why can't i write like now and other nonsense that needs to be dealth with, a consciousness stream

 some stream of consciousness this is, my lack of ability to write anything that's fictional not even under intense pressure nothing comes in my head man, the fingers just don't move at all it's getting clearer maybe my self doesn't want to write anything fiction though the other part of me wants to get something out fast, whatever it may be some shit job whatever that may be you never know what the readers will like and sure people say owh don't underestimate yourself write something now and years later when you read it you'll be so proud of yourself and i say yo brow that's what I've been doing for the last goddamn fifteen years fuckity fokyboo that's how long it's been since I started this blog and have I really improved my writing in all these years, it's not clear and why is it not the case I think it's because I don't have a teacher somebody to guide and comment and show me the direction just like good meditation or spiritual journey needs a guide a guru to tell the soul where to head and what to seek perhaps writing needs something similar too the process without a teacher is unconstrained indisciplined uncaring it never goes anywhere nobody gets better this way but like whatever as bob's burgers fetal pig episode plays on the side haunted by a dead pig, why does it sound so familiar says kristin's schaal's character on hulu are demon's really known for being so cool about everything?