There's a reason I don't like feeling. It's not because I'm a stone-cold rockhearted asshole that doesn't enjoy the softness of grass the smell of flowers. Rather I enjoy them too much I feel every vibration of a song every pause every lovelorn pained chord. It's no fun. It's tiring and confusing, overwhelming. It's no way to spend your days.
This evening ND was watching a hindi movie and we got to the topic of hindi songs, I put on an hold one [mere saamne wali khidki mein], and that's how I got into this rabbithole of great touching songs that make me feel the feels. So fun, so fulling so full. So bright is the world, such is the passion, the nostalgia of times gone by and disappointment at the auto-tuned bullshit of recent years (exactly two decades after the rest of the world was introduced to them) that it hurts. I'm not mad and angry because I'm uncaring, it's because there's so much too care, too much it hurts every little mistake and act of disappointment and treachery.
Which is why I didn't get my writing in order, also why this is a little half-hearted. Swimming in emotions bro so many lovely emotions too many emotions. Like an angsty teenage girl in her diaries. Which this is really but those emotions I like being done with they're too hard to be not addicted to. It's more about self control and organization now. I'm a goddamn adult man, need to keep all the feels and emotions in check unless I want to expose them strategically to use them to fuel my writing. Weaponise emotions, as it might be said.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Tell me what you think. I'll read, promise.