"Halt! Who goes? Stop, or I'll shoot."
"I'll stop, don't shoot. I am here for a holiday. Hello! I am the metaphorical Penguin."
"I am sorry, but I don't think we allow 'metaphorical' animals to enter."
"I am a bird, silly. We can't even fly. And you don't need to let me in, I'll get in anyways."
"What the -- WHO ARE YOU? Identify yourself! This is a warning!"
"I said it, I am a metaphorical penguin."
"Penguins can't talk, let alone metaphorical penguins. They don't even exist. You know what I think? You're some dirty terrorist in a penguin costume. Get our right now!"
"People are so dumb sometimes. Don't you see I am the right size, and I walk like a penguin, and I have a penguin-y accent when I talk? How could my mouth be moving if I were not a penguin?"
"You're a robot then. Birds can't talk. Metaphorical birds are just that, they don't really exist."
"That's what you think.
"...And that is the truth..."
"Depends on how you define 'truth'..."
"Truth is absolute, it is the objective physical description of the world around us. You are not a bird because in the evolutionary tree, humans and penguins separated hundreds of millions years ago. Heck, we were never even together. The possibility that a penguin could talk is so minuscule that for all purposes, it is zero. And the bullshit about 'metaphorical' creatures. Metaphors are linguistic tools designed to make it easier to explain some things, by comparing one thing to something else the audience is already familiar with. It exists solely in out minds, and even to imagine the existence of an actual metaphorical being is ridiculous."
"Right, and wrong. There are things that go deeper that the physical appearance. You should know: it's your people who have discovered the atoms, and molecules, and all the 'strange' particles. But you are right in that a penguin could never talk like I do. But I've already said, I am not a penguin, I am a metaphorical penguin."
"The laws of physics govern the universe, and nothing can go beyond that. Since the existence of metaphorical beings violates several basic physical principles at once, you are not what you claim to be. You are a robot. "
"Well done, you know your Physics well. Physical laws determine the universe, but we make those laws. Not that we 'design' them, but we are parts of it, we metaphorical beings..."
"You are saying you are God, and that penguins created the Universe?"
"Wrong on both counts. I am not God, nor do I believe in a supreme being. But then, some of my friends believe in that, and I am okay with it. We did not create the Universe, and it's not just Penguins. We simply are parts of it, like atoms are parts of molecules, and molecules make humans. I am a penguin for you, because that's how you can perceive me."
"I lost you there. I am giving you a final chance to explain, or I shoot. I can justify shooting, you know.
"Being shot at is the least of my worries right now. Listen, when you think about atoms, what image pops up in your mind?"
"A circular billiard ball composed of a tiny nucleus made of even smaller balls, and electron clouds far away from the nucleus revolving around it."
"Exactly. But the truth is very difference. The universe does not care for round balls, or clouds or any such words you used. It just exists, and even if you imagined the nucleus as a horse, it would still exist. You are using the terms familiar to you to describe the nature of the universe. You are using metaphors of balls and clouds to describe atoms. So this is the answer to the question you asked earlier. What is that thing which is even more basic than the laws of physics? The laws of metaphors. Because if you had used the metaphor of horse and lion, your understanding would be completely different, and so would your perception. We are the ultimate beings."
"...but...Even if I had used the metaphor of horse and lion, the behavior of atoms would still be the same, and electrons would still revolve around the nucleus in imperfect circular path... My perception does not change the existence of things. Metaphors are just ways of understanding the nature that human beings, an insignificant specimen in the universe, created for themselves. It has absolutely no effect on the physical reality."
"And that is where you go wrong. You are right that most metaphors do not affect reality. But you are wrong in assuming that metaphors are only for humans. Every being, from you humans, to birds to insects, to single-cellular organisms, to molecules, to quarks, uses metaphors to understand--"
"Hah! Molecules and quarks are not 'beings'..."
"Yes, I was getting there, thanks for reminding. All beings use metaphors. And what you consider non-living are beings too. Let me ask you a question: what, according to you, is the right definition of a 'living being'?"
"Well--I am no scientist..."
"You may use wikipedia."
"The conditions for life are: Homeostasis, Organization, Metabolism, Growth, Adaptation, Response to Stimuli, and Reproduction..."
"...and if something does not meet either of those criteria..."
"... it is a non-living thing. It's not alive."
"Haha! I see that you have only one actual requirement there, and that too, not in its original form."
"Please explain.."
"Perception is the only thing that matters. Any object that can perceive its surroundings is a being. You almost included that in the 'response to stimuli', but missed it."
"Now I got you there! It is only those things that are considered 'alive' that perceive their surroundings."
"Oh really? In that case, your definition of perception is rather narrow, and should I say, racist. All things perceive, absolutely all things, and therefore the universe is a being made of almost infinite other beings. If you really want to you can call universe as a god, because it is a being, it can perceive. For example, how does a stone know that when you pick it up, it should get in your hands? It perceives the world. The atoms nearest to your hand are told by those in your hands to get goin'. Those atoms in turn 'tell' other atoms to follow them, and ultimately the stone gets picked up. Physical laws are merely means of communication between beings. You will argue that it was the so-and-so force of attraction that made the stone come up, but the so-and-so force is in fact the result of basic particles communicating with each other."
"Okayyy... So you do admit that it's the basic physical laws that determine everything, and play an utmost role in shaping how the universe works, irregardless of what we think about it?"
...If you read this far, congrats! I am tired. Laters!