Why I write, on repeat

Writing as a means to get somewhere is fine, great, whatever. You want to get a novel out, so you need to write things. Maybe they're related to the novel directly, maybe it's research work. Maybe it's some other writing totally unrelated to the novel work, but your ultimate goal is the novel. In the back of your mind you have the novel as the ultimate goal, even while writing technical documents you're hoping you absorb all of this and somehow make use of it for your 'actual' writing. I have wanted that in the past, and still do to an extent. I do eventually want to write longform piece of fiction that might be described as a 'novel'.

That doesn't have to be the only goal. One can write just for the heck of it, just because it's fun. Or as a form of disciplined practice. Some people meditate in the morning, some people run, some people take ice-water showers. And some write. Their goal is to not necessarily get anywhere with the written pieces, that the content is in there, out of their fingers, is the end of it. Anything beyond that which comes out of the process is an added bonus that cannot be counted upon.

I started writing as a means, to get to novel-writing. And it's still there I eventually want to get there, no matter how bad the output is. But that's not all. I enjoy writing, kind of. More importantly, and this has gotten more important in recent times, I like it because it gives order and structure to my life. I know what I'm going to do every day, and I don't despise the process. As it happens, I'm also improving as a writer, and I might have potential for a compilation. That's not where I wanted to be necessarily, but I'm not about to look at the gift horse in the mouth.

I bring this up because two posts ago I wondered here why I right here, what the point even is, maybe I should just give up. And all those questions are valid things for me to wonder about. So much uncertainty and confusion, and things not working out in the background. But that doesn't matter for my writing. This is a process, this is a thing all by itself. It doesn't matter if a novel never comes off of this. Yes, I understand the novel was going to be very very bad, but even that may be beyond reach, realistically. And it's okay. It's important to look at some things not for the eventual outcomes, but for themselves. Game for game's sake, craft for craft's sake. This gives me peace and solace, it's a seeding point around my ideas. This is good.

And that's the answer to the questions I raised. I'm here because I want to be. This is growth and learning. It's education. Just by putting these words here I'm turning into someone else, the kind of person I want to be. Other complaints may be valid, but a rejection of writing as a process for me is a rejection of growth, learning and maturity. It's a choice easy to make.