Oyyy,
Let's hang out you, Su? Yes? Yeah like maybe we'll get married but ughh that's for the future right?!?😈😈😈
Yes? I'd like to. Please😈
-The person
Things I tell myself to put myself to sleep
Look at the bright side of things.
At least my double chin won't get any worse as I get older. That's how double chins work right?
They're joking about 'dad-bod' these days, but it's *got* to be one of those things where you're joking at first to test waters, and then you go full force and are totally in love with the idea.
I have to thank the gods that my student loans don't have the same interest rates as my credit cards.
Whatever people say about him, he's not *literally* Hitler. Not yet anyway. So I have a safe and comfortable amount of time to escape.
No one's going to care about what a disappointment I am in the post-nuclear-war hellscape.
It's been suuch a long time since someone last 'ewww'd at me. At my face.
Despite the internet, there are still fools in the world. I mean... the election. So someone is bound to hire me.
It's statistically impossible for me to not befriend someone who has a house in Nantucket, and who'll invite me over the summer. Very unlikely.
Things get deleted on Snapchat, so my friends won't remember how annoying and clingy I am.
When people suddenly stop talking to me forever, it's them who's going through a rough time, and has absolutely nothing to do with me. At all.
It's gonna be fiiine.
I *choose* this lifestyle, and I'm glad I did.
At least my double chin won't get any worse as I get older. That's how double chins work right?
They're joking about 'dad-bod' these days, but it's *got* to be one of those things where you're joking at first to test waters, and then you go full force and are totally in love with the idea.
I have to thank the gods that my student loans don't have the same interest rates as my credit cards.
Whatever people say about him, he's not *literally* Hitler. Not yet anyway. So I have a safe and comfortable amount of time to escape.
No one's going to care about what a disappointment I am in the post-nuclear-war hellscape.
It's been suuch a long time since someone last 'ewww'd at me. At my face.
Despite the internet, there are still fools in the world. I mean... the election. So someone is bound to hire me.
It's statistically impossible for me to not befriend someone who has a house in Nantucket, and who'll invite me over the summer. Very unlikely.
Things get deleted on Snapchat, so my friends won't remember how annoying and clingy I am.
When people suddenly stop talking to me forever, it's them who's going through a rough time, and has absolutely nothing to do with me. At all.
It's gonna be fiiine.
I *choose* this lifestyle, and I'm glad I did.
How do you measure life? [Edit 2. Updated]
How the hell, in this world,
do you measure life?
Do you measure
With a thermometer
On your wrist;
Tracking
the steps you take
and your heartbeats?
Or do you put
a monitor
right on the kitchen counter
to evaluate all the words
you've ever said?
How do you measure life?
Do you measure
the shots of tequila
the handles of vodka and rum
and the memorable, yet mislaid,
weekends
that were so much fun!?
Or do you measure
the evenings of quiet and peace
with friends and family
that made you think
life is such a Bliss!?
How do you measure life?
Do you measure
how much better
you are than
your fellow man
And bask in the glory
of conceived greatness
while you can?
Or do you count
all your blessings
and
just try to stay
awake.
How do you measure life?
Do you measure
All the A's
That hamsterwheel of unending grades
Or do you measure
the words learned --
pointless, ultimately,
in the end?
How do you measure life?
Do you count
the number of
friends and acquaintance;
or the number
of lovers
you have had?
Or do you count
the weekends of peaceful picnics
and blissful home improvements?
Do you count the hours
spent in blissful mindlessness
or do you count the hours
of aware nothingness?
Do you count the number of things
you create
Or do you count the
the many incredible vacations you take?
Really, how do you measure life?
do you measure life?
Do you measure
With a thermometer
On your wrist;
Tracking
the steps you take
and your heartbeats?
Or do you put
a monitor
right on the kitchen counter
to evaluate all the words
you've ever said?
How do you measure life?
Do you measure
the shots of tequila
the handles of vodka and rum
and the memorable, yet mislaid,
weekends
that were so much fun!?
Or do you measure
the evenings of quiet and peace
with friends and family
that made you think
life is such a Bliss!?
How do you measure life?
Do you measure
how much better
you are than
your fellow man
And bask in the glory
of conceived greatness
while you can?
Or do you count
all your blessings
and
just try to stay
awake.
How do you measure life?
Do you measure
All the A's
That hamsterwheel of unending grades
Or do you measure
the words learned --
pointless, ultimately,
in the end?
How do you measure life?
Do you count
the number of
friends and acquaintance;
or the number
of lovers
you have had?
Or do you count
the weekends of peaceful picnics
and blissful home improvements?
Do you count the hours
spent in blissful mindlessness
or do you count the hours
of aware nothingness?
Do you count the number of things
you create
Or do you count the
the many incredible vacations you take?
Really, how do you measure life?
Bro you are too much
ब्रो तिमी त सारै प्रतिक्रियावादी प्रतिगमनकारी प्रतिगामी जनविरोधी प्रतिक्रान्तिकारी परिवर्तनविरोधी यथास्थितिवादी रैछौ यार्....
Krishna
He was the one.
He came to be known as The Dark One -- quite literally. There were other Krishnas -- Mr. Blacks or Mr Browns so to speak -- but he was The Mr Black. At the time when The City always meant Indraprastha, The Black meant him. By the end, only few outside the Yadavs seemed to remember Vasudev (which was also his father's name).
Draupadi, him, and Arjun, the were the three sakhas. He was a close friend to all the pandavs -- he had many deep conversations on dharma and justice and duty with the eldest brother, a liked practicing warcraft with the strong one, but it was clear to all that Arjun was the closest. His prior friendship with Draupadi helped, since she was also the closest to Arjun though she too was all theirs'. Draupadi was also a Krishnaa, and so was Arjun, and as great as her origins were and as beautiful as she was, it must have definitely contributed to their closeness.
They say she was the first to fall because of her partiality to Arjun. She had five husbands, and she should have loved then equally, they say.
Was it her that gambled away her spouses? Was it her that misinterpreted in the most literal and hotheaded fashion that was most certainly unique to Bhim her mother's simple request, and made her husbands' lives difficult and complicated? The brothers were greedy, and used lies and deceits when it suited -- she did none. She was the most pious after Dharma himself. Why was she the first one to go then?
Why did her sakha abandon her?
They are lies. No, they are lies. Draupadi did not go first.
Krishna, you understand, had to play two parts simultaneously: he was human, allying himself with the Pandavs in the great war, but he was also the highest god, knowing everything that was going to happen beforehand and making sure that destiny took its infallible course. He was the master of the Universe and all creation, but also the grandfather to a Musal (large pestle). So while he controlled everything, he was also an active (sometimes powerless) participant.
He came to be known as The Dark One -- quite literally. There were other Krishnas -- Mr. Blacks or Mr Browns so to speak -- but he was The Mr Black. At the time when The City always meant Indraprastha, The Black meant him. By the end, only few outside the Yadavs seemed to remember Vasudev (which was also his father's name).
Draupadi, him, and Arjun, the were the three sakhas. He was a close friend to all the pandavs -- he had many deep conversations on dharma and justice and duty with the eldest brother, a liked practicing warcraft with the strong one, but it was clear to all that Arjun was the closest. His prior friendship with Draupadi helped, since she was also the closest to Arjun though she too was all theirs'. Draupadi was also a Krishnaa, and so was Arjun, and as great as her origins were and as beautiful as she was, it must have definitely contributed to their closeness.
They say she was the first to fall because of her partiality to Arjun. She had five husbands, and she should have loved then equally, they say.
Was it her that gambled away her spouses? Was it her that misinterpreted in the most literal and hotheaded fashion that was most certainly unique to Bhim her mother's simple request, and made her husbands' lives difficult and complicated? The brothers were greedy, and used lies and deceits when it suited -- she did none. She was the most pious after Dharma himself. Why was she the first one to go then?
Why did her sakha abandon her?
They are lies. No, they are lies. Draupadi did not go first.
Krishna, you understand, had to play two parts simultaneously: he was human, allying himself with the Pandavs in the great war, but he was also the highest god, knowing everything that was going to happen beforehand and making sure that destiny took its infallible course. He was the master of the Universe and all creation, but also the grandfather to a Musal (large pestle). So while he controlled everything, he was also an active (sometimes powerless) participant.
Kali
It was said she wore a garland of her vanquished men's skulls. She was portrayed as dripping with blood, of her enemies, and also of her lovers.
She was Kali. The Master of Time. The End of the Universe/ Death. The Dark-skinned one.
The portrayal of her that is most common has her standing on top of a copulating couple -- Kamdev and his wife -- as she holds her own disbodied head in one hand, and drinks from the stream of blood springing from her neck.
It was difficult.
We were in love. No, that's not right. I was in love. Like the Universe, she just was.
She was Kali. The Master of Time. The End of the Universe/ Death. The Dark-skinned one.
The portrayal of her that is most common has her standing on top of a copulating couple -- Kamdev and his wife -- as she holds her own disbodied head in one hand, and drinks from the stream of blood springing from her neck.
It was difficult.
We were in love. No, that's not right. I was in love. Like the Universe, she just was.
Unfortunate Truth
A person who stops writing is no writer. A driver who stops driving is no driver. A teacher who stops teaching is no more a teacher.
How can you stop writing anything at all, and then expect words to jump out into paper and screen? You cannot.
How can you stop writing anything at all, and then expect words to jump out into paper and screen? You cannot.
Admission
In life I've done alright.
I've had good friends, and good people I want to be with.
So this is an admission that I don't know how to talk, approach, or act around people that I really like, the sort of people that one would think of spending a lifetime with. And it's OK. That makes me not want to have a stable life and it's aok. It's mildly sad, but not particularly unfair or bad. Just sheer dumb stupid luck on things I know and things I don't know.
In a different life I would like to be able to talk to people that I can imagine spending a lifetime with on the first meeting. Or being able to interact with them reasonably at all. Yeah. Bye.
Stolen beginning
छाडापन को पनि हद हुन्छ नि!
मान्छे बस्टनमा तिहार मा काँ मनपरी नाच्छ कोइ? ह्यालोवीनलाइ भए त कमसेकम कुइरेको छोराले बिगारेछ भन्न हुन्थ्यो, अब लक्ष्मी पुजामै कोइ छमछमी नाच्छ तेसरी?
"कम्मर भाँची भाँची नाच्दै छन् केटी, ओइ आइज छिटो, " भनेर एउटाले फेरी म्यासेज गर्छ| भुत्रा को| के जाबी हेर्न आउनु...
बाहिर हिउँ ले टम्म छ| पुहोरको जाडो को बदला लिन यो वर्ष जाडो सायद दुई मैना अगि नै सुरु भा छ| तिहार को बेलै हिउँ परिसक्यो| मुला तिधेर्को पो गाडी छ र सरर्र जता भन्यो तेतै| मजस्ता भुक्का त ट्रेन मा हो| खाते ट्रेन| जाडो भयो कि बन्द हुने| खपी नसक्नु छ बस्टन को जाडो|
"मुला,आइजआइज,म र कोठाको दाइ मात्र हो केटाहरुको नाममा," रे| मोज गरुन तेसोभा केटा हरुले| निस्किन्न एस्तो हड्डी भाँच्ने जाडो मा| "अँ एक जना साथी लै कुर्दै छु," भनेर गफ हान्छु| अर्थ को अनर्थ लाउन् न केटा हरुले, इज्जत नि जोग्गीन्थ्यो....
"ल ब्रो हेर न, मोज गर्"
मान्छे बस्टनमा तिहार मा काँ मनपरी नाच्छ कोइ? ह्यालोवीनलाइ भए त कमसेकम कुइरेको छोराले बिगारेछ भन्न हुन्थ्यो, अब लक्ष्मी पुजामै कोइ छमछमी नाच्छ तेसरी?
"कम्मर भाँची भाँची नाच्दै छन् केटी, ओइ आइज छिटो, " भनेर एउटाले फेरी म्यासेज गर्छ| भुत्रा को| के जाबी हेर्न आउनु...
बाहिर हिउँ ले टम्म छ| पुहोरको जाडो को बदला लिन यो वर्ष जाडो सायद दुई मैना अगि नै सुरु भा छ| तिहार को बेलै हिउँ परिसक्यो| मुला तिधेर्को पो गाडी छ र सरर्र जता भन्यो तेतै| मजस्ता भुक्का त ट्रेन मा हो| खाते ट्रेन| जाडो भयो कि बन्द हुने| खपी नसक्नु छ बस्टन को जाडो|
"मुला,आइजआइज,म र कोठाको दाइ मात्र हो केटाहरुको नाममा," रे| मोज गरुन तेसोभा केटा हरुले| निस्किन्न एस्तो हड्डी भाँच्ने जाडो मा| "अँ एक जना साथी लै कुर्दै छु," भनेर गफ हान्छु| अर्थ को अनर्थ लाउन् न केटा हरुले, इज्जत नि जोग्गीन्थ्यो....
