I really really need to live my timetables, schedules and timeboxed situation because otherwise my life is generally a mess. The reason, it turns out, is that I'm really bad at dealing with change. I didn't realize that earlier because there was nothing constant in life that it appeared life was always like this and it was my personal issues that held me from reaching to the stars but no if I'm all settled down and in my groove I can do great things done, with much push and perseverance and momentum. But that all breaks down when I have to disrupt my life even a little bit. Like visiting a friend's place, or hosting somebody in my place for more than a couple of days.
That make the two core issues I have identified at two: I have issues with anxiety, and I have problems dealing with change well. If I can just learn to adapt to changing circumstances, and keep my discipline in order throughout, I'm as good as a king. And for that I need a timetable, a checklist, and timebox everything. In other words, the way to deal with change is to approach it from an angle of your rituals, be disciplined despite things that have messed up outside your locus of control.
Interesting self-realizations!
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