Momos are good only in Nepal, or when [some of] my friends make them

Listen, I have nothing against momos okay. I've been called names -- momo-hater, not-a-nepali, white-guy, foreigner, etcetera, only because my excitement for momos and momo parties is not as great as everyone else's. I have nothing personal against momos, again. It's just that...I've been spoiled, and momo parties are overrated, and most people don't make good momos, no matter how much sweat (literal too) goes into making it. I'm not judging the lovers of momo parties and those who enjoy making those, no no. All I'm saying is, I, personally, don't find them as exciting as other things. A good cheese plate for example, even if it did come from a mediocre grocery chain based in the northeast.

It's simple. In Nepal I ate a lot of momos. Three years ago, the last time I was home, I had it for breakfast lunch and dinner -- figuratively, but it's not too far from reality either. And I loved most of those. There were sesame based sauces, and peanut-based sauces, and pure tomato-based sauces and I enjoyed all of them! There was an art in those -- whoever had made those had thought about what profile of flavor and texture they wanted, and what ingredients would get them there. Good or bad (and obviously there are bad momo places in kathmandu) there was a method to the madness.

My friends in DC, PR and NG, now they know how to make momos. They've perfected the process down to the pat -- they'll make momos on a random weekday night, from scratch, in the same time it takes anyone else to cook chicken and rice. One starts the sauce, the other works on the meat. One works on wrapping, the other works on --whatever else remains. And in an hour/hour-and-half, they're full and burping the classic momo burps, a couple dozen momos each in their stomachs and a couple dozen more in the freezer for the following days. They know how to do the meat -- with lots of pork fat, mixed minced meat, just the right amount of spices, and a lot of fresh veggies too. The sauce is spicy and tangy, and complements the momo in the right way -- the two of them don't share any of the spices. The wrappers are just the right thickness too -- they don't break away in the cooker, but they will submit easily to your mouth, thus releasing the flavorful pork juices. Those momos really remind me of momos of my youth from Bakery Cafe, back when they made those huge filling momos that made you want to sleep but you couldn't because the garlic breath was so strong. The momos warm the body up, and the soul too, and are amazing even on a hot summer evening. More recently they've started making a fresh light soup to go with the momos, and ohh man, what can I say, I could eat this combo forever. Find yourself a partner who can make and perfect momos as well as the two of them, I say. I do love them momos. Even though I have quit eating meat, I will compromise just for the sake of them momos. Not even a second thought.

So, when someone organizes a momo party -- someone else I mean -- I sigh a long, resigned sigh, and go on. Apologies to all my friends and people I really care about -- the truth is, most of the veggie momos absolutely suck. The chicken+pork momos are better but they're inconsistent, even across the same batch, in all the elements. The wrappers are not well-considered, the meat and the sauce are worked-on by different people with their separate recipes, so there's no proper coordination in flavor and texture profiles. And the shapes are a disappointment. I realize a large part of momo parties is the social aspect of it -- getting along with friends and making them together, but could we not teach people to make actually good momos that don't break apart on contact with the steamer? Because eating steamed dough and meatballs is a bummer and that's what a lot of those batches turn out to be. Again, it's not the friends or the parties or the people or the social aspect of it that I have problem with. It's just...I really like momos, and I think calling those dumplings momo is an affront to the name of momo.

I don't know where we go on from here. I doubt people will suddenly start paying more attention to everything. Sadly, many people organize momo parties because they consider it to be the lowest-effort way to organize and feed large groups of a diverse set of people. There is little consideration about maintaining the good name of momo, and the respect and adoration Nepali people have for it. It's sad but it's true: such momos always play a second fiddle to other kinds of dumplings, because people do not put enough effort, despite claiming to love momos. And I, as a not-a-lover of momos am willing to admit that. You should too.