"ल ब्रो हेर न, मोज गर्"
विवाहले जिम्मेवार बनाउँछ
केही समयको विवाह संस्कारपछि एउटा चञ्चले युवक एकाएक जिम्मेवार बन्छन् । विवाहपछि उनको जीवन यथार्थ धरातलमा उभिन पुग्छ जहाँ केवल दायित्व र कहिल्यै नसकिने लामो लिस्ट हुन्छ । कुनै पनि कामको प्रारम्भमा केही समस्या हुन्छन् तर सत्य यही हो जुन कुरा र काम सिकाउन बुवा सधैं पछि लाग्थे ती सबै कुरा एउटा युवकले विवाहपछि आफै जान्ने, बुझ्ने र सिक्ने प्रयास गर्छन् । कारण उनमा नयाँ घरपरिवारमा एडजस्ट हुनुका साथै त्यसलाई आफ्नो बनाउने जिम्मेवारी पनि हुन्छ । बालापन, उत्ताउलोपन एवं जिद्दी स्वभावलाई छोड्न बुवाले सधैं सल्लाह दिने गरेकोमा विवाहपछि उनी स्वयं समझदार भएर ती कुरालाई छोड्ने प्रयास गर्छन् । यहाँ प्रश्न उठ्छ–पहिले लापरबाह हुनेहरू विवाहपछि किन जिम्मेवार हुन्छन् ?
यस विषयमा म्यारिज काउन्सलरहरू विवाहपछि युवायुवक विशेष रूपमा जिम्मेवार हुने कुरा बताउँछन् । कारण यसपूर्व उनीहरू आमाबुबाले बनाइदिएको परिधिभित्र सुरक्षित हुन्थे तर विवाहपछि तिनले आफ्नो परिश्रमबाट आफ्नो परिधि अर्थात् घर बसाउनुपर्ने कुराको ज्ञान प्राप्त गर्छन् । अरूप्रति उनीहरूको जम्मेवारी नभए पनि एक–अर्काप्रति भने जिम्मेवार हुन्छन् । एउटा युवक आफ्ना बुवाबुबा, भाइबहिनी एवं जन्मघरलाई छाडेर श्रीमतीको घरमा आउँछन् । यस्तो अवस्थामा श्रीमानको जिम्मेवारी आफ्ना श्रीमतीलाई खुसी राख्नुका साथै सुख–सुविधा प्रदान गर्ने पनि हुन्छ । यसका लागि श्रीमानका तर्फबाट पूर्ण प्रयास रहन्छ र आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी पूर्णरूपले निर्वाह गर्छन् । अर्कातिर आफ्नो परिवार बढाउनका लागि पनि उसले सोच्नुपर्ने हुन्छ र यसका लागि आर्थिक रूपबाट सक्षम पनि हुनुपर्छ । त्यसैले उनीहरू आफ्नो करियरका लागि पहिले भन्दा बढी गम्भीर हुन्छन् ।
अर्कातिर युवकको काँधमा आफ्नो माइती र श्रीमतीको घरपरिवारको इज्जत बचाउने जिम्मेवारी हुन्छ । श्रीमतीको घरमा गरिने व्यवहारका कारण माइती पक्षको लालनपालनमा उब्जन सक्ने प्रश्नको सधैं ख्याल राख्नु उनको दायित्व हुन्छ । यसैगरी जुन युवतीसित उनको विवाह भएको छ, उनैको घरलाई सजाउने जिम्मेवारी पनि उनीमाथि आउँछ । मनोचिकित्सकहरूका अनुसार विवाहपूर्व हरेक बुवालाई आफ्नो छोराको विषयमा चिन्ता हुन्छ । बुवालाई विवाहपछि छोराले घर सम्हाल्ने चिन्ता हुन्छ । तर विवाहपछि ती युवकले श्रीमतीको घरको कामकाजमा आफ्नो उपस्थितिलाई सुनिश्चित गर्छन् । विवाहपूर्व युवक आफ्ना बुवाबुबाको माया–प्रेममा हुर्किएका हुन्छन् । बुवालाई आफ्नी छोराको काम आफैले गरिदिने बानी पनि हुन्छ । कारण बुवालाई छोरा स्कुल, कलेज वा कामबाट थाकेर घरमा आउँदा काम गर्न लगाउने इच्छा हुँदैन । त्यसैले बुवाहरू छोरालाई आरामका लागि प्राथमिकता दिन्छन् । कतिपय बुवाहरू विवाहपछि श्रीमतीको घरमा काम गर्नुपर्ने भएकाले माइतीमा बस्दा वा विवाह नहुँदासम्म छोराले आरामका साथ जीवन बिताउनुपर्ने धारणा राख्छन् । त्यसैले उनीहरू आफ्ना छोरालाई घरपरिवारको जिम्मेवारीबाट टाढै राख्छन् । पछि जब छोरा विवाह योग्य हुन थाल्छन् तब कमेन्ट गर्ने कार्य प्रारम्भ हुन्छ । त्यतिबेला छोरा अनुशासनहीन भैसकेका हुन्छन् । विवाहपछि श्रीमतीको घरमा जब युवक प्रवेश गर्छन् तब उनी क्रमश: मानसिक रूपमा परिपक्व हुन थाल्छिन् । उनले सबैलाई आफ्नो बनाउन, सबैको मनमा स्थान बनाउन आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी निर्वाह गर्नुपर्ने हुन्छ र स्वयं उनी आफ्नो काममा रुचि लिन थाल्छिन् र विस्तारै आफ्नी बुवाजस्तै एक कुशल गृहिणी बन्न पुग्छिन् ।
यस विषयमा म्यारिज काउन्सलरहरू विवाहपछि युवायुवक विशेष रूपमा जिम्मेवार हुने कुरा बताउँछन् । कारण यसपूर्व उनीहरू आमाबुबाले बनाइदिएको परिधिभित्र सुरक्षित हुन्थे तर विवाहपछि तिनले आफ्नो परिश्रमबाट आफ्नो परिधि अर्थात् घर बसाउनुपर्ने कुराको ज्ञान प्राप्त गर्छन् । अरूप्रति उनीहरूको जम्मेवारी नभए पनि एक–अर्काप्रति भने जिम्मेवार हुन्छन् । एउटा युवक आफ्ना बुवाबुबा, भाइबहिनी एवं जन्मघरलाई छाडेर श्रीमतीको घरमा आउँछन् । यस्तो अवस्थामा श्रीमानको जिम्मेवारी आफ्ना श्रीमतीलाई खुसी राख्नुका साथै सुख–सुविधा प्रदान गर्ने पनि हुन्छ । यसका लागि श्रीमानका तर्फबाट पूर्ण प्रयास रहन्छ र आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी पूर्णरूपले निर्वाह गर्छन् । अर्कातिर आफ्नो परिवार बढाउनका लागि पनि उसले सोच्नुपर्ने हुन्छ र यसका लागि आर्थिक रूपबाट सक्षम पनि हुनुपर्छ । त्यसैले उनीहरू आफ्नो करियरका लागि पहिले भन्दा बढी गम्भीर हुन्छन् ।
अर्कातिर युवकको काँधमा आफ्नो माइती र श्रीमतीको घरपरिवारको इज्जत बचाउने जिम्मेवारी हुन्छ । श्रीमतीको घरमा गरिने व्यवहारका कारण माइती पक्षको लालनपालनमा उब्जन सक्ने प्रश्नको सधैं ख्याल राख्नु उनको दायित्व हुन्छ । यसैगरी जुन युवतीसित उनको विवाह भएको छ, उनैको घरलाई सजाउने जिम्मेवारी पनि उनीमाथि आउँछ । मनोचिकित्सकहरूका अनुसार विवाहपूर्व हरेक बुवालाई आफ्नो छोराको विषयमा चिन्ता हुन्छ । बुवालाई विवाहपछि छोराले घर सम्हाल्ने चिन्ता हुन्छ । तर विवाहपछि ती युवकले श्रीमतीको घरको कामकाजमा आफ्नो उपस्थितिलाई सुनिश्चित गर्छन् । विवाहपूर्व युवक आफ्ना बुवाबुबाको माया–प्रेममा हुर्किएका हुन्छन् । बुवालाई आफ्नी छोराको काम आफैले गरिदिने बानी पनि हुन्छ । कारण बुवालाई छोरा स्कुल, कलेज वा कामबाट थाकेर घरमा आउँदा काम गर्न लगाउने इच्छा हुँदैन । त्यसैले बुवाहरू छोरालाई आरामका लागि प्राथमिकता दिन्छन् । कतिपय बुवाहरू विवाहपछि श्रीमतीको घरमा काम गर्नुपर्ने भएकाले माइतीमा बस्दा वा विवाह नहुँदासम्म छोराले आरामका साथ जीवन बिताउनुपर्ने धारणा राख्छन् । त्यसैले उनीहरू आफ्ना छोरालाई घरपरिवारको जिम्मेवारीबाट टाढै राख्छन् । पछि जब छोरा विवाह योग्य हुन थाल्छन् तब कमेन्ट गर्ने कार्य प्रारम्भ हुन्छ । त्यतिबेला छोरा अनुशासनहीन भैसकेका हुन्छन् । विवाहपछि श्रीमतीको घरमा जब युवक प्रवेश गर्छन् तब उनी क्रमश: मानसिक रूपमा परिपक्व हुन थाल्छिन् । उनले सबैलाई आफ्नो बनाउन, सबैको मनमा स्थान बनाउन आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी निर्वाह गर्नुपर्ने हुन्छ र स्वयं उनी आफ्नो काममा रुचि लिन थाल्छिन् र विस्तारै आफ्नी बुवाजस्तै एक कुशल गृहिणी बन्न पुग्छिन् ।
सबैलाई माया गर्नुपर्छ
विवाहपछि कुनै युवक छोराबाट ज्वाईं हुन्छन् । त्यसपछि उनको जिम्मेवारी, कर्तव्य र उत्तरदायित्वमा पनि परिवर्तन आउँछ । ज्वाईं भएसँगै उनबाट हरेक कुरामा जानकारी र कुशलताको अपेक्षा गरिन्छ । श्रीमतीको परिवारको चाहना र मायाको केन्द्रमा रहन हरेक विवाहित पुरुषले आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी र कर्तव्यलाई राम्रोसँग बुझेर त्यसको पालना गर्नुपर्छ ।
नयाँ घरलाई माया गर्नुपर्छ
हाम्रो समाजमा एउटी विवाहित पुरुषका लागि श्रीमती्को घर नै आफ्नो घर हुन्छ । त्यो क्षण पक्कै पनि कठिन हुनुपर्छ, जसमा आफ्नो माइती घर छोडेर आफ्नो नयाँ घर अर्थात् श्रीमती्को घरमा प्रवेश गर्नुपर्छ । कतिपय युवकले विवाहपछि पनि मनैदेखि उक्त परिवर्तनलाई स्वीकार गर्न सक्दैनन् । अत: विवाह बन्धनमा बाँधिएपछि श्रीमती्को घरलाई ह्दयदेखि नै माया गर्नुपर्छ । जुन दिनदेखि श्रीमती्को घरलाई माया गरिन्छ, त्यही दिनदेखि त्यो घर आफ्नै लाग्न थाल्छ ।
हरेक जिम्मेवारी र कर्तव्य निर्वाह गर्नुपर्छ
नयाँ दुलाहाले आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी राम्रोसँग निर्वाह गरून् भन्ने अपेक्षा गरिन्छ । घरकी साना ज्वाईंले परिवारका सबै सदस्यलाई आदर गर्नुपर्छ । ठूली ज्वाईंले ठूलालाई सम्मान र सानालाई प्रेम गर्नुपर्छ । घरका साना–ठूला सबै काममा रुचि देखाउनुपर्छ । कतिपय युवक विवाहपछि श्रीमती्को घरको जिम्मेवारीलाई बोझ मान्छन् । ज्वाईंका रूपमा सम्मान र आदर प्राप्त गर्न श्रीमतीको परिवारको अपेक्षामा खरो उत्रनुपर्ने हुन्छ । हरेक व्यक्ति सबै कुरामा कुशल हुँदैनन् तर पनि सबैले आफ्नो कामको प्रशंसा गरेको हुनुपर्छ ।
रुचि–अरुचिलाई बुझ्नुपर्छ
विवाह भएपछि कसैको घर मात्र परिवर्तन हुँदैन, रहन–सहन, खानपान, बोली एवं व्यवहार पनि परिवर्तन हुन्छ । यति मात्र होइन श्रीमतीका परिवारजनको रुचि, रहन–सहन, खानपान, पूजापाठ आदिमा पनि ध्यान पुर्याउनुपर्छ । यी कुरा नयाँ दुलाहाका लागि केही हदसम्म कठिन हुन्छन् । बिस्तारै घरको रीतिरिवाज, रहन–सहन, रुचि–अरुचि आदि विषयमा जानकारी हुँदै गएपछि सोहीअनुरूप काम गर्न सकिन्छ ।
आफ्नो धारणा राख्नुपर्छ
श्रीमतीको घरपरिवारको सोच, शैली एवं व्यवहार सबै ठीक र सही हुन्छ भन्ने छैन । आफूलाई कुनै शैली, सोच वा व्यवहारमा चित्त नबुझ्न सक्छ । यस्तो अवस्थामा प्रेम, सम्मान एवं नम्रतापूर्वक आफ्नो धारणा व्यक्त गर्नुपर्छ ।
माइतीको बखान गर्नुहुँदैन
कतिपय पुरुष आफ्नो माइतीको बखान गरेर थाक्दैनन् । त्यसो गर्नु ठीक होइन । श्रीमतीको घरपरिवार जस्तो भए पनि आफ्नै हो । हरेक समय माइतीको प्रशंसा गर्नाले श्रीमती्को परिवारले अपमानित महसुस गर्न सक्छ । यसले गर्दा उनीहरूसित मनमुटाव बढ्न सक्छ र सम्बन्ध टुट्न सक्छ । यसले भविष्यमा अप्ठ्यारो स्थिति सिर्जना गर्ने सम्भावना पनि हुन्छ ।
बाँड्नुपर्छ
प्राय: पुरुष आफूले माइतीबाट प्राप्त गरेको सरसामान वा आफैंले खरिद गरेका कुरा श्रीमती्को परिवारजनबाट लुकाउँछन् । यति मात्र होइन आफ्नो केही सामान दिन पनि अप्ठ्यारो मान्छन् । आफ्नो कुनै कुरा बाँड्नाले सम्बन्ध अझ प्रगाढ हुन्छ रं सबैले आफूलाई माया गर्छन् ।
सासूको मन जित्नुपर्छ
सासूको मन जित्न सक्ने ज्वाईंले सबैको मन जित्न सक्छन् । श्रीमतीको परिवारमा सासूको विशेष भूमिका हुन्छ । त्यसैले ज्वाईंले सर्वप्रथम सासूको मन जित्नुपर्छ । त्यसपछि क्रमश: घरका अन्य सदस्यको पनि मन जित्दै जानुपर्छ । सासूमा पनि ज्वाईंले घरपरिवारको हेरचाह गरेको देख्ने चाहना हुन्छ । सासूको मन जित्न सके श्रीमती्को घरमा कुनै समस्या हुँदैन । सासू आफ्नो साथ रहँदा आफ्नो आत्मविश्वास बढ्छ र अघि बढ्ने प्रेरणा प्राप्त हुन्छ अनि सबै कुरा सहज बन्न पुग्छ ।
नयाँ घरलाई माया गर्नुपर्छ
