My life is just one long vacation

 My life is just one long vacation, I've realized.

As in, I'm always hanging out with friends and family. Always having fun. Never in a rush for anything. Always kind-of in the chillaxing mode. Never under intense pressure or rush or any sort of fear for the workday. Never in 'do or die' mode. I go on hikes and walks and lovely picnics on weekdays and weekends, all the time. I go meet and crash and friends and family three/four months a year. I'm travelling casually all the time -- a bit much as I've recently observed and written -- like it's no big deal. And there's no proper 'closed-off' time periods for me. If I'm hosting people, I'll clear up space for them. When I'm in Nepal I go all out on fun-having even when I'm technically working. I'm always watching tv, reading, walking talking, going out, whatever. They say Americans work for the weekend, or the vacation, or whatever. Not true for me. I'm living one day at a time.

It's not always happy happy though. Because every day is a vacation day, I feel guilty when the days go wasted napping or watching tv. I want to be productive -- in having fun or doing something 'useful', so when that doesn't workout I feel useless. And often I look back at the days and weeks and months that have gone by and feel somewhat lost, and look fondly at all those good times that were had.

But like, that's the fun of it, right?

One thing I need to absolutely learn to do to make my life #1 is to get in a personal routine and live up to it every day, whether I'm traveling or not. Even if I'm not in my bedroom or things are beyond my control. Then, the days will truly have been conquered and I'll be living completely on my own terms.