Too much overthinking on a certain phrase

Don't move across the country for me.

But what if I was going to move anyway. What if it's not for you, what if your presence only barely registers in the decision to move across the country. What if yeah, decisions were originally made on people's presence, but now it doesn't matter and there's so many other things happening, a cross-country move makes the most sense.

Because even my parents want it. I've sold the dream of a wonderful summer gateway to my family, friends and everybody who'll pick up my call at two in the morning. Seattle move has to happen. Now or in four months, that's the question. But right now. I want. it.

What does it mean?

A random stranger who I reached out to on the bus stop in a town here -- I was drunk and I, and I don't drink so consider how extraordinary the circumstances must have been -- said, I'm sorry that's my bus but you be careful out there, tread with care. Which as advices go is solid but so annoyingly generic. Don't fucking massacre your heart, seems like a decent enough advice to anybody ever.

Here's the problem with blogging and keeping a fuckin' public journal of all my thoughts actions emotions desires and hopes. I can't think in piece. I write this and like a bazillion of my near and dear will read it. And it's like fucking whatever, don't care, but it's not true for all the parties, things get tricky over there and I'm seriously considering changing the url of this once again because this is not the forum I can open up to the world anymore.

Which does defeat the purpose of public journaling though, does it not? What's the point of putting these things out there if the good stuff is too precious to be written here. And if there's a decent amount of respect provided to people's actions and words, and good fog of confusion and misdirection, who really cares.

You get the general gist of the direction my life is taking, and I get to feel like my life is not fucking falling apart, not freak out about what I want to do, the fears of growing up and oh dear is this a massive mistake help help what do I dooO!

Wait. But. This was about the other thing. But everything is about everything and life is such a fucking mess -- in a good way -- and what am I doing fuuhcckkk.