Pretentious people--I don't like them. They are bad for the society. Just like all other people, specially the poor people, the illiterates, people without good taste, people who mispronounce English words or do not know the meanings of the words they are using, people who type slowly, people who like coke over Pepsi, people who actually respect Thomas A Edison, people who still think The Simpsons is cool, people who are still watching how i met your mother, people who are still supporting Obama, people who will fight for women's rights even though it is against so many respectable cultures, human rights activists, vegetarians, religious people, agnostics, atheists, religious apologists, harry potter fans, devkota fans, Nepali film fans, english film fans, hindi films fans, Khetan fans, ceiling fans, exhaust fans, cricket fans, football fans, golf fans, tiger woods fans, Beijing Olympics fans, fans of obama, and other pretentious people.
They always pretend and sometimes they even pretend to pretend, without realizing really that ultimately, it is a form of pretension too.
/Final rant of 2010.. Naya Barsa ko subhakaamana everyone! Stay healthy, and be safe.
Runil's top achievements of the year 2010[updated]
Update: If you noticed, I had misspelled 'achievement' the first time. It fits, as 'learn to spell properly' is NOT in the list of my achievements for this year.
Things I am glad I did this year.
Things I am glad I did this year.
- Went to Singapore and Malaysia, and saw REAL cities.
- Got published in magazines and e-zines WITHOUT working for them as staff.
- Made tonnes of new friends, most of whom are totally so adorable.
- Got to know lots of awesome people. [This is for you, Pr, Ra and Sa. Also, kinda Al)
- Started writing for this blog seriously
- Started contributing in the comments section of Nepaliketi ko blog. Awesome writer, you should totally check her out[wherein by 'her' I mean, her blog. I swear, Nepaliketi Di, I wasn't telling people to check you out. Though I'd totally do it if you wanted me to]
- Watched Prawin dai's film Kohi Mero... and two other Nepali fiilms
- Went to Gud Cinema Gwarko, and watche film at third the price of what I usually pay in Big Cinemas
- Did the flashmob kathmandu thing
- Kind-of worked with Ujwal dai ko movement. This year, I want to do it better
- Learned to play Counter-Strike, became quite good at playing it with touchpad, and multiplayed it with the guys
- Taught LOTS of people how to open a gmail account, and how to join a google groups group. Also, taught things to several techno-dumb people.
- Started using google for ABSOULTE everything---including controlling facebook and twitter from reader.
- Attended Scribble-Wibble
- Discovered vent(ventzine.com)
- Discovered xoxoxo is hugs-and-kisses, and NOT xxx, which apparently means 'hardcore'...
- Started using bad words in my blog
- Sent people SMSes that meant absolutely nothing to them, to get replies saying that I had sent them msgs intended for someone else
- Did NOT imbibe alcoholic beverages of any concentration, despite the several opportunities and situations to
- Finally learned the art of completely ignoring people
- Fed chickens from my own hand/cleaned chicken poop
- Got rid of all the baggage of anger I had been carrying, and reset all my relationships with everyone! So now YOU! could be my next BFF!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3
- Became an Approved commenter on both Gawker AND Jezebel. Greatest. Achievement. Ever.
- Finally got over the Rato-Bangla-mania that almost every BNKS alum has. I love you, all the peoples
of RBS, for whatever you are. I am never everr everr comparing BNKS to rato bangla again.
- Started several flame wars in the internet, and at one point was 9 out of the sixteen participants in the flame war, from the both sides. It was more of a performance art than provocation, and I will definitely write more on this later
- FINALLY read lots of Dave Barry, Joel Stein and David Sedaris. Read the entire Murakami short stories collection
- Got interested in photography/photoshop
- stopped bothering su with weee-ird emails
- Did not threaten the stupid-email forwarders. Tried to accept them for what they are without being judgmental: stupid dumb-asses who have no regards for other peoples' time.
- Went to more restaurants than I had in all the previous years
- Found something that's almost(and maybe, is even more) better than Harry Potter-- Discworld! Terry Pratchett Rocks!
- Did all kinds of funny/stupid/weird/dumb things throughout the year that made some girls from BNKS think I was gay(FYI Im not ketiharu, but whatevs, i dont care)... I would definitely want to do these things again and again...
- Did NOT eat Durian fruit (message on many hotels in Singapore: Weapons and Durian are not allowed here)
- Kicked Mr Ma.Ku.Ne's Official vehicle on the tire
- Threw up only four times because of seasickness
- Discovered Achmet the Terrorist and that funny dirty-talking British comedian
- Watched more than 50 NEW hindi films(I lost count after the first 19. What dork counts all the movies anyway?)
- Watched absolutely all movies of Ranvir Kapur
- Resisted all impulses to post in that sebsonline forum
- Met Miss Nepals and other 'big people', was just as unimpressed as I'd though I would be
- Got bitten by a grasshopper of undiscovered species in chitwan
- Picked mangoes and bananas and oranges and other fruits from our baari while NOT being bitten by the many snakes who appeared to be disturbed.
- Kind-of danced with friends
- Avoided absolutely all the parties I could avoid without getting into trouble
- Got Namrata Shrestha's autograph, and shook hands with her
The most important thing I learned this year
The most important thing I learned this year was....
The sign for 'Hugs and Kisses' is xoxoxo and NOT ( I repeat, NOT) xxx. XXX is apparently some reference to the rating in movies with pornographic content(heh, what a dumb idea. Movies with pornographic contents are movies with pornographic content, why would they even need a rating, amirite?)
Those who received my emails and messages ending with xxx at the end must have felt wee-urrrd.
Happy New Year Ya'All!
The sign for 'Hugs and Kisses' is xoxoxo and NOT ( I repeat, NOT) xxx. XXX is apparently some reference to the rating in movies with pornographic content(heh, what a dumb idea. Movies with pornographic contents are movies with pornographic content, why would they even need a rating, amirite?)
Those who received my emails and messages ending with xxx at the end must have felt wee-urrrd.
Happy New Year Ya'All!
Things I will do in 2011
I want to gamble my future in 2011 as if it were somebody else's future. I want to dare things I would never have, I want to raise the stakes in the game so I that if I lose I shall lose everything. I want to dance, I want to drive, I want to go to the moon, and then drink the stars. I want to write, I want to sing, and I want to play with the frogs of the pond. I want to be in Asia in 2011, and when the year ends, remember stuff, and other poetic things.
The new year is upon us, so lets dance and lets sing, but please lads, keep yourself under control and if even we get a SINGLE complaint from the ladies, you will be thrown out of the dance floor. Also, lose the dorky glasses and get some red-pink framed glasses. They are totally in.
The new year is upon us, so lets dance and lets sing, but please lads, keep yourself under control and if even we get a SINGLE complaint from the ladies, you will be thrown out of the dance floor. Also, lose the dorky glasses and get some red-pink framed glasses. They are totally in.
A love story
I love her. Sometimes, I just want to take her by the arm and shake her, and tell her that I love her, that she should fight against those fleeting impulses, that she can win biology against all odds. But I will be lying. And it wont matter anyway, a momentary distraction: a sneeze, a call of the hawker selling cheap woolen socks, a loud car horn, would snap her into oblivion. Then she'll forget why she is there with me, or who I am, or where we are, or who she is. She'll only remember how to get back home, that has been encoded into her subconscious through years of talking the same old route. And when I ask her if she can return home on her own, she uncertainly answer than she can, though she wont be able to draw a map.
It has been like this for twelve years. In the beginning, it was just temporary blackouts that lasted several seconds. She would joke that she had had a vision and that 'higher powers' had talked to her. The length of the blackouts began increasing, and she was taken to several doctors, none of whom could diagnose the problem exactly. They'd prescribe one medicine after other-- the blackouts would get shorter, but she would soon relapse, and she would need another medicine. After exhausting all combination of doses and brands of neuro-medicines, her parents decided to get a definite diagnosis and took her to Bangkok.
There they discovered she had an extremely rare virus inside her brain which had been slowly chewing her brain from the inside: all the major centers for short-term memory retention and creation were all but gone. Even until then, she was still herself. Perhaps it was all the grief and the sobriety, but it was after returning that she began to lose her mind. The blackouts had started decreasing even before she had left for Bankok, and they were all but gone. Now she wouldn't remember. She would go to the Kitchen to make tea for the guests, and after half hour report that dinner was ready. She would leave for job, but would have to call home from the bus-stop to ascertain where she was going. Things kept getting worse until she reached this stage: she cannot retain her memory for more than a few fleeting moments. Yes, like the film Ghazni, or Memento, but only much, much sadder.
For us, at least. By herself, she's the happiest person on Earth. She doesn't worry about missed appointments or angry friends or a cheating boyfriend(not that she'd have to worry, with me). She just doesn't remember them. She seems to be stuck somewhere between 10 to 11 years in the past, and is dazed to discover the year when she looks at the Papers. The daze passes quickly, of course, as she forgets the date just as soon as she starts reading something else.
