Yo, people at Kraft's,
What's up?
I'm writing this email to you because it's like the 80th email I've written to you and I'm disappointed in the fact that you have never ever, not even once, bothered to have the general courtesy of sending one simple reply email to me. Despite all the love and care for your products I have shown to you. How I have probably made your company earn hundreds of thousands of dollars, even millions, by buying so much and advertising it to my friends family and even random acquaintances for FREE, I'm providing you so much FREE advertisement but you don't care do you? You're just another large corporation, uncaring of its fans and customers, aren't you? While they work for you FOR FREE! And spend MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to turn you into BILLIONAIRES! You filthy bastards.
Anyway you probably know what this email is about. Like I've told you A MILLION TIMES. It's not an advanced request people, it won't take you a million dollars to buy new equipment and setup manpower and production line and everything, okay? I KNOW how business works, I run my dad's business and I took business in college plus several econ courses, so I know all about supply chain, logistics and other of your business lingo. I'm in the in, people I know what your issues and concerns are. I'm just just some crazed fan who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about and is just making demands from you, you see?
All I'm askin' for you is, there's at least three billion people who love rice, and eat rice for two/three meals a day. And you know how a lot of other people absolutely love your mac n cheese products. So I'm thinking, why not combine those two and produce rice-flavored mac-n-cheese, or just pasta in general. That means it'd sell greatly with all the people who like pasta, and the sauces that go with it, because eating pasta is an experience, but you could also get support from the people who are fans of rice? It's so filling and tastes great! Trust me I've eaten a LOT of rice.
There, that's your million dollar idea, I'm doing another job for you for FREE yet again, but I just want acknowledgment of my commitment, not asking for royalties or anything. Just implement it and tell me how it goes okay, but trust me, it's going to be gangbusters, you'll be feeling so stupid for not listening to me before.
Yeah, that's all I got,
All the best,
Your biggest fan
RoRo
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