Seven things that could happen in heaven

We all know of the classic American kids' game seven minutes in heaven where hormonal teenagers of appropriate gender and sexuality pairings are locked inside a closet as a part of some board game bullshit and fondle each other or giggle or crap during that time. I mean, they're not expected to literally crap, but they may, if that is what heaven for them is, I imagine, though for the other person that could be hell. Huhh. I wonderrr...if the hotel california song was inspired by this... To get back to the original thought, the game, that teenagers purportedly play, right. That's not how heaven works, like, at all. Folks of all the religions can agree on that, if they can ever agree on one single thing. That made me wonder, if that can claim to be heaven, what are the other kinds of heaven people could end up in? Here's the top seven...out...of...some...I just came up with.

1. Seven beers in heaven: You go to heaven, they have all the booze you can drink, and more, and you'll never get hangovers. And never go all weepy and sad or emotional, or change your language and accent entirely. It's probably not the beer you imagine in the modern sense, you have to understand 'beerr' to be a generalization, but you get the idea. A world where everyone is eternally buzzed. Maybe you don't even need a beer. What if gods are just like us, but like, always drunk? Etcetera etcetera. I swear I'm not high right now. I'm just so bored. OOh so so bored, and under pressure for not posting here.
   
2. Seven hills of heaven: For the hiking lovers out there, the lovers of adventures and classic romance. You cross the seven hills to meet your lover. You cross the hills back to go home. You go to school everyday, climbing uphill all seven hills, uphill both way. Life is a struggle, an adventure, and a lot of people get off of the adventurousness of it all. What if you could do that all eternity. You can now! with this heaven. Related: seven seas of heaven, for the aquatically-inclined among us.
   
3. Seven virgins of heaven: Now lets be clear here. I'm fairly certain the claim that certain muslim fighters going heaven as martyrs and being offered virgins is a misreading of the word 'raisins'...someone misread a 'houri' for a 'khouri', a matter of a missing dot. A raisin meaning wine, which is my first point. But that's not what we're talking here. This is virgins we're talking about. Real realll good virgins. Obviously not the 'sex' virgins, because the standards of sexual behavior, not to mention gendered expectations of fidelity and purity are recently new 'innovations' that the heavens would not be aware of. The kind of virgins we're talking about is the kind of virgins you meet in internet chat boards and really any hobby group. And it's a heaven because....??? the books say so. So that's that.
   
4. Seven deadly signs of heaven: It's like a horror movie, for the horror movie lovers.
   
5. Seven habits of highly effective heaven-residents: For the self-help lovers. More self help in the heavens!
   
6. Hare-ven: Heaven for rabbits, hares, bunnies and the related kind
   
7. Hey-ven: Everyone says hey, everyone else says hey back at ya'