The genie and the trippin' beanie

Prompt: You bump into a genie and she offers to grant you three wishes. What are your wishes and why?
Source

Okay okay great great don't be booming about me so loud lady oof, and I thought my jackass friend's boombox was obnoxious, lemme think lemme think okay. So I've thought about this a lot you know movies an' all and I'm thinkin' unlimited wishes, or extra wishes to the maximum number of allowed wishes, or is that like not cool?

YOU CANNOT CHEAT FATE. YOU CANNOT ASK FOR UNLIMITED WISHES.

Alright yeah so thass what I thought because I know you see you've probably interacted with so many really smart maybe even annoying people and think you're smart and I'm not doubting that props for you for finding loopholes into your wish-greant thing an' everything but I've watched the movies and shows there's entire forums online about how to deal with a situaton exactly like this so I've really thought about this. So I know the regular pitfalls, not gonna make obvious mistakes like a noob. Okay so I have a question. Are you like neutral genie or the evil genie who interprets every wish in the most malicious way possuble and grants wishes that are actually curses. Like you know I say make me the richest man on Earth you take away everything from everyone else so technically i'm the richest man but that's not according to the spirit of my wish.

I WILL MAKE ATTEMPT TO FULFILL THE SPIRIT OF THE WISH. SPEAK OF WHAT YOU WISH.

And...and I have another question, a clarification for the nature of the wishes and how they are fulfilled. If I asked for you to make this girl fall in love with me can you do that or is that not kosher, you know what I mean because I've heard folks like you rejectin' that sort of nonsense and murder and you know all of that. Which-- which which I support by the way very much, that you are doing this in a very safe an' consensual manner for all the parties involved, even if the parties who benefit from your kindness and and generosity are not related to you in anyway. So how does that work or can you just literally do anything.

THAT IS CORRECT. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING DIRECTLY AGAINST THE WILL OF A HUMAN, OR CONTRARY TO THEIR WISHES.

Okay okay that's that's great to hear it is, because people think you're from the olden times and be sayin' ya...yaknow ohh they're old fashioned and don't understand the modern concepts an' all that like if people don't be wantin' something they don't be carin' for it an' you should't be forcin' it out on people so I have so much respect for you, mad mad respect. So there's a couple of more --

--SPEAK OUT YOUR DESIRE AND WISHES HUMAN I'M HERE TO GRANT THEM!

-- as I was sayin', I need to get a good sense of what exactly you can do it's in both of our interests because I could be askin' for one thing and you'd be all ooops babe can't do that and I ask for som'n else you'd be sayin' the same, so really I'm saving your time out here. So so like I ask you to collide two stars a billion light years away, or maybe even a million light years away, could you do that? Because if you could it'd mean the universe doesn't have any respect for its own rules you know considering it's saying one thing to u--us and other thing to to you it seems since you're magical magical and everything so tell me this --

I CANNOT BREAK THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSE, I'M A BEING OF REALITY. I CANNOT GO TO THE PAST AND CHANGE EVENTS THAT HAVE HAPPENED. I CANNOT FULFILL A WISH THAT TAKES MILLIONS OF YEARS TO EXECUTE.

Yeaahh yaaeahh that's what I was sayin', that is exactly thank you very much ma'am, I've learned so much today and we've not even gotten around to the wishin' part. Okay lemme think what do I want, what do I want. Okay here's another thing sorry if the questions are annoying but I'm genuinely curious about how you work and what's up with all these mystical things an' shit, surely you understand and enjoy talking about your experiences and what not. So if I asked for an abstract wish how would you go about fulfillin' it, say I said give me global peace or give everyone happiness and they're both so thinly defined term you know you can say anything about them and at some point it's bound to be true, so there's my question and I'm running out of questions really so it's wish time just wanted to scope out the possi--

-- STOP. YOUR TIME HAS RUN OUT. YOU WILL NO LONGER BE GRANTED ANY WISHES. THE SYSTEM IS RESETTING, I'LL BE TAKEN TO A RANDOM LOCATION AT THIS POINT TO BE FOUND AGAIN. FAREWELL, ANNOYING BEING.