When I said she doesn't recognize me(in the beginning), I was lying. She does know me, she's fond of me even, but that me happens to be a eleven-years younger version of me. I have to struggle on a daily basis to convince her that I am the same guy she know. But by the time she's convinced, she's already forgotten what I am talking about, so I don't bother to tell her who I am. We talk about me, but she sees me as a common friend, and older brother perhaps, when she's talking about me. She says that I am a nice guy, and if I stopped smoking and traveling around so often, she'd even consider asking me out. I ask her if she'd really ask me out, I mean, him. "Of course, I have to, don't I? He's such a shy guy, sometimes I am scared what he'll do when I ask him out. I really hope he doesn't jump out of the building." And she giggles. Every time. I nod, pretending to be my own brother, telling her how stupid and immature I am. "No, I don't think so. He's rather nice and understanding. He just has to stop smoking and running around so often, " she counters. I nod. She has already forgotten what we were talking about.
I want to be with her, forever. Her parents are not so sure about leaving her, but they have seriously thought about what would happen to her after they were gone. They want her to be with me, but they don't want to dwell upon such things. I try to convince them that I am a good guy-- I have been with her throughout, she liked me even before this happened, and there's nothing more I care about than her. But they have their doubts-- I am not employed, and I seem to be obsessed with her and only her. I try to kindly point out--suppressing my urge to shout and throw vases at them-- that I gave my job up for her, and stopped doing everything else because she didn't want me to travel around. I also point out that I am financially stable.
They will come over. The tougher task is to bring her over. I know with enough patience and love, I can do that.
THE END
Inspired by this National Geographic Piece.... Very touching... Peace!
It has been like this for twelve years. In the beginning, it was just temporary blackouts that lasted several seconds. She would joke that she had had a vision and that 'higher powers' had talked to her. The length of the blackouts began increasing, and she was taken to several doctors, none of whom could diagnose the problem exactly. They'd prescribe one medicine after other-- the blackouts would get shorter, but she would soon relapse, and she would need another medicine. After exhausting all combination of doses and brands of neuro-medicines, her parents decided to get a definite diagnosis and took her to Bangkok.
There they discovered she had an extremely rare virus inside her brain which had been slowly chewing her brain from the inside: all the major centers for short-term memory retention and creation were all but gone. Even until then, she was still herself. Perhaps it was all the grief and the sobriety, but it was after returning that she began to lose her mind. The blackouts had started decreasing even before she had left for Bankok, and they were all but gone. Now she wouldn't remember. She would go to the Kitchen to make tea for the guests, and after half hour report that dinner was ready. She would leave for job, but would have to call home from the bus-stop to ascertain where she was going. Things kept getting worse until she reached this stage: she cannot retain her memory for more than a few fleeting moments. Yes, like the film Ghazni, or Memento, but only much, much sadder.
For us, at least. By herself, she's the happiest person on Earth. She doesn't worry about missed appointments or angry friends or a cheating boyfriend(not that she'd have to worry, with me). She just doesn't remember them. She seems to be stuck somewhere between 10 to 11 years in the past, and is dazed to discover the year when she looks at the Papers. The daze passes quickly, of course, as she forgets the date just as soon as she starts reading something else.
When I said she doesn't recognize me(in the beginning), I was lying. She does know me, she's fond of me even, but that me happens to be a eleven-years younger version of me. I have to struggle on a daily basis to convince her that I am the same guy she know. But by the time she's convinced, she's already forgotten what I am talking about, so I don't bother to tell her who I am. We talk about me, but she sees me as a common friend, and older brother perhaps, when she's talking about me. She says that I am a nice guy, and if I stopped smoking and traveling around so often, she'd even consider asking me out. I ask her if she'd really ask me out, I mean, him. "Of course, I have to, don't I? He's such a shy guy, sometimes I am scared what he'll do when I ask him out. I really hope he doesn't jump out of the building." And she giggles. Every time. I nod, pretending to be my own brother, telling her how stupid and immature I am. "No, I don't think so. He's rather nice and understanding. He just has to stop smoking and running around so often, " she counters. I nod. She has already forgotten what we were talking about.
I want to be with her, forever. Her parents are not so sure about leaving her, but they have seriously thought about what would happen to her after they were gone. They want her to be with me, but they don't want to dwell upon such things. I try to convince them that I am a good guy-- I have been with her throughout, she liked me even before this happened, and there's nothing more I care about than her. But they have their doubts-- I am not employed, and I seem to be obsessed with her and only her. I try to kindly point out--suppressing my urge to shout and throw vases at them-- that I gave my job up for her, and stopped doing everything else because she didn't want me to travel around. I also point out that I am financially stable.
They will come over. The tougher task is to bring her over. I know with enough patience and love, I can do that.
THE END
Inspired by this National Geographic Piece.... Very touching... Peace!
A (short) facebook conversation, and the end of Scribble WIbble
Rh: OMG! Mero wall ma katro laamo post lekheko. Padhnai jhayu lagyo...
Pr: Khai, je bhayepani... Maile ta padhya chhaina tyo ramrari...
Rh: Haha!
Me: Haha, Pr!
I am studying. I am uninspired. My veil of secrecy has been broken. I have helped break others' veil of secrecy. I feel guilty. The demon that is inspiration forever eludes me.
These days, I am surprised I can even string words together to make sentences. If I knew the meaning of the word 'morass' I'd probably be using it too. Or if I knew the correct spelling, I'd look the meaning, and try to insert it in my sentences. As Dipak used to say in grade 8, when you have a limited vocabulary, you sound funny even in the most serious of situations, even when you don't mean to...SPECIALLY when you don't mean to.
One thing, I am certain, though: If I have my choice, I want to stay in Asia for some time. I sense something extraordinarily big is going to happen sometime in the near future. I want to be close by when that happens.
xScribble Wibble ended on Saturday. We talked and ate, but we mostly ate. I was supposed to be writing, but as I was the closest to the food, I kept eating all the time. And then I discovered I had even more mutual friends with fellas there, and that my friends were friends with lots of friends of people over there. Same old, same old.
I knew I was going to write about it even before I started going. And write, I will, though I don't know when. I have to study. Do serious, important writing. Meet deadlines. You know the drill.
Which reminds me. I fully Support SARAH PALIN'S 2012 RUN FOR PREZIDENT! GO SARAH! LOVE YAAH, FROM NEPAL. YOU CAN TOTALLY WIN THIS! Revenge is sweet.
Other things are good. I've been eating regularly, and get up in the morning between 7 and eight. Our chickens are all dead, and inside us( and possibly, even outside us already). I didn't even know they were already gone. RIP, ya' chickens. They created a mess, were noisy and buggersome, but they were OUR chickens.
The geese in the house next to ours quack too much these days. Maybe those people are not feeding them properly. I'll probably ask them someday about it.
I have to write lots of single-spaced pages on Nepali Politics- The Youth Perspective. I have some ideas, but I want to take it mainly as a joke, and see where it goes.
In one of my very rare trips to Facebook, I saw that a friend-of-a-friend who works at TKP had 'Mulmism' as her philosophy. Nice idea, I'll keep it and pretend it's my own idea(I am certain there's no way she's finding out).
The other day I had sandwiches, and next day I had Burger. Sandwich was(is) better than burger. Definitely.
My favourite song is Munni Badnaam Hui, and my favorite movie is Dabang. Think whatever you want to, you snobbish, hypocritical, narrow-minded, ignorant, stupid people.
Pr: Khai, je bhayepani... Maile ta padhya chhaina tyo ramrari...
Rh: Haha!
Me: Haha, Pr!
I am studying. I am uninspired. My veil of secrecy has been broken. I have helped break others' veil of secrecy. I feel guilty. The demon that is inspiration forever eludes me.
These days, I am surprised I can even string words together to make sentences. If I knew the meaning of the word 'morass' I'd probably be using it too. Or if I knew the correct spelling, I'd look the meaning, and try to insert it in my sentences. As Dipak used to say in grade 8, when you have a limited vocabulary, you sound funny even in the most serious of situations, even when you don't mean to...SPECIALLY when you don't mean to.
One thing, I am certain, though: If I have my choice, I want to stay in Asia for some time. I sense something extraordinarily big is going to happen sometime in the near future. I want to be close by when that happens.
xScribble Wibble ended on Saturday. We talked and ate, but we mostly ate. I was supposed to be writing, but as I was the closest to the food, I kept eating all the time. And then I discovered I had even more mutual friends with fellas there, and that my friends were friends with lots of friends of people over there. Same old, same old.
I knew I was going to write about it even before I started going. And write, I will, though I don't know when. I have to study. Do serious, important writing. Meet deadlines. You know the drill.
Which reminds me. I fully Support SARAH PALIN'S 2012 RUN FOR PREZIDENT! GO SARAH! LOVE YAAH, FROM NEPAL. YOU CAN TOTALLY WIN THIS! Revenge is sweet.
Other things are good. I've been eating regularly, and get up in the morning between 7 and eight. Our chickens are all dead, and inside us( and possibly, even outside us already). I didn't even know they were already gone. RIP, ya' chickens. They created a mess, were noisy and buggersome, but they were OUR chickens.
