So right after I finished college and was living all by myself in NH, there was one thing I was so great at and it was getting my shit done on time. Like when I cooked something and ate my meals, I wouldn't keep around the dirty dishes around, I'd do 'em right away. I went to bike rides in the middle of the winter, if there was a piece of paper where it shouldn't have been I'd pick it up right away. Do laundry regularly and fold right on time too. Because in the back of my mind I knew that inside me there was a lazy fool who just wanted to nap and watch funny youtube videos who'd not get anything done and put even the simplest of things to the last moment and suffer anxiety and stress in the end because he didn't get anything done.
It is quite unfortunate that I find myself in such a position now, a place I feared I'd get, and was working towards avoiding as much as possible. I now let small things 'just pass', like I won't do dishes for two days and use the dish washer, or won't fold my clothes after doing laundry for a week and realize what a fucking messy pig I am and force myself to finally clean up and fold shit, not because it needs to be done, because I feel ashamed to call myself a human adult and not doing it would be extremely gross and irritating.
I'm thinking to make my life better, to get my shit together, and act like a human adult I need to take care of the 'small things', the 'missed details' that I often like to ignore these days because it feels to me they cause more anxiety than they're worth but actually no, like Buddha says, suffering through minor troubles right now for the big relief later is so much more preferable to the other way, which is just letting shit pass by and not acting responsibility, until the weight of responsibilities and unmet chores crushes you.
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