body. Most importantly, however, they have PINK HAIR, DAMMIT! The best scare they will ever get is from a 4-year old who thinks those hairy creatures from the zoo must have escaped.
To be honest, I don't have particularly anything against pink hair. One of my favourite Harry Potter characters has pink hair. It's just that... ya know', *Pink Hair*??? WTF were they thinking? I mean yeahh, sure, you want to show that you are a 'girly girl' and not some godforsaken vile creature who happens to be a girl AND like a girl, but you don't have to turn into a Poop Monster to prove that you are not the Scary Monster of the Night...
Disclaimer: The title of this piece is a lie. the following writing has absolutely nothing to do with Sex and the City(TM) brand. If you were hoping to find anything remotely related to that field, you advised to get a life and hang out with actual humans beings and interact with them instead for looking for weird things on the internet. Thank you!
These days, no place in Kathmandu is safe. Ever since the NYTimes branded Kathmandu as one of the hottest gay destinations of the world, and even listed some really cool places for gay people to hang out, it has been considerably more difficult to hang out exclusively with other guys. You don't even need to be catching hands or hugging, the simple fact that you are hanging with other guys will make people question your sexuality.
Not that I mind. If someone wants to assume I am gay(or a cartoon character, or a bedlice who has assumed human form to suck blood out of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, for that matter) I have absolutely no complaints. Rather, as long as my privacy and individual rights are not violated, I would want people to keep guessing different things about me, so I could fit in anywhere during the election time. Gay constituency: there, constituency for the superduper awesome dudes and dudettes: there, meeting of the forum of people who force their psychotic rants upon others: present sir! No, presumptions do not bother me. It's the bad hairstyles on people who call names that bothers me.
Seriously, if people really want to call names, they should probably do something decent with their hair first, and then do all frikkin politically incorrect things they want to do. I mean, no one's ever everr gonna take a guy with a 5'' green Mohawk seriously, even if he calls people he hates very bad names whose meanings he thinks should be offensive, but really are not. The names he thinks are BAD WORDS are: gay, lesbian, vagina, penis. Yes, that's it, that's the best he can do. Although he can add two or more of mentioned words to make a complex swear word if he is creative enough. But even then, it's gonna be of no use, because that guy has a FRIKKIN MOHAWK, which no person with visual senses is gonna take seriously.
Same with the girls. They have this dark pink hair, and some piercings on their foreheads. At least I assume it to be their foreheads, because with so many decorative ornaments there, I would not be surprised if I were looking at some form of modified earlobes, or other parts of the body. Most importantly, however, they have PINK HAIR, DAMMIT! The best scare they will ever get is from a 4-year old who thinks those hairy creatures from the zoo must have escaped.
To be honest, I don't have particularly anything against pink hair. One of my favourite Harry Potter characters has pink hair. It's just that... ya know', *Pink Hair*??? WTF were they thinking? I mean yeahh, sure, you want to show that you are a 'girly girl' and not some godforsaken vile creature who happens to be a girl AND like a girl, but you don't have to turn into a Poop Monster to prove that you are not the Scary Monster of the Night...
Too much already?
Is it too much to ask for
a glass of tea
without the fear of being burnt--alive?
Is it too much to ask for
a bus to travel
without fearing of being stoned to death?
Is it too much to ask for
the right to be,
fearlessly, of the faeces and the urine?
Will you do what you say,
Or will you do what you will say
Or perhaps you will do what they say,
Or maybe do what they will say?
May I trust you?
Or will I have to wait,
For something to happen,
So I can trust you, again?
Why are we here?
Were we were going somewhere?
Are we there yet,
Or will we have to wait?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Now, now, now?
Isn't it time, already?
How long will we have to wait?
Can we get something on the way?
Like a burger or a popcorn,
Maybe a keg of beer
So we can be drunken all the way...
I don't like travel, it's nauseating
I wanna sleep
Wake me there when we reach
Oh wait! Are we there yet?
Urrh, urrgh, WHAA WHAA WHAARRGHH
Oops, sorry, bad stomach
Shouldn't have drank the beer with the milk
I hope your handkerchief was not made of silk
Oh, what's that...