The geese in the house next to ours quack too much these days. Maybe those people are not feeding them properly. I'll probably ask them someday about it.
I have to write lots of single-spaced pages on Nepali Politics- The Youth Perspective. I have some ideas, but I want to take it mainly as a joke, and see where it goes.
In one of my very rare trips to Facebook, I saw that a friend-of-a-friend who works at TKP had 'Mulmism' as her philosophy. Nice idea, I'll keep it and pretend it's my own idea(I am certain there's no way she's finding out).
The other day I had sandwiches, and next day I had Burger. Sandwich was(is) better than burger. Definitely.
My favourite song is Munni Badnaam Hui, and my favorite movie is Dabang. Think whatever you want to, you snobbish, hypocritical, narrow-minded, ignorant, stupid people.
Six to eight black men
"In addition to a great Christmas story,"writes David Sedaris, "THE DUTCH have thrown in legalized drugs and prostitution. What's not to love about that?" in a 2002 Christmas piece for Esquire, titled Six to eight black men.
"When I'm traveling abroad, my first question usually relates to barnyard animals. "What do your roosters say?" is a good icebreaker," he goes on. It's a fantastic read, and you can, AND SHOULD read it here.
In a very unrelated note, I am confused, tired and worried. I am also lazy, and have been procrastinating things I must do by reading all the Sedaris' writings available on the web. I also reread his book Me talk pretty one day for like the sixth time. I shouldn't be doing that, I have at least three more important things to do that will determine the course of the next few years. I am confused, lazy and I wanna sleep in the sun.
In short: ABA K GARNE?
"When I'm traveling abroad, my first question usually relates to barnyard animals. "What do your roosters say?" is a good icebreaker," he goes on. It's a fantastic read, and you can, AND SHOULD read it here.
In a very unrelated note, I am confused, tired and worried. I am also lazy, and have been procrastinating things I must do by reading all the Sedaris' writings available on the web. I also reread his book Me talk pretty one day for like the sixth time. I shouldn't be doing that, I have at least three more important things to do that will determine the course of the next few years. I am confused, lazy and I wanna sleep in the sun.
In short: ABA K GARNE?
Photos from the west
A denial of the baseless accusations made against me
I have been accused of being many things. Evil Scientist, the same without the 'Evil' part, Harry Potter, the little guy from star wars who talks weird, bear, a piece of Mexican blanket, an entrepreneur, the market (as in the market of supply and demand), and many other things which I now forget. But I have never been accused of MPD ( defined by the accusers in questions as Multiple Personality Disorder; talk about inventing your own words, pfft), mostly because it is the last thing that comes into one's mind while making accusations. I mean, people call others crazy, dumb, stupid, self-important, grouche, lazy, smartass, idiot, retarded, weirdo, and so on, but come on, who even thinks of accusing others of the so-called MPD? Its just too weird.
So anyway, I have been accused of the thing, and hereby vehemently deny such accusations. If it appears that I have differing personalities here, and elsewhere, it is only so because you can only see the end results, and not our histories, and justifications just behind us, like our tail, like the one we put on on a certain Pr in grade seven and he carried on for three lessons, and was later mad at everyone, but haha of course, absolutely everyone took the responsibility and he got confused about who to be angry at, and we made fun of him. Actually, it sounds as if we bullied him when put that way, but actually we weren't. He bullied us, truth be told. But anyways, that's over now, and the nightmare that was in the place is far behind us, so now we can hug the future, all the while taking it's wallet out of the back pocket. Also, we can also shake hands with it, and take its cheap watch, but it will take our very expensive ring in turn without us realising, and it will become a popular gag, oft-used in several movies whose writers are running low on jokes.
But I digress. I am not an MPD or whatever. I realise the thought process that probably went while making those accusations, and I can completely identify with that. I mean, if I were not myself, I would probably accuse me of being multiple instances of me too, but since I am me, and not someone else, I know why I am not the multiple instances of me inside the single me, but a single me, the only one that exists. I exist, therefore I am. If 'we' existed, I would be we but since they aren't here, I aren't we, but I and I itself. As popeye said, 'I yam what I yam, and that is what I yam'.
The connections are easy to make. I have, rather unnecessary, not used my real name in most of my posts. My justification: I am ashamed of this blog, and everything I have written here.
I have not referred to any friends here. My justification: people don't like being talked about, specially not in front of some bored crowed from around the world( I have no idea who in Russia visits this blog. Maybe they do this to warm up their computer in winter, but whatevvs) who has nothing better to do but look at pointless, often grammatically incorrect posts which don't usually make sense, and are pointless. Seriously, WHY, people, WHY? I understand that my dijjus and bhais see it because we're related and stuff, and you get something you can blackmail me with in front of my parents, but I think everyone else should get a life and totally ignore me. Specially those who come from facebook. Back to where I was: people don't like being talked about, and I do not intend to change things.
Finally, there's the most obvious reason of all: I have not really talked about what I have been doing for the last two years here. Why so, you might wonder? There are possibly posts numbering in the hundreds where I have somehow made references to my life in Budhanilkantha, and friends from there, but what have I done since? You're never going to find out from here. And there's a very simple reason behind that.
Those who com here from FB don't don't need to know because they already know. The BNKS network(not the facebook one, the human network) exists, and I know what people I have not met for seven years are doing, even when they aren't using facebook.And for those who don't really know who I am, BLEAH! Big friikin' boo, amirite? Why would you guys even care?
But more importantly, I do not want to endanger my real-life opportunities because of the several--erm, shall I say, not so flattering-- views about things. Yes, I think bad things about you, but don't want you reading it every evening, K? I write stuff, but I don't want it connected back to myself. So, that's why.
THAT IS ALL! Eat well, and try to avoid dangerous food. You'll get sick. And don't eat the Thela ko momo, even though some people may claim that they are the best. Trust me, they aren't as good as ND's ko momo, though they could be better than Bakery Cafe's . Also, Panipuris never do you any good, posting offensive things about your teacher/employer on facebook using your real account/name is never a good idea, and I am currently writing seven different pieces for TKP and republica(hopefully all of which will be published some day). Also, one of my dreams right now is being featured on Gawker-- or working for it, but it all depends on where my sucky life goes hereon.
We had six momos yesterday-- I should have had only five, but I took one from my sister(she was in a good mood) and it was six. They were quite big, and I was almost full. They were from this wonderful place below Naya Bansweshwar Departmental Store, and you should totally go there. No, they have not sponsored me in any way, though they did give me two extra momos once when I asked. You just have to ask people, and then amazing things will happen. Also, if you haven't realised already, I am trying to lengthen this post by as much as I can, so that it appears boring and uninteresting and no one reads it, because honestly, I don't want to rant, and even when I do, I don't want people to read it, even when I have kept it in a very public place, like the board of Journalism Club. Yes, people, that 2006 piece about Odyssey was a rant and stuff. Also, it was Vi's idea to write it, and he gave me all the juicy gossips that were included in the piece. Dai, if you ever read this, Vi chor (heh, sorry, K) told me several other incriminating things but I did not include them because they were not relevant. Not that what I am writing is relevant to the topic of the post in anyway, but what the-- I have to make it as long as I can without getting into trouble, and I cant think of anything else right now.
..That's as far as I can go, for now.
So anyway, I have been accused of the thing, and hereby vehemently deny such accusations. If it appears that I have differing personalities here, and elsewhere, it is only so because you can only see the end results, and not our histories, and justifications just behind us, like our tail, like the one we put on on a certain Pr in grade seven and he carried on for three lessons, and was later mad at everyone, but haha of course, absolutely everyone took the responsibility and he got confused about who to be angry at, and we made fun of him. Actually, it sounds as if we bullied him when put that way, but actually we weren't. He bullied us, truth be told. But anyways, that's over now, and the nightmare that was in the place is far behind us, so now we can hug the future, all the while taking it's wallet out of the back pocket. Also, we can also shake hands with it, and take its cheap watch, but it will take our very expensive ring in turn without us realising, and it will become a popular gag, oft-used in several movies whose writers are running low on jokes.
But I digress. I am not an MPD or whatever. I realise the thought process that probably went while making those accusations, and I can completely identify with that. I mean, if I were not myself, I would probably accuse me of being multiple instances of me too, but since I am me, and not someone else, I know why I am not the multiple instances of me inside the single me, but a single me, the only one that exists. I exist, therefore I am. If 'we' existed, I would be we but since they aren't here, I aren't we, but I and I itself. As popeye said, 'I yam what I yam, and that is what I yam'.
The connections are easy to make. I have, rather unnecessary, not used my real name in most of my posts. My justification: I am ashamed of this blog, and everything I have written here.
I have not referred to any friends here. My justification: people don't like being talked about, specially not in front of some bored crowed from around the world( I have no idea who in Russia visits this blog. Maybe they do this to warm up their computer in winter, but whatevvs) who has nothing better to do but look at pointless, often grammatically incorrect posts which don't usually make sense, and are pointless. Seriously, WHY, people, WHY? I understand that my dijjus and bhais see it because we're related and stuff, and you get something you can blackmail me with in front of my parents, but I think everyone else should get a life and totally ignore me. Specially those who come from facebook. Back to where I was: people don't like being talked about, and I do not intend to change things.