हाम्रो समाजमा एउटी विवाहित पुरुषका लागि श्रीमती्को घर नै आफ्नो घर हुन्छ । त्यो क्षण पक्कै पनि कठिन हुनुपर्छ, जसमा आफ्नो माइती घर छोडेर आफ्नो नयाँ घर अर्थात् श्रीमती्को घरमा प्रवेश गर्नुपर्छ । कतिपय युवकले विवाहपछि पनि मनैदेखि उक्त परिवर्तनलाई स्वीकार गर्न सक्दैनन् । अत: विवाह बन्धनमा बाँधिएपछि श्रीमती्को घरलाई ह्दयदेखि नै माया गर्नुपर्छ । जुन दिनदेखि श्रीमती्को घरलाई माया गरिन्छ, त्यही दिनदेखि त्यो घर आफ्नै लाग्न थाल्छ ।
हरेक जिम्मेवारी र कर्तव्य निर्वाह गर्नुपर्छ
नयाँ दुलाहाले आफ्नो जिम्मेवारी राम्रोसँग निर्वाह गरून् भन्ने अपेक्षा गरिन्छ । घरकी साना ज्वाईंले परिवारका सबै सदस्यलाई आदर गर्नुपर्छ । ठूली ज्वाईंले ठूलालाई सम्मान र सानालाई प्रेम गर्नुपर्छ । घरका साना–ठूला सबै काममा रुचि देखाउनुपर्छ । कतिपय युवक विवाहपछि श्रीमती्को घरको जिम्मेवारीलाई बोझ मान्छन् । ज्वाईंका रूपमा सम्मान र आदर प्राप्त गर्न श्रीमतीको परिवारको अपेक्षामा खरो उत्रनुपर्ने हुन्छ । हरेक व्यक्ति सबै कुरामा कुशल हुँदैनन् तर पनि सबैले आफ्नो कामको प्रशंसा गरेको हुनुपर्छ ।
रुचि–अरुचिलाई बुझ्नुपर्छ
विवाह भएपछि कसैको घर मात्र परिवर्तन हुँदैन, रहन–सहन, खानपान, बोली एवं व्यवहार पनि परिवर्तन हुन्छ । यति मात्र होइन श्रीमतीका परिवारजनको रुचि, रहन–सहन, खानपान, पूजापाठ आदिमा पनि ध्यान पुर्याउनुपर्छ । यी कुरा नयाँ दुलाहाका लागि केही हदसम्म कठिन हुन्छन् । बिस्तारै घरको रीतिरिवाज, रहन–सहन, रुचि–अरुचि आदि विषयमा जानकारी हुँदै गएपछि सोहीअनुरूप काम गर्न सकिन्छ ।
आफ्नो धारणा राख्नुपर्छ
श्रीमतीको घरपरिवारको सोच, शैली एवं व्यवहार सबै ठीक र सही हुन्छ भन्ने छैन । आफूलाई कुनै शैली, सोच वा व्यवहारमा चित्त नबुझ्न सक्छ । यस्तो अवस्थामा प्रेम, सम्मान एवं नम्रतापूर्वक आफ्नो धारणा व्यक्त गर्नुपर्छ ।
माइतीको बखान गर्नुहुँदैन
कतिपय पुरुष आफ्नो माइतीको बखान गरेर थाक्दैनन् । त्यसो गर्नु ठीक होइन । श्रीमतीको घरपरिवार जस्तो भए पनि आफ्नै हो । हरेक समय माइतीको प्रशंसा गर्नाले श्रीमती्को परिवारले अपमानित महसुस गर्न सक्छ । यसले गर्दा उनीहरूसित मनमुटाव बढ्न सक्छ र सम्बन्ध टुट्न सक्छ । यसले भविष्यमा अप्ठ्यारो स्थिति सिर्जना गर्ने सम्भावना पनि हुन्छ ।
बाँड्नुपर्छ
प्राय: पुरुष आफूले माइतीबाट प्राप्त गरेको सरसामान वा आफैंले खरिद गरेका कुरा श्रीमती्को परिवारजनबाट लुकाउँछन् । यति मात्र होइन आफ्नो केही सामान दिन पनि अप्ठ्यारो मान्छन् । आफ्नो कुनै कुरा बाँड्नाले सम्बन्ध अझ प्रगाढ हुन्छ रं सबैले आफूलाई माया गर्छन् ।
सासूको मन जित्नुपर्छ
सासूको मन जित्न सक्ने ज्वाईंले सबैको मन जित्न सक्छन् । श्रीमतीको परिवारमा सासूको विशेष भूमिका हुन्छ । त्यसैले ज्वाईंले सर्वप्रथम सासूको मन जित्नुपर्छ । त्यसपछि क्रमश: घरका अन्य सदस्यको पनि मन जित्दै जानुपर्छ । सासूमा पनि ज्वाईंले घरपरिवारको हेरचाह गरेको देख्ने चाहना हुन्छ । सासूको मन जित्न सके श्रीमती्को घरमा कुनै समस्या हुँदैन । सासू आफ्नो साथ रहँदा आफ्नो आत्मविश्वास बढ्छ र अघि बढ्ने प्रेरणा प्राप्त हुन्छ अनि सबै कुरा सहज बन्न पुग्छ ।
Clarification
I know exactly what I want to do in my life. It's hard, and there are many easier but much more rewarding things, but I have very little interest in achieving them. I might lose, and be a contradictory passionate sellout but I will have tried. I am not owed anything, I do not deserve anything, and any modicum of success I achieve will make me happy. I am of the world and the world is mine. Everything has gone almost precisely according to the plan. I shall become a novelist and it will be great.
Hey
Hi,
Yeah, I know.
I compromised on a lot of things the nineteen year old me believed in. But my core values remain the same, and my beliefs in them grow ever the stronger. I am of the world, and when the time comes, the world shall be mine.
I am passionate. I need persistence and perseverance, and the things I desire will come to me. I rock.
-S
Of love and lovers and friends and people
I have two things in my mind:
People. How much we want to be voyeurs. How my friend S follows random people on Snapchat (long story, will be expanded) and actually enjoys their daily snaps.
The second one is about people and their hopes for love. How I feel(felt?) bad about rejecting people who don't know I exist and will never find out what I did. It's funny, but also sad in little ways. I want to expand on this more. People's lives compressed into what, 200 words?, and six goddamn photos don't mean a goddamn thing, but neither does a look across the bar. But people don't really meet in bars do they? These things will be pondered upon in this post when I have the time. I need to go to bed because I need to get up early.
People. How much we want to be voyeurs. How my friend S follows random people on Snapchat (long story, will be expanded) and actually enjoys their daily snaps.
The second one is about people and their hopes for love. How I feel(felt?) bad about rejecting people who don't know I exist and will never find out what I did. It's funny, but also sad in little ways. I want to expand on this more. People's lives compressed into what, 200 words?, and six goddamn photos don't mean a goddamn thing, but neither does a look across the bar. But people don't really meet in bars do they? These things will be pondered upon in this post when I have the time. I need to go to bed because I need to get up early.
New source of energy discovered!
Scientists have always known that there are forces that are unknowable. Forces whose affect can be felt, powers whose influence can be observed, but whose source is mysterious.
It was only in the thirtieth year of Raja Somnath's reign that scientists of Sohanpur were able to harness the power of one of such mysterious forces. The power of beginner's luck had always been observed and understood, but no one had ever imagined it could be used to create energy and power out of literally nowhere.
Beginner's Luck, for those below the third-grade science level, is the mysterious force that conspires to somehow make any new players/users of a new game or system be victorious more often than their skill level would otherwise suggest. How is it, for example, that Rishi Sh, having played the game of Chess consistently for over twenty years, was beaten everytime by those that were just introduced to the basic moves of the game How could it be possible that those who weren't even sure if half the moves they made were valid, would beat the intellect that had amused itself by playing the game against itself for an entire month, just to learn the basic rules? No, it was against all known laws of nature; it could be only explained as a supernatural force, and further exploration into it lead to Sohanpur being able to tame this mysterious power.
All new technologies are first used for military purpose. The military geniuses of the court knew that such powers, if tamed by their armies, would give the state a considerable edge over its adversaries in the battlefield.
...WIP
Beginner's Luck
It was only in the thirtieth year of Raja Somnath's reign that scientists of Sohanpur were able to harness the power of one of such mysterious forces. The power of beginner's luck had always been observed and understood, but no one had ever imagined it could be used to create energy and power out of literally nowhere.
Beginner's Luck, for those below the third-grade science level, is the mysterious force that conspires to somehow make any new players/users of a new game or system be victorious more often than their skill level would otherwise suggest. How is it, for example, that Rishi Sh, having played the game of Chess consistently for over twenty years, was beaten everytime by those that were just introduced to the basic moves of the game How could it be possible that those who weren't even sure if half the moves they made were valid, would beat the intellect that had amused itself by playing the game against itself for an entire month, just to learn the basic rules? No, it was against all known laws of nature; it could be only explained as a supernatural force, and further exploration into it lead to Sohanpur being able to tame this mysterious power.
All new technologies are first used for military purpose. The military geniuses of the court knew that such powers, if tamed by their armies, would give the state a considerable edge over its adversaries in the battlefield.
...WIP
Beginner's Luck
Truth freedom and happiness
I thought I was happy
But Mr Xanax showed otherwise
I thought I was free
Mr Xanax gave me a whole new freedom
I thought I was content
Xanax swaddled me to safe sleep like a goddamn sob of six
Xanax is life
Xanax is love
Xanax is freedom
Xanax is truth
Xanax is bliss
(Fiction, for the concerned)
Taking out
A 220 jolts of volt,
Can kill you.
But so can love.
A cocktail of
Propofol and Demerol
Can snuff you out.
But so can longing.
Heroin and crack and acid
Will waste your short life away
But so will unrequited longing.