Stop, stop I need to take a pic
Man, this is so cool, its gonna look awesome on facebook
Yes, the road is very pretty, but I still wanna get there
No, no, I am okay, thank you
Lets eat meat and feast
And kill the beast
So that the Sun may rise from the east
Also, I wanna read the comics Asterix
a glass of tea
without the fear of being burnt--alive?
Is it too much to ask for
a bus to travel
without fearing of being stoned to death?
Is it too much to ask for
the right to be,
fearlessly, of the faeces and the urine?
Will you do what you say,
Or will you do what you will say
Or perhaps you will do what they say,
Or maybe do what they will say?
May I trust you?
Or will I have to wait,
For something to happen,
So I can trust you, again?
Why are we here?
Were we were going somewhere?
Are we there yet,
Or will we have to wait?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Now, now, now?
Isn't it time, already?
How long will we have to wait?
Can we get something on the way?
Like a burger or a popcorn,
Maybe a keg of beer
So we can be drunken all the way...
I don't like travel, it's nauseating
I wanna sleep
Wake me there when we reach
Oh wait! Are we there yet?
Urrh, urrgh, WHAA WHAA WHAARRGHH
Oops, sorry, bad stomach
Shouldn't have drank the beer with the milk
I hope your handkerchief was not made of silk
Oh, what's that...
Stop, stop I need to take a pic
Man, this is so cool, its gonna look awesome on facebook
Yes, the road is very pretty, but I still wanna get there
No, no, I am okay, thank you
Lets eat meat and feast
And kill the beast
So that the Sun may rise from the east
Also, I wanna read the comics Asterix
Patan's Panorama
Panorama(s) from Jomsom
The week before last(and the week before that), I was in Jomsom, taking pictures, getting hurt, and eating chauchau ko jhol all the time. I had wanted to to go there again to make a great panorama, but the whole time I was supposed to be taking pictures, I was brooding over existential dilemmas like, you know, HOW TO GET TO KATHMANDU BEFORE I GOT FKED. Anyway, throughout our stay, we did not get to see the real mountains. The weather waited for us to get the heck outta there, and exactly a day after we left Jomsom, the sky cleared as if it had a bad case of diarrhoea after eating the 10-Rupees-a-plate buff momo at Indra Chowk the previous day. But we outdid the frikkin nature this time: Avi and Pr were right there in Jomsom, waiting for the weather to clear up. So the next day, Avi took the pics. Myann, we really missed a lot.
These pics are from the same set of images Avi took in the morning before their flight. They rock, right? Click on the images to zoom in(the first, specially). The pics belong to Avi.
These pics are from the same set of images Avi took in the morning before their flight. They rock, right? Click on the images to zoom in(the first, specially). The pics belong to Avi.
Some points of interests to Nepali loverbirds
To most of the hopeless romantics in Nepal: guys, I have a few things to say to you. Hope you don't mind. Really? That's so sweet of you, thank you!
1)First of all, BE ORIGINAL, DOUCHEBAGS!
Yes, I understand that you 'love' someone. A lot. Understood. So tell me, if you love that person so much, why don't you ever ever bother about being original and creating while expressing your feelings to the person? Does s/he not deserve the time and effort you need to think of something sweet, yet not so jaded that even a decent four year-old would want to shoot herself after hearing you say things?
'Jaane-mann, if you want, I will take my heart out for you',
'You know, we have been together for 1 day. No, not really: it's been three years, but when together, time passes so fast that THAT day always seems like yesterday'
'Wow! You are even prettier than this flower'
I have heard these lines (and so many other similarly cheesy-sounding ones) being exchanged between couples all over Kathmandu. My reaction: rolls eyes, pukes in his mouth, GRRR! I mean, seriously guys, that's the best you could come up for a person you love/like so much. Lets see how much effort it takes there:
1) watch old hindi film/listen to old song, pick up the cheesiest line in there
2) use the line on him/her and consider yourself a poet, shaayar, and a hopelessly romantic lover
3) (hope for) Mwaah Myaah Myahh
Let me offer you a simple piece of advice: Use your brains!!! Be creative. I have some samples. Feel free to use them if you want to. Disclaimer: The following material is untested. Use at your own risk!
2) Be considerate
Lets keep it simple: I really, really don't care what you people do, as long as it's legal, consensual and no one is getting hurt. I do not think that is too much to ask for. So why do other people have to bear the brunt of your entire courtship, even when they are not even remotely connected to either of you?
