I am a loser by my own definitions, and I"m okay with it

This is an important post, I should save this somewhere. Put the link in big bold letters. blinkenlights and everything.

So here's the deal. By every measure I can come up with, presently or formerly, I have sorely disappointed myself. Which is understating the situation by a large margin and then some. More accurately it appears that all the measures of a sad pathetic 'loser' I came up with -- and still hold -- I appear to have met the requirements for.

And you know what, I'm okay with it. There's no feeling of sadness or apprehension about the situation. It's just life, there were expectations and they were not met. Such is life.

I had the realization a few days ago, during some ride I forget which, and a wave of relief swept over me. It was as if there was no rule or expectations to follow, not from anybody now. Not even from myself, that's the new development here.

It's hard to be okay disappointing yourself, loving yourself despite seeing yourself as being somebody you'd not want to hang out with. Different people fit others differently. It's alright. I don't need to be the sorta guy who'd be best buds with myself.

I can now construct the building of my new lifestyle one goddamn novel brick at a time, and it feels so exciting. All the previous reservations and considerations are not just being reconsidered, they're potentially on the chopping block. All that matters is the fundamental outlook on life and how I want to treat other people and want to be treated and the opinions on the right and wrong.

It's exciting times ahead, really.