Earlier this week I was fearful. I was punishing myself by going to the internet for hours, reddit mostly, looking at how well everybody was doing. And comparing myself. Oh how that scythe of comparison cuts! And how it tends to never, ever, ever work in your favor!
But. I kept reminding myself. It's okay. These thoughts haunt me because I haven't written, I haven't walked, I haven't meditated. If I'm feeling these awful thoughts on the day I've done all of them, I'll take them seriously. Otherwise it's just the ungrounded self feeling weird about the ennui. What happens if you throw somebody out of an airplane, without a parachute, without something to hold on to? They flail about, they see the ground approaching (from far away) and want to distract themselves, or end it all real quick. But then they see the parachute opening, their pace slowing down, and while their foot may not be immediately grounded, their pace is controlled. A feeling of grounding envelopes. And one notices, the decent is the same: even if the 'chute hasn't yet opened, just the knowledge it will soon makes the difference. The grounding activities are the soul's way to ground itself. To show that we may be hurtling towards nothingness, but not without an opportunity to enjoy it, to absorb the scenery. We'll be making funny formations, taking youtube videos etcetera, as we fall down.
Thank god for that knowledge. Oh how important it is to know oneself and one's own heart!
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