Some points of interests to Nepali loverbirds

To most of the hopeless romantics in Nepal: guys, I have a few things to say to you. Hope you don't mind. Really? That's so sweet of you, thank you!

1)First of all, BE ORIGINAL, DOUCHEBAGS!

Yes, I understand that you 'love' someone. A lot. Understood. So tell me, if you love that person so much, why don't you ever ever bother about being original and creating while expressing your feelings to the person? Does s/he not deserve the time and effort you need to think of something sweet, yet not so jaded that even a decent four year-old would want to shoot herself after hearing you say things?

'Jaane-mann, if you want, I will take my heart out for you',
'You know, we have been together for 1 day. No, not really: it's been three years, but when together, time passes so fast that THAT day always seems like yesterday'
'Wow! You are even prettier than this flower'


I have heard these lines (and so many other similarly cheesy-sounding ones) being exchanged between couples all over Kathmandu. My reaction: rolls eyes, pukes in his mouth, GRRR! I mean, seriously guys, that's the best you could come up for a person you love/like so much. Lets see how much effort it takes there:

1) watch old hindi film/listen to old song, pick up the cheesiest line in there
2) use the line on him/her and consider yourself a poet, shaayar, and a hopelessly romantic lover
3) (hope for) Mwaah Myaah Myahh

Let me offer you a simple piece of advice: Use your brains!!! Be creative. I have some samples. Feel free to use them if you want to. Disclaimer: The following material is untested. Use at your own risk!

• Oh my Gawwd! Is that a mole on your face? 'Coz you look even more attractive than that pretty/hunky (hoe/gigolo) in Thamel we saw the other day. Don't look at me like *that* okay, we are just friends.  So hanging out with your friends and drinking and sweating with them is a crime now? You do it if you want to, I wont say a thing.  You are so FRIKKIN' overprotective!
• This looks good, yes. I'll buy it for you? What do you mean you don't want to look like a cheap stripper Sundhara? You already do [look like them]... I mean, you are already as pretty as them. No no, of course you are prettier. Me? So it's me who's doing the dirty thing, huh? Well--you stop comparing yourself to film stars, and I will stop comparing you to other people.
• Hey honey! I just saw a great new remedy for your 'problem' in the paper. You want me to order it for you?
• I don't care what I said before, size *does* matter and I don't like the way you are.

See the common denominator here? People like being told the truth. They like it when you are honest to them, and they respect you for your courage and integrity. That's the key to a great and stable un-cheesy relationship.

2) Be considerate

Lets keep it simple: I really, really don't care what you people do, as long as it's legal, consensual and no one is getting hurt. I do not think that is too much to ask for. So why do other people have to bear the brunt of your entire courtship, even when they are not even remotely connected to either of you?

When I was in Singapore, I saw couples getting intimate in public places. That is acceptable. I could turn away, or pay attention to something else, and it would go away. However, I am very much bothered by what goes in Nepal, namely very public and loud( not to mention puke-worthily cheesy and uncreative) flirtations.

This is how it works: you are in a public place, like a bus or a restaurant. There are not many people around. A girl and a guy(who would until then have gone unnoticed) then start a rather loud loud conversation out of thin air, as if to remind you how great a loser you are for not having anyone to talk to so loudly and inconsiderately in a public transportation. They talk about everything: pets, classmates with intelligent boyfriends, co-workers who trapped (fasaaos) rich girls and are getting married, and finally how so-and-so's girlfriend is the class topper who gives all her class notes to her otherwise dumb boyfriend who is now the third-or-fourth boy in the class. It's very obvious: he wants her to acknowledge the 'relationship' and then share things, notes to start with (looking at his demean, he probably wouldn't mind if they started with bodily fluids, though). She plays hard-to-get, pretending as if she never really got the 'acknowledging the relationship' part, and explaining that her notes are never with her, with just the right exaggeration to her sentences to make him feel he still has a good chance. It goes on for quite a bit. Don't they have other things to do, like, you know, getting the frik out of the bus, or 'going somewhere'? And all this in full volume-- even the shrill voice  of the woman in the Dohori blaring from the speakers does not dampen the voices and spirits of the lovers.

The trouble is, you can NOT avoid them. Were they doing something, you could look the other way and you would not be bothered unless they were really noisy. Here you have no option, but to tolerate them until they decide enough of mating banter have been done for the day.

Please, loverbirds. Do what you want to, but don't bother the rest of us.