"Oh, I remember you!" : Reassing one's social relationships, and re-evaluating choices in hindsight

This will be quick, I'm sick of writing those NYC-inspired thoughtpieces.

Everyone I knew was excited by my presence in the wedding. Because I'm off the social media and didn't get in touch with anyone, nobody knew for sure if I was showing up. I caught up with the old timers, all the almost 2-dozen of them. It was clear that they were not skeptical of my presence or me. In college I found people's invitations to parties and friendship hangouts a bit too skin-deep. It never felt that folks quite wanted what they claimed. Because I was used to much stronger relations due to the boarding school, my social alignment was quite off. In retrospect it was obviously me and not them. If I could do it again, all of the invited parties would be gone to, and I'd organize so many parties myself. One wonders now, why didn't I? People were just excited by my presence, and I was as cool as anybody. Really there were much worse people, uglier people, awful people, sociopaths, who were tolerated and interacted with. All things considered I was fine. It never felt that way, and it was only because my social sensor was ill-calibrated.

Turns out the interactions since were mis-calibrated too. People aren't secretly hanging out behind me, ignoring me. It's just that I showed little interest in spending time. If I had asked to hang out even after college, or just kept in touch on insta, things would have been different. I was too busy with my own shit and issues though, wasn't I? Why? What was it that crushed my spirit? So silly! I should just have chilled out and become an inveterate schmoozer. Somebody who relentlessly networked. Networkers are better than wallflowers anyway.

What are the implications of the reassessments? I need to maintain and grow my social relationships. People need to be validated, reminded they are cared for, and that includes folks who appear happy in their groups. Everybody appreciates being invited to a party. You don't have to be honest about your emotions all the time, just a half-assed invitation is a thousand times better than forgetting or not inviting people.

A few years ago I reminded myself that half-assing things is better than not doing them at all. Now I understand that the half-assery works out for everything. Even interactions with other people. Sending out beacons of care, checking up on folks matters, at a personal level. That adds up even if they don't care, even if they might not reciprocate, even if it feels like I might be a loser. One must just chill, relax, and not mind about freaking out about simple things. Just relax and chill man, it's going to be fine. Lots of self-love!