Mark's drunk love poem

 Nann-see,
You so fan-see
So-fee
won't you let go of-mee
Jay-ray-me
when d'ya wanna
Pay-me
Daw-be
Let's kiss
Under the tree
And again and again
Like perhaps
The British
Control
Of the sea?

stream of consciousness

the room's too echoey and if the window opens it's too loud from the noise of the traffic outside, which means there's gotta be a way to dampen the noise and the echo, make the place roomier get more decorations and hangings like a real person and not just some single loser dude with no extraordinary interests besides i dunno stuff where did my japanese ukiyo-e buying interest go right right the covid situation has created tough situation in Asia etcetera but at least going to the gym has opened up wait this wasn't supposed to be real it was supposed to be an experimental piece a fictional stream of consciousness that wold be something worth reading not just pathetic snivelling crybaby what is this even am I only skipping the punctuaton and calling it a stream of consciousness bullshit or is this the entire blog is it not, you should have a chemical castration jeremy mark's saying to Jez in the background yea peep show is my new background listen the unfortunate fact is it's kinda short so gotta get it to work oh tried getting it to work with shameless the british version and that didn't work even though it's got so many episodes it's too real too interesting too wild ugh problems problems never the solution eh bro right and I should be out and about it's shivaratri yet I don't feel bad I have completely accepted my desitny eventually hah

Capitol hill vs downtown Seattle

Friend A was looking for an apartment. He had seen a place in CapHill, across the park from my place, and another place in downtown, to take over the lease of loverboi. The Downtown apartment was much nicer (the building), higher floor, had a nice roof, and three hundred bucks cheaper. The CapHill apartment was...close to Sk and myself. He asked us which place he should take. Sk said the downtown place was really really nice deal. A took the CapHill one. Because, he explained, if despite all of that, he was still not sure, clearly he wanted to be near to us. Which makes sense.

The boys are celebrating Shivaratri today, I should go and do the gigglies, but don't feel like it. It's partly because I had to finish the writings, plus potentially get caught up on the work. But also, and this is the main reason, it's in goddamn Downtown. I'll have to either walk or take the bus. It'll be 25 minutes either way. And it's not a great neighborhood, surrounded by homeless encampments all around. No shops or restaurants either. Getting toked up on this holy day would have been proper and stuff... but ugh...downtown. It's...not a fun area.

I should really get a more expansive social life.

Shuffleboard and pool

 Sb and I play the shuffleboard (and pool sometimes) pretty much every time after the gym sessions.

I like shuffleboard, playing it with somebody around the same-ish parity is fun, plus the board at his apartment is long and real slippery so it's always interesting to go with the riskier moves. Butwhen everybody's playing risky, the scores kinda' get low, the pucks go out of the board and it's a snoozefest.

So we came up with a couple of extra rules that make the game extra fun and strategic, at the cost of making it slightly difficult to calculate the scores after the game is over. The one minor downside or the upside depending on your persuasion is that you really don't want to mess things now, not because you'll get lower scores but because the point calculation gets complicated and you'd rather reallly keep it more simple. The rules are, if the puck goes out of the board it's negative one score, if it makes it to the other half of the board it's .5 (even if it doesn't make it to the '1' score), if it doesn't it's a negative one. Doing the arithmetic in the middle of excitement is a bit of a downer truth be told.

And then we played pool, like we sometimes do. Everytime I play the game with someone new I have to pretend it's the first time I'm playing because I'm so very bad at it, embarrassing, and I don't enjoy it at all. The last time we played it was painful and we were just waiting for it to end. This time around Sb's improved but he didn't improve by much. My performance showed no improvement.

Pathetic.

Mark and Jeremy talk about the dogs

 "Don't be ridiculous, Jez, the dogs would never try to take over the world, they're having too much fun on other people's money," Mark said to his roommate.

"No, Mark I saw it with my own blazing eyes, I saw them over their on the corner, a bunch of them, there was this one as big as a...hmm what's a big animal that's as tall as me but thicker and maybe a feet shorter...a bear(?)...maybe a bear...and they were looking at this paper. He looked at me, the big one, and glared at me Mark I saw this," Jeremy replied.

"Listen Jeremy, let me ask you a question, and you have to answer it honestly. Were you at the time of this...observation...shall we say...were you on some kind of drugs. Hookah, devil's weed, cocaine, horse tranquilizer, frogs, whatever you folks are eating or injecting..or whatever..like it's all one big rave party, it's always one big party with you people isn't it?"

"Mark -- well let me tell you this...I mean yeah...I was...kind of high on...well it depends you know what do you even consider to be drugs, for some people even even beer is forbiden, the muslims you know they cut your head off if they see you drink in muslim countries man, your fuckin' head for a brewsky, so what I might consider to be a drug may be something else for you, and it...would be something else for sophie. Or big Sze, yeah with big Suze nothing's a drug, and that's how her body reacts. But...to answer...your question, yes while I may have been on K, and some shrooms that superhans popped into my mouth, and that green juice, looked suspicious, listen, it wasn't the drugs okay, I've had wild vision Mark and this wasn't it! Trust me, this is real okay, you've got to trust me on this alright man?"

"Alright alright so let me get this straight, you're saying I should trust you because...while you were on...multiple drugs...you've been high before...and therefore...your body...doesn't care, is that what you're saying Jez, that you're such a druggie addict that you've circled around into normalcy, and therefore your judgment and decisions are completely reliable?"

"Yes Mark, that is exactly what I'm saying!"

(Peep show fanfic)

The doggos make a secret plan

 Doggos weren't looking for the meat though. What they wanted was the secret access code. This had been all a part of a massive, three-thousand year plan executed over hundreds and thousands of generation, untold suffering and pain caused by the inconsiderate breeding and thoughtless caretaking by the humans. But it would be worth it, all the years of shame humiliation indignation, it'll have paid a thousandfold when the secret access code was retrieved. And if some moron who didn't know white from green got in the way, he better have worn some thick thick steel boots because this was life or death for the canine-kind and nothing could stop them from getting the secrets. Nothing.

Until everything that could possibly go wrong, did.

It was a bright warm morning in the city of Seattle. The dogs tottered away happily with their humans in the parks, seemingly uncaring for the terrible things that were happening in the world. Not a care in the world, those dogs, the humans thought, all they want is food, walk and belly rubs and they'll be more content than the Dalai Lama. Oh and playtime with other doggos of course, but that was a given. There were dogs all over, every block had a hundred living, you couldn't pass by a corner without a pup smelling the scent of his friends who'd passed by hours ago. The humans, their thoughts shaded by the imagination of a simpler world, their decisions clouded by the projection of happines on their pets' faces, failed to notice strange things happening around them.

Such as, a group of dogs meeting in an alley, in full view of humans, looking at a blueprint, and talking in short pointed barks. It couldn't be mistaken for anything else but a planning session for a bank heist. But dogs didn't commit heists! They couldn't read secret blueprints! The humans projected their expectations of dogs on reality, and failed to see what was right in front of their eyes.

So bad so good at socializing: calendar appointments for getting caught up with riends

 The pandemic has been rough on everybody. We're all obsessed with the internet, having first been forced into socializing through it. Now we're having trouble socializing with real-life people because it's a skill, and a skill we're losing practice of.

So I've now started making a point of making appointments with friends, in calendar, sending invites and everything, so I reach out to them once every couple of weeks. It's dorky and lame, but it's the only way to have your shit together, without freaking out about everything.

Had the first call with former co-worker Gf today, funtimes.

Will the milk kefir grains work on regular water? We'll find out! And other kefir projects

 I'm on my fourth/fifth round of kefir making, not as impressive as with Kombucha because they get done in 24/48 hours. It gets boring after a while though, put milk, sieve the old batch through muslin, rinse and repeat. It's all milk. And adding flavors is a little complicated, not as slick, so I'm planning on branching out.

The first project I'm exploring is using the milk kefir bubbles for making water kefir. Fizzy juices right at home, carbonation naturally over a few days without having to work with kombucha. Plus you can add flavors. Fizziness is exciting yo!

The second one is carbonating the milk kefir. Drop some sugar and fruit in the processed kefir, put it in an airtight bottle, and let the yeasties do their job. It could turn out really well, I'm excited for that. Need to acquire pressure vessel for this.

The third project is making cheese out of the kefir. Strain out the water, dehydrate the milk solids, and let them age over weeks and months until they are firm and creamy. Depends how creamy or thick you wanna. What a great way to get rid of extra milk!

Kombucha, and other ferments are still on.

The gnats are gnna be gnone

 The mosquito bits I got from Ace hardware were expensive, 14 fifty buckaroos. More than I was intending to spend on fungal care, I'll admit. In my defence the alternatives are limited, and nothing, literally has worked until this point. Now all I do is soak the little balls in water, and spread the water in the soil. Once every week, the bottle recommends, I might do it more often. Until they're gone, forever and ever. Not having to tell people I'm not really filthy, it's the annoying bugs that have harassed me from the soil and none of the solutions I have applied yet have worked, is going to be so worth it. It's going to destroy those lill buggers right in the larval stage. DIE MOFOS DIE

10 quick food reviews from Nepal from the winter break

1.  Never ever ever eat anything at Gokarna forest resort, they're unbelievably overpriced and the food absolutely sucks yuck. Decent breakfast though.
   
   
2. Unless you know a guaranteed good place, avoid eating momos in general at a new place, particularly the veggie ones.
   
   
3. Tibetan food is as good as it gets, and is getting increasingly popular in Kathmandu. "Keema noodles" isn't something that was there even two years ago and now everybody is eating it left and right.
   
   
4. Crispy fried chicken and burger house isn't that great, unless I guess you're eating the fried chicken stuff. Not particularly affordable either, like it used to be back in the day. Their sandwiches are disgusting, the mayo tastes like the bodily fluid it resembles. And oh the resemblance!
   
   
5. Kathmandu needs more doner kabab places, way more.
   
   
6. Nobody knows how to do herbal tea in Nepal, there's no concept of any other tea besides the 'regular milk tea' even in decent restaurants.
   
   
7. You don't need to call the Naan-inspired pizza 'pizza', it's so good without the pizza connotation though I imagine you probably need the foreign clientele?
   
   
8. Newari food is the GOAT. Not to be stuck to traditional gender roles but it'd be a dream at this point to find a partner who's good at Newari food.
   
   
9. It's still not easy to be a vegetarian, unless you really like Indian food.
   
   
10. So many new places, so much beer, so much money being spent, I wanted to go to the ole' Rumpum cart that I've written for over 12 years now, it's got a sad story behind it, but that didn't happen. Because I was sick etc.
    

