Suffering and hope

J told me to watch Midnight Gospel. I have not had enough time to watch an episode in full, but I did watch the first episode on-and-off, and this evening I saw this.

Hope causes suffering, some argue, it is the poison of the desolate and the desperate. It's not nihilism, they argue, it's just an illusion. Accept your present, adapt to your surroundings, work with what you have, abandon unreasonable expectations. Accept your circumstances and capabilities as they are. Move forward, don't jump, for hope is jumping farther away than you can ever make it, and then falling into the chasm of suffering. Let it go, let IT go, and give hope to others.

Yet. Is suffering not a part of our growth? Is suffering not what makes us humans, what makes us appreciate our mortality and make us want to defeat our circumstances. Hope leads to suffering, but suffering leads to desire, a desire to end suffering. That desire manifests itself variously, but often as a burning urge to drive one's ship to safe harbors, from where one can launch a thousand ships again. Suffering does not have to lead to hopelessness, rather, with hope acting as a lighthouse, it can guide you to your future.

Yet, suffering by itself is painful. And sometimes to an unmanageable extent. How can one suffer, but not be tortured, or must suffering be eternal torture while it lasts? Is suffering a synonym for torture?

I will argue that it's not the case.

Some, such as roman catholics, but it's certainly not limited to them, will argue suffering is a virtue by its own. Don't expect reward, suffering by itself makes you a better person, earning you greater points up there. The more you suffer, the better you get, don't complain about the suffering, just shut up and take it. To suffer is to be closer to God.

I have my doubts.

I will offer this. Don't run away from suffering, no no, accept it, embrace it. Take it as an uncomfortable companion for a lifelong journey. There is no point hating and despising it if you're going to be around it for ever. But that by itself will get you nowhere. Consider it as a child perhaps, a precocious but rude child, someone who can be trained and groomed to be a better person, but as they stand are a terrible person. Manage your suffering, if it gets unbearably burdensome, lighten your load, let some of it go, talk to your therapist or your friend or journal your way out. And if there's not enough of it -- you know that when there's a sense of empty hoplessness and nihilism rearing its fangs inside you -- invite it, like you would a naag with a glass of milk. Be prepared with your tools and utensils, clean the household of your mind, leave no place for it to hide. Make plans, make commitments, and sign projects up. Set up expectations for yourself that are probably way too difficult to meet.

And if it gets too much, let some of it go again.

To run from suffering is to run from your shadow, for life is a suffering. Letting go of hope is like letting go of the poorly-scribbled map of the mountain you're climbing -- yes it will make your stress more manageable, but now you're walking only thirty minutes at a time. It was confusing and unhelpful at times, but at least you had something! Hide the map, clearly tucked and folded inside your bag. It doesn't need to be in front of your eyes all the time, but it doesn't deserve destruction either.