Ten new sports the Olympics should have

1.  Cheerleading
   
   
2. Horsecart pulling
   
   
3. All the existing sports, but fully-drugged version where no holds are barred and you can take whatever drugs beforehand as long as they're not extremely illegal and you're alive for the following six months.
   
   
4. "Competitive weeing" (credit to Richard Herring)
   
   
5. Silly walks
   
   
6. Foo-ball (I'll explain it in a later post, but all you need to play it are pieces of paper and your mouth)
   
   
7. Shooting round objects from various body orifices
   
   
8. Sheep-shearing
   
   
9. Competitive heaving
   
   
10. Farts