Thank you Seattle public library for not bankrupting me for late return

Seattle public library got rid of it's late fees which has been perfect for me. Due to all the travel I'd been doing, I was unable to return books for months. Told the boys to return them on my behalf, even made a nice pile with a paper on top that said, please return to the library or else they'll fine me for losing the books but no they were not returned until the deadlines came and went and then the "we're charging you for the lost books" messages started coming in. That's when I started like really freaking out. But now it's all a matter of past, told the nice folks about the situation they happily took in all of them books without question or raised eyebrows. Happens to the best of us, they said, don't worry at all. And then I printed a bunch of financial documents. Free. Of. Cost. How much better can it get, huuh?

Who are these drunk people out and about at 10 at night

 I hear noises, loud drunk noisy people outside my apartment, 10PM and I'm wondering, do they not have work or school to go to tomorrow? If they're tourists, are they really so low on cash that they decided to visit the city in the worst possible season, when it's raining all day long and decided, you know what, sure it's cold and awful, and I didn't get to see all the beautiful mountains and the trees but there's one thing I gotta do and that's get drunk with my band of mateys on a Monday night, because tomorrow's tuesday and there's not much to do.

Perhaps they considered the whole thing to be a loss, and figured if they're having fun might as well do it at night because the days are miserable pathetic so goddamn rainy, can't do anything good ever besides the Puke Place Market (spelling error intended) and the first startbucks store that actually isn't. And the roastery, right.

Whatever.

This city has amazing public parks...more like forests...though.

This is what 'phoning in' looks like

 So the deal is I need to get a lot of posts written before I go to bed for the month of february, the 'carrying over' of posts from previous months or weeks or days ends now, I've promised that a bazillion times before but this is when the rubber hits the road it's time to man up and realize it's not inspiration and gets things done but practice, repetition and just rubbing your nose against the paper so you're left with a little nub of smelling instruments. Don't want more than six posts to backdate in March. But also don't want to go to bed too late because that's how I got into this bad habit of spending daytime wasting not doing anything interesting or fun or good, which leads to lots of freaking out and last-moment writing the cycle goes on forever forever making me feel disgusted at myself not wanting to write setting unreasonable standards for myself all for what end? What end does this get us to? Nothing man, this is all bullshit, the quality of these vomit of words isn't getting better so where's point in investing in those. Just move your fingers and write.

This is how I'll be getting Feb's posts out, just random bullshit who cares if anybody's gonna read or if anybody's gonna care. Nobody but me. This is my vanity project. This ain't a grand writing experimentation, biographers aren't going to be poring over these turd balls. This is chill, just me and the keyboard, playing music. Yanno?

Am I crazy or did all my plant tools disappear from the apartment

 My parents were here and my friends lived here too, there's no real logical reason why any sane person would throw gardening trowel and the likes out to trash and they did look pretty useful and pricey (got 'em at Daiso). I've searched for them, overturned the entire goddamn apartment, nowhere to be found. Not even in the ridiculously high shelves I need to get on the counter to reach. Not even in the mess that is the coat rack. It's a mystery, seriously, where the heck did the supplies go. Wild, I know.

The seven supervillains you'll probably see in the next Batman movie

1.  The Clown. He's just a regular crown, but like really really annoying, keeps honking his nose and won't stop his antics when Batman tells him to. Eventually driving the nightwatch insane.
   
   
2. The Newspaperman. Loser billionaire breaks law, does whatever he wants, and expects people to like him because he's doing things that mostly align with what the law enforcement woulda' done. Get a life, bro.
   
   
3.  The polar bear. Is it possible this super henchman is of Eastern European heritage who recently moved to town because of the military crisis going on there, and blames the bat for his troubles?
   
   
4. The doctor. Bat's blamed for spreading a deadly disease that's usually not found in humans, but the contagion is growing and scientists have pinpointed the origin to his cave. Like only if he stopped hanging out with those creepy night creatures, yeah?
   
   
5. The fruitbatman. He's just a regular super rich dude who likes spending time with Batman who makes the superhero uncomfortable, the way he acts, he thinks Bat's gay and he the friend is so totally okay with it, even if our hero's not interested in coming out, and he's going to be there as a friend no matter what. No secrets between friends, but if there's secrets he's not going to leak any out. Wink.
   
   
6. The fruit. Man eating a mango gets zapped by gamma rays, merges in with the fruit, and becomes it. Decides to avenge all the fruits in the world consumed by bats. Do bats eat fruits? Or is it just fruitbats? Or is that a misnomer? Who cares!
   
   
7. The pubman. Maaan, why is bats such a downer, why does he not allow parties to go till late in the night, that's when people get real drunk and buy expensive drinks. He's killing hospitality industry in Gotham City ugh.
   

7 reasons why all superhero movies should be based in Seattle

1. If we are to go by the lore of Grey's Anatomy, which is by the way based in Seattle, every hospital here is dealing with a bazillion serious life-threatening situations every day, there's always a weird mysterious disease or crash or contagion, something going on. It would be the perfect place for heros to fix the situation.
   
   
2. With all the crime and homelessness situation happening, it'd be a perfect place for a nuanced take on poverty, homelessness crime and the fucking NIMBY liberals who won't allow any new construction and then complain about all the social issues. Batman, but now he's a pro-construction vigilante.
   
   
3. The Puget Sound is a nice chill place, away from the main ocean, but easily accessible, with proper access to freshwater bodies. Perfect place to build Aquaman's palace.
   
   
4. It is quite liberal in terms of LGBTQ+ values, and I don't know about Diana's preferences, but from my understanding of the mythology behind her, and the story of her creator, she might find the culture here to be quite suitable for her...interests.
   
   
5. There's a massive Boeing factory here, perfect place for henchmen to construct cardboard box palaces for villaining.
   
   
6. So easy, too easy to portray all the billionaires and techies as supervillains who don't care about people and are out to end the world. Which might not be like too far off the truth unfortunately.
   
   
7. You would need an entity with the ability to do a lot of side jobs, or have old family money like Batman to be able to afford a nice place to live here.
   

11Crap reasons I'll pretend are real on why I didn't write ANY fiction in 2021

1.  I had covid. Covid kills the creativity neurons int he human brains, scientists have shown.
   
   
2. I was stressed out and depressed with everything happening. But still wrote about everything. Besides fiction. Because it felt like losing oneself in the world of fiction wasn't a good way to deal with reality.
   
   
3. Seattle weather sucks, I wasn't inspired, it's not ideal for writing fiction.
   
   
4. I can write fiction only when I'm sitting on chairs and there were no proper sitting implements in my new apartment. And the one in Boston was broken.
   
   
5. The dog ate my fiction.
   
   
6. Fiction's a crappy genre, semi-autobiographical non-fiction is where the money's at, readers dig it.
   
   
7. I was too busy writing my autobiography.
   
   
8. Wrote too many fiction pieces in 2020 and ran out of ideas and creative juices.
   
   
9. Fiction sucks anyway, nobody reads it anymore.
   
   
10. Cos' I'm bad at it. Lol. As if I'm good at this. (explaining in case I take this one seriously)
    
    
11. Stomach disease.
    

What happened in Nepal

 Things I did in Nepal, finally listed!

1. Went out to a tonnne of places to eat out. Moms are uhh yucck when they're the veggie kind.
   
   
2. Caught up with so many old friends after so long, it felt good!
   
   
3. Tried almost a dozen new Nepali beers, they tasted very similar but hey I tried.
   
   
4. Hung out with my cousins as adults for the first time.
   
   
5. Spent a solid 10 days with my extended family for the first time in...ever...at a real nice place thanks to my aunt. This was way better than I imagined.
   
   
6. Partied with a bunch of younger folks from families. Would. Not. Recommend.
   
   
7. Part of the groom's organizing party at a nice long wedding, it's so great when you're not incharge of it or paying for it or you're not getting married.
   
   
8. Went to a friend's wedding, a real Nepali wedding, the first one I've been to.
   
   
9. Got very very sick in a very long time.
   
   
10. Slept on the living room with parents for ten days, sort of like a large very ill sleepover.
    
    
11. Had meat soup and meats because I'd got no other option.
    
    
12. Made a bunch of new exciting friends.
    
    
13. Patched things up with several people.
    
    
14. Snuck around, did the gigglies with pretty much every young person in my fam.
    
    
15. Yangtaru sekuwa is go good.
    

Having literally such low expectations from yourself

 It's so freeing I tell you.

You can let go of all the things you thought you'd do and wouldn't do because who cares, it's not like it maters anyway. You're open to doing literally anything in the world, and none of your bullshit self opinions will get in the way.

It's an opportunity to re-invent yourself. Maybe you see yourself as a different sort of person, maybe there are other interesting things to be tried, and you're going to be so bad, so very bad at them but who the heck cares, you already are a loser you're not going anywhere anyway. So it doesn't matter. Just do it. Nobody cares, and if they do, so what you're already deep in. It's just so freeing.

Do whatever boring pathetic thing you want, or the outrageously exciting, that doesn't define you, you're not disappointing or embarrassing yourself. There's nothing in there in any case, you're an empty husk of matter, without any substance. Nobody cares, you don't anyway. Go ahead with life. Live it one moment at a time, one day at a time.

You do you!

List of things I need for getting to the next level with indoor gardening

1.  Get 'plant food', use it according to instructions.
   
   
2. Clean leaves regularly.
   
   
3. Divide my plant of paradise into 2 plants.
   
   
4. Get mosquito bits and end the gnat situation entirely.
   
   
5. Buy a couple more plants.
   
   
6. Use layering and levels to make my room look like bit of a forest.
   
   
7. Buy hangers and tall stools to plants in.
   
   
8. Get different kinds of soils for different plants.
   
   
9. Steal ferns and other plants etcetera.
   
   
10. Start the moss garden, alternately, turn everything into a moss garden.
    

About that big bad wedding which I missed

 I write like six/eight months ago how I was excited obsessed about this wedding of a friend in Kathmandu, and have since written about how everything's connected.

Turns out half my family was invited to that wedding, from both guys and the bride's sides, half the Kathmandu was aware of it, and it did go on for like ten events, all outrageously ridonkulously lavish. 50 lakh ko luga for the girl and 30 lakh ko luga for the guy lavish. And I missed it.

Which was a bit of a bummer at the time but in retrospect it's fine, whatever. Since my family was going to be there for pretty much everything, I'd not have been hanging out with the folks from Northeast (all gals) anyway because it'd be too weird. Plus, ten lavish ceremonies sounds fantastic until you realize you only know like ten people there, and you see them over and over again in all the occasions and after the third event, it all blends in, gets a bit boring. You do have to get a new pair of nice cloth for each event, so you're getting ten expensive sets of cloth for ten repetitions of the same outrageously amazing event.

