I've been wasting too much time pretending to write and actually not writing

 This ends now, I've been wasting days and weeks, months and years saving time to write here, clearing up my schedule, and then getting distracted, ending up not writing anything at al, just a total waste of time resources, and a massive disappointment overall. That cannot stand, shouldn't stand anymore. What you will see going forward is madness, just words words words, some of which may make sense but not intentionally because I just want to fill the goddamn pages with something, more words for the numbers because I don't want to feel like this has been a waste of time and energy. I will get caught up and shit, and nobody can stop me on my way there.