Finally, there's the most obvious reason of all: I have not really talked about what I have been doing for the last two years here. Why so, you might wonder? There are possibly posts numbering in the hundreds where I have somehow made references to my life in Budhanilkantha, and friends from there, but what have I done since? You're never going to find out from here. And there's a very simple reason behind that.
Those who com here from FB don't don't need to know because they already know. The BNKS network(not the facebook one, the human network) exists, and I know what people I have not met for seven years are doing, even when they aren't using facebook.And for those who don't really know who I am, BLEAH! Big friikin' boo, amirite? Why would you guys even care?
But more importantly, I do not want to endanger my real-life opportunities because of the several--erm, shall I say, not so flattering-- views about things. Yes, I think bad things about you, but don't want you reading it every evening, K? I write stuff, but I don't want it connected back to myself. So, that's why.
THAT IS ALL! Eat well, and try to avoid dangerous food. You'll get sick. And don't eat the Thela ko momo, even though some people may claim that they are the best. Trust me, they aren't as good as ND's ko momo, though they could be better than Bakery Cafe's . Also, Panipuris never do you any good, posting offensive things about your teacher/employer on facebook using your real account/name is never a good idea, and I am currently writing seven different pieces for TKP and republica(hopefully all of which will be published some day). Also, one of my dreams right now is being featured on Gawker-- or working for it, but it all depends on where my sucky life goes hereon.
We had six momos yesterday-- I should have had only five, but I took one from my sister(she was in a good mood) and it was six. They were quite big, and I was almost full. They were from this wonderful place below Naya Bansweshwar Departmental Store, and you should totally go there. No, they have not sponsored me in any way, though they did give me two extra momos once when I asked. You just have to ask people, and then amazing things will happen. Also, if you haven't realised already, I am trying to lengthen this post by as much as I can, so that it appears boring and uninteresting and no one reads it, because honestly, I don't want to rant, and even when I do, I don't want people to read it, even when I have kept it in a very public place, like the board of Journalism Club. Yes, people, that 2006 piece about Odyssey was a rant and stuff. Also, it was Vi's idea to write it, and he gave me all the juicy gossips that were included in the piece. Dai, if you ever read this, Vi chor (heh, sorry, K) told me several other incriminating things but I did not include them because they were not relevant. Not that what I am writing is relevant to the topic of the post in anyway, but what the-- I have to make it as long as I can without getting into trouble, and I cant think of anything else right now.
..That's as far as I can go, for now.
Once, there was a Hari Talking to a Ravi
Once, there was a Hari talking to a Ravi. Hari, being what he was, suggested they go to Goa. Ravi saw no point in it. Hari said that there was nice beach, historical stuff, cultural stuff, interesting people from all over the world, hawt girls and real good multicultural cuisine. Ravi was not interested. Hari then said there were hot guys too. Since Ravi was gay, this got him pretty excited, but it was still not enough for him. So they decided to toss a coin.
The coin toss resulted in, after a long and complicated process, a mutual friend of Hari and Ravi getting pregnant. The DNA tests proved conclusively that Ravi was the father. Everyone was like, duude, WTF, and you did this even though you're gay, thank god that you're not straight. Ravi pointed out the fact that if it had been a straight guy, his straightness would never have been come into play, and that they were all homophobic morons and they should die.
But that turned out to be expensive. All those who were blaming Ravi were women, and they now thought he was a sexist bastard who did not think that women were as intelligent as men. To prove to him that they were better than men, they decided to take up a challenge: set up a permanent female-only human base in Mars within 15 years. NASA said it was impossible, and everyone else said that too, but they knew they'd succeed and they kept at it.
Until finally they had to admit defeat in 7 years. It was not their fault though, because the Orzxborks of the 33rd dimension had invaded the earth using their hyper-dimension interlucutator laser ion canon, and humanity had been enslaved, so their plan to create a permanent human base on mars had to be put on hold.
Then one day, everyone realised that they were just living in a dream and decided to really make a mars base instead of confusing people with stories about aliens who had never existed. They destroyed their Ultra Mind Controllator which they had used to hypnotise the entire planet, and after three years of being hypnotised by scientist-women, humans finally realized that it was all a big dream.
Actually, it was not. The Orxzxborks were just playing games. They got hungry, so they killed all the humans beings and ate them. And then they later turned earth into a landfill planed full of toxic nuclear waste.
But the Council of Normaniangarh convicted them of Crimes against the Universe for destroying an innocent planet and the organisms living in it. They were sentenced for three eternities in the ultra-high-security prison of Azkabaniamanian dimension.
The End
The Moral of the story is: Bad guys always lose. Also, if you think you have created a mind controllator, you're being controlled by the aliens too.
The coin toss resulted in, after a long and complicated process, a mutual friend of Hari and Ravi getting pregnant. The DNA tests proved conclusively that Ravi was the father. Everyone was like, duude, WTF, and you did this even though you're gay, thank god that you're not straight. Ravi pointed out the fact that if it had been a straight guy, his straightness would never have been come into play, and that they were all homophobic morons and they should die.
But that turned out to be expensive. All those who were blaming Ravi were women, and they now thought he was a sexist bastard who did not think that women were as intelligent as men. To prove to him that they were better than men, they decided to take up a challenge: set up a permanent female-only human base in Mars within 15 years. NASA said it was impossible, and everyone else said that too, but they knew they'd succeed and they kept at it.
Until finally they had to admit defeat in 7 years. It was not their fault though, because the Orzxborks of the 33rd dimension had invaded the earth using their hyper-dimension interlucutator laser ion canon, and humanity had been enslaved, so their plan to create a permanent human base on mars had to be put on hold.
Then one day, everyone realised that they were just living in a dream and decided to really make a mars base instead of confusing people with stories about aliens who had never existed. They destroyed their Ultra Mind Controllator which they had used to hypnotise the entire planet, and after three years of being hypnotised by scientist-women, humans finally realized that it was all a big dream.
Actually, it was not. The Orxzxborks were just playing games. They got hungry, so they killed all the humans beings and ate them. And then they later turned earth into a landfill planed full of toxic nuclear waste.
But the Council of Normaniangarh convicted them of Crimes against the Universe for destroying an innocent planet and the organisms living in it. They were sentenced for three eternities in the ultra-high-security prison of Azkabaniamanian dimension.
The End
The Moral of the story is: Bad guys always lose. Also, if you think you have created a mind controllator, you're being controlled by the aliens too.
I am becoming a truck-poet
If you are M16, my dear,
I am your Ak-47
If you are a Scud Missile,
I am the lovely IED
When you are the Speilberg,
I become the Cameroon, James
And when you have some Bollywood fun,
I go Kollywood(the South Indian one)
It's good poems don't need to rhyme,
'coz my poetry would get a lot of jail time
And I don't know very much about the Pokemon Mr. Mime,
And not because for some people watching cartoons is a crime
If you are the Putin of your world,
I am your Berlusconi,
When you go the Wikileaks' Assange way
A line that rhymes with way or ends with the word bay/say
Or gay
If you are the Harry Potter,
I am totally the awesome oldie Jacob(that's the vampire dude, right?)
Nah-Nah nah dum tee dum pum
Rah rah rah, na na na tara ra ra
When was the last time,
You ate
Some Oranges
Because
it is winter and
Fruits are good for your health
When was the last time
You went to
Basantapur
'Cuz I go there twice every week
And I still missed
the concert
by Kutumba, dammit!
If you are Taylor Swift,
I am totally Justin Beiber
PS
I am a lesbian
You are Brooke Shields, you say?
I am the Miley Cyrus, pfft, you oldie
You are Alec Baldwin
I am so the Boss from
The Office
I forget his name
But you get the idea
He rocks,
probably just as much
as the
Baldwin
I am your Ak-47
If you are a Scud Missile,
I am the lovely IED
When you are the Speilberg,
I become the Cameroon, James
And when you have some Bollywood fun,
I go Kollywood(the South Indian one)
It's good poems don't need to rhyme,
'coz my poetry would get a lot of jail time
And I don't know very much about the Pokemon Mr. Mime,
And not because for some people watching cartoons is a crime
If you are the Putin of your world,
I am your Berlusconi,
When you go the Wikileaks' Assange way
A line that rhymes with way or ends with the word bay/say
Or gay
If you are the Harry Potter,
I am totally the awesome oldie Jacob(that's the vampire dude, right?)
Nah-Nah nah dum tee dum pum
Rah rah rah, na na na tara ra ra
When was the last time,
You ate
Some Oranges
Because
it is winter and
Fruits are good for your health
When was the last time
You went to
Basantapur
'Cuz I go there twice every week
And I still missed
the concert
by Kutumba, dammit!
If you are Taylor Swift,
I am totally Justin Beiber
PS
I am a lesbian
You are Brooke Shields, you say?