Which is a bit much for me.

In retrospect it wasn't as much of a bummer that I missed than I originally imagined.

Hasan Minhaj review

 I've written here on what a disastrous experience it was, to attend the Hasan Minhaj show in Philly. I tried it in Seattle but the dates didn't work out. A pity since they were recording here for the Netflix version of it.

Anyway we made it, missed the first ten minutes. The guy on-stage, who I assumed to be Hasan was such a low-energy guy, and uuh pretty clearly on multiple substances. Disappointment. Annoyance. And then it turns out he was just the warmup act, ten minutes later Hasan shows up, which means we didn't miss any of the standup aaaand we got the amazing guy. 

He's one of the very few brown guys in the U.S who makes me incredibly envious about their achievements. Because you can earn money, 'work hard', do other shit, but the effort he puts into the craft, the passion, and the courage with which he brings out in the open some very serious topics is...kinda...incredible. I'd rather be as courageous and hardworking and passionate about work as him than make a hundred million dollaroos. A year. Because the money...what would I do with it, it'll be a pathetic sad rich guy situation. But that burning fire, and the desire to change, ooof, I want that power.

I setup my temperature control thing again

So I had a heating mat and temperature probe that I used for my homemade booch and mushroom farming back in Boston. I brought it me to Seattle though it wasn't in sue much, and it was so affordable might as well have left it in Boston. Now I've got it here and put it to use, feels exciting.

The first use was to take care of the milk kefir babies. The first night I warmed my room for the kefir, realized that was a lot of money in heating expenses for one jar of milk. Second day, I take the heating system out, and get the setup going. A styrofoam on the bottom to insulate from the floor, a cardboard box on the top, covered by a thick blanket for extra insulation. Add a cup with a bit of water to put the temperature probe in because I don't want to contaminate my yummies with the probe and it doesn't make much sense to put it out in air because the temperature's always changing.

Now that the first three rounds of kefir are done and the process is moving ahead smoothly, the next step is to use it for kombucha. As soon as I get the 100 pack of teas back from where I left at Sk's. Next on the agenda.

Seven fictional things people (probably, but also really) said would happen if the MCC passed that definitely won't happen

1.  The US army will build bases there and like, something something...Who knows.
   
   
2. "Nepal become Afghanistan" "How?" "Because every place American goes becomes Afghanistan" "How" "Stop arguing with me!"
   
   
3. China will wage a full-on war with Nepal much like China and Ukraine.
   
   
4. Everybody converts to Christianity.
   
   
5. US will make Nepal into a new state. (yea you wish, you ain't getting my federal tax money)
   
   
6. Everybody's gonna start fucking everybody but in a respectful and consensual way, and talk about women in nice manner, never demeaning and undermining them (AHAHAHAHAHA)
   
   
7. Everybody becomes transsexual gay LGBTQ+ atheist with pink hair, tattoo and piercings all over their body (might happen, who knows)
   

Information addiction

 Just as with junk food, information addiction is a thing. When there's a shortage of quality information, or when proper cultural norms around overconsumption of information haven't been created yet, society doesn't view addiction to information, to the internet, as a problem. It's just that thing every does. Like, people smoked three packs over a day, or how everybody got wasted forever without caring what it'd do to them. It's the same, the information overload and we'll see it manifest itself in the coming years.

So with the Ukraine thing yeah, I was in trouble, daily cellphone usage on Saturday was 13.5 hours and about 12.5 hours on Sunday. All of it related to reading the coverage of the war. Total obsession I tell you, skipped a nice opportunity to hang with the extended Seattle gang, raised by stress levels, screwed up my sleep cycle. All for what? Completely unclear. I just did.

On top of that, this was supposed to be the 'get your shit together, gotta practice good habits' week. Shit's fucked up man.

Positive situation at work, decent cooked linner, call with family, more fermentation projects, the need to finish writing [Mon 28]

 I write this at 8PM of the same day, gotta write a lot of posts, such little time. Feeling a bit under the pressure truth be told, but it's gonna be fine, I'll just bs through with poems and that sort of situation.

So I've started writing 500 words on my super personal journal, the other one, and feel so good about that, because for the last six months possibly the year, I'd been stuck at 100 words max. Gotta get up to a thousand words, or even more because why not, the only thing slowing me down is the speed of my fingers.

There was some positive news at work, got a bit of a raise, which isn't something I've generally felt very excited about. There's going to be more money in the bank on one hand, so that's great, but on the other it was a bit short of my expectations, every raise is a disappointment. All opportunities are to be evaluated, regardless of the related costs in one's time is the conclusion I've come up to.

For linner I made rice and a very thick dal with four different veggies etcetera, it was really a veggie really. Had rice with the dal, kefir, kimchi and harissa. It was a lot of good food for not a lot of money.

Talked to ED for a couple of hours, they're buying an RV and traveling around the country, possibly starting a vlog too. That's my dream too!

Watched a tonne of fermentation videos, started a project to convert the milk kefir grains to water kefir grains to I can get going with water kefirs too. The next project is fermented veggies and kombucha, plus potentially sourdough. Because then I won't have to buy yeast for the bread.

I'm behind on the posts for this month by a lot, lot, gotta write a lot, At least 20 posts, possibly 24-ish posts in the next two hours. Not gonna make i, will I? We'll see.

Also played age of empires for a while.

More obsession with the news, experimental veggies as meals, more news, protest bs outside [Sun 27]

 Read and watched the news all day long, worrying about the Ukraine situation, realized in the evening I was very very addicted and this would have to end somehow, if I wanted to be normal human being.

In the afternoon I made a quick onion-tomato and tater tots veggies, it was pretty good honestly, had it with the TJ's roti once again. So versatile the roti, goes with everything.

There was some young people protesting some bullshit or other real loud and walking in circles, I tried to zone them out but was really difficult. More news etcetera.

For dinner I had the same tarkari a lunch but with ketchup and mayo, to see how it'd go, and honestly, potatoes onions and tomatoes with fat and spicy ketchup can never go wrong it appears. Yum yum yum.

Went to bed real late again despite having work the next morning.

Daylong obsession, I miss out on fun hiking, more obsession, short chat with friends, tv and fast, asleep outrageously late [Sat 26]

 Not much to write about on this day. Spent the whole day reading up on Ukraine, following live updates, I was obsessed, addicted, totally and completely hooked into the affair. Couldn't control myself. The girls apparently called me at 10.30 to head out for hiking, it came from an unknown number so I didn't pick it up though secretly I kinda' knew who it was, didn't just wanna leave.

In the afternoon A&A came over, the younger A took a bunch of his belongings, the older A stayed in the car, I waved. We planned on meeting later. He apparently called me later but I didn't know because I slept very early, for several hours.

Didn't eat much besides sammies, watched a bit of tv, and so very obsessed about the news I was up until 5 in the morning reading up on it. Wild. And a waste. Alas.

Roti-tarkari lunch, post-office and hardware store, heavy afternoon writing, gym, bombay burger dinner, latenight hang with the fam, age of empires [Fri 25]

 For lunch I had the leftover taomto-egg curry with Trader Joe's tarkari. Trader joe's roti never disappointments me, as long as there's onions and optionally tomatoes, I can always cook up something real quick.

After work I went to the post office to mail my financial documents to the investment company a year after filling it, I'd been waiting to fill and send for a year, this is wild I know and I've lost so much money alas. Later I went to the hardware store to get mosquito bits to fix the gnat issue which by the way is coming back dear gods I absolutely loathe those pests. They didn't have those (the ace hardware in downtown does, gotta go there), so I bought a couple of bags of paint strainers and flowepots. Gonna be planting soon, woop!

Back home I wrote a bunch bunch bunch, some amazing catching up but not enough, gosh I should have written more on Friday and then the weekend.

Later in the evening headed out to the gym, met Sb, worked out for like 15 minutes, not really serious, came up to Bombay Burger for dinner, it's great innit, for 12/13 bucks you get a filling meal. I've written about them before.

Sb and I came back home, spent a couple of hours chattin' and watching Peep show. After he left I wrote a little bit, played a long game of age of empires and went to bed quite late.

Galpal

Hey Gal
Oi Pal
Are we pals,
Gal
Just pals
Or are
You my gal
Not just a pal?

Oi galpal,
When's a pal
Become a gal
When can we
End the pal
Cos'
I'd like to
Take it poppin',
Pal,
With you
Be with me
Gal.

Rhyming endings don't make it a poem, I'm in a rush go away

What you are not, for me:
A piece of tail
Yet I know, any attempt from me
Is bound to fail
For we know I'm a pathetic male
And you are the shining bale
who bathes in Golden ale
I'd go to jail
without a bail
If that meant love,
If I found you,
My holy grail.

There's a wild variety of cheap-ish beers at QFC, what's up with that

 Went to QFC to get booze for M the doggo's birthday the other day, human beers I mean and not doggy beers which is a thing apparently I accidentally drank a few sips and yuck they're so savory! I don't have problems with savory drinks, that wasn't what I was expecting at that exact time, plus the fact that the doggo may have also drunk from the can felt a little weird, a little gross.

So I figured 12-packs would be in the 24-30 bucks range since this city is wildly expensive, pleasantly surprised that there's several dozen local brands that you can get for 16-22 range, tax not included. Yeah most of them are IPA's and one would have thought IPA everything era had been done with, but apparently not. Or perhaps, everybody is sick and tired of the IPA's and the companies need to rid their old stock which is why they're at a sale price at QFC? That would make so much sense, I'd take it for truth a hundred percent if anybody else offered that as an explanation of cheap-ish 12-packs at QFC.

More take on current events

 I haven't written these posts in a long while, but here's what I think.

Regardless of what way the war goes, an Iron Ukrainian National identity is being forged in Russian fire, fueled by the soldier's bodies. The Sun rises at dawn only after the shining stars fall away. A coherent, unified Ukrainian identity that's distinct from association with Russia is being formed, faster than ever. Something that might have otherwise taken decades, if it ever even formed. And it has nothing to do with the linguistics backgrounds of the different regions. They do have the perfect sort of leader for times like these, somebody willing to take the bullet or the noose for the war, for the country.

Even if, in the worst-case scenario, there is a division of the country (a wholesale occupation is unlikely and unmaintainable anyway) the strong sense of Ukrainian national Identity that will have been created in the next few days weeks and months will outlive any sort of Russian pressure.

