Moneymaking matters

Note for future me: I'm writing all of this in mid-November because I feel bad about not writing a thing during my VA trip.

Sometimes I feel bad about the fact that I make ONE THIRD of what people below my level make in other companies. And that's the starting rate, they can go for four times my salary, people several years younger are making four times what I make in total compensation without working extraordinarily more than I do. And sometimes it makes me feel...ugh? Because at that level I'd work for two or three years and be done with the entire work thing, retire to Nepal or a nice place, get a house whatever, chill, do my own thing and actually explore life, you know?

But on the other hand, it's not what I care about, my life in the last twenty years has been about finding peace within myself, and not going after the money. Because it's an unending chase, it's a neverending cycle that rarely if ever ends up in happiness. In fact, there's a very tenuous relationship between higher earnings (at that level) and happiness, though there is a much clearer line between self-satisfaction and confidence and happiness.

Yeah, it feels gross at times, particularly when the Seattle folks (those who do) talk about making money, buying houses, talk facebook amazon google compensations yadda yadda yadda.

And all I tell myself is, I don't care. 

I really don't. Probably. Hopefully.