FAQ From Your New Alien Overlords

Dear human subjects, we have been innundated with the same questions over and over again in recent days. Therefore this Comprehensive (TM) FAQ will answer all of your biggest questions and concerns. Don't bother us in the early hours of the morning wondering if you'll be eaten for dinner or have anal probes you upon you, you sick fucks. Control your kinks.

Q: Are we fucked?
A: Indeed.

Q: Is this a joke?
A: What's a joke? Kidding! See, that was a joke! Our communication specialists are so competent we have managed to translate humor across the universe. Anyway, no this is not a joke. This is Serious (TM).

Q: Was it the Chicken?
A: Yes. You should have treated them better. By the looks of it many of you already knew that bad things would be happening to you, it was just a matter of time. This is not a surprise at all and you know it. Chin up, bub.

Q: How were you able to cross vast intergalactic distances, and still be able to reverse-engineer our culture and technology so quick?
A: That's two questions. First, because we're so goddamn smart okay have you even looked at our heads, every other being says wow you're so heady, so smart you must be the smartest species in the universe but we say nothing because we're humble. We've also been told we're the humblest creatures in all eternity. Not that we ever brag about it. Because our technology has progressed for tens of thousands of human years, we have been able to use certain fundamental properties of the universe that the humans have not yet encountered and accelerated space travel using that arcane knowledge.

As for the second question, we read the instruction manuals. End to end, in great detail. It's not hard, if you just pay attention.

Q: What will you do to us?
A: Eat you whole. Haha kidding. We're not barbarians. We'll stew you with our authentic spices and herbs from back home. So. Sleep well! Toodles.