There was no need to make martyrs out of Ukrainians, no need to wage an all out, black-and-white, good-versus-evil, uniting-everybody-against-you war. Even if the intention was to take control of the country in the foreseeable future. This sort of goonery was amateurish and will come to haunt the planners in the middle to long run.

And that is in the worst case scenario.

How to love

Love,
Love,
Love,
And love more
All the time,
To everybody,
Like a broken record player
That doesn't know any better.

Stop. talking. about. work.

At a party
The mood takes a hit
When two thirds talk about
Coding el33t
Oh the levels, how they differ
Those compensations, how lovely
They go only double and treble
That interview and this
A 400k offer that you shouldn't miss
A lowball from the almighty Google
But you can play them against
Amazon's mouthy moneyed kiss.
How about some design
For the large system
Years of experience?
Bah that matters not,
There's only the raw grinding sessions.

I whisper,
Mostly to myself
And what dear sirs
Will you do with your millions
And the way you talk, your billions
Make a house out of the paper bricks
Or right the mighty seas?
There was once a man, oh so wise
Who looked for his lost pen on the outside
Oh dear friend, said a fellow, is this where you lost it?
Nah said our man so wise, but it's dark inside.

A timely poem about current political situation

Hey man,
Said the small weak country
To the large powerful one,
Can you like,
Just not bother me
All the time?
No, can't do babydoll,
Said the other.

How hard is it to love, really?

You don't love me,
she says,
All I can say is
This is all I can be!

Your heart is a rock,
Cold and hard,
She pokes finger
Right on my chest.
I hold her hand,
But lover,
My hands are warm!

Need more from a man,
Than what a 40 buck electronic can,
But when the Chinese
Start selling love machines by the pound,
You know girls like me
Will never come around.

Can you teach
How a human being
I can be,
I ask, hoping
For a reprieve.
You do you, dude,
Comes the response
I can take care
Only of me.

What is it,
I ask in earnest
That I am missing
Perhaps that part
Can get a replacement?
Where is it that
I am lacking
Surely I can learn
Loving, if I can do the effing.

She has not
Texted me since
Have the Chinese,
Done it again?

Just fall in love

The doctor wrote me a prescription,
Between the scribbles I made out this,
Fall in love
Freely, and Constantly.

Always took him for a quack
That one,
Fall in love he says
How does he know what
I've been up to?

Spring is nigh
Sundresses and yellow polka hairbands
Flowy dresses
Legs that won't just stand
They dance to the tunes
And to the melodies
Even the cacophonies
While I stand stiff and hard
Unable to properly dance
Oh once once once I tried
I did, yes siree I did
And they said
You're too wild for me.

Wear your heart,
On your sleeves
Said my
Cardio-logist.
Doctor, I say
But my problem's the Iron
She glares at me
Disappointed,
Shush child,
Love will cure all,
Just.
Fall.
In.
Love.

A broken unloving man
I roam the streets
Up the Pine, down the Republican
This guy in the park, he looks at me
Amazingly, out of nowhere
Hey man,
With your lover is where you gotta be
He says.
But fucker,
I say to myself,
It's not even Valentine's day.
I thought they were
Uprooting the tent camps?

So I heard you're getting married

So I heard you're getting married,
And I thought
But surely you cannot fault a porcupine
For being.

I heard it somewhere, maybe in the streets
Or perhaps somebody you might know
My memory fails me
Or it could be my faulty imagination
Out to murder the self
Dreams have been getting darker lately
Just like my days
What's real what's not
What does it matter
There's not much to do
Stay still,
Wait for the rot.

And I wondered,
Who is the lucky guy
What has he done
Perhaps something
From the past life?
Does he know you well,
Surely it's not too early to tell,
I wondered
Out of line, I know
Gave it a bit of thought
Perhaps
I am the porcupine?

The fellows, they ask me
Will you be invited
And I ponder
And I answer,
As much as I'm invited in the heaven of God.
No really,
Did you get the invitations
They say
Worried I think
For what who knows
That what doesn't live
Doesn't suffer, does it?

A bit rushed,
My mother comments
As she folds cloths,
They're saying it's a new guy,
And I answer
We are all God's creations
Equally loved, equally created
Equally able to love.
Oh, she says
That's it then huh?
Mother,
Desires and expectations,
They bring you grief
Let go your hold of the illusion
And live in constant peace.

Clean, healthy plants, nuts and fruits breakfast, library trip, missed card, writing, chinese egg and tomato dish with TJ's roti, out at doggo's party, catching with the old gang, latenight writing [Thu 24]

 I write this just the day after, which is great because I'm finally caught up with the daily journal posts. Only have like an effing tonne of other things to write. Not a big deal for 'writer-the-mediocre' at all because expectations are extraordinarily low lately.

So finally finished cleaning the plants' leaves and giving them healthy feed. Work was very productive as usual. Had fruits and nuts for lunch.

I haven't started working out at home or meditating yet, but that's going to come soon.

Went to the library after work. Reborrowed existing books and got a new one. Printed a couple of financial documents I'd not printed a year ago (still need to mail them, gonna happen today).

Stopped by QFC to get groceries and tea, discovered I'd forgotten my card. The cashier there offered to pay for them. Why are people here so frkkin nice.

Which meant I couldn't go to the USPS either. Or to the hardware store to kill the gnat-killing chemical. Or the barber's.

Came back home, listening to the parenting podcast, made the sweet-sour tomato-egg curry that's originally chinese. Had it with TJ's roti. Leftovers for the next meal.

After writing for a couple of hours, went to QFC (this one on CapHill) to get tea and beers for Mika the doggo's party, which I'd been invited at by Sk. Went to Sk's place. He was gone for the first hour for some reason or other. Fortunately there were the A&A sisters who I hung out with and teased. Did not have a lot of fun when literally everybody else besides them began talking about their jobs, and applying, and salaries, and hard working and teams and levels. Ugh. In the skies, flying so high. My feet are firmly grounded alas. Generally had good fun, one drink, one small puff of the gigglies. Funny thing, I accidentally took a sip of Mika the doggo's beer. It was salty and sour. Snuck out after an hour there, having talked to everybody at least once, my friend maybe of the q persuasion it might be.

Wrote a solid number of posts after getting back, had two cups of tea. Went to bed, wasn't too long before I fell asleep.

Cleaning the apartment, friedrice lunch, snack dinner, interational chats, making kefir [Wed 23]

Had friedrice for lunch. Using the leftover rice the guys had left, plus kimchi plus couple of eggs that were in the fridge.

After work got about arranging the apartment, cleaning the plants of the white substance was fungus but now I'm told it's salt-water. Arranged plants to get more light, reduced the temperature. Unpacked. Got kitchen things in order.

Wrote about 22-25 posts in the evening, while drinking couple of cups of tea. Herbal tea, warm water, no sugar or milk.

Talked to M on the phone for several hours. Started making the first batch of Kefir in the evening because a Kefir starter had arrived in the apartment and I'd completely forgotten ordering it.

Had nuts, fruits and bars for dinner. Yeah some days are just like that.

Went to bed a bit too late.

Solid brunch, taxi to Boston logan, restful flight, trainride home, change of plans, locked outside, finally hope and happy, hellloooo Seattle! [Tue 22]

I was home after almost three months!

Had a very big brunch with cheese, avocado, eggs and hearty bread we'd brought from When Pigs Fly. I planned on taking the public transport, after saying bye to J but she didn't return in her usual time and by then it was too late for me so I ended up taking the online taxi to the airport. The driver was a very conversational Brazilian gentleman who I agreed with on pretty much everything American.

The flight was a bit delayed but at least I got to check one of my hand carries in. And oh, I got really hassled at the security, so. effing annoying. Happens to me every winter, them and their shitty old machine that can't tell the difference between underclothes and weapons.

The flight was alright, didn't get to use the restroom much but at least I got free seltzer. Slept not to poorly. After landing I collected my luggage, took the train, and came out of CapHill station not too eventfully. The walk home from there felt quite nice, as if I was coming back to my place. Which is...totally normal and obvious, right.

SO I was expecting to come home to see A&A and hang with them and have fun etcetera, but turns out A was stricken with the asshole virus we're all tired of talking about and had abandoned the place in favor of going to Port Angeles. I told him to leave the keys in the apartment, leave the door unlocked. I'd buzz myself in on the phone.

Except I'd forgotten the callbox was broken.

After waiting for a solid 40 minutes hoping somebody coming in or going out would let me in, I texted the apartment manager who immediately let me in.

A had left me a nice large burrito and a bottle of Mexican coke, that was quite sweet. I had the meal, cleaned up the place, got my shit in order, and went to sleep.

It felt good to be back home.

Walk to JP, crowds on a weekday afternoon, big cookie, thrift stores, amazing sandwich masterpiece with caramelized onions [Mon 21]

 Left work early this day because I felt way too productive, it was so sunny outside, figured nobody would care if I left an hour or two early. Walked by Jamaica Pond, there were hundreds of people ambling about, picnicking, fishing, etcetera, which led us to wonder if this was all due to the new wfh policies that had led people to appreciate the outside world and the sun more.

Stopped by the nearby If Pigs Could Fly bakery and got a massive cookie. J finished most of it, which is why, I maintain, she didn't eat dinner as hungrily as the other two of us.

Spent an hour searching for interesting things in the thrift stores of downtown JP. J found a large mirror that I carried back most of the way.

In the evening I made a sandwich with bread fried in butter, caramelized onions, avocado, cheese, eggs, veggie patty, and butter-sauteed tomatoes. I ate it all in three gulps, but still slower than A. J took forever and made us look like hungry ogres. But hey she did eat all that cookie so...

Yummy fried rice brunch, walk-and-talk with Lp's brother, lowkey dinner and aborted plans [Sun 20]

 Made the meal from the previous nice into jeera-waala-fried-rice with the green veggies, so much butter. It was yummy, gave it to my friends, they liked it way more than they'd liked the night before.

In the afternoon I spent a couple of hours with LP's brother who'd recently moved to Boston. We tried to go to five different places for coffee and lunch but everything was shut down. Sunday. So weird, I'd never noticed it before. It's a much bigger thing in Europe, but I don't remember stores and restaurants shutting down one day of the week. As if a large portion of the population doesn't understand the concept of 'work shifts'. Anywho, we sat on the park bench, caught up about our lives and dreams and desires, our pasts and hopes for the future. I connected him to Pk who I'm sure will get really well together. I hope you guys do.

