Ten things the mysterious message the scientists just decoded might mean

Prompt: For this week's prompt, scientists have just decoded a mysterious message from the stars. Post your response (500 words or fewer) in the comments below.

Source

 Number three might shock you!

1. They accidentally sent their pizza order to us instead of to their you know, pizza parlor and their diet is real weird because surely they can't be asking us for ingredients to build a powerful bomb?
   
   
2. They're a powerful mafias in their galaxy and on the run from the government and are in need for protection or some sort of weapon-building and therefore have decided to bully the weakest creatures they can find?
   
   
3. This is all a big fat misunderstanding and their message is meant in jest and "Nium" is a real funny dirty word in their language so they're just joking when they're asking for our funny bits, kinda' like the joke about the planet that's also a juvenile pun about one's butthole.
   
   
4. Is it possible they're actually threatening to destroy us for reasons we'll never comprehend because we're so different it's impossible to understand their motivations and model their way of thinking because we've barely understood human psychology let alone how animals or other earthly beings think, so even trying to make sense of what the intention of the message might be is folly and we should either prepare to defend ourselves from them or submit completely and meet their demands.
   
   
5. It might just be a big fat April fool's joke in late October from the scientists?
   
   
6. Some pranksters hacked into all the radio telescopes and space telescopes across the globe and put in jokey messages to mess with everybody and very soon they're going to reveal the joke and we'll have one big laugh and it'll all be fine, no need to worry ha-ha we'll be pissing ourselves when we think back to these days and how worried and depressed everybody was!
   
   
7. Number six but the pranksters are somehow very sick or dead or incapable of revealing the full extent of their joke for some reason or another so we'll never figure out it's a big setup and we've been taken for fools but there's no way to know because no revelation will be incoming we just gotta figure it out from the clues.
   
   
8. It's a Russian ploy to distract us from the various issues they've gotten themselves into, and once we give them everything they want, the message from the 'aliens' will suddenly stop coming.
   
   
9. Number eight but the Russians themselves aren't fully aware of which of their soldiers are doing it and the soldiers are dead in the war so now they too have convinced themselves that it's not their ploy and don't have any evidence in the contrary because the equipment and personnel involved in this conspiracy have all been destroyed in the war.
   
   
10. It's a cross-connection, they meant to call their adversaries from across the galaxy and connected to them but due to weird issues with long-distance communication, we also got received the repeated messages, but we don't have to worry about it, really!