Frequently asked questions about the big golden statue outside my house

Q: Is that a...naked...statue of you?
A: Not at all, it's the greek god of good shape and war and love and seduction! If you felt that was me, it's just an impression, perhaps freudian, that tells a lot about yourself than about the sttue!

Q: Is it made of solid gold..or...
A: Of course it's made of solid gold, how dare you even question my commitment to investing a lot of money in ultimately wasteful and pointless and vain gestures that only end up embarrassing and humiliating me to my target audience instead of winning their respect and admiration like I always hope they will? Do you think I look like the sort of cheap hustler who would make sure to balance out the weight with lead and other heavy materials at the cold, and use only a slight thin sheet of ok quality gold on the outside so that even if somebody decided to use the 'archimedes test' it would succeed so they would think i was a genius god but if somebody so much as bothered to scratch the surface with sharp fingernails, my stratagem would be unraveled? How dare you sir, how. dare. you!?

Q: IF it is made of solid gold, like you claim it is, would the money not have been better spent giving to all the humanitarian causes you profess to support
A: What is life if not for celebration? You need to appreciate yourself, love and feel good about yourself and the world to work towards any meaningful goal. Your pea-sized reptile brain is probably too slow and stupid to comprehend the topic, but not everything is about the same thing okay, stop having such a single-track mind, yeah I donate to starvation and what not but that's not the only thing that defines me got it, I'm a complex person with various goals and interests and layers of complexity you poor simpletons cannot imagine to be possible within a single human being so if you ever got out your head out of your asscrack and thought about serious world matters for one second you would realize that a person doesn't have to do the same thing over and over again, they can have hobbies and interests and fun quirky ideas they execute at a moments notice so they gain the respect and admiration of people they desperately crave attention from so shut your blabbering mouth and get back to flipping burgers or whatever crap job you are forever destined to do because you're too lazy and stupid to be good for anything else. I'm smart. You're not. That's a fact.

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