In the evening we made several plans to make momos and then plans for me to go to Allston but they were all cancelled because people got lazy and tired or some combination thereof. No momo party happened, and my invitation to Allston was revoked. We had dinner, that I can say with great confidence, but without a photographic evidence I don't really know. Or remember. Alas. Why the heck did I not take photos that day ugh.

Bookbuying and lady supreme court justices, superlucky with the 66, babyplaying and a jealous doggo, friends, lunch too much, green curry dinner that went uneaten [Sat 19]

 So I'm writing this six days after the events of the day happened, which for me is great as of late. I'll be fully caught up and then some, it's not a promise at this point, that's the plan.

In the morning I went to Brookline Booksmith since I was buying books for a little baby. On the way I got super duper duper lucky as I caught the earlier 60 bus than the one I intended to, and then the 66 I got in immediately after was the delayed previous bus too. Which means the two friends who I was helping out carrying heavy books got in 15 minutes later even though they left two minutes after I did.

Spent an hour finding suitable inspiring books for a young girl. At first it involved four books of which two were related to female supreme court justices, one about being a scientist and the other was some childhood nonsense don't remember what. After lots of mulling things over, finalized a comicbook adaptation of my neighbor totoro (used), Justice Sotomayer's book for kids, and a book that was about a young girl scientist.

Took two buses to the place of N and A, I've mentioned them on several occasions previously. They have a nice little apartment in Cambridge with their baby who I found out was now four months. Soon, Pb came too, and we had several hours of nice chatting, playing with the baby, playing with the doggo, getting rid of Max the doggo because he wouldn't stop growling at me once I started playing with the baby after the baby was up. They'd ordered way, way to much food from Momo and Curry and I really shouldn't have tried the momo after having had the rice. We were so full we couldn't finish our green tea cake after the lalmoahn, so.much.eating.

After many hours of spending time together, the couple offered gracefully to drop us off, on the way we talked about drug addition, market for houses, having kids. Adult conversations alas.

Watched movies, called PN and couple of other people to compare notes.

In the evening we made green curry that I didn't eat because  I was too full. A smart choice considering it'd be way tastier the following morning.

Long-ass Kabhi Khusi Khabi Gham, cauli-alu, dal, rice for dinner [Fri 18]

Got some decently good news at work.

J and I watched Kabhi Khusi Kabhi gham during the day, that effing movie is 3.5 hours long, and the songs only cut like thirty minutes off it. Plus most of them are quite good so you don't want to skip them, a bit of a bummer. AD later joined us, so did Su, who's the 12-yearold son of their friend who is doing a lot of adult-level reading and watching potentially problematic Netflix shows.

After AD went to drop Su off, we started preparing for the dinner. Kauli-alu, very thick and masaledar dal for dinner, I cut everything and made the dal, that's kinda' my expertise hun. So good.

Watched few episodes of Peep Show and Ghosts (UK) before going to bed, quite later than normal.

Leftover fried rice lunch, dinner and drinks with Pk at Harvard Square [Thu 17]

 For lunch I had the leftover rice from manosalwa, fried it with kimchi and eggs and it was so dastardly soft and tasty, man I love that place.

Work was particularly productive.

After work I headed to Felipe's waited a long while for Pk. We talked for half hour before ordering two burritos. No empty table on either floor -- we sat at the cold outdoors getting caught up. Went to Charlie's after, got a drink each but talked four drinks worth of conversations and catching up.

Returned to Brookline on the 66. Almost got the 60 too, but missed it by just a hair.

Househunting workday, long trip to Sommerville, the dream Manosalwa dinner, Market Basket and Nepali market, rush bus back home, getting real lucky [Wed 16]

 During the workday J and I looked at interesting houses that we'd want to buy. I looked at a couple of places and sent the links to SB and he said he'd actually gone on house tours of those places and they hadn't worked out for them for one reason or other. The book is very small at this time of the year apparently, not a lot of liquidity in the housing market.

After work, I suggested, due to a series of misunderstandings, that we go to Market Basket in Sommerville and my compadres jumped at the idea as it'd mean another shoulder to carry the grocery bags. We walked to bus 65, then changed to the commuter bus that left us at union square.

Right as we were about to go to a Koshari place, I suggested we try Man-o-salwa first, the place I've mentioned here previously, that was extremely popular with my Pakistani friends from college. We ordered the food, it was surprisingly cheap but they charged 15% for eating in -- a bit of a bummer. Food was so tasty and fatty and oof, such great meal was had. The serving sizes were extraordinarily large as well, AD made three meals out of his chicken biryani he paid twelve buckaroos for.

After waiting and eating for the food, it was night and we were running tight on the last bus, before the shopping had even begun. We went to Market Basket, spent a good twenty minutes in it -- I bought J a few bars of chocolate and got myself a zero drink -- and the walked over to the tiny Nepali store where we spent another 20 minutes at. I was busy with my phone thankfully, easy distraction .

 Waited for the bus -- we made it even after going to the wrong intersection the first time, and sheltering at a nearby restaurant for the restroom  the second time -- which took us to longwood. Except there was a lot of traffic on the way and it was almost certain that we'd miss our connecting bus. And we almost did. But the other bus was delayed by ten seconds to an unusually long red traffic light. We got off our bus and got into the one that just stopped behind us. Zero time wasted at the stop, it was almost as if we'd gotten in a taxi.

We felt very lucky.

Watched a bunch of movie at night.

Fourty five bucks worth of indian food lasted us maybe nine meals.

Trip to JP, hang and talk with GF couple, walk to Brookline late at night [Tue 15]

Work was kinda' productive, left the house with I with all by belongings on me since going to Brookline to drop my bags would mean I'd be late for the dinner appointment in the rush hour traffic. We went to this amazing sandwich place in JP first since the bar we had planned on going to for dinner had stopped selling food, they were going through a renovation. I got the eggplant panini, that sammich lasted for two meals, so cheesy.

Went to the bar from the original plan after the dinner and talked for a few hours, mostly it was us gossiping about terrible marriages.

Missed the 39 that would take me lot close to J's place where I'd be spending the night, so I walked all the way back, getting to their place at 10 ish, wher A opened the door. I went to sleep pretty much immediately after.

The stupidest sentence that was never said

 maaan, last dherai raksi khaana thaaliyo yaar, aba dekhi raksi khaana chhodidinchu, gaaja ra hard drugs maatra garne ho aba dekhi.

I've been drinking too much lately, it'll only be pot and hard drugs for me from now on.

Big day for this guy, Tous le Jours yummies, trip to Medford after work, managing packages, trip to USPS, the return, the 3 busrides to return, Domino's, the coldest day ever [Mon 14]

 Yea yea so I was working in the morning and then my friend had to go to a bong shop at 11, then we went to the Korean French Bakery called Tous le Jours that I've surely written about before, got the kimchi bun and finished it within a minute of paying for it, as we walked to the Indian grocery store where my friend later bought spices and paneer.

After work finished I took the train with the friend to Sullivan square where I got off and took 89 to the old place because the bus 101 was gonna be late, Google maps said. Liar. I ended up walking for five extra minutes in the extreme cold with the other bus.

Oh and by the way, this day was probably the coldest of the season, also the windiest, it was awful, so chilling ooof. Baad bad bad.

Roommate BB (former) had left the back door behind in the house, I went into the mudroom and fixed up and labeled the boxes from Amazon that were four month due. Taped and cleaned the boxes, took an online taxi to the USPS in Medford square. Spent six bucks there for two packing boxes. And eight for the taxi ride there. Thirty minutes in fixing up the packaging and getting receipts and I was ready to go back.

It took me three buses. Two to get to Harvard square, and 66 from there. Plus 66 was late so waited extra fifteen minutes on the extracold day. Eventually it came, got back to I's place and warmed myself up for an hour, plus wrote some more blogs.

Made a Domino's order, met I just on the way out, and walked to the store. Got there and back way quicker than either of us thought I'd be, wonder if it was the cold slowing our perception or speeding me up out of pain.

Pizza was so good, Domino's is rarely disappointing. It was enough for three meals for me.

Train to old office, wait for the bus, amazing pizza at the Lincoln tavern, fun talks with the girls, walk back with P, trainride back, noodles with eggs for dinner [Sun 13]

 I was gonna be meeting P and S at Lincoln tavern at Broadway for brunch, and it was snowing. Snowing so hard.

Oh yeah, I'd bought "I" a cow and a nice large scented candles a couple of days ago. Relevant because I might forget the cow toy in the future and any reference to a cow might be seen by mean people as being mean-spirited. 

Took the train to the old office, right at my old stop and it felt so very weird, the first time I'd been in that exact place in exactly two years. Man, how time has passed in this time. It's wild. Took the Bus to broadway, the same bus I used to take to go to the dentist's, I'm in good terms with it.

BY the time I got there, P was already there, so we hugged etcetera, just as I was taking my coat off, S showed up as well. It was three hours of us eating, gossiping and listening to my drama next. I get too emotional and out of control sometimes but when there's too many shitty people involved, sometimes it makes a whole lotta sense to inform nice people of the presence of awful people in their vicinity. The pizza I had there had burrata in it, was so good.

Walked to the redline stop with P, with so much more gossiping, even during the wait for the trains. She went south, I went North to catch the Green line to go South-West.

Back home we had I's friend N over, and we talked about pregnancy scares and periods etcetera. Good stuff.

For dinner my friend made us Nepali style noodle soup with onions and boiled eggs even though she'd said explicitly she didn't want that. It was amazing though.

Dutch baby pancake, walk to Kenmore, taco bell stop, on to Haymarket, out in the Sun, McDonald's at DTX, train to Coolidge, girls make sumptuous meal [Sat 12]

For breakfast friend made Dutch baby pancake, so sweet so large, so well done. It was way better than I imagined.

A bit later I and I dressed up and we walked out in the Sun to Kenmore. It was a mistake. The dressing up for winter, not the walking part. So freaking warm, much much too warm for a mid-February day. So many BU kids out and about, running, holding hands, having fun. Made me feel like a grumpy frumpy old man.

Saw a taco bell on the way and we got two of my standard cheap TB order. It was so filling ugh. No need for a proper lunch anymore.

Took the Green Line at Kenmore, got off at Government Center where I talked to AKS on the phone about his and mine future plans, he was willing to bet that I wouldn't be back to Seattle before the 25th.

Neither of us had cash so we bought nothing at the Haymarket.

Sat out in the sun for half hour, I wanted to get on the swing but the people wouldn't vacate so she didn't get to live that fantasy of hers. We were both thirsty after having walked for an hour-and-half, so we walked to dtx, got a large order of drink, and took the train to Coolidge corner from Park St. We walked home from there, she wanted to go to TJ's for the flowers but it didn't work out.

