FAQ about the noxious fumes in your apartment building

The Building Management has received multiple questions about the noxious fumes that have been observed near some of your apartments. We want to assure you everything is fine and safe and things are under control. We've collected the most common queries here.

Is it dangerous?
Well...define 'dangerous'. Words can have different meanings for different people, and it's difficult to answer who's asking and who's talking when there's confusion all around. For example, did you know, pretty much everything in California is dangerous and causes cancer, but not in other states? So let's put it this way, whatever that is probably causes Cancer in the state of califnornia, but so do bananas, so there you go.

When will it be over?
We think the leak's from a secret pipeline running underneath the building that we're just discovering (the pipe, not the building hahah) so we're evaluating the length of repair works. But it's probably going to be done sooner than later. So probably a few more days, weeks or months, once we get proper funding etcetera, hopefully. Who even knows anything anymore amirite?

Why does it smell like farts?
That's what we'd like to know too! IF this is a massive prank by somebody who's figured out a technology to store and selectively release fartgas please let us know because it's unclear if this substance is what we think it is, why it smells exactly like somebody's fart, somebody who's just had a whole metric tonne of uncooked beans.

Can I use it?
No. If we find you using the noxious fumes for any useful purposes, you'll be charged $15 for the length of the period it was used. The fume is building property and by tapping and using it for personal use, you'd be stealing from us.