PD is such a great person to ask advice to. I should have figured it out earlier, way way earlier. If I'd realized what a great advice resource she is earlier, say four years before, I'd have been in a very different place.
I was there in SBK's place the other night, over the weekend in that great farewell party and she asked what I was upto. Without thinking too much I just told her what I was up to -- I've written about it in great detail here, look up the right posts to figure out which specific circumstances and situations one would be wanting to get advice for -- and she was very kind to offer informed, advanced advice. Advanced because she was thinking six steps ahead of me. Informed because she'd gone through the very same situation on multiple occasions before so she knew what it was all about, what the variables were and how they play with each other. As anxious as I am I started freaking out, and she gave me the most important advice of all time: live in the moment. Live. In. The. Moment. Don't worry about how things might end up if that happens and what if you did so and so and they'd do the other thing, and it wouldn't go well would it, and shit that'd be the end up things etcetera. No. Nothing. Do the first thing. Don't worry about the outcome. You know what you want, where you want to be, and a general idea of what it takes. That's all. Your mind is not a supercomputer to be able to run through all the simulations and trials and runs even though your self-confident aka asshole mind will try to convince you that nonono it knows most of the variables and of course it's worked in the past and things will go awful if you don't think them through. No. That's just cause of all the stress and anxiety.
Do the right thing, the thing that needs to be done, and go on with your life. Do not worry, don't tear yourself over the consequences, and how you might want to deal with those. Deal them as them come, live when you have to deal with 'em.
That's not about being unprepared for the future. It's about learning to be aware of the world, your smallness in it and how you're so insignificant and unimportant it doesn't matter that what you think and fear. Things will work out if they're going to given that you're prepared and know how to deal with things. It's like driving. Knowing how to drive does not mean you'll be invincible from accidents, on the contrary the more you drive the more likely you're to encounter an accident. On the other hand, if you don't know how to drive, you're quite likely to get in an accident. Be prepared, but not haughty or overconfident.
In any case, I also got her to comment on my getup and she gave me very productive criticism. Monochromatic, she said, you need to change the colors around. When I'm back in Boston for longer later in the Spring/Summer, I should really take her shopping to Uniqlo and buy a whole new set of clothes. Gotta do a super cleanup of my closet. That's the next goal ahead. Clothing cleanup.
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