In the evening the girls made an amazing dinner with 5 different sides and meals, it was amazing.

Ajeen lunch, trip to Jackson square, long hang with AB and the cute doggo, stop and shop, bus trip, amazing cooking [Fri 11]

Decently productive workday.

For lunch I got us amazing wraps from Ajeen, the great Lebanese place in Allston. So good, what a pleasure it was to have tried Lebanese food for the first time.

After work I took the 66 to near mission hill, and walked the rest of the way because walking was way quicker than bus or train during rush hour. Waited for 20 minutes before Ab (from college) and their doggo showed up. We walked to the Jamaica pond, hanging out having heart-to-heart conversations for three hours. We separated at the Jackson Square station where I went to the Stop and Shop to buy there overpriced bs for us to make dinner.

Took the orange line and the 66 back to I's place, got real lucky there since 66 showed up super late but right in time for me.

Overall I'd walked like 22k steps over the day and was knackered.

"I" made us amazing dinner for the both of us, and me helped by doing the dishes etc. she went to bed early and I was up till late in the night watching Peep show.

Bus and walk to Chik-fila post work, japanese store and seaweed lays chips, long wait at Chik fila, buses back, move to I's place, amazing tiramisu [Thu 10]

 After work the three amigos took the bus to Kenmore square and walked from there to Chik fila through newbury street. The streets were quite busy, what a relief that Boston city life is coming back! On the way we went into this japanese makeup store that also had interesting snacks, 'for the boyfriends and the husbands', I theorized. I bought the seaweed-flavored lays, which we finished in like two minutes.

I've written about the wait at ChikFila, we waited for solid 35 minutes before getting our order. We walked to the prudential mall and had our meal next to cafe nero. J really enjoyed her last chicken meal in a long time. We took the 39 bus from Copley Square.

Chilled a bit more at Brookline, then took the 66 bus after waiting for it for like 20 minutes aka a lifetime. Watched tv with I, and had the tiramisu she'd made earlier in the day, the best homemade dessert I've had. Chatted bit more, and went to bed on the very comfortable couch.

Honey-pb-oats for breakfast, roasted veggies, and blackeyed peas-potato with rice for dinner [Wed 9]

 Work was the usual. Had oats with honey and peanut-butter for breakfast.

For dinner we made blackeyed peas with potato and roasted veggies with rice. I helped with the cutting and the cleaning, good stuff, so healthy.

Tea and relaxing meal at I's place [Tue 8]

 So here's the deal, I'm writing this two weeks after the fact and there's no other photos for this. Except what I'm about to write now.

In the evening caught the 66 bus and went over to I's place, she'd just come back from Chicago and wanted a push to get her shit together by inviting somebody. We drank tea and had dinner that her roommate made, it was far far too spiced and not spicy in the right way. Regardless, such a chill and relaxing hang, I loved it.

Midnight laundry, darknight trip to Boston, cold Boston morning, at Brookline, rice dal and green-beans dinner, working together, movies [Mon 7]

 Did my laundry at 11pm to 2am in the morning, took the online taxi to the bus station where we'd left Pb two days ago, got lost for a bit. Found my bus safely on time, it was packed lie a box of fish in a tin can. Slept on and off, but mostly on which was a massive relief because I was afraid I couldn't sleep soundly as has been happening for while as of late.

It was wildly chilly in Brookline when I got off the bus. The wait for online taxi was painful. The good part was I got to J's place well on time to begin work. Work was productive, etcetera, caught up with the gang after work.

In the evening we made rice dal and green-beans-potatoes for dinner. Watched tv together after dinner, as always. So comforting.

Covid negative, failed trip to Boston, amazing Pakistani meal at Kabobeesh, A.bar with N and the girls, no sleep [Sun 6]

 Got tested for Covid with the home test in the morning, because I'd be traveling to Boston. The test was negative. Reached out to J and the logistics didn't work out so I decided to stay. Went with Ng to the apple store to return the second iMac color he'd acquired for the most normal and regular third one.

Went to Kabobeesh with N, and S's family. It was so yummy and oily yum yum yum, it's so hard to not want to eat such a meal all the time. It was only roti-tarkari but such a solid meal ugh.

Later in the evening, caught up with the girls, N's younger cousins and we went to A.Bar. Saw a rando couple showing so much pda. Life coached M who's the younger one. Because I was feeling so unwell, I couldn't finish two sips of the large glass of beer. What waste. It was to be the last time I'd be seeing them in a long time as they'd be going to Nepal in ten days.

Didn't sleep until much after midnight for reasons yet to be explained.

Green eggs cafe brunch, so much tofu, wasted food, chilly walk, deep conversations with Pb, Pb departs, Marshall's trip, lowkey hangs with S's parents, bed early [Sat 5]

 Pb, N and I went to Green Eggs Cafe for brunch, eagle-eyed readers of the blog will note that I've been there before, potentially written a review too. I got the tofu scramble with bread, man it was way wayyyy to much tofu, didn't even taste good. All of us had a third of our orders at the most. Packed the food in takeaway boxes because we didn't want to waste, and then trashed them in the trashcan the block over. Because uuuuugh.

Walked around Rittenhouse between the old nice houses for a couple of hours before walking Pb to the bus station where she got on the bus back home. N and I dropped by Marshall's on the way back, he bought a tonne of nice things.

In the evening S's parents were over in their place so talked with them for a while. R showed up uninvited as well which was specially annoying to S because he wanted to spend time with the family without too many outsiders. Perhaps it was the one drink I had had, but I felt very tired and lost, snuck into N's room lay on the floor and fell asleep. Got woken up a few hours later and went back to my regular bed.

Egg hash-toast brunch, Amma's dinner, Hasan minhaj show, big muck up and bravery, frankford hall beer and fries etc., latenight hangs with EKS [Fri 4]

 Chilled with Pb the whole day, had egg hash-toast for brunch. As N worked, Pb and I watched tv, mostly standups, I introduced her to Aisling bea and James Acaster.

In the afternoon, not too late we went to Amma's for early dinner. We ordered three dosas, the three of us N, Pb and I, and we overate. Way, wayy too much. So full, shouldn't have forced all of it on myself. Ugh. Had trouble walking. It was my treat to the gang, the meal, because the weekend had been amazing. Catching up after so long.

So after the meal we chilled at N's place and walked to the music hall for Hasan Minhaj show, a ten minute trip. Took us a solid thirty minutes to get in with the line and the checks and the phone holders etcetera. Until St and I discovered that there already were people in our seats. We went down to the box office to check what was up and found out that the tickets we'd been sold on stubhub were doublesold, we didn't own the tix.

St got into a bit of a fight but there was little we could do. He then took the bold decision to just sit on any seat and beg for mercy if anything came up. Which is what we did. We weren't bothered too much, the first twenty minutes of the show were a little stressful as latecomers were still coming in and I was worried about we'd been taking some slacker's place, but no, nobody questioned us at all.

The show was great, I should write about it later

We walked to the apartment, chilled for a bit, got joined by a couple more guys, and then took a large online taxi to Franford beer hall. Got fries and beers pretzels, the pretzels were far too salty and the beers just alright. I was not feeling like my full self. It was unclear what was up because there was no desire to interact or talk or comment but now I realize perhaps the recovery from the illness caused by the vaccine hadn't been complete.

Also EKS, who's a friend of N from college who was traveling to Alaska came over and chilled with us. She's adorable and so cute. Lovely haircut sigh.

For the second night in a row we were up until the wee hours of the morning.

Bread, eggs and potatoes for lunch, IT crowd, PK pickup and hangs, games with the boys, self goals, super late to bed [Thu 3]

For brunch I had toast, two boiled eggs that I should have peeled better, and the TJ's hasbrowns. Yum.

Work was per the usual, put IT crowd in the background.

In the evening I wrote a bunch on this blog, and later N and I walked to Chinatown to pick Pb. The three of us caught up on the way back, my two compadres ordered the kebab from the Afghan food cart near N's place, I was pretty full from the late lunch.

So much catching up with Pb, had a drink or two of beer. N's former roommate R, who I have surely written about in this blog -- he's annoying, has a really good memory and is annoying how he connects the dots so you have to sprinkle your conversations with a healthy dose of lies to confuse him -- showed up unannounced. The folks downstairs apparently let him in just like that, the boys were a  peeved about the situation.

The five of us went upstairs to the game room, the rest of the gang played the pool while I chilled and snapped. R and I played the canadian game where you push the pucks and score, forget what it's called. And then we played foosbal where I scored 5 of the 8 total goals, unfortunately three of them were own-goals (nobody calls them suicides anymore apparently). I got frustrated and gave up.

Downstairs we talked to Pb about fun things that happened at people's wedding parties, old friends, creeps, singers, and so forth until almost four in the morning.

Ill, bedridden, N makes me meals, cover for my covid card [Wed 2]

 Felt tired and had terrible headache in the morning. Got chills too, it didn't feel right. Got my temperature checked and it turns out I had fever. So very tired. All this time, with the previous two shots, I'd never gotten sick, but the third time, the moderna one finally got to me.

Napped during the day because of the bodyache. Got up for lunch, N had made couscous, eggs and carrots. I explained to him the couscous wasn't a different kind of grain just a pasta shape and he was about as disappointed as I was.

Rested for the rest of the day.

N gave me a plastic cover for the covid card so it's super safe now, nothing's ever gonna happen to it.

Covid booster finally, tired pizza dinner, friend encouragements, harry potter and a quick self-made drink [Tue 1]

This is a massive disclaimer, I'm writing this journal post and the 23 following it, on the 24th day. Because things got in the way. That is it.

Work was as usual, left early because I'd scheduled an appointment at the nearby CVS inside the target for the Covid booster. Walked in there, waited for barely a minute and got my third shot, moderna this time after two pfizers because that's what has been recommended. Embarrassed to admit but when a lady asked the pharmacist for pregnancy test I got way too curious, trying to figure out what the situation may have been.

After getting back did the food package pizza deal situation that ST had gotten, it was yummy the flatbread pizza and so easy! Too easy, get a premade pizza dump a bunch of cheese and veggies plus maybe meat on it, put it on the oven. It was yummy but t didn't seem like enough work to feel healthy, I'd probably not make it for myself.

N came back from his appointment and there was a lot of encouragement and curiosity from everybody. Exciting interesting adventures are happening in the lives of people I know and I can't but help feel a little responsible and proud. So goddamn excited about the whole sitch.

The boys played FIFA, I was bored and excited so I made myself a margarita and read Harry Potter. HP is so fun to play but the margarita didn't go well and I felt tired and had a slight headache. Didn't think much about it. More on this the next day!