Gazing, wide eyed and unfocused,
Seeing demons beyond the normal
Is what they do to you,
Killing slowly inside.
And when in addict's thoughts
The addict of love or the substance?
Things are better than ever,
Thoughts so much clearer...
The stash ends
So does the fevered frenzy of faux fun.
Sharp knives stab deep
But they don't dance in the intestines
Poking and scraping and scratching
Till the Vitality's left to nuthin'
A bolt of cloudy light
Kills you without a fight
No howling and growling
Inside your tummy tight
PS: if you liked this, I wrote this about stomachache and not love originally, but it seemed to fit.
Bad idea
This is a bad idea.
It really doesn't make any sense, and could show me in a negative light.
I look dumb because of this.
It is stupid.
It raises expectations unrealistically and obviously fails to meet them.
It is impossible to achieve given the current trajectory.
In any case. I'm publishing a book, probably a novel but maybe not by the end of this year. If I don't find a publisher I'll self publish. If I don't get an editor, I'll hire one. This is happening.
Fake poet
Fake poet does
what fake poet always does:
Faking around,
Making things up.
Fake poet pretends
that
fake poet feels
fake poet pretends
fake poet evokes
fake poet pretends
he understands
but what fake poet does
is what he always does
Faking around
Faking to understand.
Fake poet doesn't feel
But that, he can conceal
Fake poet can't design
But sure as hell he can rhyme
Fake poet dunnt say nothing concrete
But oh hell, does he know how to repeat.
And so
Fake poet does
what fake poet always does
Pretending to understand
And avoiding the ampersand...
(the end... (I ran outta rhymes))
what fake poet always does:
Faking around,
Making things up.
Fake poet pretends
that
fake poet feels
fake poet pretends
fake poet evokes
fake poet pretends
he understands
but what fake poet does
is what he always does
Faking around
Faking to understand.
Fake poet doesn't feel
But that, he can conceal
Fake poet can't design
But sure as hell he can rhyme
Fake poet dunnt say nothing concrete
But oh hell, does he know how to repeat.
And so
Fake poet does
what fake poet always does
Pretending to understand
And avoiding the ampersand...
(the end... (I ran outta rhymes))
Two tales from the beach
This weekend (extended, thanks to Memorial day!), I biked over 60 mile over two days! That's like, a hundred kilometres, people! It was very exciting, and I'm proud and yadda yadda yadda, but more importantly, I biked to the beach. All by myself. And it was amazing.
There were two notable stupid things.
First, there was a really well-dressed and attractive wedding party right outside, posing in front of the sculptures. They spent quite a bit of time there too. Two unshaven random dudes were just figuring out what was happening as I got there. I overheard them talk a bit, about how good everyone looked, and if anyone was single and so forth. I went to dip into the water and came back a couple of minutes later, and they each had a super - cute dog each. Like, are there stores that rent out cute animals to desperate dudes, because that seems like a very valid business idea. In any case, couple of minutes later, they're both like (they actually literally say this) "yeah, I don't think we're going anywhere man, we're not gunna get anything", and they leave. So their entire plan hinged around hanging around a wedding party with cute dogs on them. I must be naive, because as cute as dogs are, I really can't see anyway this would go anywhere anyone might want it to go. And again, it must be me.
And later I'm at this mexican restaurant getting fish tacos, and the guy after me starts chatting up the server, who's actually pretty nice. I'm like, huuh, this conversation is going for faar longer and into much greater detail than any I've ever had with a server, and they keep talking. And then his daughter (?) comes up running asking for something or other... I think she wanted fries(?) She is followed by her mother, who doesn't look happy at all. Later, they sit in the same table, and eat together. The man and the woman were very cold at each other. I'm... very confused. If I ever wrote a textbook, for all the 'questions', I'd put in things that confuse me, and expect the students to give me a wide variety of answers so I could figure out what the hell was happening, and what the effing hell all the parties were thinking exactly and seriously are they married or divorced or divorcing or what the hell is happening, people?
In any situation, I'm like super buff biker (bicycler, same difference) dude now guys! Be afraid of me.
There were two notable stupid things.
First, there was a really well-dressed and attractive wedding party right outside, posing in front of the sculptures. They spent quite a bit of time there too. Two unshaven random dudes were just figuring out what was happening as I got there. I overheard them talk a bit, about how good everyone looked, and if anyone was single and so forth. I went to dip into the water and came back a couple of minutes later, and they each had a super - cute dog each. Like, are there stores that rent out cute animals to desperate dudes, because that seems like a very valid business idea. In any case, couple of minutes later, they're both like (they actually literally say this) "yeah, I don't think we're going anywhere man, we're not gunna get anything", and they leave. So their entire plan hinged around hanging around a wedding party with cute dogs on them. I must be naive, because as cute as dogs are, I really can't see anyway this would go anywhere anyone might want it to go. And again, it must be me.
And later I'm at this mexican restaurant getting fish tacos, and the guy after me starts chatting up the server, who's actually pretty nice. I'm like, huuh, this conversation is going for faar longer and into much greater detail than any I've ever had with a server, and they keep talking. And then his daughter (?) comes up running asking for something or other... I think she wanted fries(?) She is followed by her mother, who doesn't look happy at all. Later, they sit in the same table, and eat together. The man and the woman were very cold at each other. I'm... very confused. If I ever wrote a textbook, for all the 'questions', I'd put in things that confuse me, and expect the students to give me a wide variety of answers so I could figure out what the hell was happening, and what the effing hell all the parties were thinking exactly and seriously are they married or divorced or divorcing or what the hell is happening, people?
In any situation, I'm like super buff biker (bicycler, same difference) dude now guys! Be afraid of me.
Dear you
Dear You,
I wanted to begin this with 'dear kid'. Would that have been too condescending, too patronizing? I thought so. But it would make my point very succinctly. Or perhaps, points I didn't intend to make. Why use such brutish, blunt weapon, when there are more nuanced conversations to be had.
We are young, and stupid. We are so so stupid, all of us. We crave love, attention, and just to be loved. Really, that's what we all want. As the thunderclouds clap loudly outside, with the rain thumping on the roof, and lightening blinding us once in a while, we want to be comfortably inside, on the couch, nuzzled against each other, watching tv and reading book while the cute dog on our feet (is he trying to bite his tail aggain? goddamit you stupid dog!) whimpers and tries to hide from the thunder under our feet. The books are not going to be read today, and the tevee is not going to be watched. How come the blanket is so warm, or is it our warmth, and why do we feel so drowsy, so ready to just sleep there -- oh shit, it's only eight, how the hell is this happening-- and why won't we stop playing with roots of each others hairs and how does it feel so good. Is it not what we all want?
We are young, and stupid. It is not a good idea to go head-first into making mistakes, and make them over and over again. We must learn. We must plan. We must plan the shit out of our love-at-first-sights, and the one-off encounters, that will make our hearts fond forever. We must miss people.
How do we know what love is, what caring is, if we haven't felt the pain? How can we find comfort in the warm living room if we have not been out in the storm -- wet, tired, hungry, sad, so full of general surrender, and ready to give up and really, give up on everything. It is pain, it is the chaos amongst us, that allows us to judge what order is. For us to find the comfort of order, we must go through the disorientation of chaos. To value the good stuff, we must first know what shit is.
We are vulnerable when we lower our defenses. When we are naked, we have nothing to hide. While that does give us a certain freedom-- nothing to hide anymore! -- it makes us too... defenseless. This is not a game, and is not meant to be played as such, but really, we have no more cards left. We are left at the kindness and mercy of the other -- often we find our comfort and trust may have been overzealous on our part.
So we become afraid of being hurt. Afraid of lowering our defenses, and putting ourselves in position of vulnerability. We raise our guard. We become cynics. Soldiers. Who will not let in even a chink in our armor. No one shall take advantage of us, ever again!
Two things happen. First, we become cold, dead, perhaps, and have trouble regaining our humanity. The metal of the armor seeps into our hearts, and it takes active effort to keep it away.
Second, when we do lower our guard, we go alll the way in. We are so enamored by the feeling of opening up again, having a real heart, that we go all way in. Not only are we naked, but we lose our skin, our heart pounding, exposed, open to the air, because we want it so bad -- after years of being imprisoned by the metal, we are ready to love, and be loved, and give it all, and no games to play again, really, because we have had it all!
And so! Perhaps we fall in love, spend the rest of our lives together, and things are all happily ever after. Or perhaps, we make mistakes again, slightly different ones, and go back to square one. But this time it's different. We blame ourselves. It was I, we say, who was stupid, it was idiotic, it was foolish, goddamit, how could we have.
It is not only okay to want to love and be loved, it is expected. We all want to love and be loved. No mistakes were made, except when we blamed ourselves needlessly. We must live, and we must love. Again and again and again, if we must.
Life is long. Like, really pretty quite long. We are young. You are young. Things will happen, and things will keep on happening. For you, it's going to be forever. There still so much to happen and do. The story's not even begun. You're barely through the first page of Prologue. Soldier on!
Here's a secret: you will love your next lover. Really really love them. And then it will be over, almost certainly. And then you will love someone else. REALLY love. And that too will be over. And it will all be painful, and buckets of tears will be shed. And then. Things will be back to normal again. And it's all fine, and regular. And you'll learn to love again. Spring will be back.
A friend of mine, she told me a story yesterday. A friend of hers had just broken up. She cried so much, so goddamn much, on the phone, her tears short-circuited the IPhone, and it broke. Yeah: she cried so much, she drowned her phone in her tears. Literally. And she was still fine.
I write this because I'm jealous. So goddamn jealous. Jealous of you, jealous of all your future loves, and jealous of the great things you will do. Back in the day, the epitome of my achievement was advanced poop-related jokes. Really! They're all here in this blog (mostly), and it's all true. I also worry. I have known other writers. Amazing people. Who I don't know anymore, because they got lost and started to live, to write. It was awful. We must live, and live as we wish. Writing will come as we live: without having to force ourselves into situations that would germinate stories.
As always, I know my worries are unfounded. I have been indoctrinated to worry more, get things done less. You know how things are.
In other news, I biked 60 miles over the weekend. That's like, almost a 100 kilometres! It's crazy, right?! Bleh.
In any situation, life is, as it is, is cool, and we worry, and worrying is fine and cool, but deep underneath understand that you are awesome, and loved or not, lover or not, ghosts or not, the sky will be blue, waiting for you just to see it in its real color. I mean, unless you're color blind, but you get the gist.
Really, it'll be a fun life, whether we meet some loser or not (!)
byee,
-S
I wanted to begin this with 'dear kid'. Would that have been too condescending, too patronizing? I thought so. But it would make my point very succinctly. Or perhaps, points I didn't intend to make. Why use such brutish, blunt weapon, when there are more nuanced conversations to be had.
We are young, and stupid. We are so so stupid, all of us. We crave love, attention, and just to be loved. Really, that's what we all want. As the thunderclouds clap loudly outside, with the rain thumping on the roof, and lightening blinding us once in a while, we want to be comfortably inside, on the couch, nuzzled against each other, watching tv and reading book while the cute dog on our feet (is he trying to bite his tail aggain? goddamit you stupid dog!) whimpers and tries to hide from the thunder under our feet. The books are not going to be read today, and the tevee is not going to be watched. How come the blanket is so warm, or is it our warmth, and why do we feel so drowsy, so ready to just sleep there -- oh shit, it's only eight, how the hell is this happening-- and why won't we stop playing with roots of each others hairs and how does it feel so good. Is it not what we all want?
We are young, and stupid. It is not a good idea to go head-first into making mistakes, and make them over and over again. We must learn. We must plan. We must plan the shit out of our love-at-first-sights, and the one-off encounters, that will make our hearts fond forever. We must miss people.
How do we know what love is, what caring is, if we haven't felt the pain? How can we find comfort in the warm living room if we have not been out in the storm -- wet, tired, hungry, sad, so full of general surrender, and ready to give up and really, give up on everything. It is pain, it is the chaos amongst us, that allows us to judge what order is. For us to find the comfort of order, we must go through the disorientation of chaos. To value the good stuff, we must first know what shit is.
We are vulnerable when we lower our defenses. When we are naked, we have nothing to hide. While that does give us a certain freedom-- nothing to hide anymore! -- it makes us too... defenseless. This is not a game, and is not meant to be played as such, but really, we have no more cards left. We are left at the kindness and mercy of the other -- often we find our comfort and trust may have been overzealous on our part.
So we become afraid of being hurt. Afraid of lowering our defenses, and putting ourselves in position of vulnerability. We raise our guard. We become cynics. Soldiers. Who will not let in even a chink in our armor. No one shall take advantage of us, ever again!
Two things happen. First, we become cold, dead, perhaps, and have trouble regaining our humanity. The metal of the armor seeps into our hearts, and it takes active effort to keep it away.