When I was in Singapore, I saw couples getting intimate in public places. That is acceptable. I could turn away, or pay attention to something else, and it would go away. However, I am very much bothered by what goes in Nepal, namely very public and loud( not to mention puke-worthily cheesy and uncreative) flirtations.
This is how it works: you are in a public place, like a bus or a restaurant. There are not many people around. A girl and a guy(who would until then have gone unnoticed) then start a rather loud loud conversation out of thin air, as if to remind you how great a loser you are for not having anyone to talk to so loudly and inconsiderately in a public transportation. They talk about everything: pets, classmates with intelligent boyfriends, co-workers who trapped (fasaaos) rich girls and are getting married, and finally how so-and-so's girlfriend is the class topper who gives all her class notes to her otherwise dumb boyfriend who is now the third-or-fourth boy in the class. It's very obvious: he wants her to acknowledge the 'relationship' and then share things, notes to start with (looking at his demean, he probably wouldn't mind if they started with bodily fluids, though). She plays hard-to-get, pretending as if she never really got the 'acknowledging the relationship' part, and explaining that her notes are never with her, with just the right exaggeration to her sentences to make him feel he still has a good chance. It goes on for quite a bit. Don't they have other things to do, like, you know, getting the frik out of the bus, or 'going somewhere'? And all this in full volume-- even the shrill voice of the woman in the Dohori blaring from the speakers does not dampen the voices and spirits of the lovers.
The trouble is, you can NOT avoid them. Were they doing something, you could look the other way and you would not be bothered unless they were really noisy. Here you have no option, but to tolerate them until they decide enough of mating banter have been done for the day.
Please, loverbirds. Do what you want to, but don't bother the rest of us.
1)First of all, BE ORIGINAL, DOUCHEBAGS!
Yes, I understand that you 'love' someone. A lot. Understood. So tell me, if you love that person so much, why don't you ever ever bother about being original and creating while expressing your feelings to the person? Does s/he not deserve the time and effort you need to think of something sweet, yet not so jaded that even a decent four year-old would want to shoot herself after hearing you say things?
'Jaane-mann, if you want, I will take my heart out for you',
'You know, we have been together for 1 day. No, not really: it's been three years, but when together, time passes so fast that THAT day always seems like yesterday'
'Wow! You are even prettier than this flower'
I have heard these lines (and so many other similarly cheesy-sounding ones) being exchanged between couples all over Kathmandu. My reaction: rolls eyes, pukes in his mouth, GRRR! I mean, seriously guys, that's the best you could come up for a person you love/like so much. Lets see how much effort it takes there:
1) watch old hindi film/listen to old song, pick up the cheesiest line in there
2) use the line on him/her and consider yourself a poet, shaayar, and a hopelessly romantic lover
3) (hope for) Mwaah Myaah Myahh
Let me offer you a simple piece of advice: Use your brains!!! Be creative. I have some samples. Feel free to use them if you want to. Disclaimer: The following material is untested. Use at your own risk!
- Oh my Gawwd! Is that a mole on your face? 'Coz you look even more attractive than that pretty/hunky (hoe/gigolo) in Thamel we saw the other day. Don't look at me like *that* okay, we are just friends. So hanging out with your friends and drinking and sweating with them is a crime now? You do it if you want to, I wont say a thing. You are so FRIKKIN' overprotective!
- This looks good, yes. I'll buy it for you? What do you mean you don't want to look like a cheap stripper Sundhara? You already do [look like them]... I mean, you are already as pretty as them. No no, of course you are prettier. Me? So it's me who's doing the dirty thing, huh? Well--you stop comparing yourself to film stars, and I will stop comparing you to other people.
- Hey honey! I just saw a great new remedy for your 'problem' in the paper. You want me to order it for you?
- I don't care what I said before, size *does* matter and I don't like the way you are.
2) Be considerate
Lets keep it simple: I really, really don't care what you people do, as long as it's legal, consensual and no one is getting hurt. I do not think that is too much to ask for. So why do other people have to bear the brunt of your entire courtship, even when they are not even remotely connected to either of you?
When I was in Singapore, I saw couples getting intimate in public places. That is acceptable. I could turn away, or pay attention to something else, and it would go away. However, I am very much bothered by what goes in Nepal, namely very public and loud( not to mention puke-worthily cheesy and uncreative) flirtations.