It's not about self-help, it's about practice, like normal atheletes

 Practice practice practice.

It's about discipline, timetable, and practice. You practice talking to people, practice running, practice writing, practice reading, practice maths, practice negotiating skills. Everything is a practice. 

It's not about self-help, it's not about lifehacks. It's learning to do something decently well one time, just for once. And repeating it over and over and over again until you get better at it, until you know what you're doing. Until you're comfortable doing it without paying attention at all.

If boxers and runners and swimmers and spelling people and interviewees get better with practice, so does being disciplined, writing on a daily basis, cooking, running, talking to people, literally everything else. If you want to get better at something, doing it decently well once, and repeating it for a thousand times is all that matters.

In the end, that's all that matters, no? You have to keep trying, trying and trying, until you're not rejected. And you get better at things naturally.

Motivation is going to get you only 5% far, even if that much, really. Discipline/habit and structure is what will get you the rest of the way. Just keep practicing more.

Big business plans and hopes

 For the longest time I've tried to find something worth selling, anything. The experience of producing an item...whatever it may be...for a client or a customer, molding it according to their needs, and then selling it to them feels like a such a rewarding experience. I've tried hard to identify gaps in the software market in these niche one-off places, but everywhere you go there's software engineers already vultured over the potential market.

One of my business related fantasies is running a chain of dental practices, the first one managed by N, and then eventually opening in other neighborhoods after optimizing the flow. Or whatever, business words. We're a long way from there but I've been encouraging folks to think about managing dental practices while approaching the dental industry.

Then there's the plan with the other N to start a momo-based food court in Philly. Much lower investment, much closer to execution. But way harder to find on-the-ground workers who're reliable and can be trusted to basically run the business without much management because we're so busy with day jobs.

The biggest plan on the plate, possibly also the one that's gone the furthest is a destination wedding idea that I've been brainstorming with YKD and setting up a bunch of appointments and pitch decks. Stay tuned, this might go somewhere.

Easy read: The Myth of Discworld

 Couple of days ago I began reading The Myths of Discworld, cowritten by Terry and a myths expert. Easy, light read, put a whole lot of events and characters from the series into context. It was one of those books you can't put down once you start, even though you're not interested in reading a fifth of the book and just skip the chapters because they're about the part of the mythology from the books you've not read. I was up reading it until 2.30 in the morning. Picking it up from AD"s shelf was a smart move.

Highly recommend it to other Discworld fans.

Maybe I can try to churn out cheap teenage romance novels

 I haven't worked on my novel in over a year and I feel awful. I should really really at least put in some trash, and if not that, begin working on something else. And if it comes to that, easily templated young adult romance novels would be a great way to get myself into the industry. Get some readers, gather a generation of people who are open to buying my books without good critical reviews and move from there. Just need one template. Just one goddamn template. And I can begin doing it. Need. To. Jump. In. Jump!

Life coaching

 Couple of weeks ago I was kinda' looking for a direction while Peep Show was playing back in the background. Jez decides in an episode he needs a life coach -- rather, he's going to become one. It helps him sort out his affairs. Helping others is helping yourself.

And I thought, that is the thing I'm looking for in my life too! I should start lifecoaching people, that'll make their lives easy because I know what they're going through. I've seen it all!

There's a cheap certification course online that I'm counting on my work to pay for. Hope that works out. I promised I I'd be writing the email 11 days ago, still haven't gotten around to it. I should. Like right now. Well...tomorrow, tomorrow because that's when I get access to the work laptop.

I'm going to be a life coach! As a side hustle!

Agri fantasies

 This is going to be one hell of an admission. All of my most involved fantasies lately have involved me becoming a passionate farmer.

One involves me starting a goat farm, for milk and meat and wool. And then using that to produce feed, vet products, and owning the entire supply chain. Then rearing chicken and related complementary creatures. And then getting into healthcare, education, renewable energy, tourism, and so on and so forth, until I was the owner of a large conglomerate, educating a large number of young people with very useful skills.

The other one involves me opening a large feed factory based on a maggot that processes organic waste. And then earthworms. Plus mealworms. So much potential. So many options. Aaach! If only, somehow things worked that way.

Pity, it's a pity really. I hope I know what I'm doing, hone my skills at where they're related.

Kefir and more fermentation

During the time I was away from Seattle, my apartment got a delivery of a nice 2oz packet of milk kefir starter, the order for which I'd completely forgotten because it was through my work. Because my delay in processing natural materials has led me to tight spots such as that bag of mushroom growing without me being ready for it, I put the starter on a cup of milk right away. Now it's a wait for 36 hours for the first batch, and perhaps two more batches until I can use the grains to make proper kefir to drink. It'll be yum. yum. yum.

Speaking of yummies I'll start fermenting fruits and vegetables, make 'kraut, kimchi, fermented tomatoes and potatoes going forward before cooking them. For the practice of it if nothing else. It's more nutritious, tastier, and I love the whole 'preprocesing food' vibe.

Still got the 4-month old batch of kombucha I need to start, so here we go I guess.

This head's gonna get shaved

I'm losing my hair at a shocking rate, scary really. It's wild to see my photos from three years ago and how much hair I've lost in the time in between. The last two years have been rough on my scalp and  my path to the middle age dadbod has started with my poorly fertilized scalp now.

Even the 'comb backwards' strategy's not helping me anymore.

The alternative's obvious. I'll get my head shaved, and always keep it that way. My hairless head will look like it's in that state out of my choice and it's not that my hand was forced by nature. So the remaining follicles have to go because they were unable to keep their mates around.

Sad but that's the reality of the situation.

The four(five) things I want to focus on

Read: The books that will inspire me, make me better, and more curious about the world.

Write: Posts for this blog, my novels, and new novels. I'll have to puke out some sort of crap novel while I'm still in Seattle, I really should.

Walk: around town, as a workout, to spend time, and to multi-task by getting caught up with friends and family outside the area.

Socialize: online and offline with new friends and old, make new friends, force myself to invite people here so I've gotta get my shit together.

Meditate: to get my head in a peaceful place.

Work stuff, it's going better than ever

 It'll be a quick one. Things are going quite well at work.

They've given me a lot more say over the direction of the project, and an option on the exact technical pieces I want to work on. So if I don't work on it, the projects I like don't get done. Which means the work gets done. And I feel real good about getting things done. The project's going well and I have a big hand in shaping where it's going to.

Then there's the fact that I'm mentoring a tonne of people (and increasing).

Plus, now they're saying there's going to be a decent pay raise for technical workers, plus the regular (inflation adjusted) pay raise (one hopes) which means I might finally finally finally get the amount of money I hoped to be making three years ago when I got out of grad school. It won't be insane amount of money, and I'll still be making the least amount of money among my extended group for the sort of job I do, but at least my standards will be met.

Visa process is goin on.

Things are on the up and up.

New work laptop, who dis

The new M1 Macbook Pro that I ordered a few weeks ago showed up at the apartment finally. Regular readers of the blog will remember that I posted about needing a new laptop for work since the old one was kinda' slow and very much out of warranty. It's still working, all my settings and softwares in it and it's going to be a rough rough going to transition to the new machine. Not opened the box yet I'm secretly afraid if I tun it on the old machine will be deactivated all of a sudden and I'll be stuck with a potentially unworking piece of crap that doesn't have my configurations. A bit scary, so it'll sit around. Until I take stock of everything I got. Including three hundred thousand words of private journal I've been writing there, rather foolishly because it's all open to see to work people.

Fam dram happaen

I'm putting this down because there's a lot of stuff that happened over the winter when I was in Nepal that I've spent at least a couple of dozen hours narrating to friends and family.  And because of...obvious reasons, I guess, I can't put them here because it would be an outrageously stupid idea.

So lets just say for the first time in my life (exaggeration) I've got a story worth telling, one that people are interested in listening, and have fun doing it. Over the course of the tellings I've really perfected the narrative, added bridges here and there, trimmed the fat and sharpened the barbs. It's so good now, and I feel so important. Storytelling is fun, if you happen to have good stories with you.

I should really give low-stakes standup comedy a chance.

More on the peep show

 The show's grown on me quite a bit. I've watched every episode about twice at this point except those from the first two seasons, those I haven't seen at all. To save something worth looking forward to.

Due to the nature of the structure...first person narration mostly, and dialogs, this show is the perfect background show, because you know exactly what's happening. Few physical or non-verbal jokes. Which is why I've been playing it as I work, or write, like write now. It works really.

And the best part is all the characters are so despicable and unlikeable I don't really care too much about them or feel bad on their behalf, so it's an easy ride. It should be cringe but it's not because they're not worth cringing over. Works perfectly.

This library won't just let me know

 The annoying situation with the Seattle Public Library is they won't let you know when the deadline is until way after it's passed. Unless you have an extraordinarily good recollection, or are the sort of person to proactively look for changing return deadlines from the library website (if a book's in the waiting list, the due date gets pulled in), it's impossible to tell when exactly a book is due. It's really annoying, I've been a member of several institutional libraries as well as public libraries and all of them, each.and.every.single.one.of.them has sent me a reminder email quite a bit before the books are due. Except the Seattle Public Library. It's foolish, lame.

I've thought about writing a software library to create a workflow so you get automated reminders after connecting your library account to your email whatever. But like, that's too much work for something you don't care much, innit, considering there's no punishment for late returns.

A few more books that are guiding me

 In addition to Flow (by Mihalyi), Extreme, and In Praise of Walking

1. What you can change and what you can't (by Martin Seligman)
   
2. The obstacle is the way (by Ryan Holiday)
   

Fun new comedies to watch

1. Abott Elementary
   
   
2. American Auto
   
   
3. Ghosts (UK)
   
   
4. Ghosts (US)
   
   
5. How I Met Your Father (It's better than what everybody was expecting, but be very cautious about this)
   
   

Plant problems

 I've mentioned the gnat problem in my apartment before. While A&A were housesitting they partially got rid of the problem by covering the nice big plant's soil with plastic so the annoying critters couldn't fly out. I still see a bug here or there, but it's at a tolerable level now.

However the plants are now facing what can only be described as 'unattended apartment problem'...due to still air the leaves are covered with a light (or not so light) layer of what looks like dust or maybe bits of salty hard water. In reality it's dry fungus that'll cover the leaves and kill them. As a precautionary measure I've washed the leaves with baking soda and soap, and then milk which has been scientifically proven to get rid of the dry mold problem. The nasty stuff will be all gone in a few short days, after regular application of the various solutions. My leaves will look bright green and shiny once more.