I am the Miley Cyrus, pfft, you oldie
You are Alec Baldwin
I am so the Boss from
The Office
I forget his name
But you get the idea
He rocks,
probably just as much
as the
Baldwin
Hey Paras dai, I miight need your help here...
Me: Don't be stupid! This is a stupid idea!
Me: Shut Up! *Punches*
Me: OUCH! *Reply punch!* You are dummmb! You are stupid! YOU DESERVE TO DIIIIE!
Me: Yeah, dude, cut the exclamations. *Slaps Me* Heh, you know you are going to lose this anyway right?
Me: I don't think so. I ALWAYS win.
Me: Yeaahhh, dude, remember that time when--
Me: *attacks with a knife, is dodged* YOU WILL DIE!
Me: *Sword Attack* Argue all you want, gather all the support you need, but you will lose dude. And you'll die.
Me: I am invincible.
Me: That's what you think. Only I am invincible, it is only I who is indispensable. You have just been lucky until now, and your end is coming soon.
Me: I have never been as strong, and your words don't change the fact.
Me: Maybe so. But I have never been this stronger either, and we hadn't really fought directly before, had we? You don't stand a chance against me in direct confrontation. You know you will lose, and you're trying to save face.
Me: *Takes out a gun. Fires*
Me: *Matrix Dodge* You don't get it really, do you? Even if you kill me now, I will regrow out of my remaining parts, and like a Hydra, when I respawn, I will be as strong as ever. Your only chance is to protect me, and maybe try for a compromise.
Me: No way! You mere existence nullifies my entire purpose of existence. Because you exist, I no longer make sense, my strengths are fading away, and my sphere of influence is contracting. There's absolutely no way you may work with me.
Me: Well then, try what you want to. I won't try to harm you. I'll stay here and lets see how you can hurt me. Try it: try hurting me. Of course you can't
Me: I NEED HELP! I NEED HELP! I NEED HELP!
*Three others arrive. They are not me, but they are OTHER, all parts of the same other me. They are fighting against themselves too.*
Other: Duude, the less powerful you should totally win! Go, go go!
Other: Yeah, that's so right! We support you, you must win!
Other: Yeah, sure. But of course, even if you don't win, you're gonna be pretty fine with the other you, but it'd still be nice if you won.
Me: Thanks guys!
Me: I know you guys mean well, but this time, Me has know chance. I know I am gonna win, dude.
Me: Oh really? I already feel you getting weaker. What's causing it, huh? Soo, there's some Kryptonite to this Superman too, huh? This is interesting.
Me: Uh-oh,whatthef. This should not... Gahhh!
Me: Hmm, you're getting weaker as time passes. I'll wait.
Me: *IN slow motion* noooo
Other: Yayy, you! Go go go!
Me: Shut Up! *Punches*
Me: OUCH! *Reply punch!* You are dummmb! You are stupid! YOU DESERVE TO DIIIIE!
Me: Yeah, dude, cut the exclamations. *Slaps Me* Heh, you know you are going to lose this anyway right?
Me: I don't think so. I ALWAYS win.
Me: Yeaahhh, dude, remember that time when--
Me: *attacks with a knife, is dodged* YOU WILL DIE!
Me: *Sword Attack* Argue all you want, gather all the support you need, but you will lose dude. And you'll die.
Me: I am invincible.
Me: That's what you think. Only I am invincible, it is only I who is indispensable. You have just been lucky until now, and your end is coming soon.
Me: I have never been as strong, and your words don't change the fact.
Me: Maybe so. But I have never been this stronger either, and we hadn't really fought directly before, had we? You don't stand a chance against me in direct confrontation. You know you will lose, and you're trying to save face.
Me: *Takes out a gun. Fires*
Me: *Matrix Dodge* You don't get it really, do you? Even if you kill me now, I will regrow out of my remaining parts, and like a Hydra, when I respawn, I will be as strong as ever. Your only chance is to protect me, and maybe try for a compromise.
Me: No way! You mere existence nullifies my entire purpose of existence. Because you exist, I no longer make sense, my strengths are fading away, and my sphere of influence is contracting. There's absolutely no way you may work with me.
Me: Well then, try what you want to. I won't try to harm you. I'll stay here and lets see how you can hurt me. Try it: try hurting me. Of course you can't
Me: I NEED HELP! I NEED HELP! I NEED HELP!
*Three others arrive. They are not me, but they are OTHER, all parts of the same other me. They are fighting against themselves too.*
Other: Duude, the less powerful you should totally win! Go, go go!
Other: Yeah, that's so right! We support you, you must win!
Other: Yeah, sure. But of course, even if you don't win, you're gonna be pretty fine with the other you, but it'd still be nice if you won.
Me: Thanks guys!
Me: I know you guys mean well, but this time, Me has know chance. I know I am gonna win, dude.
Me: Oh really? I already feel you getting weaker. What's causing it, huh? Soo, there's some Kryptonite to this Superman too, huh? This is interesting.
Me: Uh-oh,whatthef. This should not... Gahhh!
Me: Hmm, you're getting weaker as time passes. I'll wait.
Me: *IN slow motion* noooo
Other: Yayy, you! Go go go!
The metaphorical Penguins
"Halt! Who goes? Stop, or I'll shoot."
"I'll stop, don't shoot. I am here for a holiday. Hello! I am the metaphorical Penguin."
"I am sorry, but I don't think we allow 'metaphorical' animals to enter."
"I am a bird, silly. We can't even fly. And you don't need to let me in, I'll get in anyways."
"What the -- WHO ARE YOU? Identify yourself! This is a warning!"
"I said it, I am a metaphorical penguin."
"Penguins can't talk, let alone metaphorical penguins. They don't even exist. You know what I think? You're some dirty terrorist in a penguin costume. Get our right now!"
"People are so dumb sometimes. Don't you see I am the right size, and I walk like a penguin, and I have a penguin-y accent when I talk? How could my mouth be moving if I were not a penguin?"
"You're a robot then. Birds can't talk. Metaphorical birds are just that, they don't really exist."
"That's what you think.
"...And that is the truth..."
"Depends on how you define 'truth'..."
"Truth is absolute, it is the objective physical description of the world around us. You are not a bird because in the evolutionary tree, humans and penguins separated hundreds of millions years ago. Heck, we were never even together. The possibility that a penguin could talk is so minuscule that for all purposes, it is zero. And the bullshit about 'metaphorical' creatures. Metaphors are linguistic tools designed to make it easier to explain some things, by comparing one thing to something else the audience is already familiar with. It exists solely in out minds, and even to imagine the existence of an actual metaphorical being is ridiculous."
"Right, and wrong. There are things that go deeper that the physical appearance. You should know: it's your people who have discovered the atoms, and molecules, and all the 'strange' particles. But you are right in that a penguin could never talk like I do. But I've already said, I am not a penguin, I am a metaphorical penguin."
"The laws of physics govern the universe, and nothing can go beyond that. Since the existence of metaphorical beings violates several basic physical principles at once, you are not what you claim to be. You are a robot. "
"Well done, you know your Physics well. Physical laws determine the universe, but we make those laws. Not that we 'design' them, but we are parts of it, we metaphorical beings..."
"You are saying you are God, and that penguins created the Universe?"
"Wrong on both counts. I am not God, nor do I believe in a supreme being. But then, some of my friends believe in that, and I am okay with it. We did not create the Universe, and it's not just Penguins. We simply are parts of it, like atoms are parts of molecules, and molecules make humans. I am a penguin for you, because that's how you can perceive me."
"I lost you there. I am giving you a final chance to explain, or I shoot. I can justify shooting, you know.
"Being shot at is the least of my worries right now. Listen, when you think about atoms, what image pops up in your mind?"
"A circular billiard ball composed of a tiny nucleus made of even smaller balls, and electron clouds far away from the nucleus revolving around it."
"Exactly. But the truth is very difference. The universe does not care for round balls, or clouds or any such words you used. It just exists, and even if you imagined the nucleus as a horse, it would still exist. You are using the terms familiar to you to describe the nature of the universe. You are using metaphors of balls and clouds to describe atoms. So this is the answer to the question you asked earlier. What is that thing which is even more basic than the laws of physics? The laws of metaphors. Because if you had used the metaphor of horse and lion, your understanding would be completely different, and so would your perception. We are the ultimate beings."
"...but...Even if I had used the metaphor of horse and lion, the behavior of atoms would still be the same, and electrons would still revolve around the nucleus in imperfect circular path... My perception does not change the existence of things. Metaphors are just ways of understanding the nature that human beings, an insignificant specimen in the universe, created for themselves. It has absolutely no effect on the physical reality."
"And that is where you go wrong. You are right that most metaphors do not affect reality. But you are wrong in assuming that metaphors are only for humans. Every being, from you humans, to birds to insects, to single-cellular organisms, to molecules, to quarks, uses metaphors to understand--"
"Hah! Molecules and quarks are not 'beings'..."