Second, when we do lower our guard, we go alll the way in. We are so enamored by the feeling of opening up again, having a real heart, that we go all way in. Not only are we naked, but we lose our skin, our heart pounding, exposed, open to the air, because we want it so bad -- after years of being imprisoned by the metal, we are ready to love, and be loved, and give it all, and no games to play again, really, because we have had it all!
And so! Perhaps we fall in love, spend the rest of our lives together, and things are all happily ever after. Or perhaps, we make mistakes again, slightly different ones, and go back to square one. But this time it's different. We blame ourselves. It was I, we say, who was stupid, it was idiotic, it was foolish, goddamit, how could we have.
It is not only okay to want to love and be loved, it is expected. We all want to love and be loved. No mistakes were made, except when we blamed ourselves needlessly. We must live, and we must love. Again and again and again, if we must.
Life is long. Like, really pretty quite long. We are young. You are young. Things will happen, and things will keep on happening. For you, it's going to be forever. There still so much to happen and do. The story's not even begun. You're barely through the first page of Prologue. Soldier on!
Here's a secret: you will love your next lover. Really really love them. And then it will be over, almost certainly. And then you will love someone else. REALLY love. And that too will be over. And it will all be painful, and buckets of tears will be shed. And then. Things will be back to normal again. And it's all fine, and regular. And you'll learn to love again. Spring will be back.
A friend of mine, she told me a story yesterday. A friend of hers had just broken up. She cried so much, so goddamn much, on the phone, her tears short-circuited the IPhone, and it broke. Yeah: she cried so much, she drowned her phone in her tears. Literally. And she was still fine.
I write this because I'm jealous. So goddamn jealous. Jealous of you, jealous of all your future loves, and jealous of the great things you will do. Back in the day, the epitome of my achievement was advanced poop-related jokes. Really! They're all here in this blog (mostly), and it's all true. I also worry. I have known other writers. Amazing people. Who I don't know anymore, because they got lost and started to live, to write. It was awful. We must live, and live as we wish. Writing will come as we live: without having to force ourselves into situations that would germinate stories.
As always, I know my worries are unfounded. I have been indoctrinated to worry more, get things done less. You know how things are.
In other news, I biked 60 miles over the weekend. That's like, almost a 100 kilometres! It's crazy, right?! Bleh.
In any situation, life is, as it is, is cool, and we worry, and worrying is fine and cool, but deep underneath understand that you are awesome, and loved or not, lover or not, ghosts or not, the sky will be blue, waiting for you just to see it in its real color. I mean, unless you're color blind, but you get the gist.
Really, it'll be a fun life, whether we meet some loser or not (!)
byee,
-S
Background characters
Sure, we're all background characters in other people's stories, and our lives are not notable enough to even make us a mid-level villain/supporting characters. If we are lucky, we'll make it as one of those in the horde that charges headstrong into the enemy lines. Or one that shouts more than fights, as displayed by the ground soldiers in the old Mahabharat.
But that's all understood. It's also understood that at least in our own stories, we are the central characters.
That's a mistake. Some of us (present company included) are not even main characters in our own stories -- we are characters who just happened to have a point of view in someone else's chapter, in our own stories. Imagine Harry Potter series, where Harry Potter is just a character : "Oh yeah, met Harry Potter today, got lunch. He seemed stressed out about the tournament, but I told him everything would be ok." or "Hermione's cute, I wonder if she's going out with the redhead', etcetera.
So what?
The Gods, and of course there are Gods, are, in the grand schemes of things, just and unimportant and insignificant than us. For they must follow a coherent set of rules and laws that govern their existence (or creation, or Tribhuvan) full of all eternities and universes, and so they too are inconsequential to those unbinding rules as we are to theirs. Their stories may be more fascinating, more magical, but in the end, they don't matter. Their stories, and the significance of their existence, are as pointless as ours.
Let that sink in. We are on the same level as them.
Yeah.
But that's all understood. It's also understood that at least in our own stories, we are the central characters.
That's a mistake. Some of us (present company included) are not even main characters in our own stories -- we are characters who just happened to have a point of view in someone else's chapter, in our own stories. Imagine Harry Potter series, where Harry Potter is just a character : "Oh yeah, met Harry Potter today, got lunch. He seemed stressed out about the tournament, but I told him everything would be ok." or "Hermione's cute, I wonder if she's going out with the redhead', etcetera.
So what?
The Gods, and of course there are Gods, are, in the grand schemes of things, just and unimportant and insignificant than us. For they must follow a coherent set of rules and laws that govern their existence (or creation, or Tribhuvan) full of all eternities and universes, and so they too are inconsequential to those unbinding rules as we are to theirs. Their stories may be more fascinating, more magical, but in the end, they don't matter. Their stories, and the significance of their existence, are as pointless as ours.
Let that sink in. We are on the same level as them.
Yeah.
Lessons learned in Bostons and other general updates on what the hell I am up to
As I was walking outside in the Sun the other day (several weeks ago), something caught my fancy. Perhaps it was the quiet and peacefulness of the little town I am in, the slowness of a small northeastern yankee town -- the kind where a river runs across downtown and people go sportsfishing on the river on bright weekends -- or perhaps it was my desperation to find something happening, something exciting, something different. Either way, I went to the post-office, and bought a hundred pre-stamped post-cards. To make things interesting, I got them empty on both the sides, so I could draw my own photos. I've posted about twenty of them, having hand-drawn and hand-written on all of them. Overall, a good investment, I would say.
And then last weekend I was in Boston. Much good time was had, friends were met, and many many lessons on life were learned. It appears at this point in my life that a lot of the decisions I have made may have been out of naivete or inexperience (or maybe not). Either way, it was good to realize that I really do need an older mentor with me to guide me through an urban life. Friends are nice, and they are supportive, but they often appear to not have the foresight and wisdom of someone who's been through this all and seen everything. Need to work on that now.
My general outlook on life is now being modified. Not in ridiculously different direction, but some of the assumptions that were made are now being questioned. It's all for the good. As we get into bigger troubles, we prepare ourselves for even bigger troubles in the future. And one day, we are ready to deal with eternity. Okay, that was inappropriately morbid thought for stupid realizations (such as: if SHE's petty, I'll be petty ALSO, etcetera).
And then last weekend I was in Boston. Much good time was had, friends were met, and many many lessons on life were learned. It appears at this point in my life that a lot of the decisions I have made may have been out of naivete or inexperience (or maybe not). Either way, it was good to realize that I really do need an older mentor with me to guide me through an urban life. Friends are nice, and they are supportive, but they often appear to not have the foresight and wisdom of someone who's been through this all and seen everything. Need to work on that now.
My general outlook on life is now being modified. Not in ridiculously different direction, but some of the assumptions that were made are now being questioned. It's all for the good. As we get into bigger troubles, we prepare ourselves for even bigger troubles in the future. And one day, we are ready to deal with eternity. Okay, that was inappropriately morbid thought for stupid realizations (such as: if SHE's petty, I'll be petty ALSO, etcetera).
Currently Reading
Chuck Palhanuik (of the Fight Club fame) seems to have ups and downs, but is growing on me. Reading sixth book by him.
Orhan Pamuk: Yaa, I bailed out of My Name Is Red, but Istanbul is surprisingly readable.
Marquez: I am halfway through ...100 years (because the book owner took it away) but I was at my limit because EVERYONE had the same name and I'm too dumb to keep things in track. I'm reading several other shorter works.
Aziz Ansari: He is a funny, funny, funny guy. I always seem to underestimate him, first with his Netflix show, and then with his book.
As a note, Ansari, BJ Novak, and Mindy Kaling seem to be to be built of same comedy elementary particles. Funny, young-(ish?) comics, super-drenched in cosmopolitan lifestyle (although Ansari brings out often how he grew up in the middle of nowhere America). Highly recommended, all of their works, books and tv series.
As I write these words, I'm listening to BJ's Novak's reading of his book (after having read it once). Though it can sometimes seem to drag on forever, on average, it's a really good book.
Rushdie's 1001 Nights seems to forever be my 'drinking at bar' book now: It's not that long, so I don't want to waste it on normal reading.
Orhan Pamuk: Yaa, I bailed out of My Name Is Red, but Istanbul is surprisingly readable.
Marquez: I am halfway through ...100 years (because the book owner took it away) but I was at my limit because EVERYONE had the same name and I'm too dumb to keep things in track. I'm reading several other shorter works.
Aziz Ansari: He is a funny, funny, funny guy. I always seem to underestimate him, first with his Netflix show, and then with his book.
As a note, Ansari, BJ Novak, and Mindy Kaling seem to be to be built of same comedy elementary particles. Funny, young-(ish?) comics, super-drenched in cosmopolitan lifestyle (although Ansari brings out often how he grew up in the middle of nowhere America). Highly recommended, all of their works, books and tv series.
As I write these words, I'm listening to BJ's Novak's reading of his book (after having read it once). Though it can sometimes seem to drag on forever, on average, it's a really good book.
Rushdie's 1001 Nights seems to forever be my 'drinking at bar' book now: It's not that long, so I don't want to waste it on normal reading.
Manhattarant
When you're living in the Upper West Side in Manhattan, drinking Daquiris for your goddamn Sunday brunches (how have Dacquiris even become a brunch thing anyway? when did margaritas go out of way?) with your goddamn yuppy friends (ughh, we're soo over our hipster phase, phew, you will say, because why the fuck not), it becomes difficult to identify where you're from. "NO, but", you will say, "No not, seriously, we make momos like five times in a month, maybe more because everyone from school is always coming over and all they want to do is make momos in Manhattan, because that seems to be the dream, and you're still saying I'm not identifiable enough?"
What do bodegas do? And when did donuts with eggs and nauni in them become a standard breakfast fare (who EVEN says 'breakfast fare' huh?) and how come, how come you're sooo excited for every authentic (you'll argue that the Chinese burger place is authentic, but doesn't McD have the largest number of outlets in China outside the US anyway?) ethnic cuisine, and yet, and yeeeet, the Nepali servers in that restaurant seem so annoying to you? I mean, yeah, they're unprofessional, and annoying, and people would get into fights if this were Nepal (बैनी, मेरो खाना मा ट्वाल्ल परेर नहेर्नु न, अरु केइ काम छैन? Bro, don't just stupidly stare at my face and food when I'm eating, do you have nothing else to do?) but but, it's not like those goddamn Greek and Pakistani and Nigerian servers, are they REALLY that much more professional? And, and what about the fact that most of the servers in Non-Nepali ethnic restaurants are Nepali anyway? What? What about that, huh? So, how come?
Yeah, anyway what are bodegas? Are they like food boutiques or what? Or boutiques? Or liquor stores? Why does no one seem to know?
Manhattanners, am I right? Boaring. Eff you Col. I would have enjoyed living there, if only you'd let me.
What do bodegas do? And when did donuts with eggs and nauni in them become a standard breakfast fare (who EVEN says 'breakfast fare' huh?) and how come, how come you're sooo excited for every authentic (you'll argue that the Chinese burger place is authentic, but doesn't McD have the largest number of outlets in China outside the US anyway?) ethnic cuisine, and yet, and yeeeet, the Nepali servers in that restaurant seem so annoying to you? I mean, yeah, they're unprofessional, and annoying, and people would get into fights if this were Nepal (बैनी, मेरो खाना मा ट्वाल्ल परेर नहेर्नु न, अरु केइ काम छैन? Bro, don't just stupidly stare at my face and food when I'm eating, do you have nothing else to do?) but but, it's not like those goddamn Greek and Pakistani and Nigerian servers, are they REALLY that much more professional? And, and what about the fact that most of the servers in Non-Nepali ethnic restaurants are Nepali anyway? What? What about that, huh? So, how come?
Yeah, anyway what are bodegas? Are they like food boutiques or what? Or boutiques? Or liquor stores? Why does no one seem to know?
Manhattanners, am I right? Boaring. Eff you Col. I would have enjoyed living there, if only you'd let me.
What is love -- An exploration
What is Love?
Philosophers have argued that it is the most basic force driving the universe, that powers us, that keeps the entire creation chugging alone. Others have suggested such Philosophers not be so goddamned serious and love is just something that makes us want to boink others and make babies, which we will come to regret, but hey since everyone else is doing it, we're not thaaat bad off, right? Even other have accused the second type of people as being homophobic, because they argue such definition does not encompass non-child-related love, specially for the homosexuals. To which the philosophers have argued that those rabble-rousers go fck themselves. The truth may lie somewhere in the middle, as always.
In many a poorly-screenshot post on Twitter and other social media, young women have argued in recent years that it is love that leads to happiness. We can safely discard this hypothesis after considering empirical evidence gathered over thousands of years, which has manifested itself in many a sad love song and other works of art that imply that love is the cause of most if not all sorts of pain. While that may be an exaggeration, it is likely the case that they do have enough merit to debunk the 'love as a creator of happiness' hypothesis.
