A compromise. Write a book instead.

I should write an essay collection right now. Called "Short balding and not funny: Essays written in desperation". I'll have something to show to people to ward off the nagging and the annoying questions and the suggestions etcetera. It wouldn't be the worst idea to self-publish it -- would definitely buy a hundred copies or whatever if that made the publishers take the leap. That's the compromise...self-respecting writers generally don't self-publish, I'm willing to compromise on that versus everything else.

Edit: 50 essays of 1500 words each is what it takes apparently. That's a...lot of essays and a lot of words. Where would I ever get those essays from? Shit, I should have written more seriously here ugh.