"Yes, I was getting there, thanks for reminding. All beings use metaphors. And what you consider non-living are beings too. Let me ask you a question: what, according to you, is the right definition of a 'living being'?"
"Well--I am no scientist..."
"You may use wikipedia."
"The conditions for life are: Homeostasis, Organization, Metabolism, Growth, Adaptation, Response to Stimuli, and Reproduction..."
"...and if something does not meet either of those criteria..."
"... it is a non-living thing. It's not alive."
"Haha! I see that you have only one actual requirement there, and that too, not in its original form."
"Please explain.."
"Perception is the only thing that matters. Any object that can perceive its surroundings is a being. You almost included that in the 'response to stimuli', but missed it."
"Now I got you there! It is only those things that are considered 'alive' that perceive their surroundings."
"Oh really? In that case, your definition of perception is rather narrow, and should I say, racist. All things perceive, absolutely all things, and therefore the universe is a being made of almost infinite other beings. If you really want to you can call universe as a god, because it is a being, it can perceive. For example, how does a stone know that when you pick it up, it should get in your hands? It perceives the world. The atoms nearest to your hand are told by those in your hands to get goin'. Those atoms in turn 'tell' other atoms to follow them, and ultimately the stone gets picked up. Physical laws are merely means of communication between beings. You will argue that it was the so-and-so force of attraction that made the stone come up, but the so-and-so force is in fact the result of basic particles communicating with each other."
"Okayyy... So you do admit that it's the basic physical laws that determine everything, and play an utmost role in shaping how the universe works, irregardless of what we think about it?"
...If you read this far, congrats! I am tired. Laters!
कति छिटो पार्ट २
म ऐले २-३ वटा कथा[लेखन] मा काम गर्दै छु| एउटा छ लेक्स लिम्बु माथि, जुन मलाई नेपाली र अंग्रेजी दुवै मा गर्न मन छ, तर खोइ के हुन्छ. अनि एउटा मेरो 'नयाँ ' ठाउँ र मान्छेका बारेमा छ, रिसर्च हुँदै छ. अनि अन्तिममा मलाई म:म: को बारेमा सार्है लेख्ने मन छ, बिशेषगरि नेपालीमा, तर त्यो पनि खोइ के हुने हो (हुन त अंग्रेजी मा लेखन थालेको ४ महिना जति भयो, ४-५ ओटा ड्राफ्ट पनि बनाएँ, तर चित्तै बुझ्दैन...
कति छिटो पार्ट १
एनिवे, स्टोरी टाइम!!!
..."हाहा, कस्तो हाँसो उठ्दो है! बहिनीले खुब हसाउँदी रैछ", मैले भनें. त्यो चोर नि पाइखाना बाट निस्क्यो. कत्रो लगाएको, त्यो जाबो ट्वाइलेट मा पनि...
"ए, तिमि नै हो, बाथरुम सफा गर्नु पर्छ भन्ने?" उसले जिस्काई हाल्यो|
"हैन मैले त केहिपनि भनेको हैन, सब यो 'भिनाजु' ले भन्नु भा हो" उसले कुरा मिलाई हाली. अब दुइ जाना मिलेर पेल्न थालेपछि मैले कहाँ सक्नु? अब दुबैलाई अप्ठ्यारो पार्ने विचार आयो.
"हैन ओई, केटि त म पो हेर्न आएको त | तैंले कहाँ बिचरा केटीको बहिनीलाई लाइन मारेको?" मैले पेलें |
"बिचार ब्यारे, हाम्रो दाइले की गरेको छैन है! " उसले बचाउन थालि हालि.
"ओहो, यता बाट पनि उस्तै रैछ! केटि हेर्न आएको, साथीको जन्ती आए जस्तो पो भयो त | ल हिंड, क्यासानोवा, जे काम गर्ने आएको, त्यो पहिले गरौँ, अनि तेरो कुरा छिन्दै गरुम्ला..." अब चाँही दुवै रातो भए. बहिनि लजाएर भागि, रबिन म संग फेरी कोठा मा आयो.
"टाइम त धेरै लाग्यो नि!" बुवाले छेडी हाल्नुभयो. मैले नि छोडिन : "हैन, मेरो त काम थिएन, एस्ले नै टाइम लगायो नि...अनि फेरी बहिनि संग नि भेट भयो...," मैले त्यो तिर हेर्दै भनें. मलाई खुट्टा मा किच्यो. म चुप लागें.
"ल अब नानुलाइ नि बोलाउँ न त" केटि कि आमाले भनिन्. अनि ठुल्लो स्वर मा छोरी लाई चिया लिएर आउन भनिन्.
दि गर्ल वाज़ प्रीटि, ओह यस शी वाज़. अनेस्टली, आइ वुल्ड नट इवेन थिंक अबाउट बिइंग विथ हर इफ इट वेर नट अरेंज्ड. अब म नरवस भएँ. आई निउ आई वाज़ नट म्यारयिंग, नो म्याटर हौ हट दि गर्ल. तर शी वास कस्तो त्यालेन्टेड (त्यो सर्टिफिकेटहरुले नै मलाइ टेन्सन परिसक्या थ्यो) अनि अब राम्री पनि. हे भगवान, कस्तो टेन्सन दियौ....
अनि बिचारा लाइ क्वेस्चन-आनसर राउण्ड सुरु भयो. पढाई, इन्ट्रेस्ट, के गर्ने, उतै सेटल हुने कि नेपाल आउने, आदि आदि आदि. माइजुले इन्दाईरेक्टली "पकाउन आउँछ?" भनेर सोदनु भयो, आउँदो रैछ. बिस मिनेट सम्म चल्यो,जुनबेला मलाई एकदम राहत मिल्यो. आई वाज़ डेफिनेटली नट फलिंग फर हर. हाम्रो कुरै नमिल्ने खाले थ्यो.
अन्तिम मा मलाई जुन कुरा को डर सुरु देखि थ्यो, त्यो कुरा गर्ने बेला भयो. "बाबु" र "नानु" ले अव संगै एक्लै एक्लै बसेर कुरा गर्ने बेला भयो. उसको कजिन हरु कुरा सुन्न खोज्दै थिए, पछि कान समातेर कसले लग्यो.
अब कोठामा हामी दुइजना मात्र. केटि को नाम पनि थाहा छैन. घांटी सफा गरें, हाँसे जस्तो गरें, र भनें, "अँ, म राउल. लास्ट यर स्वार्थमोर बाट पास गरेको"
" वाओ, स्वर्थमोर? म कृति (कस्तो साहित्यिक नाम, मनमनै सोचें), लास्ट मे मा होलियोक कम्प्लिट गरेको, अब १-२ वर्ष एतै बस्ने विचार छ."
किन आफ्नो प्लान भन्नु परेको होला. भोलिनै बिहे गरेर त लाग्ने हैन त हौ...
"रीली? होलियोक मा त मेरो कति धेरै साथि छन् नि. अनि मेरो रुममेट को गर्लफ्रेन्ड नि त्यहीं पढ्थी, तेसैले धेरै चोटी गैसके त्यहाँ त.... तिमि शिखा हरुको ब्याच हो क्यारे हैन? शिखा, अनि अनुपमा हरुलाई चिन्छौ?"
"हाहा! किन न चिन्नु नि. संगै ब्याचको, अनि सेम कन्ट्री. बिदा भयो कि बोस्टन गइ हाल्थिम. इट वाज़ जस्ट टू आर्स, एंड अल अफ ह्याड रिलेतिव्स थ्येर. कलेज वाज़ फन..." ऊ दुखि जस्तो देखिई...
उसको बोलाई मा अमेरिकी लवज प्रस्ट चिनिन्थ्यो. मेरो पो त तेत्रो भा थ्यो र, अमेरिकाबाट आएको भन्दा नि मान्छे नपत्याए जस्तो गरेर "हो र? बाबु त कालै हुनुहुन्छ त" भन्थे... उसलाई नेपाली भनेर सिदै चिन्न गार्है पर्थ्यो.
"हो, एकदमै. सो, शिखा हरुको के छ नि?"
"उनीहरु सब्बै उतैतिर. कोहि ग्राड स्कूल, कोहि जब, कोहि केहि| उनीहरुको फेरी एता काठमांडू मा नि कोइ छैन नि त,सब उतै हो. देयार्ज़ नट मच पोइन्ट कमिंग ब्याक."
"हो. मलाई नि नेक्स्ट यर देखि ग्राड स्कूल जानु छ, हेरुम के हुन्छ..."
"मलाई तर एतै रमाइलो लाग्छ. एता को कुरै अर्को छ के. सबैले सबलाई चिनेको छ. अब हाम्रै हेर्नु न, वी ह्याव सो मेनी फ्रेन्ड्स इन कमन. पीपल सी ह्वाट यु आर डुईंग | उता त कुइरेको लागि काम गर्यो, घरमा बासि भात खायो, अनि महिना को एक चोटी नेपालि संग गेट टूगेदरगरेर नेपाल सम्झेर रोयो. द्याट इज इट."
