Project Phoenix hasn't been the cakewalk I hoped, desired, desperately wanted it to be. Wished it was. Writing for formal audiences when you need to care about the core message is hard, it turns out. And I'm really really bad at official instructional essays too. My phrasing is strange and twisted, it's really hard to read. If the AI weren't there to help me I would be truly, awfully fucked. Thank god for Gemini. The ability to modify and improve the direction of an essay I have. What is not in my repertoire of skills is starting an essay and taking it along a good journey.
Besides, I have zero experience writing an 'official' essay, even if my writing was decent. Writing on this blog everyday most certainly hasn't improved my writing skills. If anything it's made me think that the art is nowhere as useful as it really is, and start paying less attention to what I send in official chats and email. Because the consequences of my poor writing haven't been obvious. I cannot take the same risk with official engineering writing, and need to think and ponder, which takes time, makes me uncomfortable.
Additionally, my ideas for the professional essays aren't great either. I mean, I have one bare thread of a thesis quite often and need to expand it to 1200 words. That meager rag of an idea can barely support itself, there's no way in the world somebody can be made to convince others of the same argument. So yeah I'm not a specially powerful or original thinker, and that's hindering my writing skills too.
And of course, finally I'm not extremely experienced in the diversity and depth of experience in the professional world, quite incapable and unable to provide the deep, thoughtful feedback and theoretical frameworks I'm attempting to create. Nobody will take me seriously knowing what I do and where I have come from, but the goal is to keep pushing harder, not give in to what your detractors have to say. And eventually victory shall be close!
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