Victory! Victory over shitty things to happen!

Back in Seattle

 It's the 23rd of February and I'm back in Seattle. I got in yesterday on the real cheap Alaska Airlines flight (the $100 for a 6-hour flight blew my dad's mind, he couldn't believe you could get so many plane hours for so little). Train to CapHill stop and walk home. Wait for half-hour for somebody to let me into the building because I planned on buzzing myself up but no fuckin' body walked in or out on the Tuesday evening so eventually the building manager I texted gave m a one-time code and let me in. Should have informed him on the first change, that was a bit of an error. Unpacked this afternoon, took great care of my plants who have been infected by this nasty dust bug, and did the dishes. Caught up with an international friend when I should have been going to the library to return overdue books but that's by-the-by. Tomorrow I'll be in the library, walking all about town and gallivanting with my head held high around the town.

It was nice getting back, I do feel home where I have my personal space and this is my domain, my land and I'm in full control of what goes on here.

Hulu is getting me hooked

 The $1 a month deal I got on Hulu without the Ads (because of the adblocker) is incredible I'm getting so much value out of it. I've started several new series and continued watching several old ones, something's always playing in the background on my backup laptop, the chromebook I bought for real cheap. It's been written about in much detail in these pages.

It's gotten so bad (or is it good, hmm hmm?) that during the work hours I need the Peep Show playing in the background to be able to focus on my actual work. Or Bob's Burger. That one is a bit too complicated for me to follow while I'm not paying attention but if I'm listening to it in the background enough time I'll eventually get a gist of all the plots and arcs and joke, right?

I'm so very hooked.

I wanna chik- a - filla

 We went to the Chik Fil A in Boston two weeks ago, the first one in Boston proper, they opened it in Jan. It was great, I didn't get any of the sandwiches but JD really enjoyed the spicy deluxe chicken sandwich. Wait have I written on this before? Because we waited for solid 30 minutes, and it's not even on the top 3 of my waits at the restaurant chain. I got the fries and they were yummy, the sauces were so good. I most definitely have written this before. So maaaan if there's any outlet that makes me want to consider eating meat or chicken, it's this one. If I could just sneak in, without telling anybody just once a year or two in hiding, it's not going to hurt the planet too much is it, the chicken's already dead and I'm not really in this for the ideology, but on principle?

And that's that actually, it's not about the performance of it, it's the fact that in principle I don't want to eat chicken or meat in any form and that's it. I've made exceptions n the past, but CFA is not it, not The One.

Another crack at stoicism

 I subscribed to this podcast called The Daily Stoic, it's a daily philosophical nugget every morning to help me start my day. The book The Obstacle is the Way led me to the podcast, and all this stoic talk is interesting, really. Did you know that keeping a journal like this, and coming to terms with who you are and how your achievements align with your expectations is a part of the stoic situation too? Fun, interesting right?

I've tried reading stoic works in the past and it's hard for me to wrap my head around the school of analysis, because well...if you're so openly accepting everything around you, how is it that you can care to bring about change? I haven't fully understood how the magnanimity and acceptance can provoke a desire to change and lead to action, but apparently there's a way? Keeping my eyes and ears open to understand this more fully.

I'll be writing a lot more on this.

Self care

 I spent a few days with I, and then a few more with JD. Here's things people do to take care of themselves. Self care is so very important, and making yourself feel better is not being lazy or wasting time. It's hard to appreciate that, specially when you've been fed with the bs of attempting productivity always without consideration of your emotional wellbeing.

1. Drink hot water and/or herbal tea
   
   
2. Spend hours and hours on putting on makeup, if only to make it impossible to go back to bed.
   
   
3. Live by a strict timetable.
   
   
4. Draw/paint, even if the outcome is miserable.
   
   
5. Playing video games
   
   
6. Going out on long runs
   
   
7. Going out on long comfortable walks
   
   
8. Meeting new people/going out on dates
   
   
9. Reading light books
   
   
10. Talking to friends/family on the phone for hours.

And if it makes me feel good, and take a reset, see the life in a new light, help me get my shit together, why not, even if it's by itself not too productive. I need to remind myself this. Self care is important, I need to be on it.

I am a loser by my own definitions, and I"m okay with it

This is an important post, I should save this somewhere. Put the link in big bold letters. blinkenlights and everything.

So here's the deal. By every measure I can come up with, presently or formerly, I have sorely disappointed myself. Which is understating the situation by a large margin and then some. More accurately it appears that all the measures of a sad pathetic 'loser' I came up with -- and still hold -- I appear to have met the requirements for.

And you know what, I'm okay with it. There's no feeling of sadness or apprehension about the situation. It's just life, there were expectations and they were not met. Such is life.

I had the realization a few days ago, during some ride I forget which, and a wave of relief swept over me. It was as if there was no rule or expectations to follow, not from anybody now. Not even from myself, that's the new development here.

It's hard to be okay disappointing yourself, loving yourself despite seeing yourself as being somebody you'd not want to hang out with. Different people fit others differently. It's alright. I don't need to be the sorta guy who'd be best buds with myself.

I can now construct the building of my new lifestyle one goddamn novel brick at a time, and it feels so exciting. All the previous reservations and considerations are not just being reconsidered, they're potentially on the chopping block. All that matters is the fundamental outlook on life and how I want to treat other people and want to be treated and the opinions on the right and wrong.

It's exciting times ahead, really.

So many restro reviews coming ahead

 I've been to a couple dozen(?) places in the past three or four months, since I last wrote seriously on this blog, and that's pretty large backlog of reviews that I want to write. For the sake of the reviews obviously but it's goshdarned hard work to come up with fun interesting ideas to write posts on anyway, let alone average four a day, so there's going to be so many restaurant reviews. It's mostly going to be really really bad reviews of all the restaurants in kathmandu, maan for a city that is absolutely obsessed with momos, they do not know how to make good veggie ones. Everybody's turning veggie for the sake of the environment and the restaurants don't seem to care for them alas.

Yeah, this is all there is.

This is about politics, such backstabbing

Gonna keep this quick. All the bullshit and double plays from Nepali politicians happening right now, the shameless hypocrisy lies and attempt at playing parties against each other while not having any hands on you is pathetic. This is in regards to the MCC of course, and the ridiculous claims that have been made by those who in secret actually supported it. Seriously though, as somebody who pays taxes to the American government, why is this happening, what is it that I'm getting out of the half-bil investment, they should pull it back and most of the hundred twenty mils of annual contribution too. Like, beggars don't get to be choosers specially when those donating are not just giving you free money but helping you form institutions and constant source of income in the future. No, no money for you babes, if you can't follow the rules. I was so mad I almost wrote to the members of the senate foreign relations committee urging them to reduce the amount of foreign aid and re-evaluate the relationship because really all things considered, what is in it for us?

On: my new backpack

 It's possible I wrote about my new backpack back when I bought it in November and completely forgot about it, but this is the first time I'm writing after making a good use of it. Since it's served me so well I don't mind a redo.

So it came at a bit less than fifty bucks. It's small enough to fit as a 'personal item' for the budget airlines, but large enough to fit two laptops, serious toiletries and clothing enough to last a solid two weeks even if you shower regularly.

It can be carried on the side as a 'laptop bag', or as a backpack. When it's not in the backpack mode, you can hide the straps to make it look like a normal hand bag.

It opens up like a suitcase, but you don't have to do that, you can open up just enough to use as a backpack. Oh and it's got chest straps to make carrying more comfortable.

It has enough pockets to fit everything, a mesh pocket like the 'real' travel cases, and the elastic harness inside like they did in suitcases back in the day. Also it's got tighteners outside so you can 'click' those plastic things and make the whole thing compressed. And in case you overloaded the bag, you can unzip extra space to fit almost twice as many items in it.

It's soft and comfortable to carry. Everybody who's seen it has complimented me on it.

I could see us becoming the best of buds and taking this relationship for the long haul if it doesn't give up on me.

My next eleven travel plans, in random order

1. Colorado: V lives there, everybody tells me it's exactly like Nepal and that I must must must go see the mountains and rivers and the cities at least once. And seriously consider living there. Plus a close relative of mine owns restaurants there. Why not? Potentially happening in the next six months.
   
   
2. Alaska: Everybody's making plan to be here this summer, like I wrote in the earlier post. Seems cool and folks who've been there highly recommend it. And I've always wanted to see beyond the mainland US. Likely happening in the next six months.
   
   
3. Philippines: Friends from college have been inviting me for a long time, never had the chance really, the idea was to be there last November but that didn't work out. Might go there when I'm in the region next. Could happen in the next two years.
   
   
4. Japan: Again, I wanted to buy Ukiyo-E paintings in Tokyo, chill at SK's parents' place and have fun generally. Covid messed everything up. And they're not letting foreigners in at all, dunno how their tourism industry is surviving. Unclear when I might go, but should be on the sooner side.
   
   
5. Western Europe: TD lives there, LZ is moving there for the foreseeable future and M can provide me great guidance. The idea is to go Netherlands, then Germany, Prague and then Slovenia/Slovakia. I know the level of comfort is not going to be the same as traveling the U.S, but it'll be a new adventure. Likely happening this summer.
   
   
6. Mexico: AS goes there like three times a year, the boys have had incredible times there and I know friends of friends who have temporarily moved their with remote jobs for the winter. The visa is easy to come by, it's quick to return if something urgent comes up, the food the people and ahh the weather. Could happen within a very short notice. At anytime.
   
   
7. Pacific Crest: I want to travel the Western coast of the U.S on foot. Within the next three years.
   
   
8. SoCal: I have friends there, and coworker KH keeps telling me to go there. The beach, the people, the food, the vibe. San Diego is where it's gonna be, can't stand LA. Still, might show up if there's people to host me. A fighting chance of happening in the next eight months.
   
   
9. Minneapolis: Friend SS is there, and so is NA. Plus AS is currently situated there and he's invited me on several occasions. Don't be surprised if I go there within this year.
   
   
10. Nepal: Not a surprise, is it? It's a good place to travel for fun.
    
    
11. East Coast: Yeah I'm here as of right now, but I'll be back in early May, extremely likely. And travel a bit this time around.

Obviously...

Obviously, yeah
Like,
I said so
no?
Right?
Or did you?
But yes
Very much
And also
More.
Or
Wait
Is it?
For sure?
A mistake
Who knows?
Worth it?
But
What if,
Oh dear,
Obviously?
Who knows?
It's late
And dark
So cold
Red nose
Rough cheeks
Time now?
Or like
What?
Yeah?
But what?
Obviously,
you.