"हाहा, कस्तो राइट. तर कसैले त इन्त्रेस्तिंग काम नि गरेको हुन्छ नि. मेरो कत्ति नेपाली साथीहरु एल.ए र न्यु योर्क सिटी मा छन्, दम्मी नै काम गर्दै, फिलि मा नि बब्बाल काम गर्या छन् धेरै ले. अनि कहाँ बाट हो २-४ जना नेपालीनै न्यु अर्लिन्स पुग्या छन् मोराहरु, मोज गर्दै छन् रे. बट अगेन. कुरो तेइ हो."
मैले ठुलो सांस फेरें र उसको आँखा मा हेरें.
टू बि कन्टिन्युड....
कति छिटो पार्ट १
एनिवे, स्टोरी टाइम!!!
..."हाहा, कस्तो हाँसो उठ्दो है! बहिनीले खुब हसाउँदी रैछ", मैले भनें. त्यो चोर नि पाइखाना बाट निस्क्यो. कत्रो लगाएको, त्यो जाबो ट्वाइलेट मा पनि...
"ए, तिमि नै हो, बाथरुम सफा गर्नु पर्छ भन्ने?" उसले जिस्काई हाल्यो|
"हैन मैले त केहिपनि भनेको हैन, सब यो 'भिनाजु' ले भन्नु भा हो" उसले कुरा मिलाई हाली. अब दुइ जाना मिलेर पेल्न थालेपछि मैले कहाँ सक्नु? अब दुबैलाई अप्ठ्यारो पार्ने विचार आयो.
"हैन ओई, केटि त म पो हेर्न आएको त | तैंले कहाँ बिचरा केटीको बहिनीलाई लाइन मारेको?" मैले पेलें |
"बिचार ब्यारे, हाम्रो दाइले की गरेको छैन है! " उसले बचाउन थालि हालि.
"ओहो, यता बाट पनि उस्तै रैछ! केटि हेर्न आएको, साथीको जन्ती आए जस्तो पो भयो त | ल हिंड, क्यासानोवा, जे काम गर्ने आएको, त्यो पहिले गरौँ, अनि तेरो कुरा छिन्दै गरुम्ला..." अब चाँही दुवै रातो भए. बहिनि लजाएर भागि, रबिन म संग फेरी कोठा मा आयो.
"टाइम त धेरै लाग्यो नि!" बुवाले छेडी हाल्नुभयो. मैले नि छोडिन : "हैन, मेरो त काम थिएन, एस्ले नै टाइम लगायो नि...अनि फेरी बहिनि संग नि भेट भयो...," मैले त्यो तिर हेर्दै भनें. मलाई खुट्टा मा किच्यो. म चुप लागें.
"ल अब नानुलाइ नि बोलाउँ न त" केटि कि आमाले भनिन्. अनि ठुल्लो स्वर मा छोरी लाई चिया लिएर आउन भनिन्.
दि गर्ल वाज़ प्रीटि, ओह यस शी वाज़. अनेस्टली, आइ वुल्ड नट इवेन थिंक अबाउट बिइंग विथ हर इफ इट वेर नट अरेंज्ड. अब म नरवस भएँ. आई निउ आई वाज़ नट म्यारयिंग, नो म्याटर हौ हट दि गर्ल. तर शी वास कस्तो त्यालेन्टेड (त्यो सर्टिफिकेटहरुले नै मलाइ टेन्सन परिसक्या थ्यो) अनि अब राम्री पनि. हे भगवान, कस्तो टेन्सन दियौ....
अनि बिचारा लाइ क्वेस्चन-आनसर राउण्ड सुरु भयो. पढाई, इन्ट्रेस्ट, के गर्ने, उतै सेटल हुने कि नेपाल आउने, आदि आदि आदि. माइजुले इन्दाईरेक्टली "पकाउन आउँछ?" भनेर सोदनु भयो, आउँदो रैछ. बिस मिनेट सम्म चल्यो,जुनबेला मलाई एकदम राहत मिल्यो. आई वाज़ डेफिनेटली नट फलिंग फर हर. हाम्रो कुरै नमिल्ने खाले थ्यो.
अन्तिम मा मलाई जुन कुरा को डर सुरु देखि थ्यो, त्यो कुरा गर्ने बेला भयो. "बाबु" र "नानु" ले अव संगै एक्लै एक्लै बसेर कुरा गर्ने बेला भयो. उसको कजिन हरु कुरा सुन्न खोज्दै थिए, पछि कान समातेर कसले लग्यो.
अब कोठामा हामी दुइजना मात्र. केटि को नाम पनि थाहा छैन. घांटी सफा गरें, हाँसे जस्तो गरें, र भनें, "अँ, म राउल. लास्ट यर स्वार्थमोर बाट पास गरेको"
" वाओ, स्वर्थमोर? म कृति (कस्तो साहित्यिक नाम, मनमनै सोचें), लास्ट मे मा होलियोक कम्प्लिट गरेको, अब १-२ वर्ष एतै बस्ने विचार छ."
किन आफ्नो प्लान भन्नु परेको होला. भोलिनै बिहे गरेर त लाग्ने हैन त हौ...
"रीली? होलियोक मा त मेरो कति धेरै साथि छन् नि. अनि मेरो रुममेट को गर्लफ्रेन्ड नि त्यहीं पढ्थी, तेसैले धेरै चोटी गैसके त्यहाँ त.... तिमि शिखा हरुको ब्याच हो क्यारे हैन? शिखा, अनि अनुपमा हरुलाई चिन्छौ?"
"हाहा! किन न चिन्नु नि. संगै ब्याचको, अनि सेम कन्ट्री. बिदा भयो कि बोस्टन गइ हाल्थिम. इट वाज़ जस्ट टू आर्स, एंड अल अफ ह्याड रिलेतिव्स थ्येर. कलेज वाज़ फन..." ऊ दुखि जस्तो देखिई...
उसको बोलाई मा अमेरिकी लवज प्रस्ट चिनिन्थ्यो. मेरो पो त तेत्रो भा थ्यो र, अमेरिकाबाट आएको भन्दा नि मान्छे नपत्याए जस्तो गरेर "हो र? बाबु त कालै हुनुहुन्छ त" भन्थे... उसलाई नेपाली भनेर सिदै चिन्न गार्है पर्थ्यो.
"हो, एकदमै. सो, शिखा हरुको के छ नि?"
"उनीहरु सब्बै उतैतिर. कोहि ग्राड स्कूल, कोहि जब, कोहि केहि| उनीहरुको फेरी एता काठमांडू मा नि कोइ छैन नि त,सब उतै हो. देयार्ज़ नट मच पोइन्ट कमिंग ब्याक."
"हो. मलाई नि नेक्स्ट यर देखि ग्राड स्कूल जानु छ, हेरुम के हुन्छ..."
"मलाई तर एतै रमाइलो लाग्छ. एता को कुरै अर्को छ के. सबैले सबलाई चिनेको छ. अब हाम्रै हेर्नु न, वी ह्याव सो मेनी फ्रेन्ड्स इन कमन. पीपल सी ह्वाट यु आर डुईंग | उता त कुइरेको लागि काम गर्यो, घरमा बासि भात खायो, अनि महिना को एक चोटी नेपालि संग गेट टूगेदरगरेर नेपाल सम्झेर रोयो. द्याट इज इट."
"हाहा, कस्तो राइट. तर कसैले त इन्त्रेस्तिंग काम नि गरेको हुन्छ नि. मेरो कत्ति नेपाली साथीहरु एल.ए र न्यु योर्क सिटी मा छन्, दम्मी नै काम गर्दै, फिलि मा नि बब्बाल काम गर्या छन् धेरै ले. अनि कहाँ बाट हो २-४ जना नेपालीनै न्यु अर्लिन्स पुग्या छन् मोराहरु, मोज गर्दै छन् रे. बट अगेन. कुरो तेइ हो."
मैले ठुलो सांस फेरें र उसको आँखा मा हेरें.
टू बि कन्टिन्युड....
Gross toilet advice. Avoid
You know how you can tell that a toilet is dirty by looking at all the floating poo, and misdirected pee? Well there's a trick for doing the same with bathrooms(wherein 'bathroom' can be defined as a place where one baths)
I discovered this on our trip to Jomsom. I insisted we take the cheaper rooms so that we take the cheaper rooms so that we'd save money for *better things*, and Pr wanted an expensive room. We took the cheap room in Jomsom(to be fair, we got the room of Pr's choice in Pokhara).
So, you can tell a bathroom is really dirty and unkempt when you see lots of short and curly hairs around. Lots. Ewwwww.
I discovered this on our trip to Jomsom. I insisted we take the cheaper rooms so that we take the cheaper rooms so that we'd save money for *better things*, and Pr wanted an expensive room. We took the cheap room in Jomsom(to be fair, we got the room of Pr's choice in Pokhara).
So, you can tell a bathroom is really dirty and unkempt when you see lots of short and curly hairs around. Lots. Ewwwww.
