I gotta take it easy

 So there was a time when I was very eager to go out and about and hang with people and make friends, and there's still some of that in me, but I've toned it down a lot now because if the going out involves messing with my sleep schedule, no thank you a good night's sleep is a valuable resource that I lack and I put much more importance on it than dancing and talking to people and making new friends.

But sometimes we'll go out on the weekends and I'll get eager and not remember what I've had to eat or drink before and freely take the consumables and drinks from people and get pissed, wake up the next morning in my bed, look at my hands and see bands from three different clubs and start wondering whenever I went to the third one, have vague memories of talking to and hanging out with people who could very much have been mobsters but only through random collection of scenery and wonder, did I really have a fun night last night the type I'll cherish for the rest of my life or stay in this town or was it yet another wasted opportunity to know this place and its people, and a wasted weekend day the next day because I feel terrible and hungover and recovery comes and goes and the only feeling I have is of self-disgust and just....so...awful.

One's gotta get one's situation figured out better than this, I gotta take it easy, can't go all out and not remember things and be mean to people and then take that to be 'fun' having.