Some cynics have argued that love is merely a chemical phenomenon wherein the chemicals secreted by the loved serves as the 'key' to the right nerve ending-chemicals in the nasal and neural cavities of the lover, which makes one or both parties 'desire' each other, which may or may not lead to a feeling of 'fulfillment'. Critics to such arguments have countered by saying 'you're a goddamn blob of chemical, go away you clueless trolls', which carries merit and makes valid points. Regardless, while the argument does refute a theory, it does not offer any insight into what love might actually be.
A popular song from 1983 by the artist Pat Benatar has suggested that love is a battlefield. However, Benatar also suggests that love is mostly in the domain of the young, an assertion that is known to be patently false, so one must view her suggestion with a heavy dose of skepticism.
At this point, we must abandon trying to understand what love really is (for it is likely to take a piece longer than a blog post to unravel the meaning) and explore what love leads to.
The popular search engine Google offers suggestions on what many other think love leads to.
We can easily dismissed the love-as-war theme just as we dismissed that love is actually a battlefield.
Among the remaining points, there's one that is clearly worth some discussion. The very nihilist interpretation that 'love leads to nothing' is an interesting one.
If love leads to nothing, one must question what else leads to nothing. [...work in progress... this was meant to be sarcastic, haha. Not sure if I conveyed that?]
Philosophers have argued that it is the most basic force driving the universe, that powers us, that keeps the entire creation chugging alone. Others have suggested such Philosophers not be so goddamned serious and love is just something that makes us want to boink others and make babies, which we will come to regret, but hey since everyone else is doing it, we're not thaaat bad off, right? Even other have accused the second type of people as being homophobic, because they argue such definition does not encompass non-child-related love, specially for the homosexuals. To which the philosophers have argued that those rabble-rousers go fck themselves. The truth may lie somewhere in the middle, as always.
In many a poorly-screenshot post on Twitter and other social media, young women have argued in recent years that it is love that leads to happiness. We can safely discard this hypothesis after considering empirical evidence gathered over thousands of years, which has manifested itself in many a sad love song and other works of art that imply that love is the cause of most if not all sorts of pain. While that may be an exaggeration, it is likely the case that they do have enough merit to debunk the 'love as a creator of happiness' hypothesis.
Some cynics have argued that love is merely a chemical phenomenon wherein the chemicals secreted by the loved serves as the 'key' to the right nerve ending-chemicals in the nasal and neural cavities of the lover, which makes one or both parties 'desire' each other, which may or may not lead to a feeling of 'fulfillment'. Critics to such arguments have countered by saying 'you're a goddamn blob of chemical, go away you clueless trolls', which carries merit and makes valid points. Regardless, while the argument does refute a theory, it does not offer any insight into what love might actually be.
A popular song from 1983 by the artist Pat Benatar has suggested that love is a battlefield. However, Benatar also suggests that love is mostly in the domain of the young, an assertion that is known to be patently false, so one must view her suggestion with a heavy dose of skepticism.
At this point, we must abandon trying to understand what love really is (for it is likely to take a piece longer than a blog post to unravel the meaning) and explore what love leads to.
The popular search engine Google offers suggestions on what many other think love leads to.
We can easily dismissed the love-as-war theme just as we dismissed that love is actually a battlefield.
Among the remaining points, there's one that is clearly worth some discussion. The very nihilist interpretation that 'love leads to nothing' is an interesting one.
If love leads to nothing, one must question what else leads to nothing. [...work in progress... this was meant to be sarcastic, haha. Not sure if I conveyed that?]
DC travels done
I was in DC for two weeks, and after what feels like forever (and possibly really was), I relived what 'hanging out with people regularly', and 'having friends' and 'socializing' felt like. And it was good. It was amazing. Oh maaan I loooove having friends, and I would like to have more, please, sir, a few more?
There was no upturning of the town, as has happened a few other times, this time. I stayed with persons who are generally more settled down, and would rather have a slow, mellow evening watching tv and hanging out with friends than upturning things up and about, so that wasn't a huge surprise. What was surprising was how consistent my fan-boiness towards DC has gotten -- see one of the previous posts where I mention DC's women as a proof.
Bars, restaurants were visited, and new friends (hopefully?!?) were made. Cats were cuddled. They're too smelly and hair-fally and needy, those cats, so I don't know how well we're gonna get together -- we have to watch out for that. Friends were met, and plans -- commitments, rather -- of much longer stay in DC was made. Hopefully starting in two/three weeks, I might spend months (MONTHS) in DC with friends, while I do my real job remotely. We shall see. As always.
Grad school is shaping up nicely. I don't usually pray, and when I do, it is often in same terms with the immortals. So I have kindly asked them to make sure that they give me the best of terms in this scenario (If I get lucky, things will be very good for me, I tell ya). As always, pray for me also. Remember that time you guys prayed for my undergraduate studies, and it worked? Yeah, yeah? Please pray for me again. I will be very grateful. If you tell me 'oh i prayed for you in real life, you know what I am talking about wink wink', in real life, I'll get you a drink, anytime anywhere. Even if you are not yet of the legal drinking age in the territory of the location. And maybe even a dinner, if it's in a reasonably enough priced place. I promise!
What else, what else. Ooh yeah, so I started writing letters -- postcards I mean-- and sending them to people. I brought a hundred (that's right, 100) postcards that are prestamped (so I don't have to buy and lick stamps haha, I'm so lazy right) and have sent a few already. I have been asking people's addresses left and right, and will continue doing so in the future, and some people are somewhat creeped out, but we shall see. I think it's going to be the future of communications! It sounds like I'm being sarcastic, I know, but really, I think so. Explanations in some future post maybe.
So now that I'm down to my social prison (wherein I don't have 'social'), I'm back to reading and audiobooks. In retrospect, apart from having no friends or anyone to talk to I realized this place is pretty good. I am my own master, have very little commitments, make my own timetable, and do whatever the hell I want to whenever, with no roommate or non essential personalities to question my decisions. Life ain't that bad, in retrospect. That would likely be the #theme of my life, haha.
I should reconnect with old friends, and work harder on making close new friends.
There was no upturning of the town, as has happened a few other times, this time. I stayed with persons who are generally more settled down, and would rather have a slow, mellow evening watching tv and hanging out with friends than upturning things up and about, so that wasn't a huge surprise. What was surprising was how consistent my fan-boiness towards DC has gotten -- see one of the previous posts where I mention DC's women as a proof.
Bars, restaurants were visited, and new friends (hopefully?!?) were made. Cats were cuddled. They're too smelly and hair-fally and needy, those cats, so I don't know how well we're gonna get together -- we have to watch out for that. Friends were met, and plans -- commitments, rather -- of much longer stay in DC was made. Hopefully starting in two/three weeks, I might spend months (MONTHS) in DC with friends, while I do my real job remotely. We shall see. As always.
Grad school is shaping up nicely. I don't usually pray, and when I do, it is often in same terms with the immortals. So I have kindly asked them to make sure that they give me the best of terms in this scenario (If I get lucky, things will be very good for me, I tell ya). As always, pray for me also. Remember that time you guys prayed for my undergraduate studies, and it worked? Yeah, yeah? Please pray for me again. I will be very grateful. If you tell me 'oh i prayed for you in real life, you know what I am talking about wink wink', in real life, I'll get you a drink, anytime anywhere. Even if you are not yet of the legal drinking age in the territory of the location. And maybe even a dinner, if it's in a reasonably enough priced place. I promise!
What else, what else. Ooh yeah, so I started writing letters -- postcards I mean-- and sending them to people. I brought a hundred (that's right, 100) postcards that are prestamped (so I don't have to buy and lick stamps haha, I'm so lazy right) and have sent a few already. I have been asking people's addresses left and right, and will continue doing so in the future, and some people are somewhat creeped out, but we shall see. I think it's going to be the future of communications! It sounds like I'm being sarcastic, I know, but really, I think so. Explanations in some future post maybe.
So now that I'm down to my social prison (wherein I don't have 'social'), I'm back to reading and audiobooks. In retrospect, apart from having no friends or anyone to talk to I realized this place is pretty good. I am my own master, have very little commitments, make my own timetable, and do whatever the hell I want to whenever, with no roommate or non essential personalities to question my decisions. Life ain't that bad, in retrospect. That would likely be the #theme of my life, haha.
I should reconnect with old friends, and work harder on making close new friends.
Thanks to, and no thanks, all the gods
Let us be clear: I have been extremely fortunate. That does not mean the battle is over forever. Consider this an effing middle finger, immortals. :/
On the record
Let me go on the record as saying that I am definitely attending one of the best-ranked grad schools of my field starting this Fall. Exciting times!!
Has anyone got to say anything to me left anymore?
Has anyone got to say anything to me left anymore?
Quick note
I'm in DC rn.
DC women... Oh maaan, oh man. They're older (than Boston anyway) , smarter, have their shit together, and dress like they're playing a bystander in a goddamn NYC movie. Aaaand there's a deficit of reasonable men here or so I am told. For a man who can act reasonably and is not visually painful, DC is THE place to be
An idea for a good life
Here's an idea:
Get whatever gig you're currently doing to be remote. If they allow you, great! If not, tell them someone in your family died -- preferably someone who is already dead, so that you don't feel embarrassed when they really die and your boss wonders how it was they were dying twice in three years -- and then go remote. Go to a place that is no too expensive, but fun to live in, and --this is important here -- has lax open-container laws, ie, you can openly drink your drinks outside everywhere without inviting the wrath of the law enforcement. Done? What place did you come up with? Let's saw it's New Orleans. Great! Now move to New Orleans, or NOLA as they call it down there.
Don't get too attached to the place. We both know that you'll be tired of this place in nine months max, so no point in getting a lease, even though you know it's going to be cheaper than alternate arrangements. Besides, you'll have to get into gathering furniture and all that shabang, and we don't want to get into that all again, do we? But.. .but.. .rooneel, you say, I just looked up online, and for the same arrangement you're suggesting, I can get a single-bedroom HOUSE on Canal Street, that is like 10 min walk from the french quarter, and it looks sweet, ....(this is a work in progress)
Someday
Someday we will laugh over this. Some. Day.
And then it will dawn upon us. Dear Gods, ohshitshitshit, this was real. I mean, goddamn real. We were living a goddamn real life, and not like somewhat whatever, you know. Because we are all solidly in our mid twenties, and except for the lame stories that honestly, uhhhh, maybe I don't even want to know -- you know what, you're too drunk we should talk tomorrow kay, alright goodnite, sleeptight and if you need to puke, I have the trashbin right below the bed, don't trip on it-- so maybe lets save it for some other time (to some other people who might care) okay? Goodnight! There are enough things happening.
When does a pilot decide to push the ejection seat? When should you eject from your everyday life? When have you had enough money? We will explore such ideas (and more!) in the upcoming posts. Stay tuned, ya'll.
Ohh, here's something fun SB posted on twitter. I thought it was too...apt... to not put in here. Ta-Ta!
And then it will dawn upon us. Dear Gods, ohshitshitshit, this was real. I mean, goddamn real. We were living a goddamn real life, and not like somewhat whatever, you know. Because we are all solidly in our mid twenties, and except for the lame stories that honestly, uhhhh, maybe I don't even want to know -- you know what, you're too drunk we should talk tomorrow kay, alright goodnite, sleeptight and if you need to puke, I have the trashbin right below the bed, don't trip on it-- so maybe lets save it for some other time (to some other people who might care) okay? Goodnight! There are enough things happening.
When does a pilot decide to push the ejection seat? When should you eject from your everyday life? When have you had enough money? We will explore such ideas (and more!) in the upcoming posts. Stay tuned, ya'll.
Ohh, here's something fun SB posted on twitter. I thought it was too...apt... to not put in here. Ta-Ta!
Girl:bhaiskyo bihe
Guy:khoi herda ta dekhinna ta
Girl:mukh herera ka thaha hun6 ta
Guy:k herera thaha hun6 ta?
#NepaliFlirting#TravelDiary
Foot in on April
Before we get too far into April, I wanted to make a post, a dummy if it may come to that, so that the picture looks better. Is Anyone still reading this, or has it become my personal diary at this point? I know I get an average of 6 visitors a month these days, but those 6 hits HAVE to be humans, right? I mean.. hello? Hell-oooo? Peeeople? Anyone in here ? here? hereee? heeereeee?
Sunsets and Sun sets
The two held hands,
tight,
in Basantapur, by the temples,
as they watched the Sun set,
behind the hills.
He said casually,
feminism is selfish.
Peopleism is where it's
really at.
No,
she said, I don't think so.
And lo,
what a barrage of words it provoked! ,
him trying to make his point.
And later
that night,
they said goodbye
to one another.
