Ten ideas for your next avante-garde art exhibition

1. A piece of banana. A cliche at this point, an important fact to remember. Banana is the most artistic of all all the fruits. Apple? Never woulda worked. Who ever heard of a litchi as a piece of art. Bananas are unique.
   
2. A piece of dogshit on a white sheet of paper. It'd be cute if there's illustrations of floofy dogs playing about on the sheet. Call it: "Us"
   
3. A mirror is too much, too obvious. Overdone by a billion times. Instead, add a small mustache right about where your viewer will have their face on the mirror, so they look like a pervert who's been going around flashing women in the neighborhood. Title: "The Strangler"
   
4. A worn T-shirt used as a household rag. Old and tattered but not completely shredded and torn to pieces. You can still see the faded logo of "Bulls 98" in there, and various unremovable stains that led it to be turned into a rag. Call it "Kathmandu 2004".
   
5. Vomit, lots of stinky funky vomit, multicolored and more liquidy than it should have been. Large chunk of unidentified grayish material floating. Title: "You don't celebrate your friend's wedding party every day, part XVIII"
   
6. A used bandaid with a small bloodstain, on a large brownish sheet of paper. Title: "An attempt to impress someone I thought would be the love of my life two months before she met the guy she went on to have three healthy, happy well-adjusted kids with"
   
7. A single piece of dark-blond hair, very long, organized neatly in long curves on a greyish background. Title: "Never really figured out where they kept caming from, but I like to imagine it involves a interdimensional portal to an alternative universe where the version of me there had a life more interesting than mine".
   
8. An old-timey cane and a pair of glasses way way out of style but also so hot and in right now because the circle has turned over. Title: "No I didn't think I was a yoga guru either. Shit happens."
   
9. A slingshot made of rubber and two thick pieces of stick. Two broken pieces of rocks on the side, brown in color. Call it: "Acorn-digger in carrot-patch".
   
10. An empty exhibition area surrounded by wooden fenceposts. Call it "Who the f*$K let the dogs out?!?"