This is how it works: you are in a public place, like a bus or a restaurant. There are not many people around. A girl and a guy(who would until then have gone unnoticed) then start a rather loud loud conversation out of thin air, as if to remind you how great a loser you are for not having anyone to talk to so loudly and inconsiderately in a public transportation. They talk about everything: pets, classmates with intelligent boyfriends, co-workers who trapped (fasaaos) rich girls and are getting married, and finally how so-and-so's girlfriend is the class topper who gives all her class notes to her otherwise dumb boyfriend who is now the third-or-fourth boy in the class. It's very obvious: he wants her to acknowledge the 'relationship' and then share things, notes to start with (looking at his demean, he probably wouldn't mind if they started with bodily fluids, though). She plays hard-to-get, pretending as if she never really got the 'acknowledging the relationship' part, and explaining that her notes are never with her, with just the right exaggeration to her sentences to make him feel he still has a good chance. It goes on for quite a bit. Don't they have other things to do, like, you know, getting the frik out of the bus, or 'going somewhere'? And all this in full volume-- even the shrill voice of the woman in the Dohori blaring from the speakers does not dampen the voices and spirits of the lovers.
The trouble is, you can NOT avoid them. Were they doing something, you could look the other way and you would not be bothered unless they were really noisy. Here you have no option, but to tolerate them until they decide enough of mating banter have been done for the day.
Please, loverbirds. Do what you want to, but don't bother the rest of us.
Coping with trouble in life
Life is not a bed of roses. But then, even 'a bed of roses' is not literally a bed of roses. If it were, it would be instead called 'a heap of flowers that only resembles a bed, because no one wants to sleep on something that will squirt icky plant juices on the slightest touch', and not 'bed'.
When you are in trouble, the best option usually will seem to be to give up and run away from everything. It is an illusion, for it is not going to solve any problems(unless of course, you happen to find god when you are running away, and help him). The best option is always, and absolutely always, getting hit by a car so that you get taken to the hospital, where you will have absolutely no worries, except for your life, sanity and the wholesomeness of you limbs. People around you will scramble and fumble, unsure what to do next, as you enjoy yourself on the bed, served by dutiful hospital staff and relatives, just as uncaring and free of the world as a crow's egg before it is about to be eaten by a snake. THAT is life.
Sometimes, you have absolutely no control over things around you, and the only thing you can do is stand back and see events unravelling. You will feel hopeless, lost, and powerless, but remember: you are already doing the best you can. When good things happen, you feel elated and wish they would continue forever, but when bad things start happening, you wish you had a bit more control over everything, and that you could influence things. You can, in a way-- by thinking positively and projecting the most optimistic outlook of the future, you can begin to lose the sense of hopelessness, and get ready for the time when you have things back in your control. However, it is usually futile to worry about your dreams, so whenever you find yourself entirely helpless and no possible course of proper action, remind yourself that you will wake up in the morning, and things usually are not so bleak in real life.
When you are in trouble, the best option usually will seem to be to give up and run away from everything. It is an illusion, for it is not going to solve any problems(unless of course, you happen to find god when you are running away, and help him). The best option is always, and absolutely always, getting hit by a car so that you get taken to the hospital, where you will have absolutely no worries, except for your life, sanity and the wholesomeness of you limbs. People around you will scramble and fumble, unsure what to do next, as you enjoy yourself on the bed, served by dutiful hospital staff and relatives, just as uncaring and free of the world as a crow's egg before it is about to be eaten by a snake. THAT is life.
Sometimes, you have absolutely no control over things around you, and the only thing you can do is stand back and see events unravelling. You will feel hopeless, lost, and powerless, but remember: you are already doing the best you can. When good things happen, you feel elated and wish they would continue forever, but when bad things start happening, you wish you had a bit more control over everything, and that you could influence things. You can, in a way-- by thinking positively and projecting the most optimistic outlook of the future, you can begin to lose the sense of hopelessness, and get ready for the time when you have things back in your control. However, it is usually futile to worry about your dreams, so whenever you find yourself entirely helpless and no possible course of proper action, remind yourself that you will wake up in the morning, and things usually are not so bleak in real life.
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