Frequently Asked Questions about my current situation vis-a-vis 'The Lake'

Prompt: For this week's prompt, your character is tied to a lake. Is it because of duty? Magic? What are they guarding the lake against? You decide!

Source

Q: What did you do to find yourself in your current predicament?
A: The long and the short of it is that I pissed some powerful people, alright, I don't want to go into the details because honestly I'm quite peeved about it and it raises my blood pressure quite a bit, the physician's told me to take it easy, so that's all I'll say. One final thing on that matter is that those fuckers -- and they know who they are even though I don't want to publicize their names -- will be so goddamn sorry when I get out of here, they'll wish they'd never been born, I know if they coulda killed be they would've but they can't so they didn't but it's my turn now and ohh dear I'm going to savor the pain I'll inflict.

Q: How long have you been tied to 'the lake', so to speak?
A: What is time really? A year for a man is different from one for a bird, and different to that for a fly. Having said that, to put it in human terms lets just say I've been here for thousands of human generations even though that's not a very long time for somebody like me, no big deal alright, no need to be all gaga and impressed about my longevity and try to extract my blood and take it to the lab and make an ageless serum, they've tried it in the past and it didn't work, it'll just poison whoever gets close to it.

Q: Please describe your escape plans or future goals, if any, to get yourself out of the dump.
A:Well, depends. If you're one of the guards in the forest or one of the people involved in my current imprisonment, I have absolutely no plans to get out I'm having quite a chill time actually, feels like a vacation thanks for doing it for me my hombres, I'm loving it in here.

If it's somebody else asking, yes yes there's some minor plans on the road that'll hopefully allow me to be in a more leveraged position, so to speak, and be able to make myself freer.

Q: Is it possible you can turn it into a positive learning experience of any kind?
A: Oh yes absolutely, everything is a learning experience, and I've taken this opportunity to look inside myself as a being who's conflicted, has wild desires but is essentially a nice kind individual who's been wronged by evil mean forces but has used that opportunity to find peace and be one with themselves. So yes, this is quite pleasurable and lovely, thank you very much, nothing to worry about, I'm seeing two therapists actually yeah yeah it's lovely, I highly recommend it.

Q: How do you keep yourself fed and entertained?
A: By interfacing with folks such as yourself. Oh I meant for the entertainment part ha ha ha, not about the feeding part yeah yeah I have this whole feeding ritual of skewering animals and fish it's lovely you should come for dinner sometime it'll be so good I've started cooking all the time did I tell you that, yes yes I could go to Top Chef and I bet I'd come on the top haha that's a pun by the way, so yeah I've been eating natural organically grown plants and grass fed wild animals roaming free in the forest though in recent times I'm thinking of becoming a vegan, after trying vegetarianism. It's a growth process. By the way what a great time we're having, why don't you come closer?

Q: Can you give us a general estimate on the number of passerbies/heros/kings that you have interacted with?
A: Oh I have made so many friends, all over the world, it's great, all the great heroes and kings know of me in one form or another, that's a great question by the way where did you learn such amazing journalistic skills, really they should give you a show on netflix maybe you should start your own youtube channel or something because in all the time I've interfaced with heros and kings and other normals never have I been so intellectually challenged, feels good to finally talk to a smart person you know, there's usually only dumdums around here.

Q: Please sir, will you please not eat me?
A: Hahahahaha you sucker, you fell for it! No goddamn way, this is my dinner, gonna save some of your bones for snack, crunchy crnchy snacks. Yuuuuum!