Why FRIENDS wouldn't be doing so great now

1. Ross and Rachel wouldn't work now, never. Besides the fact they're both annoying irritating people who should really get a life, their relationship wouldn't survive the tinder age. Ooo a paleo-biologist, don't mind if I do. A museum curator, yes please! And so on with Ross, until his one we were on a break would turn into ten Oops I did it again featuring B.Spears. Also, Rachel, please, with all the tourists from Italy there'd be twenty Paolos.
2. Speaking of Paolo, Rachel would be fired, way way to fast, for leveraging her privilege to advance sexual relations with her charge. And trading sex for employment-related facours would go quite poorly in these times. All for good reasons.
3. Yeah, no one would stand up to Chandler's uhhh alternative views in the City, he'd have to move back to whatever third-rate backward-ass town he came from spiritually, he'd be posting conspiracy theories on facebook about false flag operations and 5g towers while making poor attempts at what he considers are edgy jokes to trigger the liberals.
4. Monica would've risen up the ranks, and would be hosting a nice food-related show on HBO or amazon Prime or Netflix. Everyone would be in love with her, she'd have published four books to great acclaim and be working towards opening her third restaurant.
5. Joey would be a burnt-out porn star with multiple complaints from former coworkers for being weird and overly handsy even outside the shots. The producers would eventually tire from reminding him it's all just pretend and the women are not actually enjoying his performance they're just better actors than he is.
6. Phoebe would've figured something out, it'd be fine.
7. Speaking of fine, Ross would not be that, for his frequent anger outbursts and lack of attention to his teaching courses, despite not being tenured. His tenure would be rejected, but they'd offer him a researcher position for whatever his untenured salary was on contract, to be renewed every two years, because they could take his unpredictability forever. He'd turn to youtube and be made fun of there.
8. They'd not have time for the coffee shop since they'd all be doing lyft and ubers and instacarts after work to pay for the expensive rents and lavish City lifestyle, as a 'side-hustle' but they know what's up it's probably what's in store for a long long time.