One of the more common reasons people move to NYC is to improve their dating lives. The four or five posts I'll have published by the end of this series on the matter will speak to the fact that NewYorkers take it seriously. Never before have I had such honest, bare conversations with people about their prospects, potentials, and prefers.
Clearly it's not an easy dating market in terms of a finding a stable partner. Prospects are easy to come by, and that's where the 'glam' of the scene ends. Everybody is 'on', always, looking for the electric connection. The person you have been on four dates with and are spending the weekend with is also seeing three other people. She's twirling her hair during your dinner, but is that at the guy on the next table she keeps glancing towards? Nobody knows, she might not either.
My friend was seeing three people seriously, one of them more seriously than the others. She felt though that her 'serious' partner wanted to take things more seriously, and was hoping to end the situation. Her other two relationships were unique and relaxing, but she didn't feel a strong connection there.
My other friend told me people can get too eager, too fast. He has a decent apartment in a great location. He says he has to avoid taking people home because they tend to get attached to the vision of dating somebody with a decent pad.
There's this episode from 30 Rock where Jack's young girlfriend is seeing other people. He gets jealous, until he discovers all her relationships have something different to offer.
That's where dating in NYC appears to be at. You can find people easy, and end up in a non-casual relationship quite quickly. Going beyond that into exclusivity, and something more is challenging for everybody. How do you reject somebody who wants more who's so great, but you're having a lovely time with the other person, a professor? Do you dare confess your desire to get serious, knowing they're probably not ready yet? Why would you even introduce them to your friends if it's not going anywhere good anytime soon?
When you're in a sitcom, your concerns and emotions tend to get laughed away by the audience. Your problems and anxieties don't matter after the 20-minute episode. Breakups might be hard -- but only for the 10 minutes they need to maintain drama for. BY the next week, you're perfectly reset, ready to be out and about, the earlier incident having left no abscess inside you.
Real life would be so much easier if things worked like that. It's not easy to have it both ways. I'm fortunate my experience with the fact is only second-hand.
This makes for an amazing serialized comedy. The laughs hide the pain and agony, the anxiety and uncertainty about one's future.
What's next? What now? Who's next?
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