Thirteen things that mean exactly what they say

1. I'm not a religious person at all, but god is totally real and people who are afraid are smart. Again, I'm not a religious person at all. I vote for atheists, like myself all the time.
2. I don't dislike the color blue at all, I think it's a fine color. It's just that it's the worst color in the color spectrum and it happens to be most people's worst color. And surely they must have a reason. Again, I don't have anything against the color blue at all. In fact I look at the color everyday, the sky, blue skirts, t-shirts, laundry detergent, all day long without complaining.
3. I'm not a fan of this particular chain restaurant. Like, not at all, not a fan. They're just great at everything they do, and are widely liked by everyone else, and going there always makes folks like me happy. Again, I'm not a particular fan of this chain at all!
   
4. I'm not a shiteater at all, I've never eaten shit and never intend to. People say shiteating is the best, and it changed their worldview, people I know and trust, and it does smell pretty amazing if you think about it. Lots of people have problems with it I don't understand why. Again though, I'm not a fan of shiteating and have never eaten it, don't support it ever.
5. I don't hate the rain but, it's the stupidest natural phenomenon ever. Like give me hail, give me storm, give me snow. What's so great about rain, it's just water falling from the sky, all wet and cold. Again, I don't hate the rain at all, I've even supported raining during times of drought.
6. I didn't eat the last cookie. I've never eaten the last of anything. If I was dying and someone offered me the last remaining tablet of a medicine, I'd reject it.
7. I'm not a liar. I've never lied, not even to save my life.
8. I am the most humble person ever. People have come to me and told me, wow how can you be so humble, what's your secret. And I've told them, damn right I'm humble, I'm the humblest person you've ever seen, or see in your life. I could even be the most humble person in the entirety of human existence. There's no way to be like me, I'm one of the kind, it's something I have in me innately and you cannot even comprehend what it's like to be me.
9. I don't want to be a part of this conversation at all. I am not going to spend the next three to six hours trying to explain you why you are so wrong, not only are you wrong but this entire conversation is stupid and not worth my time, only stupid people have discussions like this. Again, I'm not interested in being a part of your stupid argument.
10. I'm not a trump supporter but.
11. I'm not a racist but.
    
12. I don't have anything against women but.
13. I don't have anything against democrats, I even voted for Obama but.