On his way back,
He was afresh
with sweet memories of the
sunset.
And of the hands
that were held.
On hers, she walked
With fear
And steps brisk
on the alley
chosen deliberately
that would get her
the fewest
catcalls.
Stolen from a poem by a friend.
tight,
in Basantapur, by the temples,
as they watched the Sun set,
behind the hills.
He said casually,
feminism is selfish.
Peopleism is where it's
really at.
No,
she said, I don't think so.
And lo,
what a barrage of words it provoked! ,
him trying to make his point.
And later
that night,
they said goodbye
to one another.
On his way back,
He was afresh
with sweet memories of the
sunset.
And of the hands
that were held.
On hers, she walked
With fear
And steps brisk
on the alley
chosen deliberately
that would get her
the fewest
catcalls.
Stolen from a poem by a friend.
Astro logic
Attention everyone. According to our calculations, something big will happen at exactly 9.47 in the PM tomorrow, which will change the fate of the nation forever. Please practice restraint and patience specially for the time period.
Attention everyone. We have gotten reports that nothing of note happened at 9.47 in the PM yesterday. It appears that one of our interns made a rounding error due to issues related to floating-point Math in computer programming languages that she was unaware of, and that lead to error in our calculations. We apologize profusely, and assure you that such errors will not be repeated again.
Attention everyone. Everyone who's a Capricorn should avoid wearing anything read for the rest of the week. The alignment of the planets and the stars is such that the wrath of Shani shall fall upon red-wearers who are Capricorn.
Attention everyone. There have been multiple requests for us to explain our prediction made earlier in the day. We wish to clarify that we are not divine psychologists. We are merely astrologers, and like you we cannot fathom what Shani could possibly have against Capricorns wearing red this week. Probably something to do with his relationship with his mother, if you ask us, but then we are not psychologists. Please consult your local astral psychiatric professional for further advice on the matter. thank you.
Attention everyone. Whoever is hiding all our stuff, and posting notes that say 'if you can see the future, why don't you predict where I hid it?', please kindly stop doing so. We can just analyze the astrological patterns and predict the likelihood of future actions, like meteorologists do with weather. We do not have the power of prescience or omniscience. Our apologies if this had been miscommunicated. Thank you all.
Attention everyone. We have been getting suggestions asking us to put likelihood percent behind our predictions like meteorologists do with their predictions. We wish to clarify that while the two fields are same in essence, there are a lot of complex factors in our field that stop us from putting such numbers in our predictions. Ours is an ancient knowledge founded on thousands of years of wisdom, so it does not need to be justified by made-up numbers to act as a hedge against the possibility that it might be wrong.
Everyone, no, we are not going to make an astrology app like your weather app. No, we are not going to give you likelihood of accidents. No we can't tell you which team will win. And we will most definitely not agree to double-blind tests. Such small things diminish the greatness of our ancient and great field, and we do not wish to lower it to others' level.
In an unrelated news, we are shutting down this account. For support for purchased items, please call the support number listed on your product. For general queries please call the general number on our website. Have a good day! No, wait-- we know you will have a good day! Joking! We can't, without knowing your birthstars and family and a whole lot of other things, haha!
Attention everyone. We have gotten reports that nothing of note happened at 9.47 in the PM yesterday. It appears that one of our interns made a rounding error due to issues related to floating-point Math in computer programming languages that she was unaware of, and that lead to error in our calculations. We apologize profusely, and assure you that such errors will not be repeated again.
Attention everyone. Everyone who's a Capricorn should avoid wearing anything read for the rest of the week. The alignment of the planets and the stars is such that the wrath of Shani shall fall upon red-wearers who are Capricorn.
Attention everyone. There have been multiple requests for us to explain our prediction made earlier in the day. We wish to clarify that we are not divine psychologists. We are merely astrologers, and like you we cannot fathom what Shani could possibly have against Capricorns wearing red this week. Probably something to do with his relationship with his mother, if you ask us, but then we are not psychologists. Please consult your local astral psychiatric professional for further advice on the matter. thank you.
Attention everyone. Whoever is hiding all our stuff, and posting notes that say 'if you can see the future, why don't you predict where I hid it?', please kindly stop doing so. We can just analyze the astrological patterns and predict the likelihood of future actions, like meteorologists do with weather. We do not have the power of prescience or omniscience. Our apologies if this had been miscommunicated. Thank you all.
Attention everyone. We have been getting suggestions asking us to put likelihood percent behind our predictions like meteorologists do with their predictions. We wish to clarify that while the two fields are same in essence, there are a lot of complex factors in our field that stop us from putting such numbers in our predictions. Ours is an ancient knowledge founded on thousands of years of wisdom, so it does not need to be justified by made-up numbers to act as a hedge against the possibility that it might be wrong.
Everyone, no, we are not going to make an astrology app like your weather app. No, we are not going to give you likelihood of accidents. No we can't tell you which team will win. And we will most definitely not agree to double-blind tests. Such small things diminish the greatness of our ancient and great field, and we do not wish to lower it to others' level.
In an unrelated news, we are shutting down this account. For support for purchased items, please call the support number listed on your product. For general queries please call the general number on our website. Have a good day! No, wait-- we know you will have a good day! Joking! We can't, without knowing your birthstars and family and a whole lot of other things, haha!
Writing update
I am pretty much giggling as I write this. Not entirely sure why.
For the novel writing month in November, I wrote about 14, 000 words. That was the closest I've ever gotten to writing a novel, and it was mostly shit -- but so is most of this blog. In any case, congratulations to me!
As of now, I am 5000 words into a novel/series, am enjoying writing it, and would likely not be too embarrassed publishing. It's only been 4-ish days since I started, but I know exactly (in general) where this is going to go, and the coffee is fueling me. Oh, did I say I started drinking coffee. I had a cup yesterday and a cup today, but that is twice as much as what I have had in the preceding six months.
My 'exile' will soon come to an end, it appears, and I can go back to socializing again.
Other news: BJ Novak is a lot smarter than you would think from his performance in the office, but he's still not the best writer ever. His book whats-the-name has some good ones, you should read it if you can manage.
I am currently averaging 5 books a week. Take THAT, people with actual lives and friends.
For the novel writing month in November, I wrote about 14, 000 words. That was the closest I've ever gotten to writing a novel, and it was mostly shit -- but so is most of this blog. In any case, congratulations to me!
As of now, I am 5000 words into a novel/series, am enjoying writing it, and would likely not be too embarrassed publishing. It's only been 4-ish days since I started, but I know exactly (in general) where this is going to go, and the coffee is fueling me. Oh, did I say I started drinking coffee. I had a cup yesterday and a cup today, but that is twice as much as what I have had in the preceding six months.
My 'exile' will soon come to an end, it appears, and I can go back to socializing again.
Other news: BJ Novak is a lot smarter than you would think from his performance in the office, but he's still not the best writer ever. His book whats-the-name has some good ones, you should read it if you can manage.
I am currently averaging 5 books a week. Take THAT, people with actual lives and friends.
Deep thoughts
At this point in time, when inhibitions are lowered, and one can dare do braver things, what would one like to do the most?
Be friends with the nicest, sweetest, cutest person in recent memory. Call her, hang out with her and see where things go.
Happy St Patrick's Day everyone! For the world except Ireland and drunken USA: guys it's a big Deal in the Northeast k? And the cutest of servers was eyeing me, so I'm an oaf not to have talked to her. Ugh. K bye.
Lessons learned
They say you can ignore your bullies away. That may be true (unless the bully wanted to be ignored, I guess), but you most definitely cannot ignore life's other problems away. They will come bag with greater vengeance, and cause you greater hard than they would have otherwise. The only way to deal with non-bully problems of life is to deal them while they're hot. I have to be reminded that regularly. I wish I put more commitment into taking it into heart.
Past me versus present me
Past me absolutely knew what present me (right now) would do, and took very strong actions such that my decisions were made much harder. Past me messed up: he didn't have all the facts, but had a whole lotta' bluster, and wanted to bind present me by very strict parameters. He didn't leave me lot of choices, knowingly. Knowing what I do now, past me should have made a lot more compromises and taken a larger share of issues, rather than putting the present me in difficult scenario. I would punch past me for very extremely specific reasons, though for everything else, he has been just as good as I have always been. Some days may be bad, but life is good. : )
Note to self: do not dig a literal ditch for your future self to fall into, if you know you're going to disagree with his actions. "Building character" is something parents tell their kids to make them do things they don't want to, and is not a realistic standard to hold yourself up to. The different versions of you temporally will absolutely disagree with each other, on major and minor things, but making life extremely difficult for your future selves is not a good response to the knowledge they'll make mistakes you know you won't. One should really learn to love their future and past selves as much as they love their present selves...
Note to self: do not dig a literal ditch for your future self to fall into, if you know you're going to disagree with his actions. "Building character" is something parents tell their kids to make them do things they don't want to, and is not a realistic standard to hold yourself up to. The different versions of you temporally will absolutely disagree with each other, on major and minor things, but making life extremely difficult for your future selves is not a good response to the knowledge they'll make mistakes you know you won't. One should really learn to love their future and past selves as much as they love their present selves...
time as a great equalizer
You may be old, you may be young, you may be rich, and you may be
poor, you may be rich or you may be ailing. We are all in the same place
though... and you don't even have to wait for 'the end' to get there.
Time equalizes everything. Be careful how you treat people. You will
most likely end up in their places at some point.
Not good news
Planning is an inherently optimistic act. It relies on the implicit expectation that things matter. That, as unpredictable as the world is, it is still worth planning for tomorrow, the next month, the next year. Things may not be perfect, but they'll be good enough for me. When one gives up planning entirely, one gives up hope of a future one looks forward to.
In completely unrelated news, I've completely stopped very short term planning. It's not like I'd go through them anyway.
Reading update
I'm reading One day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Solzhenitsyn.
The genius of the novel ( quite short at~130 pages), which is about a Russian soldier falsely accused of treason and sent to a Siberian Gulag, is not that it's as dark as you would expect.
Here's the last paragraph:
Shukhov went to sleep, and he was very happy. He'd had a lot of luck today. They hadn't put him in the cooler. The gang hadn't been chased out to work in the Socialist Community Development. He'd finagled an extra bowl of mush at noon. The boss had gotten them good rates for their work. He'd felt good making that wall. They hadn't found that piece of steel (he'd hidden on his body) in the frisk. Ceasar had paid him off in the evening. He'd bought some tobacco. And he'd gotten over that sickness.
If you read the whole story, and if you're anything like me, this is a terrifying story though. With obvious torture and 'darkness', you know what you're fighting against. Your body and your will are actively opposing the injustices forced upon you. With a treatment such as this, the point of your humanity is reduced. The sole purpose of your existence then becomes following the wishes of the Commander for as long as possible, and surviving the longest.
Two things jumped out at me the most here.
1. Some blame the obesity crisis in the West amongst the baby-boomers to their parents. Those who had gone through WWII and the rationing involved wanted their kids to have the best food -- the sweetest, fattiest, richest food they could afford. Such food was reinforced as desirable, which led to the baby boomers' high rates of obesity and related heart diseases. I read somewhere that it is that generation which has been outlived by its parents the most (who went through tough times themselves, mind) in recent history. If I were such a parent, I can see myself doing so. Even after having foreseen the consequences.
2. It scares one of the Soviet Gulags, of course, but also reminds me of the pathetic situation of the American judiciary/law enforcement system. More importantly, it feels too close to home on how much similar it feels to working as worker in a capitalist system.
The genius of the novel ( quite short at~130 pages), which is about a Russian soldier falsely accused of treason and sent to a Siberian Gulag, is not that it's as dark as you would expect.
Here's the last paragraph:
Shukhov went to sleep, and he was very happy. He'd had a lot of luck today. They hadn't put him in the cooler. The gang hadn't been chased out to work in the Socialist Community Development. He'd finagled an extra bowl of mush at noon. The boss had gotten them good rates for their work. He'd felt good making that wall. They hadn't found that piece of steel (he'd hidden on his body) in the frisk. Ceasar had paid him off in the evening. He'd bought some tobacco. And he'd gotten over that sickness.
If you read the whole story, and if you're anything like me, this is a terrifying story though. With obvious torture and 'darkness', you know what you're fighting against. Your body and your will are actively opposing the injustices forced upon you. With a treatment such as this, the point of your humanity is reduced. The sole purpose of your existence then becomes following the wishes of the Commander for as long as possible, and surviving the longest.
Two things jumped out at me the most here.
1. Some blame the obesity crisis in the West amongst the baby-boomers to their parents. Those who had gone through WWII and the rationing involved wanted their kids to have the best food -- the sweetest, fattiest, richest food they could afford. Such food was reinforced as desirable, which led to the baby boomers' high rates of obesity and related heart diseases. I read somewhere that it is that generation which has been outlived by its parents the most (who went through tough times themselves, mind) in recent history. If I were such a parent, I can see myself doing so. Even after having foreseen the consequences.
