I don't want to write, I don't want to write

I don't want to write, I'll do anything to avoid writing. Was supposed to go to trader joe's earlier today (or even, now?) but I didn't because i didn't write. The walk is going to have to be cancelled too, probably, because it's so gd late and there's nothing one can do. What the hell has happened to me, why don't I want to write? Why WON'T I write? If I'd just set one fking hour to write, written it nonstop and then never thought about writing again for the rest of the day, that'd be so much better, quicker, less stressful than the pain of avoidance. It's silly. I can't sustain this. If I stop writing, stop my walks, stop my meditation, stop doing the things that I enjoy or define me, what is there to do, really?

What is life, actually, and what are the things worth doing? It's getting clearer that the current pain is associated with changing of the schedules, moving from the yoga life to noyoga life, but this is too much. Yikes, and to think I was going through this every two weeks or so, no wonder I was miserable and struggling all the time. Stability is of the utmost importance, there is no doubt. It's not even a question, it's a mandate. A desire to build a future founded in solid understanding of the self, and a clear vision of what wants. And aided by the motivation that such a future will be one worthy of approaching.

This is going to be great and one need not fear it. This is fine.