Yet another realization: drinking puts me in an insanely negative psychological space, even if I'm physically unbothered

This weekend was rough, specially Sunday. I had two drinks on Saturday because I was in the height of my mood. I felt like a million dollars and drank two bottles of beer, as a celebration. Oh what a punishment to the old body and the brain it was.

I didn't feel the negative effects physically, but psychologically it was brutal. No walk, no grounding, no writing, no joy. Just the pure fear of the world around me, the fear of commitments, disgust at oneself, and no care for the world. The aftereffects of drinking truly bring out the worst part of my fear and anxiety inside me. At no point is the drinking ever, ever worth it, unless it leads to extraordinary happiness. And the drinking never does, I take myself there.

I've been trying visualization exercises to practice being drunk. The idea is to keep a 'spotlight' of focus, train yourself to thinking within limits through meditation. And use that meditative power to focus on the next ten minutes, and only those at the maximum. That's what drinking does to your brain, apparently, it shuts down neural circuitry that does long-term planning. So no anxiety, fear, consideration that you might appear like a fool. I mean yeah people become assholes too, but that's a different story, I have almost never done that in recent times. One becomes an outstandingly gregarious fool. How lovely. No social anxiety either. I need to work on that harder.

Need to be meditating more often, better.