2. It scares one of the Soviet Gulags, of course, but also reminds me of the pathetic situation of the American judiciary/law enforcement system. More importantly, it feels too close to home on how much similar it feels to working as worker in a capitalist system.
short haired raven
My short haired raven
of the night
Enchanting me on the
very first sight
Sigh after sigh after sigh
And I can't even dare to try
For what good has ever come
Ever, from things I have done
Ice creams were to be had
But where is it really going,
And as such,
The things that make me sad
Were talked of and I wondered
if I had again blundered
into the trap of the flow
when you just want to go
and go and go and go.
For it is true that one cannot
feel, it's true: not a lot
A pinch and a pull; here and there
You know: just enough
to show that I care.
One cannot, for gods' sake
feel that much, it's all mostly fake
Nay, not fake as such, that's a bit much
Just good manners and all,
they do a man make
and make no mistake.
So what is it this time, I ask
What do I do to get out of this pit
And finally pull out the mask
From a part not that much of a hit?
Where do I go, where do we go
What have we done to each other?
Desserts finally meltInto evening of unknown mold
It is dark and foggy, and cold
I offer my jacket, as i have been told
the crackling fire, the woody smoke
where does it go, what does it hold?
And thus the story ends
With no apologies or tales to mend
We are where we are, nowhere to go
So let us give the writer some rest
and take things slow
For stories will come and stories will go
But ne'er was a good story
forged to be [something that rhymes with go. Maybe hoe?]
And the curtains are closed, the lights come out
And we finally see what the fuss was all about
of the night
Enchanting me on the
very first sight
Sigh after sigh after sigh
And I can't even dare to try
For what good has ever come
Ever, from things I have done
Ice creams were to be had
But where is it really going,
And as such,
The things that make me sad
Were talked of and I wondered
if I had again blundered
into the trap of the flow
when you just want to go
and go and go and go.
For it is true that one cannot
feel, it's true: not a lot
A pinch and a pull; here and there
You know: just enough
to show that I care.
One cannot, for gods' sake
feel that much, it's all mostly fake
Nay, not fake as such, that's a bit much
Just good manners and all,
they do a man make
and make no mistake.
So what is it this time, I ask
What do I do to get out of this pit
And finally pull out the mask
From a part not that much of a hit?
Where do I go, where do we go
What have we done to each other?
Desserts finally meltInto evening of unknown mold
It is dark and foggy, and cold
I offer my jacket, as i have been told
the crackling fire, the woody smoke
where does it go, what does it hold?
And thus the story ends
With no apologies or tales to mend
We are where we are, nowhere to go
So let us give the writer some rest
and take things slow
For stories will come and stories will go
But ne'er was a good story
forged to be [something that rhymes with go. Maybe hoe?]
And the curtains are closed, the lights come out
And we finally see what the fuss was all about
yeah, a confession
of course i always had feelings for the person who would never reply to my pleads to hang out ,probably because she thought i was creepy. who was i tryina fool anyway. I can't fool myself me, not again, not ever. yeah, k , bye. This is about you of course sm.
Bloggin' like a villian'
There's a joke somewhere here. I should hang out more with people I want to hang out with, after the self-imposed exile is over.
Karl ove is a damn good writer. Note to self: combine karl ove and pratchett to form a super proto awesome writerly being. Even rushdie, sans the self-seriousness.
No one reminds one of anyone anymore. There are good things waiting to happen. Boston is a gross cold freezing tundra hellish landscape that one hopes can be avoided at all points in the future. Atlanta would be nice. Hotlanta, they're calling it these days.
Reader, the writer has become unhinged as of late. Geographically, of course. Places don't mean what they used to, and things seem to be changing at such rapid pace... it's either a really good time to get a leg up, or the perfect time to make a fool of oneself.
This I will repeat: there's a revolution brewing, in the hearts and minds of people, among the nursery school teachers to those skipping classes in high schools, to doctors and engineers. I know, I've heard them whisper, complain, and throw hands and give up. No one seems to be able to see it. The power it would unleash would be something worth watching. One has been placed with the foresight, and resources perhaps, to nudge things in just the right direction. Just not the courage, or the time. We will see how things go.
Karl ove is a damn good writer. Note to self: combine karl ove and pratchett to form a super proto awesome writerly being. Even rushdie, sans the self-seriousness.
No one reminds one of anyone anymore. There are good things waiting to happen. Boston is a gross cold freezing tundra hellish landscape that one hopes can be avoided at all points in the future. Atlanta would be nice. Hotlanta, they're calling it these days.
Reader, the writer has become unhinged as of late. Geographically, of course. Places don't mean what they used to, and things seem to be changing at such rapid pace... it's either a really good time to get a leg up, or the perfect time to make a fool of oneself.
This I will repeat: there's a revolution brewing, in the hearts and minds of people, among the nursery school teachers to those skipping classes in high schools, to doctors and engineers. I know, I've heard them whisper, complain, and throw hands and give up. No one seems to be able to see it. The power it would unleash would be something worth watching. One has been placed with the foresight, and resources perhaps, to nudge things in just the right direction. Just not the courage, or the time. We will see how things go.
Words and Promises made
I started with pop culture books. Fight Club. Gone Girl. Then I got into popular fiction. Karl Ove Knausgaard. Of course, Karl Ove, of course. And soon, I will be working on the masters. The Russians. Solzhenitsyn. I will work my way backward, and turn myself into an intelligent, well-read man.
I am not exiled. Even joking that I am in a self-exile would be demeaning to anyone who has had experience with actual exile. It was just moving for work. To a place that may not be Siberia, but socially, might as well be. These are long stories that shall wait to be told. Stories from Hotlanta still need to be told.
It's all about the jealousy, of course. You, dear reader, are most definitely having a much fulfilling, lovely, satisfied life than I am. The very fact that I worry about such things weekly gives me away. But I shall outread and outsmart all of fun-havers, and in the end, we shall discover who's the winner. The winner is, of course, no one, as we all die and every sort of contest that humans have is pointless, specially those regarding happiness. Regardless, one has been reading a lot as of late. 10 books a week kind of reading. Yuhhp.
Good day to you too, suckerrrz! We all die pointless deaths!
I am not exiled. Even joking that I am in a self-exile would be demeaning to anyone who has had experience with actual exile. It was just moving for work. To a place that may not be Siberia, but socially, might as well be. These are long stories that shall wait to be told. Stories from Hotlanta still need to be told.
It's all about the jealousy, of course. You, dear reader, are most definitely having a much fulfilling, lovely, satisfied life than I am. The very fact that I worry about such things weekly gives me away. But I shall outread and outsmart all of fun-havers, and in the end, we shall discover who's the winner. The winner is, of course, no one, as we all die and every sort of contest that humans have is pointless, specially those regarding happiness. Regardless, one has been reading a lot as of late. 10 books a week kind of reading. Yuhhp.
Good day to you too, suckerrrz! We all die pointless deaths!
Some fuckshit about some jackshit birds of some fuckity shitty feathers hanging out fucking together
Let us begin with a disclaimer: It is not confirmed when we state 'fucking together' that they were indeed involved in some sort of sexual activity that may be understood to mean 'fucking'. It is to be understood more in a literary sense.
One does not become some fucking nobel laureate by fucking coining a smelly dump of words held together with literal pieces of shit. Just as someone does not become a fucking director by fuckin asking someone to play a very literal interpretation of 'idiot savage forest people'. These people just need to like CHILL DOWN, and fucking consider their lives and achievements, and talents, and maybe think about fucking actually improving their craft than eloqating in painful detail about how increfuckingdibly awesome and new their fucking jackshit creation is going to be. Creators are several dozens a dime in the age of twitter and snapchat and who knows what fucking jackshit app that your eight-yearold sister is using to send her nudies to some rando fucker horsecunt pedo on the internet.
A salty fart does not a great spice make.
One does not become some fucking nobel laureate by fucking coining a smelly dump of words held together with literal pieces of shit. Just as someone does not become a fucking director by fuckin asking someone to play a very literal interpretation of 'idiot savage forest people'. These people just need to like CHILL DOWN, and fucking consider their lives and achievements, and talents, and maybe think about fucking actually improving their craft than eloqating in painful detail about how increfuckingdibly awesome and new their fucking jackshit creation is going to be. Creators are several dozens a dime in the age of twitter and snapchat and who knows what fucking jackshit app that your eight-yearold sister is using to send her nudies to some rando fucker horsecunt pedo on the internet.
A salty fart does not a great spice make.
The limits of higher orders of existence
Let us assume, for a moment, that there are various levels of complexities and corresponding consciousness. What is it that allows one to distinctly identify one level from another?
We first observe that all of them must be ultimately physical. In other words, everything is ultimately mud and blood, the destruction of which will break the complex set of interactions that lead the being/s of concern into the belief that they matter.
This includes the possibility of spirits, souls, and other corporeal beings. Let
We first observe that all of them must be ultimately physical. In other words, everything is ultimately mud and blood, the destruction of which will break the complex set of interactions that lead the being/s of concern into the belief that they matter.
This includes the possibility of spirits, souls, and other corporeal beings. Let
Descent
It is observed that the descent to insanity happens gradually, but speeds up rather quickly. Whereas it might take one decades to build self worth and respect, it is seen that for all to come crumbling down it takes nought but few short months. Let us all take lesson, in that we must keep ourselves the center of our existential universe.
Liveblogging a facebook 'stalk'
8:30a: It's raining outside, and cold, and I might have to bike quite a bit in this weather. I have exhausted every other social media distraction by now. Maybe I should check my dummy facebook to see if anything is happening.
8:37a: Ahh, timeline's empty. Yeah, I forgot I'd done that. Huhh, why do I have so many friend notifications pending.
8:39a: Ooh, someone I don't know. A girl! A girl! Explore.
8:53a: I've exhausted all the publicly available information. At least this gives me an idea for a blog post. *Accept Request*
9:10a: Omg, I'm in love with this person.
9:17a: I should send her a chat. Did she mean to add a different person with same name?
9:44a: She's seen it, and not replied yet. What do I do. What do I do? If I send something again, I'll look desperate, but if I don't, I'll be out of the equation. WHAT TO DO PEOPLES!
10:12a: At least she has not defriended me yet. Or HAS SHE? No, she's not, *phew*. How about now? What about now?
10:22a: I should send something. She must be a shyster.
10:27a: Naah, I won't. Just a question mark and a happy face. Yeah, I'll do that. She's seen the chat right? Did I check that? She must not have checked it.
10:33a: Would 'poking' someone you don't know be considered rude? Can you still poke in Facebook? It's been a reasonably stress-facebook-free five years.
10:39a: Sent! Question mark and happy face it is!
10:46a: Not seen yet. Nice. She will reply when she sees?
10:55a: With further research, it appears that ...uhh... 2011 was 5 years ago. When the original friend request was sent. Right about the time I was about to start college. Huuh.
11:17a: I have humiliated myself, and embarrassed myself and my well-wishers. I should just hide under the blankets for the rest of the week.
12:32p: Why has she NOT SEEN IT YET?!?
3:12p: So who was writing about when I was writing this? Confused...
8:37a: Ahh, timeline's empty. Yeah, I forgot I'd done that. Huhh, why do I have so many friend notifications pending.
8:39a: Ooh, someone I don't know. A girl! A girl! Explore.
8:53a: I've exhausted all the publicly available information. At least this gives me an idea for a blog post. *Accept Request*
9:10a: Omg, I'm in love with this person.
9:17a: I should send her a chat. Did she mean to add a different person with same name?
9:44a: She's seen it, and not replied yet. What do I do. What do I do? If I send something again, I'll look desperate, but if I don't, I'll be out of the equation. WHAT TO DO PEOPLES!
10:12a: At least she has not defriended me yet. Or HAS SHE? No, she's not, *phew*. How about now? What about now?
10:22a: I should send something. She must be a shyster.
10:27a: Naah, I won't. Just a question mark and a happy face. Yeah, I'll do that. She's seen the chat right? Did I check that? She must not have checked it.
10:33a: Would 'poking' someone you don't know be considered rude? Can you still poke in Facebook? It's been a reasonably stress-facebook-free five years.
10:39a: Sent! Question mark and happy face it is!
10:46a: Not seen yet. Nice. She will reply when she sees?
10:55a: With further research, it appears that ...uhh... 2011 was 5 years ago. When the original friend request was sent. Right about the time I was about to start college. Huuh.
11:17a: I have humiliated myself, and embarrassed myself and my well-wishers. I should just hide under the blankets for the rest of the week.
12:32p: Why has she NOT SEEN IT YET?!?
3:12p: So who was writing about when I was writing this? Confused...
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