The awesomest thing ever- Touching noses OR Touching noses is not as dirty as it sounds[updated]
Update: My theory was correct! It's definitely a metaphor for almost-having-sex-but-not-really-in-a-platonic-way-come-on-dude-dalai-lama-is wayyy-beyond-her-league-to-do-*that*-with-her Link
So, I was wondering, what is the awesomest *cough* *cough* platonic feeling ever when you are with someone else: is it holding hands, hugging, petting someone's head, kicking other people(I swear this feels pretty good too... even being kicked feels awesome if you like the person involved, but I am not going there now), playing finger wrestling while secretly knowing that your long nails are hurting the other person a LOT, but s/he's not showing it, and so you can continue to gouge their skin with your fingers because hey, you had
NO idea that it was hurting him/her, right? And then I realized it was a pretty dumb thing to be thinking about, because the answer HAS to be, obviously, touching and rubbing your noses together while your forehead bumps with the other person's forehead. I mean, obviously.
The Maoris of New Zealand greet each other by touching and rubbing their noses against each other. That's right, instead of the Laaaame-o Namaste, or the ok-ok handshake, they frikkin' get to TOUCH PEOPLE's NOSES on a daily basis? Just imagine that... I mean, if your the prettiest person of your neighborhood, and everyone wants to bump their noses against yours, now you might not like it as much, but for pretty much everyone else, those nose bumps would be like awweome. And if you guys like, mutually like like each other, you could bump your heads, noses touched, and smile, like the Dalai Lama dude and that woman, who obviously has a crush on Mr Dalai, but even more awesomer, because your foreheads would be so much nearer, and you would be so close, and it would not even be weird in any way. I mean, it's juust your noses touching, right?
But then, I suspect it might not work well over here in Kathmandu, or in anywhere else in Nepal. Case Study: I am touching noses with one of my friends who happens to be a girl. People see us touching noses. The news spreads.
"Oy, did you see that guy and that girl touching their noses really intimately?"
"Really? They were doing that in public? Pfft, they have no shame, yeah?"
" Yeah, I knew that girl was a *cough* hoe from the very beginning... You couldn't imaagine how many people she has rubbed her nose with.. Just yesterday, I had seen her rubbing noses with that exchange student, and now she's doing the same with him"
" and I wouldn't have imagined he was the kind of the guy who rubbed noses with girls in public"
...And the old people would talk about the moral degeneration of the country, and how young people are rubbing noses with each other all over the place with no respect for the elders or anyone else...
But anyway, I have a theory why Nose-touching is really so intimate. I have seen a lot of people bumping their noses against little kids' or alternately, tickling the kids' noses with their own. I am guessing that's so because people realize (often unconsciously) that it is the safest way to get as close as you can physically get to other person without actually-- you know-- kissing or stuff... Just below the tip of your nose are your 'internal' body parts, and you can actually touch your internal organs(well, almost) without getting umm.. you know, too frisky.... So, It's awweosme!
Go bump your nose against someone else's nose already!
So, I was wondering, what is the awesomest *cough* *cough* platonic feeling ever when you are with someone else: is it holding hands, hugging, petting someone's head, kicking other people(I swear this feels pretty good too... even being kicked feels awesome if you like the person involved, but I am not going there now), playing finger wrestling while secretly knowing that your long nails are hurting the other person a LOT, but s/he's not showing it, and so you can continue to gouge their skin with your fingers because hey, you had
NO idea that it was hurting him/her, right? And then I realized it was a pretty dumb thing to be thinking about, because the answer HAS to be, obviously, touching and rubbing your noses together while your forehead bumps with the other person's forehead. I mean, obviously.
 |
All Rights Reserved: LIFE Magazine Credit:Photo: Robert Patterson/Getty Images |
The Maoris of New Zealand greet each other by touching and rubbing their noses against each other. That's right, instead of the Laaaame-o Namaste, or the ok-ok handshake, they frikkin' get to TOUCH PEOPLE's NOSES on a daily basis? Just imagine that... I mean, if your the prettiest person of your neighborhood, and everyone wants to bump their noses against yours, now you might not like it as much, but for pretty much everyone else, those nose bumps would be like awweome. And if you guys like, mutually like like each other, you could bump your heads, noses touched, and smile, like the Dalai Lama dude and that woman, who obviously has a crush on Mr Dalai, but even more awesomer, because your foreheads would be so much nearer, and you would be so close, and it would not even be weird in any way. I mean, it's juust your noses touching, right?
But then, I suspect it might not work well over here in Kathmandu, or in anywhere else in Nepal. Case Study: I am touching noses with one of my friends who happens to be a girl. People see us touching noses. The news spreads.
"Oy, did you see that guy and that girl touching their noses really intimately?"
"Really? They were doing that in public? Pfft, they have no shame, yeah?"
" Yeah, I knew that girl was a *cough* hoe from the very beginning... You couldn't imaagine how many people she has rubbed her nose with.. Just yesterday, I had seen her rubbing noses with that exchange student, and now she's doing the same with him"
" and I wouldn't have imagined he was the kind of the guy who rubbed noses with girls in public"
...And the old people would talk about the moral degeneration of the country, and how young people are rubbing noses with each other all over the place with no respect for the elders or anyone else...
But anyway, I have a theory why Nose-touching is really so intimate. I have seen a lot of people bumping their noses against little kids' or alternately, tickling the kids' noses with their own. I am guessing that's so because people realize (often unconsciously) that it is the safest way to get as close as you can physically get to other person without actually-- you know-- kissing or stuff... Just below the tip of your nose are your 'internal' body parts, and you can actually touch your internal organs(well, almost) without getting umm.. you know, too frisky.... So, It's awweosme!
Go bump your nose against someone else's nose already!
जुलियन विल बी न्युट्रलाईज्ड
विथ रेगार्ड्स टू द एवेंट्स ह्याप्पेनिंग करेन्टलि, आइ बिलिव मिस्टर असान्जे इस इन अ ग्रेव सिचुएसन... पलेटीसिअंस इन द यु.एस ह्याव कल्ड फर हिज असासिनेसन, इनक्लुडिंग वन मिस्टर लाइबरम्यान.... टू बि अनेस्ट, इट फील्स लाइक आइ एम अ पार्ट ओफ अ मुवी, वेर द हेरो'स् फ्रेन्ड इस किल्ड| आइ एम स्लाइटली स्केर्ड टू, बट एम क्वाइट एक्ष्साइटेड अबाउट विकिलिक्स काठमांडू...लेट्स सी ह्वाट ह्याप्पेंस नेक्स्ट...
After a long dry spell, I am writing for the papers again. Cue: thunderous claps
Waiting for the Stares
[Yayy, Yayy yayy, I get to speak like Nepaliketi... You can also read this on Page 6(hoki 7... keep looking) of Dec 2's Kathmandu's post, but they removed the critical paragraphs, those bastards (no offense, dai), so now I look like a kook who's really scared of girls... Anyway, here's the piece, unedited]
The other day, I got this feeling that I was being watched. Under normal circumstances, I would be flattered that someone had considered me worthy of a gaze or a stare. Since the place was sparsely populated and it was getting dark, I felt more insecure than dark, and dared to look directly into the eyes of my probable admirer( I hoped).
A lady of around my age was the perpetrator. Instead of silently congratulating myself for wearing that sweater that goes particularly with my fair complexion, I decided to ascertain that she was not really planning to kidnap me. I looked at her and coughed loudly, and then cleared by throat even louder. The spell of stare seemed to break.
“I am so sorry,” she blushed, “ I didn't mean to stare at you. It's just that – that--” I decided to take things to my hands. “Oh, don't worry about that. A lot of girls stare at me all the time; it's okay,” I said, winking a her. She seemed to be lost in thought for some moments before she finally said, “Err, actually. There's dal on you sweater. I should have told you earlier.” Uh oh.
To be fair, I don't really get that many stares, like most guys. When I do get them, they're usually quite that embarrassing. Sometimes even more. In grade 11, I had an eye at this pretty girl in the microbus. She would look at me and smile, and then look at her female friend and again smile. Once or twice, she pointed at me and seemed to be saying something, I ignored them because I thought they'd look to desperate. So when we got down at the same stop( or maybe I got down in her stop), she called me. My heart jumped. Oh my god.
Yes, I would have thanked goddess Urvashi if she had vaporized me at that instant. Apparently, a public office that delivers mail and packages was open when it shouldn't have been. I would check myself whenever any girl laughed near me for the four following months. I did not talk to non-related females for two weeks following the incident, afraid that I'd embarrass myself again.
And then when I do get the stares, other people take the credit. I was with two of my female friends in a restaurant, facing them. One of them complained that someone at a table behind us was 'creepily' staring at her. I moved my chair so that the 'view' was blocked. The other friend said that now he was looking even more intently at her, and was standing up and turning his head around check them. I decided to see things for myself.
It was one of my old friends. He had thought he had seen me, and all the time he had been trying to confirm whether it was really me. He still laughs at the incident, imagining how weird my friends must have felt when he stared at 'them' so 'weirdly'. “I swear Runil, I was not staring 'weirdly' at you,: he reminds me. Damn. Won't someone, please?
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